ASHLEY SPIVEY’S BACHELORETTE BLOG: MTA

I have to admit that I usually dread watching the Men Tell All.  Guys usually aren’t as catty as girls and they are all usually bros by this point so it’s not exactly a great recipe for exciting, entertaining tv.  However, on this season, I think there were enough clashes of huge personalities to make this Tell All exciting!  I actually really enjoyed this MTA!

 

 

The episode starts with a huge recap of the season, which I thought was pretty pointless because it’s not like it happened that long ago.

 

Then we get to see the insane Bachelor Pad 3 promo!  This season looks so crazy that I’m a little afraid to do a blog for it since I know some of the people that are going to be on there!

 

 

This knife scene is crazy – mostly because I was always looking for a sharp knife in the house and I could never find one when I was trying to cook!

 

 

Looks like there is going to be a pretty major Ed vs. Reid feud.  Whose team will y’all be on?

 

 

When Chris isn’t making out with people, he still looks angry.

 

 

What the heck is Fancy Jamie doing?  Didn’t she learn her sexy lesson last time?

 

 

I just love Michael!  I’m still a little confused about why he’s back though…

 

 

I just vomed in my mouth a little.

 

 

Blakeley seems to be crying a lot during this season.

 

 

I just don’t see me being a fan of the newbies.  I think ABC executed this concept poorly.  They should have had an equal number of super fans and alumni – the forced one alumni to partner up with a newbie.  That REALLY would have changed the game.

 

 

Erica Rose needs her own show for real.

 

 

That whole comment about the 3 girls you hooked up with in the BachPad house isn’t doing you any favors Chris.

 

 

Ok, back to the Men Tell All and I already can’t remember half of the guy’s names on the back row.

 

 

Ryan seems to have undergone a major makeover by losing the bump-it and then bathing in tub of dark orange spray paint.

 

 

Wolfie’s pink pants definitely stole the show – even though I have to admit that I thought they were going to be pinker.

 

 

Poor Charlie – he was eliminated way too soon and then he only got to utter 2 sentences on the MTA.  Bless his heart.

 

 

I feel like DJStevie just wears his DJ outfit everyday.  I wish he had his boombox with him on stage.

 

 

Everyone of course, starts going after Kalon because he is the major douche of the hour.  Kalon tries to claim that Chris and Tony are his friends, because of Bachelor Pad no doubt.

 

 

But they don’t seem to be sticking up for him very much or acknowledging that they are friends.

 

 

I have a feeling that Chris really doesn’t like Kalon (like the rest of the world).

 

 

This picture is amazing!

 

 

Then the MTA basically becomes an EHK – Everyone Hates Kalon.  He pretty much seems unapologetic about everything.  I think he’s just a dude that gets off by offending people and then claiming that people don’t get his sense of humor.  We get it alright – it’s just that your sense of humor sucks a big one.

 

 

Seriously, does Kalon wear lipgloss or did he get his lips plumped to the point that they are pulled so tight that they are shiny?

 

 

By the end of Kalon’s hotseat time, I’m wishing that people would start throwing suitcases at him or someone would fly a toy helicopter into his head.

 

 

We agree Dawson, we agree!

 

 

Then it was Ryan’s time in the hotseat and I was fully prepared to roll my eyes the whole time.  Just watching him smile and laugh at himself was vom-inducing.

 

 

I have to admit that I’m missing the bump-it.  That Charleston-style comb-over ages Ryan about 10 years.  (Thanks Courtney)

 

 

However, Ryan was really cracking me up during the MTA.  Then only person that didn’t seem to be buying it was Chris.  (And Arie and Jef if you read their live-tweets during this episode.)

 

 

Ryan brings up a good point and says that he never said he was better than anyone else but Chris sure did.

 

 

I think Chris forgot that he said that.  I think Chris had too many shots of angry whiskey backstage.

 

 

Dawson’s expressions are amazing.  Dawson’s hair is so pretty.

 

 

Wolfie interrupts the manclaws to direct the attention back to pink pants.

 

 

But Harrison warns Ryan that Chris is trying to kill him with his lifeless eyes.

 

 

Ahhhhhh! Scary!

 

 

I’ll be the first to admit that Ryan is a little full of it and his head might be the size of Texas, but he was right to point out that Chris’ jabs were due to insecurity.   Chris, just let it go – maybe you don’t like Ryan but it’s better to remain calm during these things.  Chris reminded me a lot of Jackie during our WTA.  Jackie was so fired up that I looked at her at one point and said, “You know that we’re on tv right?”

 

 

I love that Ryan took the MTA as an opportunity to make people think differently about him.  Most people thought that he was an arrogant @$$ after his elimination and by the end of last night, I saw a lot of people on twitter agreeing that he would be a hilarious Bachelor choice.  Don’t complain about your “edit” or stay angry about things that happened – show people your true personality!

 

 

There’s really no point to this picture except that I wanted to draw a headband on Michael because it doesn’t seem right to see him without one.  And I really, really wanted to hear Nate say quinoa one last time.

