Wow.  Is this even a competition anymore?  At this point, it seems to me that many of the guys are becoming more and more unlikable, we aren’t learning enough about them, and Arie is by far the front-runner!

Also, poor Emily isn’t getting ANY action!  Why aren’t these guys kissing her?  I find it hard to believe that they aren’t attracted to her!  Are they scared?  Does she intimidate them?  Are they trying to respect her more because she is a mom?  Get your kiss on fellas!!!

Let’s get on to the episode!


Do we know anything about Michael at this point?



I do know one thing about Doug – he is getting his money’s worth with that black v-neck!



Somehow, Alejandro is still here and he seems to be getting hair tips from Ryan.



Hehe, this just made me laugh!  Anyways, everyone left Charlotte and they are now searching for love in Bermuda!



Doug gets the next 1-on-1 date because he is wearing his lucky black v-neck!!!



Doug turns into The Hulk when he gets nervous!



This doesn’t stop the guys from making fun of him; Arie does a pretty good Doug impression!



While Emily and Doug are on their date, Nate realizes that he’s probably going to be on the 2-on-1 date because he isn’t going on the group date and he has only said 10 words.



Emily and Doug’s date was pretty boring so I’ll just skip to the good part.  Emily begins her tough line of questioning by asking Doug to tell her how he isn’t perfect.



I’m calling BS on this one.  Dude you are hotheaded as hell – why aren’t you telling her about your anger management issues?



Looks like Emily ain’t buying it either!



But then Doug asks Emily about her flaws and she really doesn’t have an answer either!  I practically wear pajamas to work everyday so I must be a deeply flawed individual.



In addition to having quite the temper, Doug also seems to talk in 3rd person a lot – I really don’t like when guys do this!  Regardless, Doug gets the rose and the end of their date is super awkward when he doesn’t go in for the kiss and Emily is left speechless.



It’s group date time and the guys are going to be participating in a boat race, with the winners getting more time with Emily and the losers getting a ride back to the hotel.  Ryan decided to make his hair more aerodynamic today to help their chances in winning.



Emily says she doesn’t like watching the guys compete but I can’t stop thinking about how she’s still wearing Arie’s sweatshirt!  Did none of the other guys offer her theirs?  Dudes, Arie totally has more game than all of y’all!



Team Mayhem, despite their initial lead and extreme trash talking, loses the race and has to return to the hotel.


Team Back In Black (awesome boat name) wins, and I’m sure Emily is just thankful she gets more time with Arie!



Why is Charlie so upset about losing?  It’s ok Teddy Bear! Dry those eyes!



During the group date, Ryan toasts to Emily being a trophy wife.  Look, this is not ok!  I don’t care if you are joking.  I don’t care if you call this flirting.  Ryan, you are quickly catching up to Kalon in the race for biggest douchenugget!



Emily is getting tired of Ryan’s comments and I can assure you that she isn’t going to keep him around much longer.  There is NO WAY she would ever see herself with someone like Ryan.



You know what has changed way more than Ryan’s personality in this episode?  That little mound of hair on the top of Ryan’s head – seriously, does he style it like this or is it a cowlick?  I can’t figure it out!



Arie and Emily didn’t waste anytime during their alone time – why talk when you can kiss?!?



Arie is still winning in the passionate kisses contest!  I still love how he caresses her face and I almost died when he was playing with her hair and brushing it out of her face!  More guys need to do this!  (Yes, it is that easy to make me happy.)



We finally get to see some interaction between Jef and Emily and while I think their exchange was cute (and filled with “likes”), at this point I think Emily is into Jef because he doesn’t seem that into her.  I also couldn’t stop staring at his hair blowing in the wind.



Ryan and Emily have some more alone time and Ryan just needs to stop talking.  Seriously, what is with the crap that is coming out of his mouth?  I bet he sits at home and comes up with these Ryan-isms and has convinced himself that he is the leader of a new church of athleticism and good looks.  “Catch” my @$$!



It’s pretty evident from Emily’s body language toward him that she isn’t into him at all.  At this point, Emily has had the same amount of time with Ryan that she has had with Arie and Sean – and she can’t keep her hands or mouth off of the last two.  Not GOOOOOD Ryan!



Jef gets another group date rose and he always acts like Taylor Swift when he gets it – Omg y’all I’m so surprised to get this!!!  Dude, she likes you – a lot!  When are you going to reciprocate the feelings?



I guess he does show that he cares in little ways – like when he puts his arm around her during the fireworks and when he patted her leg after she gave him the rose.  Jef is definitely moving slowly but at least he is moving and keeping her interested!



Time for the 2-on-1 date and Nate and Wolfie look super excited to be there.



Back at the house, Chris and Doug are getting into the most ridiculous argument ever because Chris has a huge 25 year-old chip on his shoulder.



He keeps on saying that he’s really mature for a 25 year-old which makes me laugh because all the 25 year-old guys I know aren’t mature at all.



