ASHLEY SPIVEY’S BACHELORETTE BLOG: EPISODE 2

After this episode, I have to confess that I have even more respect for Emily! I know that she made a very tough decision during this episode (I can’t even remember the last time someone sent home someone home this early on a 1-on-1). I also really like that more people got to see a sassy side of Emily in this episode!

However I have 2 complaints: There wasn’t enough Arie or the egg!!!

But I digress – let’s get to the 2nd magical episode of Emily’s journey!

Emily seemed super pumped to be going on her first 1-on-1 date of the season!

I loved the diversity in her “Girl Talk” group! I wonder if they feel like they can’t relate to Emily at all?

Can Nate talk? I’m serious. I’ve yet to hear him say anything! He’s like William on Bachelor Pad 2!

The first 1-on-1 date goes to Ryan, whose hair continues to mystify me. Is it a cowlick? Does he tease the back of his hair? Is it a Mohawk?

Emily is comparing Ryan to Brad. This isn’t good.

Emily decides to have Ryan spend a typical day with her by unloading groceries and making cookies for Ricki’s soccer team. He doesn’t seem too thrilled at first.

But he does try to be a good sport about it! He even dons Emily’s apron, which kinda freaks me out a little. Too far Ryan, too far.

Remember how on the first episode during Ryan’s intro – he said “GOOOOD” a lot? Now, I can only imagine him saying this over and over.

It worries me a little that Emily repeats this phrase multiple times during Ryan’s date. I think the chemistry may be lacking.

Gosh, I’m immature.

Ryan didn’t even laugh when Emily joked that they would be going to Chuck E. Cheese for the next part of the date. He also seemed really into that juice box and y’all know how I feel about guys drinking out of straws. Just don’t do it! Did y’all learn nothing from Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love?

Try to hold your hands like this while you stand up. Do you feel as awkward as I do?

Emily takes Ryan to one of her favorite restaurants in Charlotte. Ryan proceeds to make a dumb comment.

Emily isn’t here to play games, dude! She has a daughter! Leave the competition on the football field!

Travis – what happened to carrying the egg around at all times and protecting it? Do you even know where it is? With all the buff dudes in the house – they are for sure using it to make an ostrich egg omelet for all the extra protein they need after their workouts!

It’s group date time and Kalon is excited to take the stage since he excelled at playing Pinocchio in a school play. (snicker)

Ryan backtracks a bit and makes Emily feel better but now she’s determined to make him work for it. I just love her.

Here we go with the conversation fillers.

Hehe.

The guys all show up to a theater in Charlotte where they will be performing with some special guests. I think at least half the guys thought it would be the Backstreet Boys and they dressed the part.

Alas, it was the Muppets. Alessandro could hardly contain his excitement!

Oh Tony. I really want to love you.

Charlie, who since the accident has had trouble speaking, is terrified of being on stage to perform comedy. He totally looks like he’s gonna vom.

I think Emily understands Charlie perfectly because she is usually pretty nervous to do the same types of things. Charlie gets out of comedy duty and has to sing instead. I would die if I had to do either!

Jef has to propose to Miss Piggy and I think he better practice that proposal some more!

Anyone else think Stevie looks like he’s plotting something when he smiles?

Emily is totally into Chris. I can tell by the way she flirts and looks at him!

Ditto with Jef! She keeps trying to get him to give her some reassuring comments but dude is playing it way cool.

Dawson (Joe) gets the next 1-on-1 date and he doesn’t seem as thrilled as he did when he first got out of the limo.

Once again – Emily has the worst poker face and you can tell she isn’t really into Stevie.

Kalon feels that the guys have different priorities than him. Probably because TMDN could never love Emily as much as he loves himself.

There is no way in hell that Emily is into him.

Not really, but I got really bored at this point of the episode and I had to start entertaining myself.

For the record, I think they both are pretty horrible. Stevie seems to like drama and Kalon likes providing the drama.

Jef ends up getting the group date rose because Emily says she can identify with his feelings at this point. I think she totally has a crush on him.

Jef seems to be oblivious to Emily’s budding feelings.

No really. He better start showing some interest soon!

