A Certain Romance

Growing up, the phrase: “believe none of what you hear and half of what you see” was used often by my father. Unfortunately, most of the wisdom contained within this simple phrase was wasted on my young ears. It was only later in my mid 20’s that I began to appreciate the truth of such simple words placed in a specific order. I laugh as I write this knowing that all the training he gave me about being a complete man probably did not include the application of his life lessons as a way to make sense out of The Bachelor. Well Pops, I hope I can do you justice as I try and sort out exactly who this “new” Courtney girl is and where she hid the “old” Courtney.

Ben, no doubt is champing at the bit (Ha, horse pun!) to redeem himself from his last encounter with a horse. Ben first visits Lindzi at her parent’s Equestrian reserve in Ocala, FL. full of concern knowing that he will be only the second “boyfriend” that Lindzi has ever brought home to meet her family. Fortunately for our Bachelor, Ben’s anxiety is quelled immediately as he is offered a glass of wine by Lindzi’s father Harry, who seems comfortable from the beginning with Ben being his Son in Law. The evening passes with very little to suggest that Ben wouldn’t be welcomed into the family if he decided to “Tebow” in Lindzi’s presence.

It was entirely too easy to lose track of the very laid back and seemingly low maintenance Lindzi early on as a result of our favorite character “Drama” rearing her distracting yet addictive head in seemingly every scene of every episode. To her credit, Lindzi disappeared at times during the season when chaos reigned, which was great for her reputation but often left us wondering who was this quiet girl who kept on getting roses at weeks end. Through mental mud and emotional manure, Lindzi managed to keep her blinders on and her vision focused toward the finish line (second horse pun!) Overall, Ben’s first taste of Southern Hospitality was as sweet as a Vidalia Onion as he gained Lindzi’s parent’s approval to sweep her out to wine country if he so choose.

Well, you can’t have “sweet” without “sour” and things got a tad bitter on Ben’s second Southern stop.

It was a rainy day in Clarksville, TN. as Kacie grandly materialized from the center of the local marching band as they made their way towards Ben in the high school grand stands. Her love for Ben is evident as she almost plows through him in greeting but not before doing a couple of twirls with her trusty baton.

The soggy couple takes shelter in the bleachers overlooking the football field that is actually named after Kacie’s grandfather for a bite to eat. As they sit and discuss the mutual hope of finding true love it’s evident that Kacie’s desire to mimic the everlasting connection her grandparents shared has been tempered by the other ominous cloud following her around that day, her father. Kacie quickly briefs Ben on the ultra-traditional, straight shooting federal probation officer who she happens to call “dad.” As if the uphill battle didn’t already seem steep enough for our brave wine maker, we soon find out that dad doesn’t drink either. Welcome to the Bible Belt, buddy!

Later in the evening Ben sits with Kacie’s dad, Denny and attempts to instill confidence in his possible future Father in Law regarding his worth as a suitable husband. Denny proceeds to ask very direct questions of Ben and it wasn’t hard to imagine Denny using the same tone he used with Ben with his typical murdering and felonious clientele. Denny seems unconvinced with any answer that Ben gives to his queries, which makes me believe that his opinion of Ben was decided upon prior to actually meeting him. It’s obvious that the words “Wine Maker” and “San Francisco” have unnerved Denny enough for him to request that Ben let Kacie go sooner rather than later if his intentions are not to marry her and the tone he used during this request reeked of “not gonna happen.” I applaud Denny for ignoring the blinding lights of Hollywood and sticking to his guns realizing that he probably has made life for his family uncomfortable in the short term. Denny’s main priority as a husband and a father is to protect his family, everything else be damned. You do not have to agree with her father but you do have to respect his actions because love can make you short sighted and someone needed to be there to make sure that the less pleasant side of love was addressed in regards to his young daughter. It’s my opinion that Denny felt his daughter was ignoring the fact that she had only a 25% of ending up with Ben regardless of her 100% feelings and any further continuation of the process would only lead to greater heartache. At the same time, Kacie seems completely invested in the idea of a life with Ben and appears ready to go against her father’s wishes to follow her heart. Unfortunately for Kacie, she has few allies at home as her mother also has reservations about the relationship specifically as to where her daughter would live if she did end up engaged to Ben. I thought that this conversation was hysterical because Kacie’s mother, Martha suggested that Kacie and Ben would have to live apart in San Francisco. It’s quickly apparent that Martha does not keep up with US housing trends as most people in San Francisco can barely afford to live in one home and the thought of two mortgages/rents in the 94123 Zip Code almost made my head explode and my wallet faint.

Ultimately, Ben’s visit to Clarksville, TN served to pose more questions than answers for a possible future with Kacie and quite honestly all you need to do is a little math.

Daddy loves Kacie, Daddy hates San Francisco. Ben Loses.

It’s been my experience and that of my friends (many themselves who are still looking for love) that opposites do indeed attract but opposites do not last. A long term relationship is fraught with enough danger and pitfalls without having to fight against In-laws for the rest of your life. How could Ben ever expect to earn the respect of a father who feels that his daughter is being supported by a man who makes his money immorally? There is no right answer here and no one is wrong; it’s just different tribes.

