ASHLEY SPIVEY’S BACHELOR PAD BLOG: EPISODE 4

Maybe it’s just me, but I think this is the craziest season of Bachelor Pad yet!  The hookups are confusing, the strategy is questionable, and the drama is intense.  I do have to say, however, that I’m a little disappointed in the ladies.  There is some serious cattiness going on and I wish that the ladies in the house could have each other’s back a little more.  Anyone else feel like that?

Let’s get started on episode 4!

 

The episode opens with the new power couple, Jaclyn and Ed, discussing how they got Reid eliminated.  They both seemed pretty proud of themselves.

 

 

I’m not even sure where I got this picture during this episode but I was pretty bored while recapping and I just wanted to make myself laugh.  This picture also foreshadows how big of a booger Chris is going to be during this episode.

 

 

After the rose ceremony, people are usually pretty drunk and very tired.  Chris Harrison comes in and tells everyone that they aren’t finished for the night – they have to fill out some surveys before they go to bed.  I would have been super pissed if I had to do this.  I probably would have written a bunch of nonsense.  However, because people were a little drunk – a lot of people decided to be brutally honest.  Why for the love of all things holy would you do this?  Don’t you people know that you are on a game show where you need people to like you and not vote you off? Ugh!

 

 

Michael, who is very good at playing this game, knows that a lot of people said some horrible stuff and they will definitely regret it later because $h!t just got real!  The answers everyone provided will now be used against them on a game show!

 

 

Jaclyn and Sarah were, by far, the best competitors during the game show challenge.  Does anyone else ever notice how Sarah gives sex eyes?  She does it a lot!

 

 

Poor Blakeley!  Nick said that she was the person in the house that had accomplished the least!

 

 

Once again, just foreshadowing Chris’ descent into manwhoreness.

 

 

We also learned a surprising/gross fact about Erica Rose – SHE EATS HER HAIR!  Ew.

 

By the end of the ladies round, Jaclyn had won and Rachel came in last!

 

 

Then it’s the guys’ turn and Blakeley admits that she has no idea how many people she has slept with!  I’m facepalming left and right, people.

 

 

Jamie calls Jaclyn the fakest person in the house and immediately turns around to try to explain.

 

 

Jaclyn is pissed and I’m sure that she’s going to make it her mission to get Jamie voted off by the end of this episode.

 

*I will say this about Jaclyn and I actually said this last week in my comments section – Jaclyn will not say anything behind your back that she wouldn’t say to your face.  I actually appreciate this about Jaclyn and she has always been a pretty good friend to me.  I think Jaclyn’s approach is refreshing.  She once heard that I had said something about her, but instead of talking behind my back, she just asked me about it.  I wish more girls would be like this!*

 

 

I think Ed and Jaclyn are the funniest and best things about Bachelor Pad right now.

 

 

While Ed fails miserably at every physical challenge, it seems that the alcohol hasn’t damaged too many brain cells because he excels at mental challenges.  Ed ends up being the winner with Dave losing the challenge!

 

 

After the challenge, Jamie realizes that without a partner and by pissing everyone off, she’s pretty much up $h!t’s creek without a paddle.  She also pissed off Jaclyn, the most powerful girl in the house at this point.

 

 

How are we supposed to feel about Kalon at this point?  I’ve seen a lot of comments where people are like “He’s not so bad!”  At this point I’m pretty ambivalent about him.  He pretty much just shows up with some quip that makes you roll your eyes or we spy him in the back with his arm around Lindzi.  He’s just background noise at this point.

 

 

I forgot that Jaclyn had never had a one on one date during her stint on the Bachelor!  I’m sure she’s much happier with her current situation.

 

 

Sarah is hoping that Jaclyn will pick another guy and leave Ed in the house since Ed already has a rose.  When Jaclyn picks Ed, Sarah starts spouting off some stuff about Jaclyn that definitely resulted from the land of jealousy and I totally get it.  I’d be pretty bummed if I hooked up with someone and then he started hooking up with someone else in the house.  But wait…YOU TRIED TO VOTE HIM OUT SARAH!

 

 

Since Jaclyn has never been on a Bach date before, I wonder if she was totally bummed about having a really, really casual date?  Empty baseballs fields don’t exactly scream romance to me!  I would have much rather gone during an actual game and had some beers while cheering on the Dodgers.  However, they really seemed like they had a good time…

 

 

They sang the worst rendition of the Star Spangled Banner and I was so happy that two people could sound worse than Brad and me.  Then they played a little ball!  It was pretty cute.

 

 

Then they got a card that instructed them to give a guy a rose when they got back to the house since Ed already had a rose from winning the game.  I thought for sure that Jaclyn would want Ed to give it to Michael since she would want him to save Rachel, who already had a vote against her.  However, Ed wanted to give it to Chris.  Jaclyn made it pretty clear that she didn’t want it going to Blakeley – this will be important later.

 

 

Finally, Jaclyn shared Ed’s footlong so it was a pretty typical night in Bachelor Pad Land.

 

 

This picture cracks me up!

 

 

Back at the house, Jamie starts to get fancy by spinning around in circles while in her bikini and telling Chris that he’s the hardest to get in bed.  (To be fair, I think she meant the last one to fall asleep.)

 

 

Chris claims that he doesn’t like Jamie but he likes looking at her boobies.  Ugh! Men!

 

 

Oh wait, the date between Jac and Ed isn’t over yet!  Now come on y’all – I heard those wild animal sounds coming out of the bedroom when y’all hooked up!  This little peck is the best you could do?

 

 

Speaking of hookups, CBEF is about to seal the deal with Jamie but it looks like she has come to her senses!

 

 

Just kidding!

 

Jamie!  Whyyyyyyy are you doing this?  Also ladies, you should never have to ask a guy if he likes you when you are in bed with him!