Dawson gets the next 1-on-1 date and Emily flies him to one of her favorite childhood places – the Greenbrier in West Virginia. Dawson is a little underdressed.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, TMDN is pissing all the house-dads off by using insensitive language and phrases. I guess maybe his parents put their lives on hold one too many times and never showed him how to be a human being.

I feel like Doug made some good points against TMDN but all I could focus on was him saying, “Check it.” Check what exactly? His ego? His baggage? The box that said “are you a douchebag” by his name?

The conversation and chemistry were definitely lacking on Dawson and Emily’s date. I can’t believe this is the same guy that got out of the limo with so much confidence and enthusiasm. I really think Emily just intimidates the heck out of him.

At dinner, Emily asks him some pretty tough questions but I felt like they were questions that Dawson should have realized how to answer – JUST IMAGINE YOUR LIFE 5 YEARS LATER WITH EMILY AND RICKI IN IT IDIOT! He kept on trying to reverse the questions on her – basically, he’s dumb.

After a while, you can see all the enthusiasm for the date, drain out of Emily’s face. The horrible poker face strikes again!

However, I totally respect her for knowing what she wants and knowing that Dawson isn’t it. She gave him enough chances during the day and night to show Emily that he wanted a life with her before they put their notes in the love clock. It was too little, too late for Joe.

I was a little surprised that he was so cold about the send off. I know it sucks to get dumped on national television but it helps to show some compassion dude. Emily was in tears because she felt badly and he couldn’t even give her a hug before he left? RUDE.

You know what else was RUDE? Shooting off those fireworks as Emily stood on the balcony – alone.

It’s cocktail party time and I can’t emphasize enough that this episode was severely lacking in the Arie department. Also, I’m pretty sure their handholding was the most action I’ve seen on the show yet!

I just can’t Alessandro! Why are you giving me so much material to work with? We need to give you a makeover. Also, do you have tanning bed glasses tan lines or just regular sunglasses tan lines? Regardless – it bothers me!

Tony decides that he hasn’t gotten any time with Emily, so he is going to steal her away from Ryan – who already has a rose BTW! Unfortunately for Tony, Ryan gives Emily a 7-page letter to read aloud as soon as Tony walks up. It is major awkward sauce.

So he waits awkwardly while Emily reads the short novel that Ryan prepared for her. On another creepy note – How the heck can you have 7 pages worth of stuff to say after 1 date? Leave some mystery about yourself Ryan so Emily wants to go on more dates with you so she can get to know you dude!

I admire Tony’s persistence, but at this point he just looks dumb. I would have gone back to the cocktail party and told Emily to please come find me when she finished the novel.

Did y’all even notice how small the writing was on Ryan’s letter? Geez dude – that was a little much for the short time you get with Em. Give her the letter and tell her to read it later!

Everyone in the house is getting tired of TMDN. Even Wolf wants to destroy all of Kalon’s data.

Even poor Charlie, who I’m pretty sure has the biggest heart ever, agrees that Kalon is a major ToolMcDoucheNugget.

Chris Harrison comes in to break up the party for the Rose Ceremony and I am a little perplexed by his shirt and tie combo. I like it better when he wears bold and bright colors.

At the end of the day, it was Kyle and Aaron (twinsies) that were sent packing. Both didn’t really contribute much so I won’t miss them but I am really surprised that she kept Stevie! Also, I totally need to learn how to draw better glasses.

So what did y’all think of this week’s episode? Thoughts on Ryan? Is Charlie in way over his head and his heart? Did Joe deserve to go home? Are y’all on Team Kalon or Team Stevie?

Remember to head on over to my blog http://www.saynotocosmo.com for more commentary on the Bachelor/Bachelorette world as well as my musings on relationships and why Cosmo is bad for you!

Also, every week I’m doing a vlog for realitynation.com called Spivey Says! I’ll give my thoughts immediately after every episode of the Bachelorette and answer any questions that y’all have about the show! Head on over and check it out!

77 Comments »

  1. Some of the words you use and your language are not very classy at all. I get that you are trying to be cute and funny but saying douche is neither one. You say you are a southern girl but a classy southern girl would not talk like that.

    Comment by LMD — May 22, 2012 @ 10:47 am

  2. Isn’t it ironic that both eliminated were both from the same city too?! (Long Beach)….that leads me to think, how awesome would it be if the Bachelor producers put real twins on a season!