 

 

Y’all!  What is wrong with Alessandro?  Does nobody tell the Gypsy King what to wear?

 

 

It’s Chris’ turn in the hotseat and I have to divert my eyes immediately because he starts liking his lips.

 

 

I was going to comment on how this girl is so obviously into Chris and just completely ignoring her boyfriend but then I realized that I’ve never seen a guy at the MTA before!

 

 

Chris tells everyone how hard getting eliminated was and that he only comes off angry because he really, really means what he says.  Whatever the heck that means.  Then, I think he gets emotional because a friend died recently and that’s what prompted him to say that you should tell people how you feel when you feel it because you might not be able to.  If Chris is going through a grieving period, this could definitely explain the mood swings and angry behavior.

 

 

Still, I’m just not buying the whole “I was so, so sad” thing because it looks like he cleaned up in the Bachelor Pad house.

 

 

Sean is like the Justin Bieber for women over 25.  I haven’t seen this many girls lose their $h!t like this since the glory days of boybands.

 

 

Sean relives how sad and torn up he was about Emily eliminating him.

 

 

But now he seems ok – probably because he knows that he has a good chance of possibly becoming the next Bachelor.

 

 

Seriously, even if Sean isn’t the next Bachelor – every woman in America is picturing him after they read 50 Shades of Gray.

 

 

You could practically hear the biological clocks ticking while Sean was talking.

 

 

Dear lord, I really hope he can hear after all that.

 

 

Then Emily comes out and looks amazing.  So amazing that Tony comes up and gives her a hug, which was a little weird.

 

 

I seriously love Emily’s natural makeup look and straight hair!

 

 

Chris thanks Emily for making him believe in love again but I still am a little freaked out by his intensity.

 

 

I think Emily is thinking (in the words of Brad Womack) – “I think I dodged a bullet with that one.”

 

 

Then she ribs Doug a little for one of the most awkward kisses ever.

 

 

I have to admit that I wish we would have gotten to see this Doug more during the season – he seems really funny and lighthearted.  I think maybe he was too aware of how he would be perceived on camera the first time around.

 

 

ToolMcDoucheNugget tries to apologize to Emily.

 

 

But she isn’t buying it because he sent some pretty rude tweets out last week where he basically said Emily had baggage again.

 

 

I just love the audience’s reactions sometimes!

 

 

Kalon didn’t have any comebacks to the twitter comments because he can only memorize 20 lines at a time.  So he mutters, “I’m honored you follow me on twitter.”

 

Actually, she didn’t say that she followed you.  Everyone probably alerted her that you were making douchey comments you @$$.

 

 

I’m just glad that she put him in his place and everyone got to see that Emily doesn’t put up with crap.  Call her whatever you want, but the girl isn’t dumb and knows when someone isn’t genuine.

 

 

Then her and Ryan chat a little and he does that creepy wink again.  Ryan, please don’t do this.  It isn’t cute.

 

 

Then it’s blooper time!  I have to say that I didn’t think the bloopers were long enough this year!

 

Oh Alessandro – if only you could have gotten in the hotseat!

 

And that was pretty much it – they recapped Emily’s relationships with Arie and Jef and then we got a preview of the finale that pretty much told us nothing!  I don’t know about y’all but I’m pretty excited for the live AFTR and I hear that there are some good surprises!

 

So what did y’all think of the MTA?  Do you despise Kalon as much as me?  Did you change your opinion of Ryan?  Is Chris a little scary?  Will Sean be the next Bachelor?

 

Remember to head on over to my blog for more commentary on the Bachelor/Bachelorette world as well as my musings on relationships and why Cosmo is bad for you!

 

Also, every week I’m doing a blog for RealityNation.com called Spivey Says!  I give my thoughts immediately after every episode of the Bachelorette and answer any questions y’all have about the show so be sure to send me some questions on twitter – @ashleyspivey!  Head on over to check it out!

 

90 Comments »

  1. You are fantastic! I loved you on the Bachelor – I mean . . . you are southern so I have to – but even more so now. Best blog I read (and I read a lot of them). Yes, I am obsessed. Love Emily too – I think she’s been a great bachelorette. Keep up the great work – you are really talented!!

    Comment by Whatever — July 17, 2012 @ 3:24 pm

  2. I think this was my favorite recap so far this season! I seriously lost it when I got to the “crazybabyeagleface” picture (and all of the other pictures of Chris as well)! That is hilarious! Seriously, Ashley, I feel like we are kindred spirits. Please don’t ever stop writing recaps…they are the best!!

    Comment by Hilary — July 17, 2012 @ 3:38 pm

  3. Not sure what’s up with the above person… obviously a totally “flipped out freak”. Another funny blog Ashley! Keep up the great work!

