ASHLEY SPIVEY’S BACHELORETTE BLOG: EPISODE 5

Well y’all, we are almost halfway through Emily’s journey but it’s pretty evident that there are only 3 main guys that are vying for her love.  Arie, Sean, and Jef continue to pretty much dominate the screen time along with Emily – while the other guys either continually fade into the background (Travis and Wolfie) or flipflop between us liking/disliking them (Ryan and Doug).

Sean and Jef really stepped it up this week and I have to admit that while I’m still Team Arie, the other two might be better fits for Emily.  In my opinion; Sean is the pick her head would make, Jef is the pick her heart would make, and Arie is the pick her body would make.  Anyone of these 3 could be the final one standing but Emily has to decide what is best for her.  Will she follow her head, heart, or body?

But enough with the predictions, let’s discuss the episode!

 

 

Chris Harrison arrives in his manscarf (which he wears properly by the way and I have no issues with it) to tell everyone that they are in London (duh) and describe the dates that week.

 

 

Sean gets the one-on-one and is this dude ever not happy?  He is always cheesing’!  However, I am happy that someone finally shows some genuine happiness about getting a date with Emily.  Most guys try to play it cool but Sean can’t contain his smile.  I’m not really attracted to blondes but Sean is kinda doing it for me.

 

 

Omg. I just can’t with the black v-necks anymore!  I was liking you so much Sean!

 

 

Whew, that was a close one.

 

 

Emily and Sean sightsee around London, hitting all the major tourist attractions and looking like the most all-American couple ever.  Then they go to take this picture to reenact the William and Kate kiss and I gasp when I see the results!  A ghost is telling us that Emily and Sean will never end up together by putting a light line in-between their kiss!  Screw spoiler sites – this is some supernatural prediction stuff!  Seriously, if they don’t end up together, I’m totally going to send this picture into Ghost Hunters and see if they can confirm my readings on this picture. (I’m only halfway serious btw.)

 

 

Kalon makes a pretty insensitive comment about how every date with Emily will be a group date because she has a kid.  This is also, allegedly, the point at which he makes a comment about Ricki being baggage.  Wow, I knew Kalon sucked but dear Lord, he really must have the heart and soul of a demon.  I get it, he never imagined his first kid not being his own, but if that is true – WHY THE HELL DID HE GO ON THE SHOW TO POSSIBLY MARRY EMILY WHO HAS A KID???  Oh yeah, to be famous.  Good luck with that douchebag, we’ll talk about your acting skills a little bit later.

 

 

Jef seems pretty appalled by Kalon’s behavior but instead of stooping to his level – he shows and tells Kalon how a real man should act.

 

 

How awesome would it be if Jef just stood up and socked him right in the chin???

 

 

Do y’all ever notice how it seems like most of the guys just ignore Kalon?  He’s always sitting there, and he makes little comments, but no one takes him seriously.  I’m guessing maybe this is why most of the guys never told her about his condescending comments?

 

 

I’m guessing that Emily has dated a lot of attractive people that were either horrible to her or really boring because she’s always expecting the guys to drop a bomb on her.  Luckily for her, Sean seems to be a “you get what you see” type of guy.  His outward appearance seems to match how sweet and genuine he is on the inside!

 

 

Emily and Sean arrive at another famous corner of London where you can make public speeches in the park and a dude wearing another manscarf, talks Sean into making a speech.

 

 

Emily looks mortified or like she wishes she had a blanket so she could pull it over her head – I do this a lot when I’m watching a movie or a show and I’m really embarrassed for the character.  I got a little worried that Sean’s speech was going to be really cheesy and embarrassing!

 

 

Luckily, Sean gives a swoon-worthy speech in which he talks about how he has been in the presence of great love and he could possibly have that with Emily.  He is adorable.

 

 

Back at the house, Doug is wearing the only shirt he owns apparently, when the guys get the group date card.

 

 

Alejandro, whom I know nothing about except that he is a mushroom farmer, identifies the note on the card as a Shakespeare quote.  I get really excited at this point because nothing could clash harder than the world’s pre-eminent dramatist and bunch of reality show dudes.  The results can only be hilarious!