 

 

Can I just say that I love Rachel’s bangs but I think her face and eyes look amazing with her bangs pulled back?  You is pretty girl!  Speaking of, have y’all ever seen this makeup tutorial Rachel did with our friend Raychel Wade?

 

 

Jaclyn and Ed decide to give the rose to Chris and for a minute, I’m really confused.

 

 

Then I was even more confused when Chris decided to take Sarah on the date but it totally makes sense.  Chris couldn’t hand out a rose so he couldn’t save Blakeley thereby making Jaclyn happy.

 

 

You know who isn’t happy about Chris’ choice?  BLAKELEY!

 

 

You know who else isn’t happy?  The girl that just slept with Chris last night!

 

 

Everything about this date looks so much like the stunt date during my season with Shawntel playing Sarah’s role and Chris playing Brad role.  I’m bored.

 

 

Then the Harrison drops by to give Ed a rose to give out since he didn’t end up taking a girl on a date.  SURPRISE ROSE!!!

 

 

Since Chris can’t give Sarah a rose on the date, they make one out of a strawberry and fork and that’s enough to make them fall in love, lust, whatever the heck happens to you on the Pad.

 

 

How can she kiss him and not worry about where his mouth has been over the past 3 days?

 

 

Back at the house, Ed gives Rachel the rose and everything makes sense now!  Chris got to save his best friend; Jaclyn got to save her best friend – THE POWER ALLIANCE IS INTACT!

 

 

Chris is making out with someone?  WHAT A SURPRISE!

 

People, if you are making out with someone, especially if they are straddling you, put down your freaking wine glass, champagne glass, etc.  Did we learn nothing from Sean’s awkward hands last season?

 

 

Meanwhile, Jamie is trying to apologize to Blakeley (at least I think she is) but everything is coming out wrong and I’m pretty sure nothing was accomplished.  Also, what the hell are partners for life-long?

 

 

Did I miss the segment where Chris and Sarah were given the fantasy suite date option?  How in the heck was this allowed?  Ah, yes – the $h!t is going to hit the fan tomorrow morning!

 

 

Walk of Shame.  Stride of Pride.  Rotten Trottin’.  It all looks bad and I’m sure that the members of the alliance aren’t going to be very happy about this.  Chris is intent on making Blakeley unhappy and she’s very much a part of the alliance.  Chris is just messing $h!t up.

 

 

It’s cocktail party time and Dave begins his campaign to save himself.  He of course goes to Jaclyn since she seems to be the only one with any sense in this dang house.  Jaclyn encourages him to try to get the others to vote against Nick, which makes sense – I forgot that the dude was still there.

 

 

Nick must have heard this plan, because he immediately starts campaigning for himself.  He goes to Jamie and promises that he will vote off Blakeley if she votes for Dave.  Jamie claims that she already promised Dave that she wouldn’t vote him off but by the end of the convo it seems like she will.

 

 

Nevermind – she definitely voted off Nick.  Does anyone tell the truth on this show??????

 

 

Michael thinks that Chris has been a little sloppy with his strategy and I have to agree.  I’m thinking that Michael will try to get Chris out next week!

 

 

Thank you Sarah for providing me with such good face to work with on this recap!

 

 

Every week, Kalon just tells everyone what they want to hear.  However, this week his plan falls through a little because Chris considers him as one of his closest allies.  Chris thinks that Kalon is going to vote for Blakeley but Kalon told Lindzi and Ed that he was voting for Jamie.

 

 

You wouldn’t know it from the episode, because they only show Tony consoling Blakeley, but the two are definitely an item now.  I guess that Tony will now be included in the alliance?

 

 

Ed tries to talk some sense into Chris but CBEF doesn’t want to hear it.  He’s a grown-@$$ man and he can make his own decisions.  He has a plan and his plan is working out perfectly!

 

 

Ed and Kalon both agree to vote for Jamie but they tell Chris that they will vote for Blakeley.  Some is going to freak the eff out later when he finds out!

 

 

What kind of delusional kool-aid is Chris drinking because I’d really like to stop him from ever drinking it again?

 

 

Turns out that Chris does not have the game on lock and Blakeley and Nick live to see another day on the Pad.  Also, can someone tell Blakeley that she technically can’t donkey punch someone?  Girlfriend needs too look up the definition of donkey punch on urbandictionary.com!

 

Jamie and Dave are eliminated!

 

 

Oh shoot!  Are we going to see some of the tantrums that Chris was so infamous for on Bachelorette?

 

 

Looks like one is about to go down!

 

 

Jamie decides to tell Chris that he is crazy.  I personally would have used the term “manwhore” but Jamie decides to keep it classy.

 

 

Chris, meanwhile, raises his tone and talks to her in such a disrespectful way.  If I were Jamie, I would have slapped him when he said, “On your way,” and made that dismissive arm movement!

 

 

Dave just seems so happy to have been a part of the show!  In all honesty, I think he seems like a nice guy.  He says that leaving Bachelor Pad is the saddest thing he’s ever done, so I hope his life continues to be sadz-free!

 

 

While I think Jamie made some not great decisions about Chris while on the show, I think that she has been through a lot and will hopefully watch the show and learn the necessary lessons.  I made a lot of mistakes throughout my dating career (and I continue to do so) and I hope everyone can try to remember that we all make mistakes – we just don’t all make them on tv.  Be easy on the girl.

So what did y’all think of this episode?  Are Ed and Jaclyn the biggest power couple in the house?  Did you think the comments during the challenge were rough?  Are you surprised by Chris’ behavior?  What advice would you give Jamie?  Are you sad to see Dave go?

See you all next week and check out my other blog, http://www.saynotocosmo.com, for more Bachelor and Bachelorette news, relationships advice, and some other random musings from me!