Chris Bukowski’s Bachelor Blog: Episode 5

We start this week off with 11 girls, meaning 10 more to go until we crown the new Mrs. America…oh wait, I mean until we see who captures Mr. America’s heart. That is, unless Sean pulls some freaky move and decides to choose more than one girl…and they go for it (unlikely). The bearer of good news, Chris Harrison, comes in and tells the girls to pack up their stuff because they will be starting a worldwide journey today! Hopefully the girls don’t have a lot of baggage with them. Where have we heard that before? (Hint: Kalon). The girls light up and you can see their fairytales dancing around in their heads.  Hawaii, Florida, overseas!? NOT EVEN CLOSE! We’re going to Montana, yes Montana. I personally love Montana, but you see it in these girls faces that this is not exactly the exotic vacation they imagined when they singed up for the show. I mean our first stop on Emily’s season was Bermuda. Emily 1, Sean 0.

And we’re off…Sean is in the plane confessing his love for Montana.
Sean says that he’s already falling in love with Montana and that it could already be his favorite place he’s ever been. Really!? Dude, we were in Bermuda, London, Dubrovnik, Prague, etc… OK for those of you who have not been to Montana at least you were able to get a free preview. What did you all think? Personally I think if he could have, he would have dropped the first rose out of the plane to give it to Montana.

Back at the house, the perfectly printed date card comes in and The Bachelor’s very own Vanna White, Selma, gets to show off her reading capabilities. Typically this is the time when everyone goes from really liking each other to faking his or her excitement for the girl whose name is on the date card.
I’ll tell you one thing, every time my name wasn’t on that date card my heart sank a little bit. Lindsay gets the one on one date and everyone pretends to be happy for her. Tierrable sends over a lethal look to Lindsay, but Lindsay’s inner strength fends off the evil. I was really excited for Lindsay to get the one on one date because I’m interested to learn more about her and she seems to get better every episode. We all know she has the looks, but does she have the personality that Sean is looking for? We found out…

Sean and Lindsay head out to their helicopter and Sean stated that this is the most badass helicopter ever! At that point I just imagined Kalon sitting at home and rolling his eyes while saying, “He must’ve not seen mine.” Alright enough about Kalon, when the hell can we talk about Tierrable!?

Lindsay and Sean obviously had a strong connection and it seems that their conversations flow rather smoothly. Lindsay talks about her father and how it was tough for her not knowing if he was ever going to come since he was in the military, which leads to her want to settle down…I’m thinking Sean likes the sound of that.  I have a great amount of respect for Lindsay, as I could not imagine growing up with my father not being around all the time. They obviously hit it off and we all see that this is just two good people being good together. I can definitely see this working out.

Back at the house, the group date card is delivered and read. Prior to the card being read the girls whip out their calculators to find out a difficult equation that comes out to being, “Well if you’re not on the group date then you’re probably on the 2 on 1 date.” I had to get a new bottle of wine at this point of the show. Anyone else with me?  I nearly dropped my glass of wine when I saw Selma’s reaction to being on the group date. Did she go “toot toot” or “whoop whoop”? Either way it was super funny (which we’re seeing is clearly in Selma-fashion). I guess it’s the little things that get me.

Alright, so finally all of our dreams have come true and Tierrable is going on the always dreaded two on one date. I think the other girls name was Jackie, but that doesn’t really matter. Most of us know the story of David and Goliath, and I’m thinking that Tierrable is perfect for the role of Goliath because she has the ego and confidence of a giant. Also, her eyebrows. That’s all. Her eyebrows. Do you see them? How can you miss them! I’m not so sure that Jackie can play the role of David because I’m not so sure who she is.

The group date is a “Bachelor Pad” style date consisting of two teams competing for, you guessed it, Sean. I’d say the main thing we need to know about this group date is that sweet Desiree would, and does, chug goat’s milk for Sean. I’d say that’s pretty much a clue that she has fallen hard already. Thanks to Des, the blue team wins and gets to spend the night hanging out with Sean! The girls are in for another surprise, though, when Sean feels bad and brings back the red team (aka the losing team) back to hang out with the winning team. Burrrrrn. The winning team goes from happy to pissed, and the losing team goes from pissed to happy. Meanwhile, the girls are all waiting to steal Sean away for a few minutes…or seconds, but little do they know Miss Tierrable has left the house and sneak attacks Sean for a kiss. I’m surprised he didn’t just pull out a rose for her right then. He’s clearly blinded by the terrible side of Tierrable…oh wait, he hasn’t yet seen it. Obviously, he is blinded by something, though, as every girl who mentions something about her being bad gets the boot, its a trend.

Tears of the night go to Daniella, who then ends up with the rose. Bravo, Daniella!

On to the much anticipated two-on-one date. Jackie, Tierra and Sean saddle up for a romantic horseback ride. I don’t know if Tierrable put a spell on that poor horse, or that it just so badly wanted her off that it somehow traveled way faster than Jackie’s horse, leaving Sean and Tierra together, and Jackie in the dust, which happens to be a foreshadow of the night when Sean chooses Tierra and sends Jackie home. Yes, that was basically the gist of the night. Not much more to say about that one. Tierrable, terriable night for Jackie.

On to the Cocktail Party…Tierra mentions punching all the girls, laughs her evil laugh, and then secludes herself to sit by the fire with her rose. Robyn then mentions that she WILL make this the Bad Girls Club, and goes over to confront Tierra. They bitch at each other. Sean doesn’t see (again), and is still searching for reasons why everyone is saying things about Tierra (red flag, Sean, why is she the ONLY one being bitched about…) Lesley reassures Sean that Tierra is not who he thinks she is, but it doesn’t matter, because at the end of the night, Robyn goes home.

Do you think Sean is just naive? Or do you think he really has chemistry with Tierra?

My favorite girls are: Lesley, Lindsay, and Selma. Who are yours?

Also, some of you have asked about my restaurant, Bracket Room. Here’s a link from the press release!

Until next time…

Chris B