 

 

Kalon is super pissed because he was really expecting to go on the other 1-on-1 but that will now be impossible because he’s on the group date.  I don’t know why he was so sure about the 1-on-1, he insulted Emily during their last conversation and he’s been pretty sour grapes up until this point.

 

 

I just wanted to include this picture because he has a double chin and I know he would be super pissed to be shown in such an unflattering light.  Suck it TMDN!

 

 

Dinner between Emily and Sean is going just fine.  He hasn’t done anything stupid yet like ask for a kiss like he always does.

 

 

Emily informs him that she wants a lot of kids, I guess to scare him away, but he welcomes the idea and further reinforces that he might just be the perfect guy for her.

 

 

But then they kiss and this is where I’m starting to get confused.  On paper, Sean is everything Emily is asking for.  He is attractive, he is religious, he is a man, he wants a family, and he will always have her back – So why does she keep on giving him the type of kisses that Ben gave Kacie B.? (Thanks Heather ;) ) While they are getting a little better, these kisses can’t even compare in passion with the kisses reserved for Arie.

 

 

Speaking of Arie, we have found his weak spot.  Dude is terrified to act in front of an audience.  This is a little weird to me since he is an athlete and because he is on a reality show.  Whatevs, he’s still cute with a red face.

 

 

I think Travis made the best out of the situation and he really was hilarious during the entire date!  He said some really funny stuff – if only Emily was attracted to him!

 

 

Doug was actually a good sport too and I actually thought he was really cute this episode!

 

 

Ryan continued to be a little slimy and his manscarf was a little too dainty in my opinion.  I like scarves on guys much better when they are worn with a winter coat.  This was a little too feminine.

 

 

Does Kalon even care anymore, he seems to just be playing the role of villain now.  Whyyyy would you tell Emily to “run along now”?  He is beyond condescending and I wish Ryan would have told him that his comment was out of line.

 

 

Emily seems to be just as over Kalon as the rest of us.

 

 

Because Arie sucks at acting, he has to play the role of a woman nurse.  Him dressing in drag should turn me off but it totally doesn’t.

 

 

You know what does turn me off? Kalon.

 

Seriously, why is he taking this play so seriously?  It’s like he wants talent agents to realize how talented he is so he can pursue acting roles outside of reality tv – Oh wait a minute….

 

 

This is seriously the most action these two have gotten and that makes me a little sad for them.

 

 

I might have an Arie addiction because he should not be attractive to me still!

 

 

Me thinks Arie is a little jealous that Ryan got to kiss Emily so much on this date.

 

 

However, those kisses totally don’t count.  She was laughing at Ryan the whole time and she kept her hands gripped tightly to her script – she couldn’t have been more uncomfortable with kissing him.

 

 

Seriously, when these two kiss, it totally gives me goosebumbs.  I bet they are both ready for the fantasy suite dates.  Can someone please write some fan-fiction for this show and have Arie and Emily as the characters?  I’d pay to read it and I bet it would be a million times better than 50 Shades of Grey! (Looking at you Jennifer Weiner.)

 

 

Ryan gets back into Emily’s good graces by giving her a turquoise necklace, which just happens to be her favorite kind of jewelry.  Good call production ;)   I can’t figure Ryan out.  I’m still not forgiving him for the Bachelor comments so I’m not going to let him redeem himself so easily.

 

 

Chris tells the guys about some douchey comments that Kalon made in regards to Ricki.  I’m guessing that this is a completely separate incident from what he said while at the table with Jef and Arie.  Regardless, I’m guessing that Kalon has made a bunch of insulting comments regarding Emily and Ricki but none of the guys have spoken up until now.  Why now?  Because Doug isn’t ok with the term baggage being used since he is a dad and would never let someone call his son that.  He tries to get Kalon to clarify or apologize but Kalon refuses.

 

 

So Doug decides to tell Emily.

 

 

And she is so mad…

 

 

Like the maddest I’ve ever seen her.

 

 

So mad, that I’m actually a little scared that she might try to slap Kalon or walk off the show.

 

 

But being the nice person that she is, she gives Kalon a chance to clarify things but he totally doesn’t.

 

 

Then he interrupts her – the exact thing that he chided her for doing a little while back and she brilliantly uses his own words against him!

 

 

Then, she can no longer keep the West Virginia, backwoods, hood rat contained – so she tells him to get the eff out and America high-fives her through the tv.