    Comment by OKAAAAY — July 17, 2012 @ 3:38 pm

  4. Ashley, I have tears rolling down my face from laughing. The Kalon, Ryan and Chris stuff is hilarious, best screencaps EVER. Great job as usual & always the funniest and best blog. Love Jef and Emily together, she ONLY has that look of love when she is with Jef & he is bonkers over her. They are meant to be, it’s so obvious. It’s gonna be so great at the finale. #TrueLove #TeamJEM

    Comment by Patrice — July 17, 2012 @ 3:41 pm

  5. U get some really ignorant people making remarks on here. Their stupidity shines through….He/she must be having a really bad day/month/year to attack like that. What a troll!

    Comment by Geena — July 17, 2012 @ 3:44 pm

  6. Ashley, ignore the stupid mofo’s haters, they don’t realize how idiotic they are posting b/s. Sore losers, with no life. They need to get out and have some fun or maybe get f***ed. Maybe that would help? haha Love you girl.

    Comment by Patrice — July 17, 2012 @ 3:44 pm

  7. @you flipped out freak

    Oh my goodness, honey you need to breathe in…breathe out…breathe in…and repeat. What’s comical about your comment is that Ashley may write blogs about the Bachelor/ette, but here you are reading them! I’m sure she won’t acknowledge your comment with a response, why would she? Of course she has a life outside of her job (why is it bad that she’s employed??) and TB franchise (um…hello, she gets asked to write this blog…and a LOT of other people blog about it too!). She isn’t obligated to tell us everything else about her life, why do you think you’re entitled to it? And as for her father being embarrassed about Ashley…I’m afraid that you’re the one who is actually being rude here. Your comments about that are completely uncalled for and yes…rude! If you’re having a bad day, maybe you shouldn’t comment on people’s blogs. Go for a walk or try that whole breathing slowly technique because you are a walking heartattack timebomb sister!

    Comment by Kathy T — July 17, 2012 @ 3:50 pm

  8. Ryan was a crack up. Dude is so full of it, but in such a charming way, he entertains. Chris, on the other hand, dude needs to learn to decompress some. He is way too defensive, and it comes across poorly. MAkes for good TV though. Fun sweeing people implode on TV.

    As to ATFR, I bet we find out that Emily is either 1)married already, or 2) has a date set in the very near future. I think that will be the surprise. And yeah, Ithink it is Jef(f).

    Comment by PunkA — July 17, 2012 @ 3:50 pm

  9. Ashley,

    Only someone incredibly smart could be able to put out a blog as funny as yours week after week.

    Please blog Bach Pad — your friends I’m sure will be able to laugh at themselves and, let’s face it — they deserve it :-)

    Go girl.

    Comment by Jen — July 17, 2012 @ 4:05 pm

  10. I liked Ryan the best on this episode! He was so cute and charming. Chris doesn’t see that mature (older) men don’t get angry. Chris talks about how situations make him crazy angry and fighting for what he believes in. That is called immaturity.

    Can’t wait for the finale. I see the love between Emily and Jef and hope they really get married.

    Comment by Lori — July 17, 2012 @ 4:10 pm

  11. @Kathy T – I agree! And Yes… please blog Bach Pad!!! :D Love your humor!

    Comment by KeriL — July 17, 2012 @ 4:13 pm

  12. You are truly hilarious and loved by so so so many people everywhere! Haters are always going to hate!

    TEAM JEF TO THE END. HE IS ONE GREAT CATCH AND EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD SHOULD BE SEARCHING FOR HER JEF… WISH HIM AND EMILY A VERY VERY HAPPY ENDING

    Comment by Armina — July 17, 2012 @ 4:22 pm

  13. Ryan would make an awesome bachelor. And this show needs a shot in the arm. Ben was a disaster. And if Emily should choose jef, I believe abc will lose viewers in droves. Arie was such the obvious love story, and no matter what Jef said, it never felt real. Of course cause we all know now, they weren’t his words. The missing piece of jef and Emily is the love story. After two seasons of let downs, I think tptb need to get real. Jef is becoming as unpopular as Courtney.

    Emilys behavior last night was revolting. She should have accepted the apology with grace and let it go. Her tantrums and lack of dignity make her less attractive. I’m sure all the men feel grateful to be away from her.

    Comment by Lyn — July 17, 2012 @ 4:22 pm

  14. I seriously can’t get enough of your blogs! You are one hilarious, sassy girl and your blogs usually leave me in tears from laughing so much. I really hope you continue blogging for Bachelor Pad 3! I agree with Jen, I think your friends will be just fine with it since they know you’re joking. Keep rocking it! Yours will forever be my absolute favorite Bachelor/Bachelorette blog and one of the highlights of my week.

    Comment by Amanda — July 17, 2012 @ 4:24 pm

  15. The one in the back row who you didn’t remember is Aaron, the hot biology teacher.
    Fantastic blog! I was literally laughing out loud throughout the entire thing. Big ego or not, Ryan was by far the most fun to watch and looked like he was having the most fun through it all.