    Comment by Alyssa — May 22, 2012 @ 10:49 am

  3. Love your blog Ashley!
    I will say, some of the tools that are still kicking around, Aaron should have been there at least one more week! He did get put on the spot and made a little poem up on the spot for her! Plus, his glasses really are adorbs on him.
    I think Charlie needs more one on one time with Emily and I hope he’s got a one on one soon! I agree… not having enough Arie in an episode sorta makes me daze out and not pay attention …. especially to Dawson’s date.
    Keep writing, and so glad ABC got it figured out this week with your screen shots! They’re the same size as they were on saynotocosmo – which helps with the hilarity!

    Comment by Jenn — May 22, 2012 @ 10:50 am

  4. Thanks for making me the ‘office freak’ by causing me to laugh out loud in my office all alone. Now I’m that girl. :)

    Comment by Lynn — May 22, 2012 @ 10:50 am

  5. I have never in my life said “douche” to be cute. I say douche because I tell the truth. Also, I have never claimed to be classy.

    :)

    Omg we need twins now! That would be amazing!

    Thanks Jenn – glad I got the photo issue resolved.

    Lynn – laugh away! life is too short to care about being the office freak! I prefer being the not classy freak ;)

    Comment by Ashley — May 22, 2012 @ 10:57 am

  6. Get your panties out of a bunch LDM. It’s called a sense of humor. Do classy southern ladies not know how to laugh a little?

    Comment by john smith — May 22, 2012 @ 10:58 am

  7. I totally got the vibe that Ryan was disappointed in his everyday kind of date. I mentioned it so many times, but that could have also been the producers asking him. Who knows, but I got the disappointed vibe from him.

    I like how Emily keeps reassuring the guys she likes. Brad was good at that too.

    Comment by Jamie — May 22, 2012 @ 10:58 am

  8. LMD – don’t read it if you don’t like it, simple as that.

    Comment by Meghan — May 22, 2012 @ 10:59 am

  9. Hilarious. Thank you.

    Comment by Sunny — May 22, 2012 @ 11:01 am

  10. Seriously? When did douche become such a bad word? Ashley – keep on using it girl. All the classy ladies are!

    Comment by TS — May 22, 2012 @ 11:02 am

  11. I love it!! The twinzies!!! Hilarious that glasses dude was a douche but I think he might be better than Kalon talk about a douche helicopter guy has to be the biggest douche ever!!
    Keep up the blog love it Ash

    Comment by Kay — May 22, 2012 @ 11:37 am

  12. LOL you are hilarious, girl! “elimination twinsies”"!!

    Comment by Francesca — May 22, 2012 @ 11:43 am

  13. I sort of liked Ryan….until he wrote a book! That seemed a bit over the top(after just one date) & RUDE for making her take the time to read that nonsense when he was already wearing a flower!! I’m sure Stevie is a lovely person, but he sort of gives me the heebie jeebies…and Mr. Helicopter Man isn’t much better. Most of the guys are a blur to me and don’t really stand out…I don’t like when there are SO many dudes…the rose ceremony seemed to last FOREVER….(“will you accept this rose”…”will YOU accept this rose?”…) BORING! Jef and Arie are the exceptions to the blur…it’s obvious Emily has a thing for them….I don’t blame her, I would too. She seems to like that guy Chris too (I think that’s his name)…but, I’m not feeling it.

    Comment by Mila — May 22, 2012 @ 11:49 am

  14. I laughed out loud at “ToolMcDoucheNugget” and when you summarized Kalon’s probable utterances as “Blah blah blah something douchey”. I also think that because you incorporate photos into your blog, that you are noticing things that other bloggers aren’t…like Emily’s meaningless conversation fillers, the look she gives a guy when she likes him, the analysis of Jef’s lack of enthusiasm, etc. Keep it up…I like seeing the ‘nuances’ that I’ve missed (and who would have even thought that there were any nuances in this franchise?).

    Comment by Jennifer — May 22, 2012 @ 11:55 am

  15. You know Emily has pressure to keep certain individuals around for drama. There is no explanation other than that for keeping Kaylon and Stevie around over Aaron.

    I don’t want over the top drama, I want to see a love story, but boy, was this episode boring.

