ASHLEY SPIVEY’S BACHELORETTE BLOG: EPISODE 4

Wow.  Is this even a competition anymore?  At this point, it seems to me that many of the guys are becoming more and more unlikable, we aren’t learning enough about them, and Arie is by far the front-runner!

Also, poor Emily isn’t getting ANY action!  Why aren’t these guys kissing her?  I find it hard to believe that they aren’t attracted to her!  Are they scared?  Does she intimidate them?  Are they trying to respect her more because she is a mom?  Get your kiss on fellas!!!

Let’s get on to the episode!

 

Do we know anything about Michael at this point?

 

 

I do know one thing about Doug – he is getting his money’s worth with that black v-neck!

 

 

Somehow, Alejandro is still here and he seems to be getting hair tips from Ryan.

 

 

Hehe, this just made me laugh!  Anyways, everyone left Charlotte and they are now searching for love in Bermuda!

 

 

Doug gets the next 1-on-1 date because he is wearing his lucky black v-neck!!!

 

 

Doug turns into The Hulk when he gets nervous!

 

 

This doesn’t stop the guys from making fun of him; Arie does a pretty good Doug impression!

 

 

While Emily and Doug are on their date, Nate realizes that he’s probably going to be on the 2-on-1 date because he isn’t going on the group date and he has only said 10 words.

 

 

Emily and Doug’s date was pretty boring so I’ll just skip to the good part.  Emily begins her tough line of questioning by asking Doug to tell her how he isn’t perfect.

 

 

I’m calling BS on this one.  Dude you are hotheaded as hell – why aren’t you telling her about your anger management issues?

 

 

Looks like Emily ain’t buying it either!

 

 

But then Doug asks Emily about her flaws and she really doesn’t have an answer either!  I practically wear pajamas to work everyday so I must be a deeply flawed individual.

 

 

In addition to having quite the temper, Doug also seems to talk in 3rd person a lot – I really don’t like when guys do this!  Regardless, Doug gets the rose and the end of their date is super awkward when he doesn’t go in for the kiss and Emily is left speechless.

 

 

It’s group date time and the guys are going to be participating in a boat race, with the winners getting more time with Emily and the losers getting a ride back to the hotel.  Ryan decided to make his hair more aerodynamic today to help their chances in winning.

 

 

Emily says she doesn’t like watching the guys compete but I can’t stop thinking about how she’s still wearing Arie’s sweatshirt!  Did none of the other guys offer her theirs?  Dudes, Arie totally has more game than all of y’all!

 

 

Team Mayhem, despite their initial lead and extreme trash talking, loses the race and has to return to the hotel.

 

Team Back In Black (awesome boat name) wins, and I’m sure Emily is just thankful she gets more time with Arie!

 

 

Why is Charlie so upset about losing?  It’s ok Teddy Bear! Dry those eyes!

 

 

During the group date, Ryan toasts to Emily being a trophy wife.  Look, this is not ok!  I don’t care if you are joking.  I don’t care if you call this flirting.  Ryan, you are quickly catching up to Kalon in the race for biggest douchenugget!

 

 

Emily is getting tired of Ryan’s comments and I can assure you that she isn’t going to keep him around much longer.  There is NO WAY she would ever see herself with someone like Ryan.

 

 

You know what has changed way more than Ryan’s personality in this episode?  That little mound of hair on the top of Ryan’s head – seriously, does he style it like this or is it a cowlick?  I can’t figure it out!

 

 

Arie and Emily didn’t waste anytime during their alone time – why talk when you can kiss?!?

 

 

Arie is still winning in the passionate kisses contest!  I still love how he caresses her face and I almost died when he was playing with her hair and brushing it out of her face!  More guys need to do this!  (Yes, it is that easy to make me happy.)

 

 

We finally get to see some interaction between Jef and Emily and while I think their exchange was cute (and filled with “likes”), at this point I think Emily is into Jef because he doesn’t seem that into her.  I also couldn’t stop staring at his hair blowing in the wind.

 

 

Ryan and Emily have some more alone time and Ryan just needs to stop talking.  Seriously, what is with the crap that is coming out of his mouth?  I bet he sits at home and comes up with these Ryan-isms and has convinced himself that he is the leader of a new church of athleticism and good looks.  “Catch” my @$$!

 

 

It’s pretty evident from Emily’s body language toward him that she isn’t into him at all.  At this point, Emily has had the same amount of time with Ryan that she has had with Arie and Sean – and she can’t keep her hands or mouth off of the last two.  Not GOOOOOD Ryan!

 

 

Jef gets another group date rose and he always acts like Taylor Swift when he gets it – Omg y’all I’m so surprised to get this!!!  Dude, she likes you – a lot!  When are you going to reciprocate the feelings?