    Comment by Tess — July 17, 2012 @ 4:28 pm

  16. Love your screen shots! I have no idea who Em. has chosen, but I agree and she and Arie were the real love story. I hope she didn’t pick Jef.

    As for Ryan, he needs to lose the facial hair and comb-over hair style… he was much hotter before. However, I’ve always been a Ryan fan. He’s smart, confident, funny, gorgeous, and charming. People who don’t understand his humor are so uptight. If I were still single, I’d be lining up for him! (Well, I’d line up for both him and Sean — two amazing men.)

    Comment by Annie — July 17, 2012 @ 5:02 pm

  17. Oh yeah, and, one more word: “quin-NO-ah.”

    Comment by Jen — July 17, 2012 @ 5:13 pm

  18. So glad your blog is up Ashley! You always deliver with the best captions! I agree Emily looked phenomenal with the natural makeup and long straight hair. Can’t wait for the finale and AFTR. Will you be live tweeting? Team Jef all the way!

    Comment by Nance — July 17, 2012 @ 5:15 pm

  19. Great blog again, Ashley! My favorite blog without a doubt!

    Let me just say that if for some reason the producers of The Bachelor lose their minds and make Chris the next Bachelor, I will have to poke my eyes out to avoid seeing his ugly and weird faces – oh wait! I would still have to hear him whine! Nevermind…

    Comment by Jessica — July 17, 2012 @ 5:20 pm

  20. I am sorry Ashley.

    Comment by you flipped out freak — July 17, 2012 @ 5:37 pm

  21. Ashley, your weekly posts are absolutely hilarious and I love your sense of humor. I definitely get plenty of laughs from your commentaries. hope you’ll be blogging BP 3.

    Comment by Mylene — July 17, 2012 @ 5:55 pm

  22. “Sean is like the Justin Bieber for women over 25.” SO TRUE. He’s a Texas-bred god.

    Spives- you’re so hilarious! Your rrevaps every week make me laugh so much! Some of these boys are CRAZIES! Ryan has a Snooki tan, Chris still wants his 15 minutes (and some hook-ups!), and Tony is doing it for his son?, Whatever. Like I said- Crazies! Thanks for the blog!! It makes a crazy MTA so much more bearable! Can’t wait for next week!

    Comment by Morgs — July 17, 2012 @ 5:55 pm

  23. Ashley…you rock as always! I hope you blog every season – you are lovely and funny, a great combo.

    I’m glad the bashing loser’s post was taken off. ONETWOTREETREE’s behind it, and we’ve had to endure 12,000 posts from that crazy sad sack of sh*t. She’s insanely jealous of anyone connected to the Bachelor franchise and will take every opportunity to bash them due to pure mean-spirited jealousy. ONETWOTREETREE WE’RE ONTO YOU.

    So for you OneTwo and other mean souls…you’re only humiliating yourself.

    Comment by Cassandra — July 17, 2012 @ 6:27 pm

  24. Reality Steve is waaaaayyyy more funny.

    Comment by Marti — July 17, 2012 @ 6:29 pm

  25. @ Cassandra — OMG, I know right!? Even Onetwotree’s words here matches her words on the forum. I’ve tried flagging her but maybe she’s got seniority with her 12,000 POSTS LOL. She’s totally humiliating herself because it’s obvious she has no life, from bashing out of jealousy and uh, did I mention the 12,000 posts? zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Leave Ashley and everyone alone you freak! There are talented and likeable people in this world so just get over it.

    Comment by Paula — July 17, 2012 @ 6:33 pm

  26. @ Marti – Yeah right “Marti.” Why don’t you rattle off now about “Spandex Em”? I swear everyone should just take the time and start flagging your jealous azzzzzzzzzzz……

    Comment by Paula — July 17, 2012 @ 6:35 pm

  27. Another excellent recap!

    Comment by Karen — July 17, 2012 @ 6:38 pm

  28. Oh, OK … “Paula” …

    Comment by Marti — July 17, 2012 @ 6:41 pm

  29. omg you are hilarious! your blog is more entertaining than the show.

    can’t wait til sunday!

    Comment by megan — July 17, 2012 @ 6:45 pm

  30. Oh wow Kalon’s douchelord crown really killed me. Thanks for always being the highlight of my Tuesdays, Ashley!

    Comment by Jordyn — July 17, 2012 @ 6:49 pm

  31. Ashley,

    Some of us always appreciated both Ryan & Doug, seeing their humorous and kind ways, respectively, in all their episodes despite the edit. Glad to see that you’ve come around to the dark side!

    P.S. What is AFTR? After Final The Rose?
    LOL it’s ATFR = After The Final Rose

    Keep bringin’ it!

    Comment by i heart ryan — July 17, 2012 @ 7:07 pm

  32. @Lyn are you kidding me? Jef is one of the most popular contestants ever..just look at how many twitter followers he has! Its higher than some previous bachelorettes themselves. Almost all the Bach alumni agree that Jef is the best for Emily. They told a true love story this season, but I guess you’re too blind to see it.