    Comment by Jw — May 22, 2012 @ 12:02 pm

  16. I seriously love all of your Bachelor/Bachelorette updates, they make me laugh every time!!! Can’t wait for next week!!!

    Check out my recap (http://scribble-n-dash.blogspot.com/2012/05/bachelorette-week-two-recap.html)

    <3 Melissa

    Comment by Melissa — May 22, 2012 @ 12:03 pm

  17. I lost it at Chiggity check yo’ self before you wreck yo’self hahah! Awesome. I’m the office freak too right now smiling like a fool at my computer screen. Thanks for the entertainment on the Tuesday back to work after the long weekend!

    Comment by Heather — May 22, 2012 @ 12:10 pm

  18. You are hilarious!!!!! I love your blogs. I look forward to them every week. They make me laugh so hard!!!! Twinsies. Haha. Best part. And i love your use of douche!! Hahah

    Comment by Pamela — May 22, 2012 @ 12:17 pm

  19. I love your live tweets and blog. Definitely makes boring episodes more entertaining! Nate may not talk, but he’s gorgeous. Right now my top 2 are Aerie and Jef! Can’t wait to read next week’s blog! :)

    Comment by Diandra — May 22, 2012 @ 12:33 pm

  20. Great blog, soooo funny. Hey, I’m from the south and call dirtbag guys, douches all the time. So church ladies need to lighten up in here. Ashley is hilarious and her snark is the best!!! And Kalon is a douchebag who wears tons of lip gloss. I think Emily and Jef are really cute together and he will get over being shy now that he knows she is interested in him. He probably thought he’d go home night 1 with alll the beefcakes in the house. ha!
    Give me so more Arie, slurp, drool.

    Comment by Melissa — May 22, 2012 @ 12:45 pm

  21. You blog is amazing!! Soo funny!! I know Emily is a friend of yours, and I think she is sweet, but she still seems a bit boring to me. Her communication skilles are not good, the conversations get pretty awkward when she is not feeling comfortable. I miss Ashley H and her interesting and genuine conversations with her guys. In my opinion Emily focuses too much on finding the guy who is most compatible. I know she has a daughter, but I think the questions she is asking are too aggressive- the schedule is too strict…

    Comment by Ashknu — May 22, 2012 @ 12:53 pm

  22. After watching Brad’s season I always thought Emily was a sweetheart and the total fit for Brad, but kinda bland. I’m glad that she decided to do this cause seeing her sassy side makes me like her a whole not more and that she isn’t just a gorgeous mom robot. Her convo with Ryan was really adorable.

    Plus did anyone else notice that Arie is a racecar driver and so was Ricky’s dad. IDK if Emily might be drawn to those types of guys but i can tell that she really likes Arie.

    Comment by Shary — May 22, 2012 @ 1:51 pm

  23. Ps. Ashley your stuff is hilarious. I love reading your blog every week and basically having someone who notices all the craziness that I notice on the bachelor(ette). Its come to the point where I say Emily O’Brien side-eye in real life and no one understands me.
    Keep doing what your doing!!

    Comment by Shary — May 22, 2012 @ 1:54 pm

  24. LMAO!!!!!!!!!! Ashley, this is some good shit. You never disappoint! That letter from Ryan was a total “Ross and Rachel” moment. 15 pages….FRONT AND BACK!

    Comment by Natalie Getz — May 22, 2012 @ 2:08 pm

  25. You are hilarious! Thank you for saying everything we are all thinking. Best Bachelor/ette blog ever!

    The Ryan letter was definitely a “Friends” moment. Cracked me up!

    Comment by Erin — May 22, 2012 @ 2:38 pm

  26. Love your blog. So funny! I also liked seeing my Dawson/Joey/Pacey tweet as part of it. Looking forward to your future blogs!

    Comment by Kristen — May 22, 2012 @ 2:43 pm

  27. wow, how funny! Best blog I’ve read so far.

    Comment by Lauren — May 22, 2012 @ 3:20 pm

  28. LOL! I love your blog the mostest!!

    Comment by Ryvetted — May 22, 2012 @ 3:24 pm

  29. Love it, like always! Nice touch on the poor kid that wiped out on the soccer field. haha!

    Comment by Katee — May 22, 2012 @ 3:26 pm

  30. hilarious! this is the only thing that makes the show worth watching.

