ASHLEY SPIVEY’S BACHELORETTE BLOG: EPISODE 3

I have to admit that I was super excited for this episode because the producers answered my prayers and gave Arie some more screen time and boy-oh-boy – they did not disappoint!

I really liked this episode because I think we finally got to see Emily showing some interest in the guys!  It’s really obvious that she is very physically attracted to Chris, Sean, and Arie – but I’m really hoping that one of them has enough edge to keep her attention and affection!

Let’s get to the recap!

The episode opens with Emily getting breakfast in bed from her Mom and I’m envious – both because I want my Mom to bring me breakfast every morning and because Emily looks amazing without makeup!

I wonder if Emily is frustrated after her date with Dawson last week?  No worries – her faith will be renewed after she gets dates with all the guys she is really attracted to!

Is it just me or has Alessandro’s hair gotten progressively worse with every episode?  Why is he even here?

Chris gets the first date and while I know Emily is really attracted to him, I don’t really see why she is so interested in him.  He’s a little too monotone for my taste but he does seem really nice!

Emily tells Chris that he’s going to have to work for his supper because they are going to scale the side of a building to get to their date.  I bet Emily is peeing her pants on the inside!  She is not a very adventurous person and she’ll be the first to admit it!

Yeah, Chris just really isn’t doing it for me.

Emily is terrified at one point because it’s starting to storm and the wind is picking up while they are climbing the building!  So she does what any person would do – she closes her eyes!  What the heck Em!  Hurry and get up that building!

When they reach the top, Chris wants to kiss Emily…

…but then he chickens out and high-fives her instead.

You can just see the disappointment on Emily’s face.  Man-up Chris!

Then at dinner, Chris tells Emily that he’s 25 and now him acting like a 3rd grader that only wants to hold hands makes more sense.  Guys mature way slower than ladies y’all.

Emily has never dated someone younger than her so you can probably bet that Chris will not be the final one standing.

Back at the house, the guys get a group date card and I’m left speechless by how tatted-up Charlie the Teddy Bear is.  He seems a little less cuddly now.

Is anyone else perplexed by Michael?  Why is he still there?  Does he ever talk?  How does he decide whether to wear his hair down or up?

Now Emily’s a little drunker and she’s seems to have forgotten that Chris is younger than her.

She takes him to a private-ish Luke Bryan concert and Chris keeps on sticking out his tongue while they are dancing.  I really don’t like when people do this.

Even Luke Bryan looks grossed out!

Chris says that this is one of the best moments of his life.  Obviously, he hasn’t lived very much in his 25 short years.

The boys arrive to the group date and Doug and Ryan both decided to wear the ever-present black v-neck t-shirt.  Personally, I think Ryan should have let Doug wear it.  Ryan has already worn it like 5 times.

Emily shows up and Ryan is already trying to dominate her time.  Dude is a little cocky don’t ya think?

Turns out, they guys are going to be interviewed by Emily’s friends today!  They ladies look a little underwhelmed at first!

This face really killed me.

Wendy (I think this is her name) is the funniest, sassiest mom ever and I lol so hard when she asks Travis if he fertilized the egg.  He looks terrified.

Then she yells out, “Here comes Jersey!” when Stevie walks up and I fall in love with her some more.

It’s nice to see Tony do something other than call his son or talk about how much he misses him but he should NEVER, EVER do this again.

Wendy really cracked me up while she was interviewing Sean.  We all know who she’s imagining as Christian while reading 50 Shades of Grey.

Then the guys’ kid skills are tested as they play with a bunch of random kids on the playground.  Poor Jef eats it while trying to impress Emily with his sliding skills.

Ryan decides that he hasn’t had enough time with Emily yet (he’s definitely had THE MOST time with her) so he interrupts her girl time to make a comment that no guy should ever admit: He says that he wouldn’t “love on her as much” if she got fat one day.  Look Ryan, no one wants his or her significant other to get fat.  However, when someone asks you this, you lie and say that you would love them just as much!  Duh!

Later on the group date, Doug tells Emily about losing his Dad at a young age and then having to go through foster care with his sister.  Both Emily and I shed some tears.  Bless his heart for having to go through such a tough situation and still being a pretty positive guy!

HE CAN TALK! IT’S A MIRACLE!

Kalon is visibly upset that the next 1-on-1 date went to Arie.  No one cares.

He’s a freaking racecar driver ToolMcDoucheNugget!  Of course he can drive a stick shift you idiot!  Ugh!

Tony is sad.  So sad that Emily can’t stand his sadness and sends him home.  I’m ok with it because he kinda had a baby voice thing going on and I’m not into that.  I think a reality show was just not the place for Tony – I’m sure he’ll find someone great now that really appreciates his devotion as a dad.