    Comment by April — July 17, 2012 @ 8:06 pm

  33. @ Paula: Agreed that Onetwotree is a total turd but Marti doesn’t sound nearly as crazy. Let’s move on and enjoy Ashley’s blog because the real onetwotree can’t spread her crazy bile here anymore. Onetwo’s been on the board a long long time and is acknowledged because people feel sorry for her. Let her and her loneliness be what it is. Who cares what the lonely troll posts?

    Marti, Reality Steve has always had a big crush on Ashley Spivey and admits to ONLY reading her blog!

    Comment by bachfanner — July 17, 2012 @ 9:14 pm

  34. @ Cassandra @ bachfanner….YAY! Onetwotreetree posted some warped crap here, it got deleted, then she went to the board and posted crazy sh*t. IT’S GONE NOW! Use the power of flagging people against the drunken troll!

    Ashley, I love your recaps. It’s seriously the only one that makes me smile! :-) ))

    Comment by Paula — July 17, 2012 @ 9:42 pm

  35. nah, no love story in this franchise will beat Ashley and JP’s. That is rare in this silly show. Two intelligent good looking people connect emotionally, physically and intellectually.

    Ashley, tell Ashley H she should be so proud. JP=Sean’s manliness + Arie’s sexiness +Jef’s sweetness. Emily only has 1/3 of Ashley’s luck, despite what people say about Emily as the best Bachelorette ever. The best-ever has to able to score the total package.

    I hope Jp and Ashley continue to stay out of the spotlight and get married. Leave the limelight to Emily, who is in need of it more. Ash and JP have their own well-respected careers.

    Comment by rainy — July 17, 2012 @ 10:11 pm

  36. @ Paula LOL, I’m sure Onetwotreeding is too drunk and medicated to notice her post is gone…

    @ Bachfanner I think it’s so cute that Reality Steve has a crush on Ashley Spivey. He also has one on Emily from Ben’s season. But those are the only two women he has called wife material. And I remember him writing or was it a video chat – that he only read’s Ashley’s blog. He’s got good taste in women!

    Comment by Cassandra — July 17, 2012 @ 11:38 pm

  37. What’s with the Jef bashing? He seems lovely. I don’t give a poop he lifted something from an e-card. I am sure Arie didn’t make up the stuff about the winning flags, speeding hearts, etc etc. It’s a TV show! But I do hope Emily finds love. Ashley, did you see the video called “Jane on Jef Holm” on youtube? Girls have Jef-itis and I don’t blame them.

    Comment by PolkaDotTrot — July 18, 2012 @ 12:06 am

  38. How did I miss out on your BLOG this season.. HILARIOUS!!! Wish I had found it sooner!

    Comment by stephany — July 18, 2012 @ 12:15 am

  39. I enjoyed your blog more than the show – I just watch it so that your blog makes sense. I would like Ryan from Ashley’s season (solar powered guy) as bachelor, do you have any insight into why he wasn’t chosen over boring Ben? Sean seemed boring and predictable until we met his family, and got to know their quirky sense of humor. I hope Sean’s season reflects his humor and joie de vivre (if he’s chosen). He might keep some quirky women around also.

    Comment by Also Susan — July 18, 2012 @ 1:39 am

  40. You got me (again!) on this one! LOL’d plenty!

    Have to put my 2 cents in on Charlie. I wasn’t impressed with him on the season when he openly made fun of the DJ, and like a 5th grade bully, got all the guys to run and laugh at him behind the guy’s back. Not cool. In People online today, someone that was at the entire taping of MTA did an article about the scenes that we DIDN’T see. One of them was Charlie demanding to know why he got let go before Kalon (we saw just a touch on this), but then Emily said that she didn’t like that he was always making fun of HER. He defended himself he was just trying to be lighthearted and like a kid. She said, “I already have a kid” and then got on to him about his dissing her in the media after he was let off the show. He told reporters he had met her years before hand and was surprised that she was different on the show (kind of implying she was being fake and acting). That ticked Emily off and she said, “Thank goodness I’m different, that was 5 years ago!”.

    Anyway, point is, I don’t think Charlie is the big, innocent teddy bear his edits show him to be. Apparently Emily thought he had a bit of the Kalon in him too. I guess because they didn’t show their conversations much and it would confuse us all, they didn’t show this part of the MTA?

    PS #TeamJEF

    Comment by Beth — July 18, 2012 @ 1:58 am

  41. Double PS–anyone else see Jef’s Instagram photo a few days back? Playing golf with his buddies in front of a mountain with the caption, “Sent Kalon to go fetch my ball with his RENTED HELICOPTER”. So odd he chose to make a jab at Kalon using the same phrase Emily did a WEEK before he tweeted that (at the filming), and a day before it aired for all of America to see.