    Comment by georgia — May 22, 2012 @ 3:31 pm

  31. This is what Stevie’s smile reminds me of: http://giffactory.tumblr.com/post/19588517660/the-wedding-singer-gif lol

    Comment by April — May 22, 2012 @ 3:31 pm

  32. A.S. read your post. You are my fav. I friggin love your blog. Almost as much as I love cut-up steak. WHAOW. Love.

    Comment by Michael Stagliano — May 22, 2012 @ 4:35 pm

  33. the pictures plus the commentary are so hilarious….good thing Dawson didn’t do his “ugly cry”…

    Comment by yuniemae — May 22, 2012 @ 5:00 pm

  34. Hilarious!! Agree w everything especially that Stevie sucks I actually like Kalon alot more than him atleast he is well dressed, well mannered, very articulate, and rich as a mother f’er Stevie looks like a bum and sounds class less . Not saying I’m team Kalon but like him much better than Stevie. I’m shocked she likes jef, he looks 12.

    Comment by Jenn — May 22, 2012 @ 5:33 pm

  35. You are aware how sexist douchebag is, right, Ashley? Or not, apparently. It’s something only women use, to clean their private parts. It’s a disgusting word, and of course there’s no word like it for men. Perhaps next time you could start telling us who is “on the rag” for some variety in the sexism department.

    Comment by Allissa — May 22, 2012 @ 5:34 pm

  36. HAHA! Wow, as always, I love your blog because it always makes me laugh out loud. Totally felt for Tony while he was forced to wait for Em to read Ryan’s letter (rude! and way too long for just after first date!) – your screenshots of that were hilarious!

    I love my big teddy bear, Charlie! He’s my favorite, followed by Doug. I did really like Jef but his indifference this episode irritated me. He needs to show more interest if he’s really feeling it!

    Keep it up, chica. I’m already excited for next week’s installment. ;-)

    Comment by Amanda — May 22, 2012 @ 5:40 pm

  37. I wonder if the previous Bachelorettes are jealous of ALL the clothes little miss emily has apparantly received! I lost count last night of all the dresses she wore. None of them cheap according to possessionista! Your comments are way too good keep it up!

    Comment by samantha — May 22, 2012 @ 6:14 pm

  38. Wow, some people really need to chill out and stop leaving douchey comments! You are hilarious, keep up the good work!

    Comment by Amanda — May 22, 2012 @ 6:22 pm

  39. The boyband photo almost made me spit out my wine! Hilarious! You are right on and I look forward to your recaps every week, even if the first chick that commented has a stick up her bum.

    Comment by Breann — May 22, 2012 @ 6:42 pm

  40. LOVE this recap!! The pictures are AWESOME….I’ll definitely be a regular reader!

    Comment by Jenn — May 22, 2012 @ 7:24 pm

  41. Love the TMDN name… And glad you finally explained the acronym! My prediction is TMDN and Stevie the TV will both be around for a few more weeks… They’re as close to a villain as this season has!

    And I definitely had Dawson in the top 5 in my bracket.

    Comment by The only dude on here — May 22, 2012 @ 8:35 pm

  42. I feel like Kalon is getting a bad rap because the other guys don’t like him. I think he handled himself well when Aaron (who I’m so sad is gone) stole Emily away by not making it hard on her. I do, however, think he needs to learn to filter and that not everything in his head should be broadcasted out of his mouth. But he seems genuinely interested in getting to know Emily. And it doesn’t take him a huge fallout from the entirety of the viewership to apologize for saying something nasty (*cough* Courtney). He apologized to Doug right on the spot for offending him. Time will tell though.

    Comment by Jenn — May 22, 2012 @ 8:52 pm

  43. Nice, I like how you notice all the body language Emily is giving out. I didn’t feel a ton of chemistry on her date with Ryan either and don’t think he’s the right fit for her. Arie seems to have the same confidence, but a lot less cockiness. I love Emily’s choice of dates! And I thought it was way rude too when Joe walked away so quick without a hug, and then those fireworks went off! Seriously?! Poor girl :(
    Anyone else notice a side of Charlie they didn’t like? I found it really unattractive that he got all the guys to come laugh at Stevie dancing with Emily. He went down a ton on the attractiveness scale with that one.
    Arie for Emily!

