ASHLEY SPIVEY’S BACHELOR PAD BLOG: EPISODE 2

So sorry y’all that I missed out on blogging last week!  I usually write my recaps on the weekend and since I was in LA for the finale, I didn’t have a lot of time to write!  However, I wanted to share with y’all some pics that I took during the finale!  I have to say that I’ve never seen Emily so happy.  I was definitely Team Arie for most of the season but after I saw Emily and Jef together, I knew that they were perfect for each other!

 

Thank God for JP, haha, he puts up with a lot from us two when we are together!

 

 

Group photo – aren’t Emily and Jef adorable?

 

 

I tried taking a picture of Emily and Jef multiple times during the After Party and every single time – they both had their eyes closed!  They’re already so in-sync as a couple! ;)

As much as I adored Emily’s season of the Bachelorette, it’s nice to get back to the dramatics and hilarity that is Bachelor Pad 3 so let’s get started…

 

 

The episode starts out with Erica Rose basically saying that she is going to make life a living hell for Dave, who tried his best (and by best I mean worst) to vote her out.  I bet he basically knew that he was screwed.

 

 

The twins start fighting and I really wish ABC had subtitled their fight because I STILL have no idea what they were fighting about because my ears can’t register decibel levels that high.

 

 

Poor Nick!  He’s like the William of Bachelor Pad 2!  We basically see him in the background of every episode and maybe he gets to say 1 or 2 sentences – if he’s lucky!  I’m just sad that we aren’t getting to see him without his shirt on more.

 

 

A couple of really tiny girls show up and perform a crazy, flexible rhythmic gymnastics routine.  I would be so terrified if I was on the show because I’m like Erica Rose when it comes to athleticism and rhythm.

 

 

Just kidding!  I can’t tell the twins apart so I have no idea if this is the one that’s definitely not a virgin.

 

 

Reid proves that he WILL NOT be a future contestant of Dancing With the Stars.

 

 

Go ahead and put Rachel on that list too!

 

 

Ahhh Erica Rose, I have no words.  I just love that Jaclyn is in the background, laughing hysterically too.

 

 

Poor Ryan.  That’s really all I have to say about this dude.

 

 

Was this really the best the costume department could do with the leotards?  I really feel like they missed an opportunity to provide for some epic wardrobe malfunctions.  On another note, I just really didn’t like how everyone had on red lipstick.

 

 

As bad as the girl’s leotards were, I could not stop laughing at the boy’s costumes.  Let’s just say that I couldn’t even stare them in the face and I know have multiple package screenshots on my computer that I will be using as blackmail in the future.

 

Then my favs, Ashley and JP, show up to judge the competition, along with a girl who actually knows a lot about rhythmic gymnastics.

 

The girl’s performance was horrible but seriously, no judgment, I would be horrible at this too.   However, JP was totally judging them at this moment.

 

 

Me too girl, me too.

Then the boys performed and they were actually amazing!

 

 

Was anyone else cracking up at Ashley’s faces during the performances?  Apparently, she told me that she was a lot harsher so I really wish we had gotten to see more of that!

 

 

In a moment that was shocking to no one, Erica Rose was voted as the worst performer for the girls.  As much as I love Erica and she does provide endless entertainment, I feel like she should have busted her @$$ to win on this challenge after her performance last week.  You can only get by for so long by guilting people into keeping you.

 

 

I really thought that the worst for the guys was going to go to Reid!

 

 

Chris  (Crazy Baby Eagle Face – Never forget!) kept mentioning how he didn’t want to be partners with Blakeley anymore and how he wouldn’t take her on a date if he won…

 

 

So of course she wins and she couldn’t be more pumped about it!  Bless her heart.

 

 

Of course Michael won!  He’s a dancer for Pete’s sake!

 

 

Donna continued to make it pretty obvious that she has a huge crush on Michael!

 

 

Then Michael, who is really trying to fall in love this time y’all, picks 3 ladies to go on the date with him.

 

 

I mean, who wouldn’t pick those boobies?  He brings along Rachel and Lindzi as well in case Donna tries to tie him up and hold him hostage.

 

 

Did anyone else feel super awkward during this concert date?  You could totally tell that no one in the super small crowd had ever heard of this band before but they were totally trying to act like superfans.  The lady in the back was seriously cracking me up with her dramatic fun-having!

 

 

I was legitimately surprised to see Rachel kiss Michael.  I’ve been around these two before the show and I never even saw a hint of a spark!  However, they are both two of the most laid back and adorable people ever so it makes sense!

 

 

But you know who it didn’t make sense to?  DONNA!  She looked so pissed!

 

 

Back at the house, the 32 year-old virgin is preparing a birthday spread for his partner, Jamie, and further proving why he is a 32 year-old virgin.

 

 

I think that Ryan totally gets that Jamie doesn’t want to be his partner because why in the heck would he talk to Chris about switching partners???  Bless his heart!

 

 

Back at the date, Donna has a little surprise for Michael!

 

 

I think this is supposed to be Michael but I really can’t tell.  I just really hope this face doesn’t visit me tonight in my dreams!  Scary!

 

 

Then Michael decides to fulfill Donna’s fantasy and I get the creepies from seeing too much of their tongues!