    I think Jef & Em have been phone talkin’ ya’ll ;)

    Comment by Beth — July 18, 2012 @ 2:00 am

  42. Totally agree that ryan was the most entertaining to watch! He owned what he said by basically selling he had a different viewpoint, but wasn’t trying to be hurtful about it like Kalon. I dunno, there was a difference. Ryan doesn’t seem to have a problem with a lot of people, and honestly I think it’s funny how him and Emily play off of each other’s southern phrases and idioms so well. I think she was so apologetic that she fell for his stuff because she’s with Jef and he openly declares Ryan was his least favorite. Ryan = funny and upbeat. Glad Emily didn’t choose him, but he cracked me up how he was egging angry-eagle Chris on by bating him with interruptions, then when Chris got so flustered he lashed out, Ryan was cracking up saying “C’mon now!”, so funny. He really did make a lot of good points last night about Chris being offended at everything, his immaturity, etc….BP3 please, Ryan!

    Comment by @ Tess — July 18, 2012 @ 2:10 am

  43. Oh, I guess that’s done filming…um, BP4 Ryan! :)

    Comment by @ Tess — July 18, 2012 @ 2:11 am

  44. TO be honest the best part of this episode was the BP3 preview. I have not been able to get in to Emily’s season at all. I wish her the best but it was dull. Sean and Doug seem like great guys, as do most of the men, but I just can’t get excited about Emily and either Jef or Arie.

    I am looking forward to seeing Rachel and Michael’s relationship develop on BP3.

    Ashley and JP were the best, hopefully we will get to see their wedding announced on Sunday! Yeah!

    Comment by tj — July 18, 2012 @ 6:05 am

  45. @ bachfanner – you’re so right. No one is allowed to have an opposing view or they will be deleted or bullied by all the fake names (who are really just one person on here). I agree that one person was a nut but their are many who are polite and still get deleted. That ego problem is going to blow up in her face.

    Comment by Marti — July 18, 2012 @ 6:22 am

  46. ooops, meant to say “there” not “their” …

    Comment by Marti — July 18, 2012 @ 6:23 am

  47. You did it again Ashley…another great blog. Thanks so much. Your sense of humor is like no other.

    Comment by Bobbie — July 18, 2012 @ 8:22 am

  48. My take on Ryan is he probably one of those guys who can come off funny but doesn’t know when to stop joking or can only be taken in small doses. The dosage for MTA was just right for him and he was fine.

    I read some things were edited out which include more Charlie, speaking out. I wish we did get to see more of them and less recaps.

    I don’t know what is worse. People like Kalon who get their 15 minutes of fame by being douche bags or the douche bags who follow them and condone his actions. Thanks again for your funny and insightful blogs. Best wishes!

    Comment by Angela — July 18, 2012 @ 8:54 am

  49. I agree Ryan would be an AWESOME Bachelor. He is funny, handsome, witty…Man ABC is crazy to pick Raberto over him. This guy will get ratings he is entertaining..unlike that sloth Ben Flajanik. Rayn is cool as heck! I really like him and I am sure he would be the most entertaining bachelor EVER! Chris Harrison got it wrong when he said ‘Ryan you wont be the next Bachelor” Hes nuts! This guy is TV GOLD! Please dont get boring Raberto or mundane Sean..GET RYAN!

    Comment by John P Nautist — July 18, 2012 @ 9:14 am

  50. RYAN FOR BACHELOR!!!! HIS SEASON WOULD SERIOUSLY BE ENTERTAINING TO WATCH, AND I AGREE IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HIS CHARM, YOU MUST BE UPTIGHT.

    Comment by Kris — July 18, 2012 @ 9:22 am

  51. Great Blog!!! You’re so funny. Please blog for BP3.

    Comment by Michele — July 18, 2012 @ 9:41 am

  52. I don’t understand why someone as beautiful and smart as Emily why she doesn’t do acting or modeling.

    Comment by Kelly — July 18, 2012 @ 9:43 am

  53. This was a great season. Hope Emily & Jef get married!

    Comment by Ariel — July 18, 2012 @ 10:07 am

  54. Love your recap as always… Just a quick comment on everyone saying that JP and Ashley were the best… I am not arguing at all, I never watched the season so I can’t say anything. All I want to say is don’t forget about the original bachelorette- Trista! Her and Ryan have been married for something like 7 years and have a few children. That’s a true success story from this franchise!

    Comment by Rea — July 18, 2012 @ 10:15 am

  55. Funny blog as always!
    I was about to defend Chris, well especially the fact that a 25 year old can be as, if not more mature than 35 year old… But then I watched BP3 preview… Oh Chris…!
    I love Ryan, his honesty is refreshing, I would rather watch him then Sean as the new Bachelor.
    Also, Emily only seemed to care about Sean being there. Sean definitely seems excited about the possibility of being the next bachelor, and he seems like a smart guy, so he probably thought this through carefully when applying (or his sister in law – it’s always a family memeber who applies for them:P) for the show.