Emily, Nate and Wolfie go cliff jumping which luckily doesn’t require much conversation because geez-louise this date is awkward.  No one in this group is particularly good at starting conversations and the result is one heaping pile of awkwardsauce.



Emily looks more excited about her glass of wine than anything else.



I seriously peed my pants at this moment.  A long time ago, I wrote an article about how girls should learned to pronounce this word ( and the same goes for guys.  If you are going to say quinoa 5 times in a convo and act like you know all about it – learn to pronounce it dude!  Also, why didn’t they want to eat quinoa?  It’s delicious!



Teeheee I’m still cracking up.



Emily couldn’t look less interested in this date.  She isn’t even bothering to re-curl her hair in the cave’s humidity so you know she ain’t into them.



Nate finally gets a chance to talk with Emily and I’m afraid he might have had too much wine!  He rambles on and on, talking about everything and then breaks down in tears when he talks about his family.  Bless his heart.



Wolfie gets some time alone and he’s definitely more confident and talkative than Nate so you know that he’s definitely going to get the rose!



If only Nate would have eaten his quinoa, maybe he would have been able to handle his alcohol better.



We really didn’t get to see much of Travis this episode.  I really miss Shelly.


Jef isn’t being that confident with Emily but I know he has it in him because it takes a lot of balls to wear socks like this to a rose ceremony.  Bravo Jef, bravo.



I really don’t think Ryan can get any douchier at this point.



Emily agrees and luckily Arie comes and saves her from Higher-Purpose Ryan.



Emily is so cute and giddy when she talks to Arie.  She tries to tell him that he is always on her mind and the best example she could come up with is how he is the first thing she thinks of when she is sitting on the porch.  I giggled.



Ryan is talking to Michael by the fireplace and he reveals that if it doesn’t work out with him and Emily, he has connections in Augusta that will support his bid for Bachelor.  Good luck buddy, I can’t see anyone signing up for your season with an attitude like that.  Bachelor Pad 3 anyone?



Sean is cute.  Sean is sweet.  Sean and Emily hold hands a lot.  Sean talks a lot about Ricki.  Sean and Emily have rigid kisses and they really are lacking in passion!  Let’s hope this changes after they get a 1-on-1 date together!



I think Doug is a little less self-confident than he thinks because he starts telling himself that he doesn’t need to kiss Emily at this point to have a connection.  Dude, you NEED to kiss her.  The slow-approach is only working for Jef.



Chris still can’t let the 25 year-old thing go.



Chris decides to talk to Doug about the situation and Doug doesn’t seem to think it’s that big of a deal!  Chris you are blowing this way out of proportion and you shouldn’t be using your time with Emily to talk about what is happening with the other guys.



Seriously Chris, we get it.



Ok, this is the last thing I’m going to say about Ryan.  Dude, needs an ego check.



In the end, sadly, it’s Michael that is going home.  I’ve been following his tweets and he seems like a pretty interesting guy so it’s sad that we only got to see his brightly colored headbands and not more of his personality.


How could Emily send the Teddy Bear home over Alejandro!!!  Poor Charlie – he looks so confused and sad!  Don’t worry Charlie, Jen Marcus is there to pick up the pieces! ;)

So what did y’all think about this week’s episode?  How do y’all feel about Doug?  Should Emily have sent home Nate and Wolfie?  Do you know how to pronounce quinoa?  Is Ryan a bigger jerk than Kalon?  Who’s your favorite for Emily now?

Remember to head on over to my blog http://www.saynotocosmo.comfor more commentary on the Bachelor/Bachelorette world as well as my musings on relationships and why Cosmo is bad for you!

Also, every week I’m doing a vlog for called Spivey Says! I give my thoughts immediately after every episode of the Bachelorette and answer any questions that y’all have about the show! Head on over to Reality Nation to check it out!


  1. I’ve been waiting all day for this blog to be up!
    Makes my day as usual :) can’t wait for next week!

    Comment by Emilie — June 5, 2012 @ 1:30 pm

  2. I lost it at “Doug doesn’t need kisses. Doug is 30. Doug is fine” bahaha
    It’s hard to tell if Ryan is a bigger jerk than Kalon due to his lack of screen time this episode. I would say they seem like equal but different types of jerks: Ryan is a cocky, arrogant walking jock stereotype sort of jerk who seems like he’s had one to many concussions on the field. Kalon is a hipster, pseudo-intellectual type jerk who uses a plethora of filler words to concoct excellent sentences of BS.
    I think Sean seems far more sweet than Arie. This could have soemthing to do with what I’ve read about Arie but I don’t know. Even htough he seems into Emily he still comes off a bit playery to me. Sean while mroe tame seems more grounded, reliable and better suited to the father-figure husband role.