    Comment by Beth — May 23, 2012 @ 12:32 am

  44. Funniest blog to date. Love you, Ashley!

    Comment by Vickie — May 23, 2012 @ 5:26 am

  45. 1. You’re ignorant.
    2. You’re unattractive.
    Trust, I’m being kind.

    Comment by T. Smith — May 23, 2012 @ 8:11 am

  46. “Douche” is the perfect description for this lame ass bunch. If you offered makeovers, you should have 25 takers and everyone would need a testosterone booster. So far, Emily would be totally justified in ‘checking’ “None of the Above” at the Final Rose.

    Comment by Jim Shaddock — May 23, 2012 @ 8:25 am

  47. Ashley,
    I thought the rule was that, in 1-on-1 time, the person talking with the Bachelor/Bacelorette needs to concede if another person cuts in. Why was this not the case with Tony and Ryan? Can you lend insight on this?
    Also, BTW — Great blog – always!

    Comment by MJA — May 23, 2012 @ 8:38 am

  48. LMD and Allissa:

    You’re BOTH douches.

    =)

    Love your blog, Ashley!

    Comment by LaurieL — May 23, 2012 @ 9:19 am

  49. LOVE LOVE LOVE Jef and Charlie!
    I think Sean is going to be a dark house.

    And I’m scared to hear what dirt Reality Steve has on Arie. Sucks to be him.

    Love your blogs Ashley – they are the best. : )

    Comment by Jennifer — May 23, 2012 @ 11:25 am

  50. @ T. Smith- And your comment has to do with blog because why? If you don’t like Ashley, don’t read her blog. Easy. Trust me, YOU are unattractive and ignorant. Ashley has been on the show and this is her second friend to be the Bachelorette. I would trust her over you in two seconds. No, you aren’t being kind so be quiet,
    Also, I don’t get why some of you are so uptight about the word “douche” it’s Ashley’s blog and she can write what she wants. Obviously she is using it as an insult and it is directed at GUYS not girls. Lighten up. Don’t like it? Don’t read the blog.
    I love your blog, Ashley! I look forward to it every week and sometimes it is even more entertaining than the actual show! xoxox :)

    Comment by Beth H. — May 23, 2012 @ 12:42 pm

  51. Ashley you are HILARIOUS!!!!

    You made me LOL twice at “I am working on my Memoirs” – Kalon pic and “Elimination Twinsies”

    Thank you!!!!! You are too cute and too clever!!!

    Comment by Vavi — May 23, 2012 @ 2:10 pm

  52. Ashley,

    I am a French fan of The Bachelor (can’t remember when it first started… 7 years ago?). All those years I read the recaps but I have to say that yours… YOURS! I am laughing so hard every time I read you that people around me start wondering what is happening hahaha

    Anyway, I really had a “coup de coeur” for you and Michelle Money, you girls look so sweet and so funny!

    Hope to meet both of you one day if I get the opportunity to be near your hometowns!

    Bisous de Paris

    Comment by Yasmin — May 23, 2012 @ 2:27 pm

  53. I think LMD stands for LadyMcDouche.

    LOVE your blogs! Always look forward to them!

    Comment by Pippy — May 23, 2012 @ 3:04 pm

  54. Miss Ashley!…..YOU are Friggin’ High-STERRRR-ihhh-Calll!!!!!……as in: …….”DoucheyMcnuggetDawsonChicketycheck.COM” FUNNY!!!!………..(and A CLASSy HOt Chica!)…..TAKE THAT, Haters!……KEEP up THE GREAT WORK!……i can tell you put ALOT of time and thought into these BLOGS!!!!!!!!! ….WELL DONE, my friend!….xoxoxoxo

    Comment by Pamela B... — May 23, 2012 @ 3:16 pm

  55. Holy shitballs, I freaking LOVE this stuff! I had tears from laughing, but thankfully I have a home office so the only one wodering what the hell kind of crack I was on was my Chihuahua (and he only speaks spanish, so he has no clue what a douche is anyway). Consider me a TOTAL fanbucket! I cannot wait until next week (as the previews showed the Ostrich egg trying to fly out of Em’s hands……duh duh duuuuuuuuuuuh)!!!!