Whew! After Ben’s sour trip to Tennessee, he seemed REALLY happy to be in Texas where he met Nicki and her family. The entire date has a very fun and playful vibe and Nicki uses this cheerful time to share her strong feelings about Ben directly to him. Nicki is a self-admitted “daddy’s girl” who seems very comfortable at home, which makes it easier for her to discuss the failure of her first marriage with Ben and the lessons she took from the painful education. We learn that Nicki guarded against the prospect of new love for a long time but she no longer harbors the feelings of doubt and skepticism that paralyzed her for so long. After Nicki’s intense discussion with Ben I realized that all three girls have gone “all in” on Ben during the Hometowns which means that 75% of the remaining girls (Courtney was “all in” form day one) will leave this show completely destroyed; pretty heavy stuff.

Nicki parents have been divorced most of her life but appear to join together fully to support her latest chance at love. You can see Nicki glow when describing Ben to Laura, her mother who seems equally happy to see her daughter in love again. Nicki’s father was a bit more reserved
during this time confessing that he might have given away his daughter to her first husband much too easy. In a touching moment Nicki reassures her father that Ben is a much better man fully capable of loving her deeply and raising a wonderful family.

Prior to the date’s end, Nicki uses the “L” word in Ben’s presence. Nicki has truly blossomed during the show and we should commend her for being fearless in her search for new love after coming to grips with a past heartache.

In what turns out to be the most pivotal hometown date of the episode Ben visits Courtney’s hometown of Scottsdale, AZ. At this point in the season we have seen very little from Courtney that has shown her in a positive light with my personal belief being that she never really felt comfortable in her surroundings. I’m not going to make excuses for Courtney’s previous behavior instead my goal is to simply try and understand the girl currently under America’s microscope.

As Courtney awaits Ben’s arrival she reflects on her time spent away from home stating: “I feel badly. I feel disappointed in myself for treating the girls the way I did. I’m not proud of everything I’ve said or done”. I viewed this moment of regret as a huge step in the right direction for Courtney who thus far has done nothing to show us that she was more than just a pretty face. Ben is anxious to meet Courtney’s family with the hope that they can reinforce the good he has seen in her in contrast to what everyone else thought of her: “My relationship with Courtney has been interesting. She’s always been the one from the beginning who caught my eye”. He then goes on to say how he has acknowledged the fact that she hasn’t gotten along with the other girls stating: “I would be devastated to be with someone who rubs people the wrong way”.

In a conversation with her sister Courtney explains the impact Ben has had on her life stating: “I’m so happy. I feel like I’ve been with the wrong people only to appreciate the right person”. I’ve used this exact phrase myself when describing how I felt when I realized I had met the love of my life. It’s not something you can come to terms with unless you’ve found true love. This is a dramatically important statement that I feel shows Courtney has true feelings for Ben.

Later as Courtney sits with her mom she reveals the agony being away from home saying: “I’m happy that I hung in there, I almost left at a few points. It was stressful for me at times but I think he’s worth it.” She follows this statement with an explanation on why Ben has won her over and made her feel deserving. It’s apparent that Courtney like many women has been hurt by the actions of past men in their lives. We all know how difficult it can be to get back to a point in your life when you can trust a complete stranger, never mind just making eye contact with a member of the opposite sex for the first time after hating the whole gender. With this in mind, you can imagine the fear Courtney must have felt as she started to develop feelings for someone in a format that isn’t sensitive to insecurities. I am not defending her past behavior but her revelations have certainly made it easier to understand the origins of it.

Ben left Courtney and her family with his self-confidence recharged believing that Courtney was actually the person that he first thought she was and not the trouble maker the other girls previously made her out to be. The warm visit and parental approval was a polar opposite of the feeling I got after seeing him leave Tennessee and I started to have a feeling that Kacie would soon be shown the door.

Courtney has never explicitly told Ben that she “loves” him but there’s nothing like a mock wedding complete with hand written vows to connect the dots. My fans have pointed out that Courtney’s vows were actually borrowed from a Sex in The City Episode. I don’t understand why this matters at all? I for one have used lyrics from many songs that expressed the particular emotions I was feeling at a given time in letters and notes written to those those I’ve loved. Courtney is a model and never claimed to be a poet so to chastise her for this is trite and borne from the desire of many fans to see that Courtney is punished for the sins of her past transgressions regardless of the fact that she might actually be taking a serious attempt at redeeming herself. In the fervor to witness the wicked witch die as a result of her HBO vows many viewers missed the significance of Ben’s. As Ben read his vows it was evident that Courtney was his “idea of beauty” from day one. Ben spoke openly and clearly about his feelings for Courtney and she was obviously floored by his sincerity.

Courtney finally tells Ben that she loves him and if we can all just be objective for one minute, it was clear to me (and all of you) that the strongest overall Hometown date was this one. Ben and Courtney’s connection is undeniable but I am curious to see if she can maintain the confidence that her family gave her as she is jet-setted off to another exotic location.