    Comment by Heather — June 5, 2012 @ 1:44 pm

  3. sorry for my spelling mistakes.I was typing fast at work haha

    Comment by Heather — June 5, 2012 @ 1:45 pm

  4. I absolutely love Sean! I can’t wait to see his one-on-one date next week. I’m sure his kisses just seem to lack passion because both of them have been during cocktail parties pre-rose ceremony, not on actual dates. I like Arie too, but I don’t agree with many fans that he is good-looking. But, then again, I am a sucker for a blonde, All-American Texan like Sean :-)

    Comment by Marty — June 5, 2012 @ 1:47 pm

  5. Ryan TOTALLY is interested in being the next bachelor…..he talks about how he understands the great responsibility that goes along with it….(seriously>>>>??) and how to whom much is given much is expected… he is all morally in tune…..spareeeeeeeeeeeee me!!! barf!!!I think it would be really fun to watch one girl after another NOT accept the rose…he thinks he is such a great catch and he is really just a puke~~! It makes a rather boring series…(sorry love Emily but it is kind of a yawner this time around) alot more entertaining….I am sure they are begging her to keep him for now…

    Comment by Marie — June 5, 2012 @ 1:59 pm

  6. I almost spit my water on my monitor when I read about Ryan’s “hair yarmulke”. Thanks for a hilarious blog…your recap is my absolute favorite.

    Comment by Jennifer — June 5, 2012 @ 2:00 pm

  7. Dear Producers! Please give Jef more airtime.

    Comment by Molly — June 5, 2012 @ 2:05 pm

  8. I’m sure they are all attracted to her physically but they do not feel that urge to fall head over heels in love with a single mom. They are just thinking long term.

    Comment by truth — June 5, 2012 @ 2:06 pm

  9. I’m from Augusta, which is a pretty small southern community, and I can assure anyone than Ryan’s “connections” are non-existent and he will probably never get laid in this town again.

    Comment by Augusta — June 5, 2012 @ 2:29 pm

  10. baaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha

    Comment by Heather — June 5, 2012 @ 2:30 pm

  11. Best. Blog. Ever.
    This is better than the show… I’m sad Charlie is gone (who’s Jen Marcus?).
    Ryan is a douche. He’s not even attractive anymore because he’s SUCH a douche! Gah!
    Jef is awesome, and so is Arie! They’re both nutty over Emily and she is them. I can’t wait till next week to see, finally, who she throw’s the f-bomb at!
    Keep it up Ashley! You’re hilarious!

    Comment by Jenn In Halifax NS — June 5, 2012 @ 2:34 pm

  12. OMG, hilarious!! I was LOL at my desk! I love your blogs, Ashley. You are soooo entertaining. I wish we would have seen this side of you on the show. Anyway, I like Arie and Sean. I’m not sure how I feel about Jef yet. I never was crazy about Doug. I do know how to pronounce quinoa. I could have died at Emily’s face when he said that. Ryan is an ass that just keeps getting bigger and bigger each week. That last picture is priceless!

    Comment by Tracey — June 5, 2012 @ 2:44 pm

  13. there is the picture of blue didn’t

    Comment by Wanda — June 5, 2012 @ 2:53 pm

  14. I agree with Molly, Jef needs more air time. I saw a deleted scene on ABC’s YouTube channel between Jef and Emily at the Rose Ceremony, and what Jef said in his confessional was so sweet! They need to show more of him because I definitely think he’s making it to top four along with Arie, Sean, and maybe Doug. Also, Heather said she’s read stuff about Arie that make her not like him as much, anyone know what that is?

    Comment by Jennifer — June 5, 2012 @ 3:01 pm

  15. I think Emily was wearing Jef’s blue hoodie. So Jef was the true gentleman. =)

    Comment by Lisa — June 5, 2012 @ 3:02 pm

  16. This blog gets me every time!! I LOLed at work at the “my shit don’t stink” picture

    Comment by Evie — June 5, 2012 @ 3:02 pm

  17. I’ve been following your recaps since Ashley’s season and I love them so much. I might look forward to them more than the actual show… I hate that Ryan is an ass! I had such high hopes for him when the show first started; I had hoped he’d help fix the stereotype that football players are players and asses. Sadly, this wasn’t the case. Dammit Ryan! I don’t even know who to root for now!

    Comment by Emmy — June 5, 2012 @ 3:03 pm

  18. I love this season. Each week I change my mind on who I like. This week I like Ryan and Sean.

    Comment by Lisa — June 5, 2012 @ 3:06 pm

  19. @Jennifer: I didn’t want to post anything that resembled a spoiler but just google Arie Luyendyk Jr. Who knows what is true but there are definitely some photos to support.

    Comment by Heather — June 5, 2012 @ 3:11 pm

  20. @Lisa: How can you possibly POSSIBLY like Ryan after last night’s episode????