    On a sidenote:
    Why does Chris Harrison keep saying Emily’s is the best season. I feel like Emily is edited out to show only her best sides. (Not to say she isn’t nice, bnecause she seems very sweet.) But they edited Ashley H as crying and being overly emotional and stuck up with Bentley, while in all interviews Ashley seems so much fun and so intelligent. She has gotten so much undeserved crap. Also Ben, I don’t know if he was edited to look like someone really dumb without balls or if he is like that, but he sure didn’t come across as good to me.
    It’s interesting what editing can do with people’s perceptions….

    Comment by SJ — July 18, 2012 @ 10:47 am

  56. I’m hoping there is a wedding on Sunday. I hope they have a reality show of their own after this!!!!

    Comment by Jen — July 18, 2012 @ 12:17 pm

  57. You are by FAR, the FUNNIEST bachelor blogger EVER!!! $h!t you’re so FUNNY!!!

    Comment by Gigi — July 18, 2012 @ 1:27 pm

  58. I don’t want to diss on Ashley and JP, because I think they have a beautiful thing going on and hope they end up at the alter sometime soon, BUT–that season? One of my least favorites. Ashley, though fun and bubbly, lacked a deep sense of self-esteem that constantly came across as she was on Brad’s season and on her own season. I’m glad she found love, but it was a hard and boring season to get through, and the season that made my husband stop watching the show with me. Ben’s season? Was not a fan as well. This season with Emily has been a breath of fresh air–someone that can stand her ground, incredibly gracious and classy with everyone (even the vampire hunters!), and really can weed out the lame-o’s and keep the good one’s around. We’ve never had the last three bachelors be so awesome that people are taking such strong sides for each one!! It’s so fun!

    Can’t wait to see the finale! I would love to see a filmed wedding too!!

    And Emily–come to Utah! Marry Jef! Have beautiful little babies here! We would LOVE to have you!

    Comment by Beth — July 18, 2012 @ 1:29 pm

  59. Oh, so many things to say about the MTA…
    Kalon: Still not a big fan, he is just trying to suck up and I loved that Emily called him out.

    Ryan: Still haven’t changed my opinion about him. I feel like since Michelle Money, everyone is trying to make the “but they edited everything so I looked like an ass”-excuse. Sorry but certain things that come out of your mouth can’t be edited, f.e. when he mentioned having connections and wanting to be the bachelor… That’s just what didn’t do it for me.

    Chris: Honestly, Ashley I feel like you have to cut this guy some slack. Yes he did hook up with 3 girls on BPad. But I really think that he was hurt and that Emily broke his <3. So he decided to have some fun..He needed some rebounds to get over it. Yep, he did this on national television, not the smartest idea, but hey, I can udnerstand him.

    Sean: Don't think he's gonna be the next Bachelor, although I'd love it if he was… But I think he's too humble to do it. But then again, I never expected Emily to do it either and she did, so we gotta wait and see.

    Seriously for whom I have no words is Tony. I don't know he claimed wanting to go home for his son and then goes on BPad,really??? And then when Kalon says they're homies he just acts like he's loco but then puts up pics with him on twitter? I don't know, I really can't stand that guy…

    Comment by Bee — July 18, 2012 @ 1:50 pm

  60. You always point out all of the stuff I thought while I watched the show. And somehow it’s even funnier when you say it!

    Comment by Rachel — July 18, 2012 @ 2:32 pm

  61. Amen on not enough bloopers!! I would rather see that and behind the scenes then listen to the guys bicker!

    Kalon makes me vom in my mouth. He is going to be such a train wreck on BP..I hope he goes home FAST.

    Comment by Dana — July 18, 2012 @ 2:41 pm

  62. SO TRUE ABOUT RYAN WINKING… LOL!!!

    Comment by KELIANNA — July 18, 2012 @ 4:56 pm

  63. Note to self…do not read Spivey blog while drinking anything! I seriously almost choked from laughing so hard while reading this! GREAT RECAP!! Keep up the great work! I look for your blog every week!

    Comment by Tricia — July 18, 2012 @ 8:07 pm

  64. @beth: well. Nothing against your fav but if by “lack of self esteem” means one needs to work hard with tongues to get guys to say “I love u”, and spends tens of 1000s of dollars on plastic surgery so guys will love on you, then I agree with you the last bachelorette lacked self esteem. A person with no self esteem will stay with guys that treat her like crap. Clearly jp is treating Ashley like a princess.

    Comment by Yelhsa — July 18, 2012 @ 8:38 pm

  65. …SO REFRESHING!!….i love how there are NO negative comments on this thread!…..whomever decided to “ZAP” the jealous trash talkers as soon as they “vomit”…..made the best decision ever, Spivey!!…GOOD JOB!…….the BEST defense is : “it’s MY blog, and i ain’t gonna let your shizz spoil my page!”…….so, go bully the people who made you so miserable!!….dooshtards!……….Ashley: “what negative comments!!??”………BRILLIANT!…..keep doing it!…..SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENge!…….GREAT JOB ASHLEY!….keep writing forever!….YOu’s is a comedy writer, my friend!…….XO Pam…..