 

I really was scared that Emily would walk off at this point because the whole situation was really insulting to her.  Its one thing to go on a dating show, but a complete other to sit there and have to defend your child.

 

 

So that’s the end of Kalon and I really wish they would have sent him home in something more embarrassing than a mini-van.  I mean really – nice people on this show have gone home in dinghies and left on the side of mountains!!!  Why does Kalon get to enjoy a luxurious ride to the airport.  Make that dude hitchhike across Europe for all I care!

 

But enough about the douche – we can stop talking about him until the Men Tell All!  Let’s talk about Jef!

 

 

I know that Emily and Jef have started off a little slow – but I do like the flirty banter that is always going on between them.  Emily does have a really goofy side and I’d love to see her with someone that could bring that out more in her.

 

 

Jef is a little disappointed during the date because an etiquette teacher will be with them the whole time and that really makes this a 2-on-1 date!

 

 

Jean is totally killing the mood the entire time by constantly correcting them and by dominating the conversation with talk about scones and sandwiches.

 

 

I think they were both so terrified of Jean during this date!

 

 

Scratch that – terrified/annoyed.

 

 

Jef is so cool and calm that it really makes me laugh that Jean irritates him so much!

 

 

As soon as Jean excuses herself to go to the loo, Emily and Jef can’t take it anymore and decide to make a break for the pub where they can flirt with each other and not be so concerned about manners.

 

 

Again, this picture really has no significance but I thought it looked really weird when I freeze-framed it!  It doesn’t even look like Emily’s arm!  It looks like so random arm that was photoshopped on.  Ahhhhhh!

 

 

Jef hasn’t had as much 1-on-1 time with Emily as some of the other guys, but he really gets her devotion as a mom.  The way to Emily’s heart is by loving Ricki just as much as her and Jef understands this.  He tries to make Emily forget about the whole baggage comment by comparing Ricki to a Chloe bag and my heart just melts when he does this.

 

 

Emily was already pretty smitten with Jef but now she is totally giving him the love eyes.  I think Jef has something that Sean lacks and that thing is an edge.  I think this edge will give him the advantage over Sean.

 

 

Jef also totally overuses like but like I’ll forgive him since he like says all the right things.

 

 

SWOON.

 

 

My biggest complaint with Jef is that he needs to be a little more aggressive when it comes to showing Emily affection.  He totally blew the most romantic moment ever when they were in the Eye!

 

 

But then he finally musters up some courage to plant a pretty passionate kiss on Emily.  It’s not an Arie kiss, but it’s much more passionate than her kisses with Sean.

 

 

This next scene gives me the sadz.  Emily confronts Arie and tells him that she wishes he would have had her back a little more with the Kalon situation.  While I get that Arie didn’t want to snitch or focus on other people, I know that this will hurt Arie and he should have tried to save his @$$ a little bit more during this talk.  Arie and Emily are always touching when they are near each other and she is completely giving him tons of space during the talk – that ain’t good.

 

 

To make matters worse, Ryan is getting real kisses now!  How the heck did that happen?!?  There must be a lot that we aren’t seeing because I don’t get it!!!!

 

 

Even Emily knows that she is being dumb.

 

 

Emily and Sean get some more time together and I know that she feels really safe with Sean and I love that.  I just freaking wish that I could see some more passion in their kisses!

 

 

I was a little sad that she let Alejandro go without us really getting to know him because he had such a sweet and gracious exit.  He seems so sincere and I’m sure he’ll find a nice girl in no time!

 

 

Holy red pants Wolfie!  How did I miss these during the episode?  He is totally channelling Ames Brown and I’m loving it!

 

So what did y’all think of the show?  Are you loving Arie, Sean, or Jef?  Has your favorite changed?  Do you want to rip Kalon’s limbs off and assault him with them?  Should more people have spoken up about Kalon’s behavior?  Did y’all love feisty Emily?

 

Remember to head on over to my blog http://saynotocosmo.com for more commentary on the Bachelor/ Bachelorette world as well as my musings on relationships and why Cosmo is bad for you!

 

Also, every week I’m doing a vlog for realitynation.com called Spivey Says!  I give my thoughts immediately after every episode of the Bachelorette and answer any questions that y’all have about the show!  Head on over to Reality Nation to check it out!

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