I’m choosing to bypass Ben’s conversation with Chris and instead speak briefly on why Ben was correct to let Kacie go. In all honesty I was pulling for Kacie from their first date in Sonoma right up until she described her dad to Ben. Kacie seemed to be such a sweet, honest, open and loving woman who was able to keep her composure, never giving in to “Drama” choosing only instead to express her opinions in private interviews. I do respect Kacie for the way she handled herself and take solace in knowing that Ben wasn’t the right man for her. Instead I feel that Kacie will mature tremendously from this experience which in turn will lead her on a path to finding the proper match at a time and place of HER choosing.

Questions & Comments?


  1. Serious attempt at redeeming herself….really

    and The Bachelor really is a fairytale….

    and about that swamp I’m trying to sell….

    On another note, thanks for sharing your point of view.

    Comment by Bach fan — February 23, 2012 @ 3:48 pm

  2. Good girls vs mean girls. Every good girl in the world has been mistreated by a mean girl at some time in their life. For some reason, mean girls think they can behave badly to someone because they think they are prettier, superior, smarter,etc.

    Every girl has insecurities. Mean girls CHOOSE to behave badly to others to mask their insecurities. Good girls CHOOSE to behave well and keep their insecurities from hurting others.

    Good girl examples are Kacie, who hid her insecurities with an eating disorder. She never hurt others. Lindzi hides her insecurities by hiding behind her bangs.

    Mean girl example is Courtney. She showed her insecurities by being disrespectful and rude to the other girls living in the house.

    Everyone has insecurities and everyone has a CHOICE as to how to behave. No excuses for bad behavior are acceptable.

    Some of the sweetest girls I know, have the most reason to treat the world poorly, but they CHOOSE to be kind instead!

    Having said that, as a good girl, I am hoping that by seeing her behavior on TV, Courtney will see that there are better alternatives than to be mean, and hopefully, if Ben chose her, he can help her overcome her insecurities and learn to treat everyone (especially other women) with respect and kindness.

    Comment by Jacquie — February 23, 2012 @ 4:30 pm

  3. Constantine…I have to say that I am really impressed with your blog. The way you described why Courtney acted the way she did is exactly what I have been thinking all along. I really don’t think she was cut out to be in that type of environment to try to find love. I imagine there are a lot of women out there that can’t handle that type of surrounding where you’re dating a guy that is also dating 15 others…all at the same time. I know I sure couldn’t. I honestly think that Ben and Courtney have a very deep connection with one another…SO much more than Ben has with the other girls.
    There was a comment that was made by Courtney when she was talking to Ben in Belize that if it had been any other guy she would have already left. I know the Courtney haters are going to hate me for saying this but I truly think this girl was there for all the right reasons and she really loves Ben very much.

    As for Kacie…I liked her but I knew the minute she walked Ben to the car and the way they said goodbye to each other that she was the next to go. In my opinion, I didn’t think they had much of a connection except as friends.

    Thanks Constantine…

    Comment by Margo — February 23, 2012 @ 5:07 pm

  4. Your blogs are wonderful! You really make some interesting points and really play devils advocate. I really loved Ben on Ashley’s season. I really enjoyed the season. Her season had drama especially with the Bentley mess, but the love story was never lost in the drama. I really feel that all the drama has ruined the love story on Ben’s season. You make very interesting points about Lindzi. I feel because she was not part of all the exhausting drama, we don’t know her true feelings. I feel that just this past episode which is almost the end of the season, feelings are finally being mentioned. Many of the girls professed their love, but this hasn’t played on the screen. I think everyone knew both JP and Ben had strong feelings for Ashley and the focus was on her choice. They both truly fell in love with her. I don’t see this on Ben’s season. You are right, we have no idea who Courtney is and her true intentions. There isn’t much to root for here, because a true love story hasn’t been shown. I feel drama is needed to keep it exciting, but it has just been too overpowering and has drowned out the true purpose of the show. I loved the finale last season, I wanted a happy ending. I hope Ben truly does find love at the end of this this, he does deserve a happy ending!

    Comment by Lisa Marie — February 23, 2012 @ 5:09 pm

  5. I was raised with the following parable…If it looks like a snake, acts like a snake and hisses like a snake it is probably a snake…no matter what it is wearing. The thing that concerns me the most is Courtney lives in a “pretend world”…her job is pretending…she dresses pretend…and she acts pretend…I just think her overall being is so buried in the “world of pretend” that she has taken on that persona…Whether that is the “real” Courtney or not…time will tell…I can tell you from personal experience it is far easier to “act” a persona while underneath all you want to do is run and hide…I don’t think we saw the real Courtney at all…not even with her parents…I think that was for the cameras too…I don’t know who she is…nor do I think anyone else does…including Courtney….it sucks to be that insecure.

