Craig’s Bachelor Blog: Episode 1

“Girls are all crazy.  You just have to find the crazy one that you really like.” An anonymous, former Bachelorette contestant once told me that soon after I was dumped on national television.

I never fully bought into that type of ideology.  However, last night, that quote seemed to sum up how Ben was feeling during the course of night one.

LIMO EXITS:

Many former contestants surely remember the thought process and preparation that goes into a night one limo exit.  Most of us are given ample time to prepare for a moment that lasts 30 seconds maximum. The question many of us ask are, “If I go with a simple greeting, will I come across as too boring and not stand out?”  This, of course, is balanced with the thought, “If I get too creative, will I come across as cheesy, desperate, and/or overboard?”  The following people chose to get creative, and it backfired:

Erika – For some people, being funny doesn’t come naturally.  Erika, this applies to you.  The verdict is in, and Ben is the victim of being forced to chuckle at a corny joke.  For future reference, simple does it.

Amber B – If this show were titled, “Who wants to date a Wendy’s menu,” then sharing your nickname, “The Baconator” would be appropriate.  I loved Ben’s line at the end of this greeting, the famous words never uttered by a non-Canadian, “I love Canada.”

Lyndsie – I actually couldn’t bare to watch her limo exit after her atrocious intro package consisting of her trying on outfits from each country she lived in.  There’s nothing attractive about drawing attention to your butt cheek dimple either.

Jaclyn – You may as well have referred to Ben as “bro” when you slapped him on the arm.

THE DRAMA AND HIGHLIGHTS

The Drama (a.k.a. Jenna) overshadowed a few girls who had some serious FWP (future wife potential).  I’ll get to the FWP’s in a minute.

One of my favorite lines of the night belonged to The Drama when she said, “I don’t wanna be drama.”  Jenna, I am sure many people will be telling you how crazy you acted over the course of the next several weeks. Let me be one of the first to put a positive spin on your experience by saying that this show needs people like you.  You had some of the best one-liners this show has ever seen.  The “do you wanna share a tampon?” line blew me away to the point that I NEVER knew the human brain was capable of such an incoherent thought.  I thank you for opening my eyes to a new brand of human.  People who cry constantly may be annoying to date, but they sure are fun to watch on television.

Monica was entertaining.  Her mannerisms remind me of an Erica Rose (minus the questionable sexuality).  I love how she was so quick to identify, “that’s my cackle” as if anyone was wondering.  She is obviously not the least bit interested in Ben, but she is one of those characters that you hope he keeps around for the entertainment value and the possibility of more homoerotic behavior.

Courtney – “So, I’m at the point in my life where I’m a model.”  These are words that I have never had the chance to say.  Obviously, Courtney is a stunning girl who is in the prime of her modeling career. While it’s obvious that Ben was initially attracted to her looks, you have to wonder if she’s really ready to settle down.

THE GRANDMOM

I LOVE the fact that a grandmother got the opportunity to experience life on a reality TV show.  My nerves were running so high that first night that I can’t even imagine how difficult it was for her.  She looked more comfortable on camera than many of the girls.  She was Betty White-esque. I just wish she had stayed around longer.  It would have been fun to see her reaction to the late night/early morning craziness, or to personally experience a rose ceremony.

THE FWP’s (FUTURE WIFE POTENTIAL)

Emily – Beautiful, intelligent girl who will one day have her Ph.D. However, try not to read off of a cheat sheet for a 30 second “gangsta” rap.  You’re a catch, and I’m sure you’ve crammed more into your brain for an epidemiology exam than most of the former Bachelor contestants have in their lives.  Memorize your rap and show Ben who is the boss.  Otherwise, great job.

Lindzie – Attractive, nice, bubbly, adventurous, and intelligent.  There is not much to not like here.  The horse idea was a creative, classy, and endearing entrance.  Not surprised to see her get the first impression rose.  She nailed night one.

FINAL THOUGHTS

If you’re open to the idea of falling in love on a reality show, night one takes mental preparation.  It takes focus.  With that said, not everyone goes on the show for the “right reasons” (whatever that means anymore). If you are not emotionally prepared for this wild journey, then stay on the sidelines.  Plain and simple.

Night one had the effect of shadowing the girls that are truly “in it to win it.”  I only listed two FWP’s because those are the only two that really stood out to me last night as potential winners. Some of these girls should have chosen to stay on the sidelines in their own best interest (not of the audience).  Maybe Ben will come to the realization that he should simply choose the crazy one that he really likes.