    Comment by Heather — June 5, 2012 @ 3:12 pm

  21. hahaha, Ashley, you never fail to make me laugh my azz off!! Love it, still laughing. Best blog on the net. Keep up the great work. Oh, I loveeee Jef! Dude is so cool, can’t wait for next week’s epi and their date. Arie is one smooth dude, a little too smooth.

    Comment by Patrice — June 5, 2012 @ 3:15 pm

  22. Okay Ms. Spivey, today’s blog was HILARIOUS!!!
    I found myself laughing out loud at every second photo.
    I’ve now bookmarked the post and will read it again later :)

    I think that if Ryan wants to go ahead and plan a future without Emily then he’s there for the wrong reasons.
    I also think that if Arie kisses her one more time, he’s going to set my ovaries on fire.
    Lastly, if Jef isn’t the final guy… he’s won my heart.

    Comment by Laura — June 5, 2012 @ 3:20 pm

  23. I la la love Sean and Jef! Either one would make a great match for Emily. Arie is obviously good looking and he should probably start populating the earth BUT I dont see him for Emily. He’s a smooth talker, a charmer and he’s used to getting what he wants. Emily does NOT deserve that. Relax buddy and let your ego simmer down!

    Ashley, you’re hilarious and I love your sense of humor. I look fwd to reading your blog every week! :-)

    Comment by Marla — June 5, 2012 @ 3:36 pm

  24. You seriously make me LOL. No, I mean it! Literally, Laugh out Loud. I am sitting by myself on my computer LOL. Reading some of the other past- bachelor- franchise-contestant’s blogs gives me the sadz because of all the grammer mistakes and awkardsauce sarcasm. Thank goodness for you Ashley!

    Comment by Lydia — June 5, 2012 @ 4:00 pm

  25. I laughed my butt off at this week’s recap. Great Job, Ashley! I could not stop hysterically laughing to even hear Jef and Emily’s convo when his hair was blowing all over the place.

    Ryan has turned into a total douche this week. He needs to go. I hope Doug thinks that “Doug no stand Ryan, Ryan asshole” and punches him with those Hulk arms.

    My favorites are Arie and Sean. Personally I don’t think Arie is that attractive but obviously Emily does. But Lord, don’t get me started on Sean. That is my dream man right there. I think the kisses are lacking because he hasn’t had a date and he has mentioned he is a family and faith centered guy, which means he probably likes to take things slowly, before jumping into some hot kissin! He is my absolute favorite, and ummm their babies: gorgeous.

    Comment by Celia — June 5, 2012 @ 4:02 pm

  26. My favorite part of Tuesday!! Another hilarious recap! I spit my tea at the Ryan yarmulke comment! Sean is sweet & hot but I don’t see the sparks yet either. I like Arie but when something looks too good on paper it often is. I love Jef & think he & Emily aka JEM will be having a van full of kids in no time :)

    Comment by Lydia — June 5, 2012 @ 4:06 pm

  27. Ahh thank you someone else was annoyed by the pronounciation of quinoa! It was bugging me so much! I didn’t understand why they didn’t want to eat it either, it’s delicious. This blog was great – one of my favorite bachelor blogs to read!

    Comment by Megan — June 5, 2012 @ 4:31 pm

  28. Great job Ashley, Ryan will be sad “Life and Style reports Roberto is next bachelor” I would love that if he is! I think Emily will end up with Jef we have not gotten to see much of him yet, I think her and Sean are cute together but I will have to see something else to call him the one. I think Ryan is a total JERK. Doug has anger issues, Kalon is conceited and has no reason to be. Thanks again for a good job, you always make me laugh!

    Comment by Roberta — June 5, 2012 @ 4:35 pm

  29. Why does Sean always chew on Emily’s upper lip when he tries to kiss her? Agreed with Ashley; not passionate at all! Sean needs new kissing motion.

    Comment by ryan sea — June 5, 2012 @ 4:36 pm

  30. Yep you had me laughing so hard again… Your blog is MUCH more entertaining than the show!

    Comment by Josefine — June 5, 2012 @ 4:43 pm

  31. I’d rather see Ryan as the next Bachelor than Roberto. Hope the rumers are false.

    Comment by Kate — June 5, 2012 @ 4:49 pm

  32. Ashley you have such a funny personality. I can’t wait for your next blog; even more than the next episode of The Bachelorette! You have such an honest and amazing sense of humor and I needed that today. I so much enjoyed your line about Ryans hair morphing into a Yarmulke! Thank you for writing this blog. Can’t wait until next week. By the way, have you ever considered writing a book? If not, you should.

    Comment by Bobbie — June 5, 2012 @ 4:49 pm

  33. Ashley you are hysterical. Good god, I love your blog!

    Doug is totally creepy. What is that dude hiding?
    Arie is adorbz. Sean is super hot.

    Can anyone tell me why the hell is Alejandro still around, seriously?

    I can’t wait for Ryan to get kicked off. He’s a tool.