    Comment by Beverly — February 23, 2012 @ 5:34 pm

  6. Good recap although I am confident that CR is nothing like you represent.She is an elitist tormentor. Ben needs his Dad desperately. Somebody lend him a dad, please??? I can just see his dad clawing desperately at the Sonoma earth with every bad social decision, Ben makes e.g., the music video, what a slap to music. I cannot even edit this copy with the title because it is so disrespectful. A man who can lay his fingers so eloquently on the keyboard and bastardize it in such a way is not humorous. He/Ben knows better than that. He is a good boy/man and is easily led astray; and when you combine that and biological drive and chemistry – there will, without a doubt, be an explosion.
    This show and all BACHELOR shows are reality, yes. MARRIAGE is a GAME.
    THAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH SOCIETY TODAY. LOVE IS NOT A GAME. It is real, it hurts on the positive and negative – and humans KILL other humans over LOVE. HELLO, is no one GETTING IT???? I guarantee you ABC – ONE DAY YOU WILL be sued for liable. Lawyers are just as “tricky” as television programming.
    I am sorry for you Constantine that you and Ben choose this path; as I am for all the others. My daughter is 21 and I, nor would she ever subject herself to such psychological manipulation. This is a MEAN Spirited world. To yourself and anyone who reads this find ONE person and STOP looking – for the grass, that will never fail to be, greener on the other-side. These memories from this show will go with each of you until the day you die. It is not going away, and you can not forget about it; nor will your children. With God speed~

    Comment by Cynthia Baker — February 23, 2012 @ 6:56 pm

  7. Constantine, Please look at this page – you will see the youth in representation of many of the MEN / WOMEN on The Bachelor…sad..

    Comment by Cynthia Baker — February 23, 2012 @ 7:34 pm

  8. I appreciate the effort you put into writing your blogs. It is always very well thought out and flows quite nicely. Your HS English teacher would be proud.

    Comment by Liah — February 23, 2012 @ 8:48 pm

  9. Really love your blog. Your “head explode and wallet faint” comment made me laugh out loud…so true! However I need to point out that Ben lied in his “mock” vows to Courtney…he told her she was kind.

    Comment by Kay Dee — February 23, 2012 @ 9:40 pm

  10. I agree whole-heartedly with your take on this episode! I just wanted to fast forward through all the other girls and watch him with Courtney. Even though she’s not America’s cup of tea, she is quite obviously Ben’s. I was so curious to watch a love story unfold. Thanks for the good insight!

    Comment by Beth — February 23, 2012 @ 9:42 pm

  11. Im so impressed by your insight. I love how you give a picture of each side so that people may see more than what is forefront in the program. I too have been bothered by MIss Courtney and her behavior. I really did see a genuine glimmer of love from her towards Ben. I just don’t feel that it is okay or enough to thin that because of her environment that she just couldn’t handle herself.

    Watching it again would likely cause the same feelings of distaste to return. I believe inside she is sweet and loving. But can Ben endure the process of healng and learning to get past that hurt that contributed to her behavior? I hope he can if he did choose her. he is a wonderful guy. HE is smart and very caring. i wish the best for him only. Its awful to read al the degrading things people write.. honestly? Are any of us perfect?

    I do have to add that I felt Lindsay to be an exceptional sweet woman. he would be so blessed with her as his wife. Ben, whoever you choose..may you be blessed. also, what a great friend you have that wrote this blog. It’s awesome to see such good caring friends that have each others best at heart. In good and tough times

    Comment by Janlynn — February 23, 2012 @ 9:59 pm

  12. Ugh. Sorry for the typos. I am not used to my new iPad…sighs

    Comment by Janlynn — February 23, 2012 @ 10:02 pm

  13. I’m really not sure why people keep calling Constantine a player, “I am sorry for you Constantine that you and Ben choose this path; as I am for all the others. My daughter is 21 and I, nor would she ever subject herself to such psychological manipulation. This is a MEAN Spirited world. To yourself and anyone who reads this find ONE person and STOP looking – for the grass, that will never fail to be, greener on the other-side.” You probably meant to tell people to stop looking for greener grass because there won’t be any, but you ended up saying that the grass will always be greener on the other side.

    - Cynthia, Constantine has already stated several times in his blog posts that he has a girlfriend. In this blog post, he calls her the love of his life. ” “I’m so happy. I feel like I’ve been with the wrong people only to appreciate the right person”. I’ve used this exact phrase myself when describing how I felt when I realized I had met the love of my life. It’s not something you can come to terms with unless you’ve found true love. This is a dramatically important statement that I feel shows Courtney has true feelings for Ben.” Please stop conveniently skipping over those parts. He has already found the ONE.

    And I have to applaud Constantine for bringing it up. Even though Courtney has had many negative moments on the show, this is a very big positive moment for her. A lot of people can only reflect negatively and continue to feel sorry for themselves for having been in bad relationships, even when they encounter great people. It is very hard to trust someone again, when you’ve learned to shut people out over time. It requires making yourself vulnerable. It is a big deal for Courtney to make a positive moment out of it, to say that having been in bad relationships was not the end of the world because it taught her to appreciate the good in Ben. I said pretty much the same thing to my fiance when we first started dating. He felt horribly about the past relationships I’d been in, but I told him that yes, there were bad times. But there were also good times, and most of all I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted in a significant other. If I had never had those experiences, then I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Then I may have never been with, or known I was meant to be with the love of my life.