Sean gets the rose on the group date because of Wendy’s glowing reviews!  JK – I think he really impressed Emily on this date with his easygoing nature, strong faith, and how much he impressed her friends.

Yes Michael is still here, and apparently; Emily’s not the only one fighting for Jef’s affection.

Seriously, what is with all the dude-love on this show????

Now we finally all get to stare at Arie and poor Emily can’t even look at him – she’s terrified of roller-coasters and keeps her eyes closed the whole time!  Open your eyes Em and look at the amazing piece of mancandy that is Arie!!!!

Because the producers tortured her by putting her on a roller coaster, they decide to reward her by introducing her to her idol – Miss Dolly Parton!  I really thought it was adorable how surprised and excited she was!

She’s so happy!!!

If you have read my blog since Ashley’s season, you’ll know that I love to analyze kisses!  Arie wins major points in my book for giving Emily forehead kisses!  This is something so intimate that you usually only do once you feel very comfortable around a person!

I love that Arie was looking at Emily the entire time!  Both Ryan and Chris looked at both country performers a lot, but Arie only has eyes for Em!

At dinner, Arie opens up about his past love and how ready he was for kids!  Emily is obviously impressed but she plays a little joke on Arie by acting like he isn’t going to get the rose.  Luckily, Arie has a sense of humor and he actually laughs when Emily makes a joke.  (Yeah, I’m looking at you Ryan!)

The kiss that Arie and Emily share on the carousel is so hot it’ll make your teeth sweat.  I haven’t seen kisses this romantic since Ashley and JP!  I love how Arie caresses Emily’s head and hair with his hand!  Guys pay attention – girls love this!

Emily says that Arie reminds her of Ricki and this makes her very happy but scared at the same time!  I’m just happy to see Emily be into someone!

Back at the mansion, TMDN makes a snide comment towards Emily when he basically tells her to shut up and stop interrupting him.  You can see all the “like” go out of her for Kalon.  Dude, you just messed up!

Travis decides that the whole egg thing has gotten a little weird so he recruits Emily to help him murder Shelly, the egg.  I scream out in horror as they toss the most beautiful ostrich egg I have ever seen, onto the pavement where she breaks into a million pieces.  You know what else broke into a million pieces? My heart!  RIP Shelly!

Then Emily has the weirdest conversation that I have ever seen on this show.  Alessandro tells Emily that he doesn’t view Ricki as a honor but instead he sees her as a compromise.

This obviously does not go over well, but he is sticking to it!  It is not a language barrier – he means compromise gosh-darnit!

Dude, just stop talking.

Emily has had it with Alessandro’s lack of respect for Ricki and she kicks his Brazilian booty to the curb.

Why does he keep on saying that he’s a gypsy king?  What the heck is a gypsy king?  Why did he fall in love with his cousin?  Why does he wear his hair like that?  Does he go tanning in a tanning bed?  I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!

Luckily, Arie is here to wipe that horrible hair image out of all of our heads.  I love that Emily seeks him out for comfort and he instantly embraces her like he is protecting her.  The forehead kisses are really doing it for me!

Ryan spies Arie kissing Emily and he is pissed!  He now knows who his direct competition is and because Ryan is very competitive, I bet we will see him being even more aggressive after this episode.  Also, didn’t he already wear this suit on his date with Emily?

Seriously, if Emily and Sean made some babies they would be the cutest babies ever conceived.  I also love how Emily always grabs his arm when they are talking.  I think she is really into the idea of letting Sean lead her.

His kisses may not be as passionate as Arie’s but they are very sweet and gentle and I love it!  He is a little more cautious with Emily but I like the slower strategy for him and it seems to be working!

It’s rose ceremony time and the last rose will go to Stevie or Nate – I don’t think this is that hard of a decision!

In the end, Stevie goes home and no one is surprised.

Kalon aka ToolMcDoucheNuggest seems to be really happy by Stevie’s departure and I’m really hoping that it’s TMDN that Emily tells to “Get the f*ck out!”  I’m tired of seeing his smug mug on my tv already y’all and we’re only 3 episodes in!

So what did y’all think of the episode?  What did y’all think of Chris?  Did y’all love Wendy as much as me?  Did you shed a tear when Shelly died?  Is Arie hotter than Ryan Gosling?  Discuss!

Remember to head on over to my blog http://www.saynotocosmo.com for more commentary on the Bachelor/Bachelorette world as well as my musings on relationships and why Cosmo is bad for you!

Also, every week I’m doing a vlog for realitynation.com called Spivey Says! I give my thoughts immediately after every episode of the Bachelorette and answer any questions that y’all have about the show! Head on over to http://www.realitynation.com/tv-shows/the-bachelorette/season-8-episode-3-recap-with-ashley-spivey and check it out!

 

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