CONSTANTINE’S BACHELOR BLOG: EPISODE 5

Favorite Worst Nightmare

Let’s face it, after viewing this weeks episode there really isn’t much else worth talking about outside of Ben and Courtney’s synchronized swimming duet. I’m still going to put some effort (minimal at best) into the rest of the episode. So be patient and like Courtney’s slogan on her new T-shirt line Irony Clothing says, “Be Nice.”

“Let’s Find Love in Old San Juan”- Congratulations Nicki, first date out the gate in Puerto Rico and, surprise, it rains. Thankfully Ben has a solid plan B in place for situations like this: commence operation dress like a Latin drug lord. Let the record state that this is the ONLY appropriate time a man should ever wear white loafers. With that Ben and Nicki find themselves window-shopping a wedding together. In their attempt at tackling the tough question of when to move in, Ben and Nicki are drawn into a theoretical debate on why one would buy the cow when you can get the milk free? Of course Nicki, having already been married once refers to her experience and feels moving in prior to being married is an important step in getting to know someone. There’s all the proof I need, these two are playing it safe and I don’t see Ben on bended knee asking Nicki to marry him anytime soon. Regardless, date one in Puerto Rico ends in a rose and Nicki is safe to continue her journey next week.

“Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend”- Here’s an idea, let’s take the girls and split them into two competitive teams. We’ll give them one bat and reward last team standing with a beach party hosted by our Bachelor! These girls couldn’t work together long enough to finish a puzzle without someone getting shanked in the back, so let’s play ball!

Red versus Blue, might as well be North versus South as this is just good old fashioned hate on display. After teams were chosen and a switch hitter was designated (no, Monica went home last week), the game begins. From what we saw, more than a few of the girls thrived on the physical aspect of this date. Blakeley was on an absolute tear, smashing singles and catching balls like it was her job? I just have a feeling we’re going to see an asterisk by her name in the records books for performance enhancing. In typical Hollywood fashion the fate of the Blue team lies in the hands of an underdog accountant from Oklahoma City, OK named Jennifer, better known as “The Economist” by her teammates. Unfortunately for the Blue team the numbers just didn’t add up this time. Jennifer strikes out and they are forced to sit and watch as the spoils of victory are awarded to the “winning” Red team.

The bonfire beach party thrown for the Red team wasn’t really all that exciting. Most of the conversations revolved around how Courtney sized up her teammates chances with Ben, of course they all fell short of her worldly resume. Ben does decide to give Kacie a rose, which seems to set off a series of unfortunate events as we are treated to Courtney’s premeditated plan of Bachelor 16 domination. Like last week, Courtney isolates Ben and starts to plant seeds of devilish intention with thoughts of wine and skinny dipping. This leaves our Bachelor confused, as he isn’t fully aware of Courtney’s ability to do whatever the hell she wants.

“Let’s Find Love Somewhere Private”- We all know how this date ends so let me just say, Elyse, this just wasn’t the right guy at the right time for you. I applaud you though for handling yourself with dignity while on the show and wish you the best in your journey to find love. I’m starting to wonder though if this season is only scheduled for 6 weeks? Ben’s making cuts like a butcher or as Courtney say’s “trimming the fat.”

“I don’t know if he’s ever skinny dipped with a model?”- I’m not too sure about that either Courtney, we’ll have to check his bucket list to confirm. Here we arrive at what seems to be the antithesis of Courtney’s journey with Ben, and after only five weeks? Well, when two people are in love who is ABC to stop them? I’m guessing Courtney sneaks off to surprise Ben and positions herself in front of Ben’s room and awaits for our Bachelor to return from a somber evening of crushed dreams, discarded roses and uneaten dinners. Upon Ben’s arrival it’s worthy to note the look of sheer terror on his face as he turns to see the devilish vixen in white toting two glasses and a bottle of vino.

Inside the room they sit and chat, again note the fear in our Bachelor’s body language. It’s as if he’s snuck into the room of his first girlfriend, waiting with trained ear for the doorknob to turn so he can escape out a window. There’s even a point where our Bachelor admits that, “this probably isn’t a good idea”, but nothing fun ever really is so onto the beach they go. Here it’s evident our Bachelor has full convinced himself that this is a good idea stating, “why not, why the hell not?” After all you are still relatively single and by the time everyone finds out you’ll be engaged to some lucky lady and the statue of limitations will already be up. Can you say loophole? Boom.

The remainder of the episode pales in comparison to Ben and Courtney’s impromptu date. Sadly we are forced to watch as Jennifer clings to straws describing her last date with Ben stating, “I really loved it. I just felt like it was so perfect” for which Ben answers, “It was something.” Ouch, seems like Ben has begun construction on his walls again. There’s a lesson to be learned here and like my man Tupac said, “Ladies you can run the red lights but please read the street signs.” Amen.

The only other two conversations worth noting with Ben were Blakeley and Emily’s. Blakeley attempts to show a softer side as she admits to the “note taking” of Ben’s finer characteristics. It seems to work with Ben as he commends her for taking the chance and opening up to him. It’s evident that Blakeley’s feelings have progressed greatly for Ben over the past two episodes. Clearly we just haven’t been privy to all of their conversations.

While Blakeley is taking notes Emily seems hard pressed to read them as she again tries to warn Ben about his decision making, specifically with Courtney. She is told by Ben to simply, “drop it” and to “tread carefully.” Poor Emily, at this point she has no clue just how far Courtney’s claws have set into Ben. I only hope Emily heeds our Bachelors advice as she’s on deck for the chopping block, luckily Jennifer was batting clean up this time around.

It’s clear who commands most of our Bachelors attention up to this point. Surely though this can’t be a one horse race so soon?

Please direct your questions and comments to either twitter: @Contzor or HYPERLINK “http://www.facebook.com/isthisis