    @ Beverly, I’m so hesitant about writing this because I know it could be misconstrued to be a negative comment about women. “I was raised with the following parable…If it looks like a snake, acts like a snake and hisses like a snake it is probably a snake…no matter what it is wearing. ” Did you know that in Biblical myth, the snake that persuaded Eve to take the apple was rumored to have been Adam’s first wife? Her name was Lilith. The story goes that God made two of every creature, including a man and a woman. Lilith grew dissatisfied, and disobedient. She did not want to obey Adam, and ran away to join Lucifer. God then made Eve out of Adam’s rib, to ensure that Eve would be what Lilith was not, subservient. Lucifer encouraged Lilith to return to the Garden of Eden, in the guise of a snake, and tempt Eve to partake of the apple. So the snake was not a snake, and actually a woman. I don’t particularly like references to snakes because it always reminds me of how the story of Adam and Eve, regardless of whether you know the myth of Lilith or not, has been used to condemn women throughout history.(and this is just repeating that cycle, even if unintentionally) The snake, and the woman have been tied together, for the woman is condemned to go through birthing labor, while the snake is condemned to crawl on it’s stomach and strike at the heels of man.

    Okay, Biblical lesson aside, all these women are seriously still hating? I know that guys can be douchebags. I know that girls can be downright cruel. But instead of taking your unresolved issues out on people you don’t even know, go tell the douchebag or bitch in your life how you feel about them. Stop being passive aggressive with your own life. And if you really feel so strongly about Ben or Courtney … go tell THEM and stop telling Constantine … it’s counterproductive.

    A lot of you have said before, “I just don’t see how he can still be with her even though he hears what she says!” Okay, obviously Courtney says a lot of stuff under her breath. We as the viewers can hear it because the tech crew has equipment meant to pick up on stuff. If you say it out loud, it is no longer your private thought and is privy to being aired on national television. That doesn’t mean that Ben definitely heard it. The show has been edited to seem like there’s nothing going on in the background. Keep in mind that they are actually still filming, which means that there’s all sorts of equipment around, and lights, and distractions. It was probably hard for Ben to hear what she said, and he might not have been paying attention anyways.

    And hindsight is 20/20! Everyone is entitled to that. How many of us have been with someone and were over the moon until we woke up one day and said “wow, this person is a tool”? If that’s how Ben feels now, then that’s fine because he’s not perfect. Nobody is. It’s much easier for outsiders to look from the outside and say, omigosh that person is horrible. But when you’re immersed in the relationship, it’s very hard for you to see certain things that may be clearer to others. Everyone goes through a honeymoon period. Then you try and land safely afterwards and work on your relationship realistically … or you just crash and burn.

    Yes, this show is supposed to be about finding love. And if Ben really found it in Courtney, then who are you to dismiss the love that he feels? What makes you so qualified to determine that? You’re not him, and he’s not bound by any requirement to pick a girl that makes the viewers happy. I hope that with all the flack he’s getting, watching the show, and hearing things about Courtney, he is still able to keep an open mind and find out who she is to him. She may not have gotten along with other women in the house, but that doesn’t mean her relationship with him or her feelings for him may not be valid. That’s for him to determine based on what he sees from her. And just because she didn’t get along with other women in the house doesn’t mean that she’s not a nice person to the people she does care about. She may just be a person who really doesn’t care about people who don’t matter to her, but is fiercely protective and loyal to people who are her friends/family.

    And yes, Courtney has many immature moments that have been aired on the show. A lot of you think that the women she doesn’t get along with are great, “warm-hearted” women. I think that Emily is a great girl, and yes she does have a great heart. It doesn’t mean that she was great 100% of the way on the show. She had her immature little moments too, like going to Ben and telling him multiple times about how she doesn’t like Courtney. A sign of someone who is mature would be, if you don’t like someone, keep it to yourself. Don’t talk to other people about it, or form little bitching groups to talk about someone behind their back. It’s very unclassy to gossip about other people. She was constantly rolling her eyes on the show, and dismissing Courtney (probably because she thought that Courtney was stupid due to her occupation as a model). She dismissed Courtney, and her feelings when Courtney confronted her about going behind her back and talking to Ben. She lied, and couldn’t face up to what she had done. Maybe she did think that Courtney was stupid enough to accept her lie. Honestly at times, she seemed like the pretty, popular girl, surrounded by her pretty, popular friends, leading them in their little “hate Courtney!” crusade.

    If she were the genuine, classy woman everyone has been making her out to be, she would have said “You know what, I don’t like Courtney. I don’t get along with her, but I don’t have to. That’s her business, and I’ll stick to my business. I’m not going to participate in this petty gossiping, and just stay out of the drama.” And she would have owned up to having spoken to Ben when Courtney confronted her about it. A redeeming point was that she did eventually own up to it and apologized to Courtney. But then it just backtracked after Courtney said that she still didn’t trust her. A lot of people were angry about this, but seriously?? If Courtney had been the one apologizing, Emily probably would have done the same thing, and everyone would have applauded her for it.

    I’m just demonstrating that everyone has good and bad points. It’s easy for you to dislike Courtney because of the editing that has been done. Everyone is different. Emily did treat Courtney poorly on the show, but she isn’t portrayed to be the villain. In reality, the things they did or said may not have been “polar opposites”. All Constantine is doing is trying to keep an open mind, add a little humor here and there (with a little sarcasm!, and analyze the moments between Ben and each girl separately.