    Comment by Julie — June 5, 2012 @ 4:52 pm

  34. I like Jeff, but it would be wierd if she picked him at this point cuz there isn’t much interaction at all. Ryan and Arie have at least got a relationship started.

    Comment by Kate — June 5, 2012 @ 4:53 pm

  35. Arie has that sexy, suave, I wanna make love to you vibe to him. While Sean is attractive and seems like he’d complete Emily’s life as a great father and husban figure. Can’t quite decide which I like more! Passion or compassion? Obv a little bit of both….

    Comment by Ana — June 5, 2012 @ 5:18 pm

  36. I think Doug is forever stuck in the friend zone, someone Emily could plan carpool times or play dates with for their kids but not someone she wants to propose to her in the end. Jef is like, one of those things you want because you dont have it, but once you have it you may get bored…

    My two favorites are obviously Sean and Arie. Arie is for sure a smooth talker who gets your butterflies going and he’s got that look that makes some girls go crazy (like me). He also knows how to make the right moves. Sean on the other hand, he’s not the typical guy I personally go for look wise, but he is extremely handsome with a great body. He also seems genuine with good family values. I could see him as a great fit as Emily’s husband and Ricki’s father figure.

    So the question is, do you fall for the steamy passionate fire in Arie or the comforting, reliable Sean father figure?

    Comment by Elle — June 5, 2012 @ 5:26 pm

  37. Ps great blog as usual, Ashley!

    Comment by Elle — June 5, 2012 @ 5:28 pm

  38. I absolutely love your blog! By far my favorite re-cap. I’m ready to throw things at my screen every time Ryan speaks with that condescending attempt at manipulation. So glad Emily is smarter than that!

    Comment by Amber — June 5, 2012 @ 5:47 pm

  39. Psychotic lil midget babysitter with the man face. Shut up.

    Comment by Take your meds Ashley Spivey — June 5, 2012 @ 5:54 pm

  40. You kill me. Jef’s hair should be the next Bachelor.

    Comment by Dana — June 5, 2012 @ 6:00 pm

  41. I am so glad you caught the quinoa mispronounciation! It bothered the crap out of me. It is quite yummy so I can’t figure out why they didn’t eat it…
    P.S. Your blog is hilarious…those neanderthal like captions for Doug kill me every time.

    Comment by Leila — June 5, 2012 @ 6:04 pm

  42. LOVE your blog! The commentary is hilarious! Why on earth is she still keeping Ryan and Kalon there? Can she not see what douchebags they are??? Wow. She seems to be aware that Ryan is not all tat great and then she sends sweet cute Charlie home? Confusing? And seriously Kalon should have gone when he told her last week not to interrupt him. Is she a sucker for punishment? Haha the quinoa thing was HILARIOUS! For a second I wondered if maybe I’ve been saying it wrong my whole life heehee.

    Comment by Shashika — June 5, 2012 @ 6:15 pm

  43. She made a mistake at not getting more with Michael. I had my eye on him from the beginning. A real neat good looking fellow. Then to send him home without anything is very disappointing.

    Comment by Fran — June 5, 2012 @ 6:31 pm

  44. I really liked Ryan at first, but now he certainly is a douchenugget. I LOVE Jef, but he’s acting too aloof. I am not a fan of Arie due to the rumors I’ve hard. I just hope he doesn’t ruin this experience for Em. Plus, I just don’t he’s all that cute, especially not when compared to Jef and Sean. Doug was another one of my early favorites, but not so much anymore. Chris blew the age conversation out of proportion, but that’s probably because there is something just really off and arrogant about Doug. I give Chris a pass on this one.

    Comment by Phoebe — June 5, 2012 @ 6:52 pm

  45. Agreed that Jef’s socks > this episode, which as a whole was totally awkwardsauce™.

    Your Doug captions are hilarious, they make him sound like the Hulk/a neanderthal (which he resembles based on his brow) – I was half expecting a “DOUGH SMASH!” somewhere in there.

    Comment by Marc — June 5, 2012 @ 7:52 pm

  46. Jef and Emily have a nice connection, but to me it seems very platonic. They don’t match physically.

    If Arie isn’t who she chooses in the end, it’s going to be awkward for whoever she did choose as he watches this back because DAMN! Emily and Arie have some amazing chemistry, and their connection is strong already.

    Ryan just needs to go home.

    Comment by Ben — June 5, 2012 @ 8:03 pm

  47. Arie: Too much fire right out of the gate! Exciting and fun but can fizzle fast! And he doesn’t seem like the MAN she is looking for! Sean is behind but is going to catch up and pull ahead I think! He is so smitten with her, so sweet towards her…the makings of the real deal!

