Chris Bukowski’s Bachelor Blog: Episode 1
Sister Christian oh the night has come, and I know that Sean is hoping to find “the one.” Tears, drama and an overuse of the word “rose” are what we’ve been longing for, and it’s finally here. Welcome back Bachelor Nation! The highly anticipated premiere of The Bachelor has come and gone, but it was one for the books. Who better than Mr. America himself to grace us with his presence for many more Monday nights to come. Its crazy how time flies and how it seems like just yesterday I was meeting Sean on the first night of the Bachelorette. It was tough remembering everyone’s name on the first night, so I labeled Sean as the “Big Guy” from Texas. Well, this big guy is in for quite the natural disaster after watching the first episode.
Let’s get this thing started. The season kicks off with America being re-introduced to Sean. He should seriously be wearing an American Flag, or Statue of Liberty costume, he’s the genuine all-American guy. Let me not waste any of your time and just say that Sean is the perfect guy for this show. He likes long walks on the beach, has a six-pack, and a smile that would make any woman and even some men melt. In all seriousness, I wish my friendship with Sean started a lot earlier on Emily’s season rather than later. He is truly a genuine guy and wishes only the best upon others. THIS MAN DESERVES LOVE! We can’t wait to watch him (hopefully) find the love of his life, and even more so, we can’t help but wait to see what train wrecks are in store for him.
After we meet Sean, it’s time for our old dainty friend Arie to come back and give Sean some “advice.” Arie tells Sean that this is going to be difficult for him… Hopefully meaning that it will be difficult for Sean to keep that body over this love journey. Let’s be serious, they were both thinking that this is going to be the time of Sean’s life and Arie would love to be in his shoes (so would I). After Sean and Arie get done drinking, which must have been pure Kool-Aid, they begin to make out and grope each other. The show is now cancelled and Sean proposes to Arie. Someone get me a drink please. Seriously, I NEED A DRINK! Take notes, this could be the twist of the century.
After the bromance is over we are reminded that Sean will actually be meeting 25 girls or 26 (Thank God). I’m hoping maybe next season they’ll up the ante to 50 girls. Now that would be a great time.
Get ready to unleash your inner beast, ladies, you’re in for a wild ride and we know there’s going to come a time when you’re going to want to go West Virginia hood rat backwoods on someone’s ass. (Just ask Emily Maynard.)
As the girls approach Sean, a few got my attention early on. I’ll start with Lindsay, wearing a wedding dress is pretty ballsy and I think that’s awesome. Seriously, people are going to judge you on this show anyway so why not give them reason to? Selma, her name says it all. She’s super hot, I really don’t know what else to say, but her face made a great first impression. Tierra, have to throw in the drama queen. Not only does she get the first impression rose, she gets it before she ever even steps foot in the house.
Wait, she gets the first impression rose? I thought that went to Arie?
Anyway, back to the girls. Last but definitely not least, Kacie B. So glad to see Kacie back, and going after love with a guy who seems to be the male version of herself. It should be fun to see how that goes. Glad to see that Paige got a chance to be on the show, it might not have lasted very long, but it was worth a shot to have the chance to love on Sean Lowe’s abs.
Back it up a minute, can we mention that Robyn flipped…then flopped straight on her face, in front of Sean? She should have gotten a rose for that. She could’ve seriously damaged her face on the concrete. Hell, she could’ve left bloodstains on the immaculate concrete that was leading up to Sean.
We go inside to the scenery we’ve seen so many times before. Twenty-some people dressed in their best, drinking (some drinking way too much, it wouldn’t be Bachelor without those people) and awaiting their fate with Sean.
Kacie walks in and the claws come out. Looks like some of these girls are downright pissed off.
To sum up the night; girls drink then they cry, they get mad, they bitch about not getting enough attention, and they juke the air while Sean’s talking to another girl…yep, welcome to The Bachelor, where love is found and “girl on girl” takes on a whole new meaning.
My dancing on The Bachelorette may not have been the best, but after watching Ashley P. dry hump the air, I’m feeling pretty damn good about myself.
Since the anticipation for the premiere is over, here’s something else to look forward to… I’ll be opening up a restaurant/bar in the DC Metro area. Keep your eyes peeled, as we’ll be announcing the name this Friday. Looking forward to serving Bachelor Nation!
Until next time…