    All you haters just keep hating on a man you don’t know, and writing angry comments because you can’t control him or how he feels, the same way you can’t control Ben. Things don’t go the way you want, or people don’t want to take your advice. Get used to it because that’s how life is. These people don’t know you, so they don’t have to take your opinion into consideration.

    Comment by Shlieka — February 23, 2012 @ 11:09 pm

  14. Thanks for such a well rounded blog!

    I don’t think people realize what kind of abnormal set up the bachelor is, basically how contestants are cut off/isolated and aren’t allowed outside contact during their run on the show. It’s that ‘extreme’ nature that ramps up the intensity and gets people to act so abnormally on the show.

    I definitely think that this environment was not good for Courtney, she didn’t handle it well and likely all the stressors she didn’t anticipate brought out the worst in her. She really got out on the defensive. It makes me wonder, if Emily hadn’t brought her up to Ben if Courtney would have had a much easier time.

    It seems like seeing her at home, she was back in her element. She seemed relaxed, at ease and playful in her personality. I think being away from the girls and being able to be on her own turf without that outside stress definitely gave her some perspective.

    I can completely see Courtney and Ben’s chemistry. Though I know others may have thought her mannerisms, etc. looked fake I had no problem giving her the benefit of the doubt having had a best friend growing up who had similar mannerisms. She was also very attractive, and that plus the way she moved and talked sometimes people thought she was stuck up and snobby. But, she wasn’t.

    It’s clear now after seeing Courtney’s mom where she gets her mannerisms from! The way she talks, etc. really is sweet and a form of endearment as that’s just like how her mom talked to her!

    I just hope he does wind up with her, I have that feeling that he does because I don’t really see him going along with the skinny dipping unless he thought he’d wind up with her in the end. But, then again he does seem to kiss every contestant excessively. I wonder what your perspective is on that?

    Comment by Chris — February 24, 2012 @ 6:06 am

  15. Have you found the love of your life after The Bachelorette? Good for you!

    Comment by Tracey — February 24, 2012 @ 8:24 am

  16. Constantine, as usual I love your blog. You are an excellent communicator and I will give you credit for changing my opinion of CR after your blog last week.

    I will say that at first I thought CR was sincere in her observations about treating the other girls badly, right up until the rose ceremony. No hugs, no comforting words, CR just simply walked away. IF she had those feelings, why didn’t she express her regret to Kacie right then and there, or more importantly, to BEN? After all, he was the one who brought this to her attention the week before at the last rose ceremony.

    Sorry, still not a CR fan at all, but I do love your devotion to your friend.

    Comment by Melissa — February 24, 2012 @ 8:28 am

  17. Hey, I have a question.
    I agree with you on almost everything you’ve written here. I think Courtney is just insecure and maybe she really does have feelings for Ben. Obviously he has feelings for her too. That’s all great. Except, after seeing the way Courtney acted, don’t you think she might be too insecure and immature to have a serious relationship and/or get married? Marriage is kind of a big deal…maybe she should learn to interact and get along with other people and stop acting like an immature teenager before she gets engaged to someone. Insecurity and cattiness aren’t qualities that enhance a relationship.
    Anyway, I think Ben likes Courtney the best and if that is the case then obviously he should pick her. I don’t think they are ready to be engaged at this point though.

    Comment by ryan — February 24, 2012 @ 9:29 am

  18. I love your blog, once again. However, I would have to say that regarding Kacie and Ben possibly living together in San Fran, I agree with Dad. I don’t think economics is a good reason to move in together. THey could both get roommate situations first. I just think it’s better for a couple to get to know each other and have real dates in teh real world before living together OR getting engaged. I know a lot of couples who do live together so they can combine expenses, but it just isn’t the best reason to do so and accelerating relationships too fast I think often leads to trouble.

    Anyway, I do think you have some valid points about Courtney’s insecurities. I still don’t like her and I don’t think it ever excuses bad behavior, but I do think she genuinely cares about Ben and vice versa.

    Comment by Phoebe — February 24, 2012 @ 9:44 am

  19. I so appreciate your blog, Constantine. It shows great character to see past all the crazy media antics and fans to see Courtney as a human being who has possibly experienced some hurtful events in her life. Thank you for providing the readers with some other ways to view Courtney and the Bachelor/ette experience. Also, I’m a self-proclaimed nerd, and I must mention how much I appreciate your well-written blog! :)

    Comment by Andrea — February 24, 2012 @ 2:28 pm

  20. Does anyone remember Ben commenting after his first one-on-one date with Courtney in episode 2 (Sonoma) about how much he enjoyed his make-out session with Courtney? (OK, Scotch made it three.)

    They seemed to actually like each other. Real or fake, they looked like they could entertain us with a nice romance.

    To (partially) borrow from Kacie B, what the f*ck has happened??

    Comment by Jim — February 24, 2012 @ 10:45 pm

  21. Good Blog as always .. I was glad to see that Kacie B was let go as she can do much better then Ben .. better now then later for Ben and Courtney… well he is into wine for a living and she drinks it for a living .shes always got a glass of wine with her … I wonder does Ben see just how much she is drinking the wine if so i sure hope he thinks about will he be able to save the money or watch it be drank away….