    Comment by Hanna — June 5, 2012 @ 8:20 pm

  48. ha i think the quinoa thing is funny ’cause i’m brazilian and we pronounce it quin-oh-ah, just like nate. i have absolutely no idea the origin of the word, but for me, quoin-oh-ah is just fine. :)

    Comment by ana — June 5, 2012 @ 9:00 pm

  49. Absolutely lost it at the last screenshot. Love it, Ashley! Keep up the great work :)

    Comment by Brigid — June 5, 2012 @ 9:32 pm

  50. Your blog is fun to read and I look forward to it! Thanks for the laughs!!

    Comment by Arch — June 5, 2012 @ 9:48 pm

  51. I agree with both Phoebe and Hanna, shes obviously into Arie the most, but at the same time, that can fizzle quick, or might get in the way of talking more and establishing a really good foundation for a long term relationship. Jef skipping the perfect first kiss moment to say, “Welp,should we head back?”-hahaha! Poor Em! Gotta admit though, it just made her like him more! And scored him a rose, which again he was shocked by. I think Jef has plenty of confidence in himself and who he is, but starts to doubt he’s a good match for Em when he sees all the football/jock/muscle dudes around. Really cool how many times she reassures him that he is totally a type she is into, very cute :) I have to admit, I think the connection is best with her and Arie, but Jef and Sean seem a better long term fit for her if she can spark a bit more fire with them! Looking forward to more episodes, and ESPECIALLY more Ashley S. recaps! haha!

    Comment by Beth — June 5, 2012 @ 10:21 pm

  52. Your blog is the best! It is hilarious and fresh! Look forward to it every week.

    Regarding this statement:

    “Arie is still winning in the passionate kisses contest! I still love how he caresses her face and I almost died when he was playing with her hair and brushing it out of her face! More guys need to do this! (Yes, it is that easy to make me happy.)”

    I know what you mean and if you like this you should check out Season 3 of Sweet Home Alabama on CMT (archived on the website) and watch Jeremiah and Paige in action!

    Comment by jem — June 5, 2012 @ 10:27 pm

  53. IloveyourrecapsAshley!Ilookforwardtoreadingiteveryweek,youmakemelaughsohard!Arieisdefinitelyaclearfrontrunnerandsoisseanbutforsomereasonmyfavoriteisjef!Thereissomethingsosincereabouthim!Ireallyhopeheopensuponhisoneononenet week cuz I think it might just be him and Emily in the end! :) I find Ryan is getting worse than kalon because all the $h!t he talks is to emily’s face, at least kalon tries to hide that he is a toolmcdoochenugget :) it seems like Ryan is proud to be a jerk?!!?! I guess only time will tell! So excited to see what’s to come!

    Comment by Mackenzie — June 6, 2012 @ 5:05 am

  54. Oh the “tiny violin” picture was a pisser! ARIE all the way!! ;)

    Comment by Hayley — June 6, 2012 @ 5:16 am

  55. emily has to see something in ryan to keep him around. though he is a douche, there is something about him. he isn’t kissing her butt like everyone else. i don’t know…

    i think the last 4 will be Arie, Shawn, Jef and Doug.
    But i don’t like Arie. There is something shady with hi, but i can’t put my finger on it.

    Comment by kendra — June 6, 2012 @ 6:29 am

  56. #TeamJef!
    That is all.

    Comment by Carly — June 6, 2012 @ 6:36 am

  57. Just in case anyone wanted a recipe or five…

    Comment by Kim — June 6, 2012 @ 7:13 am

  58. I am most excited to see how the guys react to Emily throwing the F bomb out there. LOL. It will be nice for them to see she that she isn’t a damsel looking to be saved. She needs a man who can stand beside a strong woman.

    Comment by Jamie — June 6, 2012 @ 7:16 am

  59. Bummed you didn’t say anything about Emily’s talk with Chris. LOVED her in this one on one. She completely has the guys’ numbers and won’t put up with bullsh*t. Love that she’s not all googly eyed and confused. Says her mind – she has more personality than I first thought. Ryan is only sticking around for our entertainment value. So many d**ches on this series!

    Comment by Beth — June 6, 2012 @ 8:11 am

  60. There is also more dirt on Arie at Sad stuff for Emily if it’s true and she picks him.

    I like Jef for Emily and Sean for ME! ;)

    Comment by Jennifer — June 6, 2012 @ 11:10 am

  61. That last pic of Ryan with the “My $h!t Don’t Stink” was freakin hilarious! I, too, think he’s still around because the producers want him to stay for the entertainment value. He is priceless fodder for jokes and publicity, and I love that the woman from his hometown, Augusta, says he won’t be getting laid in that town again!