 

 

Jamie is a smart girl – I know this, I’ve met her many times!  Why in the heck is she putting up with Chris’ crap?  She thinks that he is going to switch partners but he has basically told or showed her otherwise!

 

 

After Chris begs Jamie to kiss him, he takes Blakeley to Jamie and Blakeley’s room, and keeps his partner satisfied so she’ll take him on the date tomorrow and keep him safe from elimination.

 

 

How did Jamie stay so calm in this moment?  I would have freaked out on Crazy Baby Eagle face and exacted some form of revenge on him!

 

 

The next day, Blakely decides to bring Chris (duh), Ed (?), and Dave on her date.  I really think it was cute that she brought Dave because he was nice and I love him for tearing up!

 

 

You know who wasn’t happy about Blakeley choosing Dave?

 

 

What happened to “Emily really made me sad” Chris?  I miss that humble dude.

 

 

I swear to God, that when I saw this close up shot of Chris, it was like Bachelor Pad gave me the bobblehead close-up that I’ve been dreaming of!  I was LOLing all over the place!

 

 

As much as I didn’t like Dave’s strategy in the first episode, I really do think he is being a strong competitor in the game and he is pretty smart about how he handled the Blakeley situation.  He completely knew that he would have to appeal to the emotional side of her in order to get a rose.

 

 

It’s too bad that Blakeley is totally d*ckmatized by Chris and still ended up giving him the rose even though he didn’t seem genuine at all when she was questioning him about his loyalty to her.

 

 

Everyone heads back to the house and the $h!tshow starts!  Everyone starts making out with everyone!  Turns out that even girls can’t resist Donna’s charms…

 

 

ToolMcDoucheNugget has somehow managed to score one of the prettiest girls in the house – Lindzi.

 

 

It really seems like Ed and Jaclyn are going to hook up…

 

 

But then Ed gives Sarah a titty twister in the pool and proceeds to take her to the Boom Boom room.

 

 

Dirty talk has never been so hilarious!  Seriously – what kind of noises were those?

 

 

I want to feel sorry for Blakeley because Chris has quickly taken on the role of TMDN but she is continuing to put up with him after catching him with Jamie.  Where is y’all’s self-respect ladies?  Toss that dude to the curb lady – should have traded him in for the 32 year-old virgin and then you would have gotten the loyalty you crave!

 

 

True story:  I started to watch this episode of Bachelor Pad on Sunday when I had a major hangover.  By the time I got to the twins argument, I had to turn it off because their screeching and squawking made my head hurt worse.  At first I thought that maybe I couldn’t understand them because nothing on my body was functioning but I tried to watch their argument multiple times and I still can’t decipher most of what was said or why the heck they were arguing.

 

Some little birdies told me that the twin that was upset (leaving) had hooked up with Tony and maybe this caused the argument?

 

I’m serious, MTV tried to make them happen and now ABC took a chance on them.  America hasn’t voted but judging from Twitter last night, I’m pretty sure that we’ve had all the Taltos twins that we can handle.

 

 

You know that when Michael is saying bad stuff about you that you must be the worst.

 

We were all so mystified by the twin’s secret language that hardly anyone was talking about the obvious hookup between Lindzi and Kalon.  He actually was rubbing her hair and it looked a little cute.  What in the heck is going on???

 

Thing 1 heads outside to tell Dave (her hookup) that she’s leaving.  I don’t think he can understand her either.

 

 

I really wish Jaclyn had personally escorted them outside.  How awesome would that have been?

 

Do you think Dave cared more that his makeout partner left or that he instantly knew that he’d be going home very, very soon?

 

 

Unfortunately for Dave also, with the twins departure, Erica Rose could not be voted off – so she’d live another day that would be filled with ways to make Dave’s life hell.

 

I’m not sure what Reid’s strategy is for BachPad but it’s safe to say that nothing is really working out for him.  His girl went home the first night, he’s not a strong competitor so far, and his voting efforts never work out.  I really thought Reid’s BachPad journey would be a lot different.

 

I think it’s amazing that Sarah hooked up with Ed the night before she voted him off! Girl is not messing around y’all!  Maybe it wasn’t the best strategy but she isn’t d*ckmatized like everyone else!

 

 

I think Ed was genuinely confused by everything that happened at the cocktail party.  I bet we are going to see some major fireworks between Ed and Reid once Ed discovers that Reid was leading the contention against him!

 

Fancy Jamie has turned into 80s Jamie for the cocktail party and she is confused y’all!  Should she vote out Ed and vote with “the outsiders” or vote against her own partner?

 

Jamie still thinks that Chris will eventually become her partner so she decides to vote off her own partner, Ryan.  Did I mention that he’s a virgin?  A 32 year-old virgin!  I personally could care less, but he keeps on telling us so much that I think we should make a big deal about it y’all.  But on a serious note, bless his heart.  He seems like a nice guy – however, nice guys don’t do that well on the pad.  Unless you’re spreading your saliva around like Michael. ;)

 

What did y’all think of the episode?  Are y’all glad that the twins went home?  Could y’all understand a word they said?  Who do you blame more in the Chris/Blakeley/Jamie love triangle?  What is the weirdest hookup to y’all?

 

See you all next week and check out my other blog, http://www.saynotocosmo.com, for more Bachelor and Bachelorette news, relationships advice, and some other random musings from me!