    Comment by Sara — February 25, 2012 @ 2:20 am

  22. Ben’s cream dream

    Comment by richard — February 25, 2012 @ 3:32 am

  23. It’s obvious Ben will choose Courtney. It was clear he liked her more than anyone else from the beginning. Still, it was super sad to see Kacie so hurt. She was my fav!! :(

    Comment by Ash — February 25, 2012 @ 10:39 am

  24. Enjoyed the well written blog too. Watched Ashley’s season and glad to know you, Constantine, have found someone you love. Please warn Ben if you can. You can’t build a future with someone that starts out with deception. Did you notice when Kacie B. wasn’t picked that the other two ladies went to comfort her and Courtney did not? When she noticed Ben watching she pretended to go over there. Unless she was the victim of editing again, that’s deception. Sorry Courtney but… What will she do when Ben is out in the community talking to people and trying to promote his business? Sit in the corner and pout? I like some things about Courtney but she seems like she needs propping up all time and is pretending to be a people person so Ben picks her. Lindzi is the better person. I hope Ben picks her.

    Comment by Jessica C — February 25, 2012 @ 10:49 am

  25. You cannot excuse inexcusable behavior. Regardless of how stressful a situation may be, it doesn’t excuse being rude, snide, trite, conniving and just plain mean. Why on earth do most of the other ladies have nothing nice to say about Courtney after the fact?

    She called Blakely a stripper on multiple occasions (hello, pot calling kettle black wouldn’t you say?), she repeatedly insulted the other women and played the victim when she was the instigator of most of the hateful behavior on the show.

    Not to mention, she said that once you **** yourself with her, there’s no redeeming yourself. Well she just ****** herself in front of the world and all the ladies. And what, everything is all better because of a one-line pre-recorded voice-over where she claimed to be sorry for how she treated the other women (due to it’s impact on who? Oh yeah…HERSELF) She was simply worried at this point that she is screwing up her chances due to her behavior. There was very little sincerity in that one-line comment.

    He’s your best bud so it’s obvious to you (as it is to everyone watching) that Courtney was his choice from the beginning. The other girls never stood a chance….he was so into her that it doesn’t even matter how she behaves. The fact that he would call her kind and honest shows he has no idea who she is. Anyone who is truly kind would NEVER treat others the way Courtney did….regardless of the situation you are placed into. She is who she is….Ben likes it, good for him. He will have the deal with it!

    Comment by aly — February 25, 2012 @ 1:30 pm

  26. Nice blog! As a back drop, I have watched every single bachelor and bachelorette episode since its inception, and never witnessed a girl behave this way- I mean Courtney. Where is Gisele Bunchen? How can a relationship be riddled with dishonesty right from the beginning? It is nice that you’ve been trying to explain Courtney’s behavior. But I can say that anytime Courtney acts, it does one thing for Ben- bring him down to a new low.

    True love brings the best out of each other! Courtney brings the worst side of Ben! How do I explain a young businessman going skinny dipping with a girl he just met on a TV show with cameras rolling? Ben looks so pathetic in his relationship with Courtney, and it’s so painful to watch. It is going to take Ben a lifetime to figure out who Courtney is. Yes, Courtney has a lot of Guy friends, and has always had a boyfriend she says. The puzzle is: Why was she on the Bachelor show then?

    Comment by Sinnie Dowson — February 26, 2012 @ 5:09 am

  27. I agree with alot that you have said except in regards to Courtney. There is a very good reason why men always complain that they don’t understand women…lol…it’s easy for women to dupe men like Courtney has. There is a reason why you are now hearing Courtney try to redeem herself. It is coming down to the end and Ben has voiced concerns with how she is treating the other women. By all accounts, Courtney has been this way all of her life. When you start out by saying that you are used to other girls treating you differently because of your looks, that you aren’t concerned with going up against other women because you are competitive and you usually WIN, WIN, WIN (which is fine in the buisness world but not good when you are looking at finding a life long relationship as a GAME), and upon first meeting the other girls you look at the camera and say “I’m better than them”. That is just a shallow, vindictive, mean natured girl and who would want to get stuck with someone like that? There is a very good reason why she has never had a successful relationship and we are all seeing the reasons now being played out before us.

    Comment by Becky — February 26, 2012 @ 7:19 am

  28. US MAG Video – OH, CR never apologizes to Ben – never takes responsibility for how her actions made him feel. NARCISSISM at large…perfect for entertainment not Motherhood.

    Comment by Cynthia Baker — February 26, 2012 @ 5:09 pm

  29. Constantine, Here is a link for you to pass on to Ben this will help him and CR overcome, and learn to deal with her unacceptable behavior.

    Comment by Cynthia Baker — February 27, 2012 @ 3:14 pm

  30. People need to give Ben a break, if he loves Courtney and she loves him then the world needs to butt out. If she does not love Ben, she deserves an oscar. I would like Ben to find happiness. You and Ben were my favs on Ashley’s season from the time you stepped from the limo. Just found your blog, and I really enjoy it. TEXAS

    Comment by Brenda Thomas — February 28, 2012 @ 5:17 am

  31. my comment is very simple Ben is only thinking with his penis.The door was opened several weeks ago that he has already made his choice of Courtney and if this is true then i will no longer see myself watching the show.