    Comment by Caren — May 23, 2012 @ 3:29 pm

  56. hahahaha this is all PERFECT.
    I totally thought the same thing.

    Comment by Sierra — May 23, 2012 @ 6:33 pm

  57. Ashley-
    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog!! Can’t wait to read next week’s. :)

    Comment by Karen — May 23, 2012 @ 7:51 pm

  58. I was laughing out loud reading this.
    I read your blog last bachelor and thought it was pretty funny, but this was by far your best one yet!
    Will you be my friend, cutie?
    I like funny people.

    Comment by Sara — May 24, 2012 @ 12:17 am

  59. Haha you’re so funny! You should be a comedian :)
    I don’t see chemistry between emily and ryan…and I really don’t think arie is that hot :P I’m all about charlie and sean!

    Comment by antonia — May 24, 2012 @ 1:39 pm

  60. Ha ha! I love that that nut job felt the need to explain what a douche is! Cause of course we/you don’t know, right? Nut job commenter: I think that fact that something nasty cleaning out our funky lady bits is used to describe some of these guys is exactly the point trying to be made. Couldn’t be more accurate.

    Comment by Beth — May 24, 2012 @ 11:32 pm

  61. She is so into with Arie. He is some eyecandy for sure. I see them in the end because thir conversations are less like a job interview that som of the other seem to be like. They have that something natural between them. Plus the kiss preview for the next episode. WOW. I hope she kisses someone else too like that, or else the show will be too obvious.

    Ryan was my favorite in the beginning right now. But I totally feel her on the `too perfect`, I would rather say rehersed. This is a chase for him first and foremost. Wow, give the girl a break, that letter was too early and too rehearsed, you could have given the same letter to another girl. It didn`t seem like it came from the heart. Especially when he asked her too read it out loud.

    Poor Kalon, that is just too much botox and restylane for one face too handle.

    I feel like Dawson(what is his real name.. I forgot) was picked either by Emily (or producers talked her into it) for the sole reason of showing how serious Emily is when she`s not feeling it. I don`t think she was that attracted to him in the first place.

    And Jef seems like a gay guy that is a paid actor to be on the show. If he`s involved in any drama I`ll be sure. Haven`t read everyone elses comments, but with those I have read I`m surprised nobody else asks about it: Isn`t he too childlike and non-masculine. This might be a prejudice, but from what I see he must be gay! Esp with that sense of style. Plus he`s not that into Emily…

    On another note, Ricki has had Emily all to herself her whole life, and Emily seems to spoiled her a lot (which is understandable, since they only have had each other and probably have a very dependant relationship). I hope for her she can find that one to fit in their lives.

    I hope those who has read spoilers don`t share on the message boards, it`s boring when you know what will happen in the end.

    Comment by SJ — May 25, 2012 @ 12:25 pm

  62. laughing so hard!!!!!!!!!! it never fails that i laugh out loud at your posts. you don’t miss a thing and i love it! so hilarious. i make a point to read the blog post from you and michael stag. two of the best and favorites from seasons past. you both are honest, yet so loveable at the same time. great traits! keep it up!

    Comment by Dana — May 25, 2012 @ 2:35 pm

  63. Ok, I spoke too soon about Jef. I watched their little skate session and it was cute. But he has to be either very shy or not that interested in her. I`m really interested what will happen next between the two of them.

    Comment by SJ — May 26, 2012 @ 12:30 am

  64. love your recaps! if Jef is playing hard to get, it’s definitely working on me!

    also, I would just like to say that I always hold my hands like Emily did when I’m nervous! I think it’s really comfortable haha

    Comment by Hannah — May 28, 2012 @ 2:54 am

  65. Seriously love your blog!! Your humor gets me everytime!

    Comment by Leah — May 28, 2012 @ 5:20 pm

  66. Love your blog. You’re hilarious, spunky, and by far the most relate-able for the younger viewers (by which I mean under 30).

    Comment by Kimberly — May 28, 2012 @ 8:20 pm

  67. Hilarious as always! I can’t tell you how much I look forward to your photo analysis after each episode. BTW, do you think Kalon & Ben use the same lip gloss? They both have incredibly oozy lips. Not attractive!!