    Comment by Sandra — June 6, 2012 @ 11:12 am

  62. I know exactly what you mean with the Emily-Sean kisses. When me and my boyfriend kiss, we kiss like Emily and Arie. And I’m not the biggest fan of Arie. Yep, he’s goodlooking and all but HE is the one that seemed to have the perfect answers last week on his one-on-one date. I feel like y’all are too focused on how awesome he looks that you forget to listen. I’m calling BS on the fact that he said he missed the kids of his ex the most after they broke up… but hey maybe that’s just me.
    I HATED Ryan this episode. He was rude and…baahh beyond stupid.
    I do feel like the rest of the guys are very intimidated by Emily and her beauty (inside and outside!!) and they don’t wanna make out thinking that Ricki is going to see this…Men can be weird ^^

    Comment by Bee — June 6, 2012 @ 11:24 am

  63. Awesome as usual, Ashley!! LMAO, and the funniest line oh my gosh lol – “Doug doesn’t need kisses. Doug is 30. Doug is fine.” LOL!!

    Comment by Ryvetted — June 6, 2012 @ 11:44 am

  64. Thanks Ashley that was an awesome post. Jef is totally Taylor Swifting it. What is he waiting for? A sign saying “kiss me already”?

    Comment by Karen — June 6, 2012 @ 11:54 am

  65. Why do they not eat the food at the dinners? Why did they say “but we aren’t going to eat it – obviously”? Is there a reason they talk about it as a given that they won’t eat the seemingly delicious meals? Drives me nuts!

    Comment by Courtney — June 6, 2012 @ 12:03 pm

  66. If anyone was wondering about Jef’s socks.. it’s actually completely normal for the businessmen to wear Bermuda shorts with knee-length socks to work or parties, etc. I remember seeing the style often when I visited Bermuda last summer.

    Check out for more info!

    Comment by Courtney — June 6, 2012 @ 12:05 pm

  67. I have the biggest crush on Jef. If Emily doesn’t pick Jef, I’ll totally take him.

    Comment by Jenny — June 6, 2012 @ 12:17 pm

  68. Ashley – am I the only one who sees the resemblance between Jeff and Mitch Briggs (Janey’s little brother) from Not Another Teen Movie? It’s uncanny!

    Comment by J — June 6, 2012 @ 12:40 pm

  69. That is an uncanny resemblance, kinda like Ames Brown and the Oompa-loompas.

    Comment by Sandra — June 6, 2012 @ 12:58 pm

  70. Kim, thanks for the quinoa recipes!
    That resemblance from Jef to Mitch Briggs truly is uncanny!

    Comment by Jennifer — June 6, 2012 @ 1:33 pm

  71. that was my hoodie, not Arie’s.. and it smelled sooo good when he go back. I know why now. (b/c he let Emily wear it) .. or maybe Arie just smells that good!

    And yes.. I was sad.. to leave my friends!

    Comment by Michael — June 6, 2012 @ 1:44 pm

  72. I love your blog! SO FUNNY! I was laughing to myself all the way through!

    Comment by Karen — June 6, 2012 @ 3:28 pm

  73. As usual, the wait for your blog was torturous but worth it…you’re bang on with everything!

    I think the reason she let Charlie and Michael go is because they seem to be kind, genuine guys, and she wouldn’t want to give them false hope, whereas if she keeps Ryan and Kalon another week, she doesn’t really care about hurting their feelings since they are both arrogant losers! Just a theory…

    Oh and to the person who left the rude comment – do you really have nothing better to do with your time? So sad.

    Comment by Meghan — June 6, 2012 @ 4:14 pm

  74. God damn you are hilarious GIRL! I love this so hard!!!!

    Comment by Elodie — June 6, 2012 @ 6:24 pm

  75. HAHA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!

    Comment by rufserious — June 6, 2012 @ 7:18 pm

  76. hillare as always Ashley!
    (check this out, Arie is amazing as always…and Michael has some character!!)

    Comment by Susan — June 6, 2012 @ 9:58 pm

  77. Well, you used to be funny, Ashley-douche. Now you analyze the size of douche-nozzles. And there are too many silly photos. It takes time to think of good captions.

    Also, Emily IS a trophy wife. She has said from day one that’s all she wants to be – a mom in a minivan. I did feel sorry for her when she tries to frown…botox is so unforgiving that way.

    Comment by Allissa — June 7, 2012 @ 1:11 am

  78. First off… I love your blog. LOVE
    Second of all… Some guys might not be kissing her yet because they respect her and don’t want to kiss her ‘too soon’. My husband was a player before dating me and he was so used to just kissing girls right away and moving on that when he started dating me and he really liked me he didn’t even kiss me until date #6! I seriously thought he was just wanting to be friends. I could see Jef being the type to not want to kiss too quickly for that or because he is just shy.
    Last but not least…. I think Sean seems amazing but sadly I think he is gonna end up being the guy that everyone thinks is amazing and gorgeous but Emily just won’t be that into him, something will be missing in their relationship… But I think there will be a lot of girls ready in line when she lets him go.