    Comment by Pamela B... — July 19, 2012 @ 6:16 am

  66. @ PamelaB – Why are you yelling? What’s wrong with you.

    Comment by Sarah Whitney — July 19, 2012 @ 8:14 am

  67. I love Sean. He’s so hot. Please be the next Bachelor.

    Comment by Paulina — July 19, 2012 @ 4:10 pm

  68. Another hilarious blog! You are hilarious!!! I do agree with your good, bad and ugly in the MTA. I was even so surprised that I liked Ryan. He came off well in this episode and it is the opposite for Chris. He’s just an angry man and Emily dodged a bullet there. While he did say some awful things on TBette which will be remembered in seasons to come, Ryan was probably just edited to come off as an arrogant schmuck. Anyway, I never like him throughout the season but he redeemed himself in the MTA! I can’t wait for this Sunday! #TeamArie all the way. There’s no way it will be Jef. The season has been written as a love story between Em and Arie! Jef and Em were still awkward towards each other during their date on the boat. With Arie, it’s just so natural and effortless. #TeamArie #TeamArie #TeamArie!

    Comment by Trace — July 19, 2012 @ 8:17 pm

  69. Can’t wait for the finale!!!!Emily and Jef make such a cute, fun couple!!! Congrats!!

    Comment by Tracy — July 20, 2012 @ 10:42 am

  70. Arieeeeee all the way! will be so disappointed if she picks Jef

    Comment by Ann — July 20, 2012 @ 2:06 pm

  71. So hilarious! You have the best blog out there!

    Comment by Christina — July 20, 2012 @ 6:00 pm

  72. Wowza, how about spreading some love instead of hate … in light of what just happened in Colorado, seriously, can’t you make jokes without insults?

    Comment by Robyn — July 20, 2012 @ 7:16 pm

  73. the graph would start way up here in June and would reach an apex in July Aug Sept start losing steam in Octorber Not what I thought it would be in Sept. Let’s consider other avenues in October through December through forever.

    Comment by SoCalJinx — July 23, 2012 @ 12:00 am

  74. Funniest recap yet!! One thing I noticed in your pics though – wasn’t that lady in the audience (the blond in the blue dress) also on last night’s episode? She stood up and made some comment to Chris. Did they film it all at once? I’m confused.

    Comment by jddeuce — July 23, 2012 @ 10:11 am

  75. Oh and one other thing – I don’t understand why Tony decided to do Bachelor Pad when he left this show crying like a baby b/c he missed his son. At least on Bachelorette, he was away from his son to try to find a wife. Now he’s away from his son to hook up with chicks and maybe win 250,000? That seems lame. I do love that photo of him and Chris after the Kalen statement – perfect commentary!!

    Comment by jddeuce — July 23, 2012 @ 10:17 am

  76. Sorry if this is a repeat question, and I missed the answer… but, is Ashley not doing a recap of the Finale???? So disappointed if not. :(

    Comment by KeriL — July 25, 2012 @ 5:23 am

  77. Ashley, when are you going to write about the finale!? I have been waiting for it all week! I have been dying to tell you how great you looked at the ATFR!! Love your blog and love you! Keep at it!

    Comment by D lynn — July 25, 2012 @ 10:39 am

  78. I’m with KeriL & D lynn.. finale recap?! We are dying Ashley! haha :)

    Comment by Emma — July 25, 2012 @ 1:46 pm

  79. Ashley,

    I have to disagree. I thought this blog was immature and stupid. “Panty droppig time?” Have you no respect for yourself as a woman? This blog was incredibly vulgar and inappropriate.

    As for making fun of people, what’s with your butt implant (butt cheek underwear implants) you wore on the Finale. You come across as cheap and desperate.

    You are truly a classless woman.

    Comment by Fan — July 29, 2012 @ 10:14 pm

  80. Based upon the comments above, it would appear that Ashley deleted all the negative posts? What does that say for her insecurity? Sad.

    Comment by Fan — July 29, 2012 @ 10:16 pm

  81. Ashley Spivey fuck you fuck you in your ass. I fantasize you suffering a slow and painful death.

    Comment by Fan — August 10, 2012 @ 10:20 am

  82. Fan you were doing great… until that last post. That one…that’s just nasty and not OK.

    Your other two posts were on point and they should be left up. Let’s see if Ashley can distinguish between abuse and differences of opinion.

    Comment by Melinda — August 15, 2012 @ 1:41 pm

  83. I can’t understand how anyone can make fun of that donkey move. That is an abusive act. For Ashley to claim she was abused and then to make fun of this act, I’m sorry but no way was she anywhere near abused. What a sad ploy for Ashley to get some attention. Meanwhile, you silly girls laughing about this, do you realize 1 out of 4 girls get sexually abused? Anyone ever been raped or it that a joke too? There’s nothing funny about abuse.

    Comment by Stella — August 15, 2012 @ 1:46 pm

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