    Comment by Christy — May 29, 2012 @ 7:39 am

  68. That yellow circle around Ryan’s head looks like a halo.

    Comment by Rebecca — May 29, 2012 @ 9:48 am

  69. THIS BLOG IS HILARIOUS! Such a fun way to recap the episodes! The people who say your language is blah, blah, blah are ridiculous. Nobody is forcing you to read the blog! It’s called – get a sense of humor. Still laughing from your comments! Keep ‘em coming! :)

    Comment by kelli — May 29, 2012 @ 10:41 am

  70. I look forward to your recaps every episode. You pin point the most hilarious details- re: little kid soccer fail and twinsies. Keep it up!

    Comment by Emily — May 29, 2012 @ 10:55 am

  71. This blog was hilarious but it made a lot of sense. I like that you can notice things I never think twice about. Kalon isn’t a good guy, but pretty smooth.

    Comment by Briannaarie — May 29, 2012 @ 1:33 pm

  72. Your commentary is so hi-larious, I’ll be laughing to myself about this all day and showing all the ladies in the ‘bachelorette-office-pool’ on Monday morning. Can’t wait to read on in the following weeks!

    Comment by Jenna — June 2, 2012 @ 7:32 am

  73. One word: hysterical.

    Best bachelor/ette blog ever. Hope you are blogging for the Bachelor Pad. Can’t wait to read the other posts.

    Comment by B-more — June 16, 2012 @ 4:00 pm

  74. LOL @ “Chiggity-check yo’self before you wreck yo’self!” That’s the SAME thing I thought of when I thought about Doug’s “Check it” line.

    Comment by Laurie — June 20, 2012 @ 10:55 pm

  75. Your blog is pretty decent but I absolutely ADORE Kalon Joseph Reid McMahon. I know that he had juggled, two-timed and betrayed women when he was a little bit younger. But he’s still so freakin cute to me despite his teenage boy figure and skinny legs. I don’t know what you see in him that you think he create drama. It was just that gay guy Stevie that Charlie and his folks laugh at. Doug is drama by himself really. If I were his son, I’d want to spend sometimes away from him too. God!
    Kalon, as a producer told me, didn’t know much about Emily coming into this show. He was approached by some staff and he thought she was beautiful. He had watched a few of The Bachelor and think it will be interesting. Dates are cute, special and definitely romantic. He’s a cheeky smartass guy. He comes from a rich family. They sell oil, gas, pipelines and glasses so yeah… Cheeky male model from money is perfect for the role.
    Kalon To Chris Harrison: “The only people on edge are fat chicks.”
    At an event (Are you gonna say hi to Erica Rose?) “She’s left. That’s why I came in.”
    To Stevie’s ‘I don’t like you’: “I would hate me too if I were you..Unfortunately, I’m me though.” [Stevie kept on smiling and gazing creepily.]
    On Bach Pad:”Like everyone else, I need 250K. Chopper fuel is expensive.”
    On Bachelorette’s portrayal: “I gotta thank ABC for that ’cause they set the bar so low for me; that as long as I don’t step on babies, I’m kinda a hero.”
    On GF at home and cheating scandal: “That’s not accusation. That’s ridiculous!”
    LMAO, I love his one-liners.

    Comment by KJRMgroupie — April 8, 2013 @ 12:19 am

  76. Choked when Emily said Chris is so gorgeous that she gets nervous when he looks at her. I though it was just Emily’s thing but apparently, a lot of females do. Choked trice by then. Some ppl think he looks like Gerard Butler or Josh Holloway. If that’s the case, Kalon would look like Jude Law and teenage Tony Lucca while he also looks like Prince Charles. Chris looks like an eagle. Blake McGrath and Jason Wahler would look like Arie. The world then shall be turmoiled.

    Comment by Choker — April 13, 2013 @ 6:16 am

  77. Choked when Emily said Chris is so gorgeous that she gets nervous when he looks at her. I though it was just Emily’s thing but apparently, a lot of females do. Choked trice by then. Some ppl think he looks like Gerard Butler or Josh Holloway. If that’s the case, Kalon would look like Jude Law and teenage Tony Lucca while he also looks like Prince Charles. Chris looks like an eagle. Blake McGrath and Jason Wahler would look like Arie. The world then shall be turmoiled.

    Comment by Chokerman — April 13, 2013 @ 6:18 am

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