 

 

I guess he does show that he cares in little ways – like when he puts his arm around her during the fireworks and when he patted her leg after she gave him the rose.  Jef is definitely moving slowly but at least he is moving and keeping her interested!

 

 

Time for the 2-on-1 date and Nate and Wolfie look super excited to be there.

 

 

Back at the house, Chris and Doug are getting into the most ridiculous argument ever because Chris has a huge 25 year-old chip on his shoulder.

 

 

He keeps on saying that he’s really mature for a 25 year-old which makes me laugh because all the 25 year-old guys I know aren’t mature at all.

 

 

Emily, Nate and Wolfie go cliff jumping which luckily doesn’t require much conversation because geez-louise this date is awkward.  No one in this group is particularly good at starting conversations and the result is one heaping pile of awkwardsauce.

 

 

Emily looks more excited about her glass of wine than anything else.

 

 

I seriously peed my pants at this moment.  A long time ago, I wrote an article about how girls should learned to pronounce this word (http://saynotocosmo.com/post/4782806870/how-to-not-meet-a-man) and the same goes for guys.  If you are going to say quinoa 5 times in a convo and act like you know all about it – learn to pronounce it dude!  Also, why didn’t they want to eat quinoa?  It’s delicious!

 

 

Teeheee I’m still cracking up.

 

 

Emily couldn’t look less interested in this date.  She isn’t even bothering to re-curl her hair in the cave’s humidity so you know she ain’t into them.

 

 

Nate finally gets a chance to talk with Emily and I’m afraid he might have had too much wine!  He rambles on and on, talking about everything and then breaks down in tears when he talks about his family.  Bless his heart.

 

 

Wolfie gets some time alone and he’s definitely more confident and talkative than Nate so you know that he’s definitely going to get the rose!

 

 

If only Nate would have eaten his quinoa, maybe he would have been able to handle his alcohol better.

 

 

We really didn’t get to see much of Travis this episode.  I really miss Shelly.

 

Jef isn’t being that confident with Emily but I know he has it in him because it takes a lot of balls to wear socks like this to a rose ceremony.  Bravo Jef, bravo.

 

 

I really don’t think Ryan can get any douchier at this point.

 

 

Emily agrees and luckily Arie comes and saves her from Higher-Purpose Ryan.

 

 

Emily is so cute and giddy when she talks to Arie.  She tries to tell him that he is always on her mind and the best example she could come up with is how he is the first thing she thinks of when she is sitting on the porch.  I giggled.

 

 

Ryan is talking to Michael by the fireplace and he reveals that if it doesn’t work out with him and Emily, he has connections in Augusta that will support his bid for Bachelor.  Good luck buddy, I can’t see anyone signing up for your season with an attitude like that.  Bachelor Pad 3 anyone?

 

 

Sean is cute.  Sean is sweet.  Sean and Emily hold hands a lot.  Sean talks a lot about Ricki.  Sean and Emily have rigid kisses and they really are lacking in passion!  Let’s hope this changes after they get a 1-on-1 date together!

 

 

I think Doug is a little less self-confident than he thinks because he starts telling himself that he doesn’t need to kiss Emily at this point to have a connection.  Dude, you NEED to kiss her.  The slow-approach is only working for Jef.

 

 

Chris still can’t let the 25 year-old thing go.

 

 

Chris decides to talk to Doug about the situation and Doug doesn’t seem to think it’s that big of a deal!  Chris you are blowing this way out of proportion and you shouldn’t be using your time with Emily to talk about what is happening with the other guys.

 

 

Seriously Chris, we get it.

 

 

Ok, this is the last thing I’m going to say about Ryan.  Dude, needs an ego check.

 

 

In the end, sadly, it’s Michael that is going home.  I’ve been following his tweets and he seems like a pretty interesting guy so it’s sad that we only got to see his brightly colored headbands and not more of his personality.

 

How could Emily send the Teddy Bear home over Alejandro!!!  Poor Charlie – he looks so confused and sad!  Don’t worry Charlie, Jen Marcus is there to pick up the pieces! ;)

So what did y’all think about this week’s episode?  How do y’all feel about Doug?  Should Emily have sent home Nate and Wolfie?  Do you know how to pronounce quinoa?  Is Ryan a bigger jerk than Kalon?  Who’s your favorite for Emily now?

Remember to head on over to my blog http://www.saynotocosmo.comfor more commentary on the Bachelor/Bachelorette world as well as my musings on relationships and why Cosmo is bad for you!

Also, every week I’m doing a vlog for realitynation.com called Spivey Says! I give my thoughts immediately after every episode of the Bachelorette and answer any questions that y’all have about the show! Head on over to Reality Nation to check it out!