    Comment by tim — February 28, 2012 @ 6:40 am

  32. “Courtney is a model and never claimed to be a poet….” No offense, but why the heck does being “a model” even need to be noted? If it had been Lindzi who “borrowed” the Sex & the City vows, would you have written, “Lindzi is a Business Development Manager and never claimed to be a poet….” I don’t think so. :-)
    Also, the difference between you using lyrics from a song in letters you have written to your girlfriends and Courtney “borrowing” the SATC vows is that you probably referenced the song in your letters and/or the lyrics were so well known to most people that you wouldn’t need to give credit to the quote. Courtney tried to pass her “vows” off as her own. Not many guys would have known the vows were from SATC – Ben included – so they would have thought Courtney had written the vows as her own.
    Also, it’s Sex AND the City – not Sex IN the City. :-) Have to laugh when people think it’s IN the City. Two completely different concepts. :-)

    Comment by coley — February 28, 2012 @ 11:45 am

  33. While I appreciate your defense of Courtney, Constantine, I think you’re overlooking something. Yes, she said she’s sorry she treated the women like that, not not because she regrets hurting their feelings; she’s only sorry because she might have messed things up for herself. Courtney may truly love Ben, but she’s still too self-involved to care about anyone but herself and Ben will always be in second (or lower) place.

    Comment by Sandy — February 28, 2012 @ 12:36 pm

  34. Great blog!! However, I do share a slightly different opinion of Courtney……I truly believe she DOES NOT get along well with other women to often, outside her small circle of friends and family. Lets face it, the claws come out when any other female poses a threat to her. A SCARY THOUGHT: I don’t think Courtney will blend well with the two most important women in Ben’s life that are a strong influence for him – HIS MOM & SISTER. I think Courtney will see their influence as a personal threat because let’s face it, she MUST be the center of attention. Just something to think about for the long haul.

    Comment by kathy-n-zona — February 29, 2012 @ 8:43 am

  35. I hope Ben has the courage to not care what people think of Courtney and see if their is a relationship there.
    I mean what a crazy double standard we live in- Courtney hurts a few girls feelings with some zingers- Get over it. Ben on the other hand emotionally crushes these last 4 or 5 women. who he has told each one he was falling in love with before he failed to give him a rose. They walk away saying they want the best for Ben and that Courtney is an evil shrew.
    What a bunch of crazy women-Kacie even tried to beg her way back- Blaming Courtney for all that ails the world is utter insanity.
    Ben -you had to live through watching some bad moments from Courtney- She had to live through you making out and professing love to at least 5 women- Man UP DUDE!!!

    Comment by ed — February 29, 2012 @ 10:31 am

  36. I think you have a wise take on the whole situation and it’s good for all us viewers to think about these women and their personalities in more than black and white terms. I was always skeptical of the “Courtney-is-a-villain” take, mainly because it seemed to be as much the product of “real situations” as some very tricky editing. It seems really clear to me that Courtney is in her element when she’s around Ben, her family, and basically fully outside the artificial atmosphere of the behind-the-scenes Bachelor. If anything, this is a good sign: a sign that she will be a great person and companion in the real world. She made some mistakes by putting her guard up on the show and then she apologized for them. I think it’s time the public had some charity and realized that if any one of us was put under the microscope, all our flaws would be revealed. Then, we’d be forced to eat humble pie like her and fess up to them. Bottom line: I think Courtney’s got a good head on her shoulders, a supportive family, and a quirky, fun-loving and free-spirited personality that will match well with Ben’s. If he picks her — and she picks him — hopefully it will work out for them! They seem genuinely connected and ready to be in a serious relationship — together. Also, why not put ourselves in Courtney’s shoes? Never mind all the drama surrounding her “villanous” character, how do you she is now feeling with Ben professing his love to Lindzi and others? This woman has been through a lot. Everyone on this show has their own journey; I think it’s time we injected a little more humanity into our analysis.

    Comment by Maggie — February 29, 2012 @ 12:05 pm

  37. Constantine, I wish they would pick you to be the next bachelor. I saw your chest on the bachelorette and even thought I’m 62 I thought it looked pretty good. You seem to have better discernment about women than Ben. You are a smart guy and not easily fooled, unlike Ben. He’s good looking, but no judgement. Thank-you, Sue

    Comment by Sue Stock — February 29, 2012 @ 2:34 pm

  38. I think you are spot-on about Courtney’s reasons for acting the way she does. It’s pretty clear that she’s had some bad relationships in the past and this cut-throat demeanor is the defense mechanism that resulted. I also agree that she and Ben are truly in love. What bothers me is that the only reason she is all of a sudden sorry for acting the way she did is because she’s realizing how much it really bothers Ben. Her explanations are half-hearted and she does her best to downplay how out-of-line she really was…”maybe I could have done some things differently,” “this is just a hard situation for me,” “I tried hard to get along with the other girls,” etc etc. As the saying goes, she’s only sorry that she got caught.

    Comment by Stephanie — February 29, 2012 @ 5:36 pm

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    Comment by 2Sacysheegeham — March 23, 2013 @ 11:46 am

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