    Comment by Valerie — June 7, 2012 @ 7:37 am

  79. Love how all of their blogs they predict they same people that Reality Steve so happens to spoil for their final three…

    Comment by Erica — June 7, 2012 @ 4:10 pm

  80. Sean is my favourite. I like how he’s cute, sweet and just plain innocent. That relationship will grow for sure.

    Comment by Jenny — June 7, 2012 @ 4:48 pm

  81. I didn’t know about any of these blogs over here until today and I just went through and read them all for episode 4. I had to post a comment because your photos and captions are AWESOME and have me laughing my butt off right now! Thank you! I’ll be back for more!

    That last one is too funny. Poor Charlie. He seems like a very sweet guy. I hope he gets to be the next Bachelor!

    Comment by Kmarie — June 7, 2012 @ 7:29 pm

  82. I just figured out why Emily is so so into Arie at this point, because it’s been 4 episodes in and Arie is the only one to really kiss her. Poor Emily sitting there at dinner with Dough making doe-eye and getting no kisses. And Jef…Epic fail gentlemen, you just cleared the road for Arie’s victory.

    Comment by eureka — June 8, 2012 @ 1:08 am

  83. Thought it was very interesting that producer choose to play Arie take when the Fireworks went off. Arie himself noticed it occurred when Jef received the rose. So far Arie has been the only one setting off fireworks with his kisses. Looking forward to watching Emily’s reaction after she and Jef roll the floor in London.

    Comment by Angie — June 8, 2012 @ 5:57 am

  84. ha ha ha Ashley i love you looking for read your everweek.

    Comment by june — June 8, 2012 @ 8:12 am

  85. As I remember, Emily threw a huge fit about Brad kissing all the women when he was on a date with any of them. If I were one of the guys on this show, I would be scared to death to kiss her until I was the final one or two. I think she is being rather hypocritical by expecting them all to be kissing on her this early.

    Comment by Keri1022 — June 8, 2012 @ 10:27 am

  86. Ashley. Your blogs are probably the BEST on this site! Why weren’t you this funny on Brad’s season? If you were, you probably would have been the next bachelorette! Seriously, you could be an SNL writer. You are VERY VERY HILARIOUS!

    Comment by Pixie Poet — June 8, 2012 @ 9:23 pm

  87. your blogs honestly MAKE MY DAY ! :)

    Comment by abera — June 9, 2012 @ 10:16 am

  88. great blog and the smallest violin is priceless

    Comment by Armina — June 9, 2012 @ 5:30 pm

  89. …i second the VOTE….for AshSpikey to be an “SNL WRITER” and possibly a NEW CAReeR Path of pERforming your oWN Words/ Skits!!!!???…(Kristen Wig just left, as did ANdy Samberg and and a few other MAJOR writers!…)…..YOU should look into this, Ash!…..LornMichaels.Boom!!!!!!!!……(comedy writing is IN YOUR BLOOD!!)………you got it going on , and the PUBLIC loves you MissyMiss!!!……….Beyond friggin funny ….this Blog!!!!…….xo…….PS>>>>TEAM SEAN!!!! xo

    Comment by Pamela B... — June 11, 2012 @ 5:37 am

  90. Arie maybe the front runner, but I think he only wants her connections to Hendrick Motorsports.

    Comment by Melissa — June 11, 2012 @ 11:22 am

  91. I think the best husband and father to her daughter would be Sean. He seems like the “real deal” to me and a really good guy!! However, I was disappointed in her using the “F” word. I thought she was “above that” and may not be the girl for him after all. He seems “above that” to me. I guess there really are not any girls out there with Christian values any more especially on shows like the “Bachelorette”! I guess I was just hoping she was. This is just what the producers want you to see to promote their show. I guess they made us think she was something she was not!! I think I’m done with this show.

    Comment by Ljh — June 12, 2012 @ 1:53 pm

  92. Love the blog. Im pretty sure that was Jef’s hoodie she was wearing.

    Comment by lea — June 13, 2012 @ 6:45 am

  93. hey lea,

    actually long hair Michael confirmed that it was his hoodie, arie borrowed it, and emily wore it.

    the hoodie mystery has been solved.


    Comment by Ashley Spivey — June 13, 2012 @ 9:42 am

  94. omg ashley this is my first time reading your blog, but you are SO FUNNY. i couldn’t stop laughing while reading your recap of the episode. i wish i saw this side of you on the bachelorette :P

    Comment by shannon — June 15, 2012 @ 9:52 pm

  95. QUINOA!!! Yes! Thank you for bringing that up! I thought the same thing. Dude, why pretend to be the expert on quinoa if you don’t even know how to say it?? And yes, it is delicious!

    Love your blog as always!

    Comment by Megan — June 20, 2012 @ 2:38 pm


    Comment by Michelle — June 22, 2012 @ 12:28 pm

  97. I just discovered your blog and you are too funny!! We have the exact same humour, so clearly you’re hilariouss :) and thanks for being nice and caring about what peeps say not like that douche steve who prolly makes out with his dog and makes ryanlevel douche comments! Team Jef

    Comment by Susannah kent — July 4, 2012 @ 5:56 pm

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