Craig’s Bachelorette Blog: Episode 1

Is The Biological Clock Really Ticking?

 

Until Monday night, I hadn’t given any real thought to the idea of the biological clock.  Most men don’t concern themselves with such a thought.  I recently turned 29, and for most of my life, my mentality has been that I have plenty of time to get to the point where I have a “minivan full of babies.”  Emily’s mentioning of her biological clock certainly tickled a brain nerve.

So, I did some research. An Indian farmer, Ramajit Raghav, recently became the world’s oldest father at 94 years old.  His wife, Shakuntala, gave birth to their baby at a youthful 59 years old.   I want to take a second to congratulate Ramajit and Shakuntala. They truly have defied the idea of the biological clock and alleviated my new concern.

Wanna know Ramajit’s secret?  A very simple daily formula:  Three litres of milk, half a kilo of almonds, and half a kilo of clarified butter (I’m guessing he doesn’t smear it on bread).  We have all been fooled into thinking that aerobics and vegetables are the secret to strong fertility.  At 26 years old, Emily has plenty of time to follow in Shakuntala’s footsteps.

This week’s episode brought back the memory of a stressful and anxiety-filled night 1.  I remember telling myself during that first night to just be yourself and not try too hard.  Some of the guys played it safe and some went out of their way to prematurely kill any chance of ending up with Emily from the minute they exited the limo.

Bringing a prop is a risk, especially when the prop is a giant egg or a boom box.  The contestants have weeks (at least) to prepare for the night 1 intro and to think that the best idea one could come up with is to bring an egg or dress up like an old lady is mind-boggling.

Painful Night 1 Memories

One of the more painful limo exits was Travis and his egg.  It always surprises me when a contestant tries to fast-forward to a “minivan full of babies” during the meet and greet.  I remember hearing my buddy Kasey already proclaiming that he would “guard and protect” Ali’s heart and thinking, WTF!  You just met her.  You have to wonder how Travis has already decided that he will take care of Ricki unconditionally before even meeting Emily.

Kalon really likes lip gloss.

Jackson’s line regarding breathtaking moments was shocking in a bad way.  If you’re gonna get down on 1 knee during night one, you better have something funny, not cheesy to say.  If not, stay on your feet.

Joe, are you excited?  I couldn’t tell.

Stevie, did your legs just seizure?  New rule from night 1:  Unless you can duplicate Roberto’s salsa dancing, do not dance.

Alessandro (The Brazilian Jack Black) should have shaved.

Jean-Paul – don’t play it cool by acting like you know nothing about Emily.  There’s no way you took the time to go through the lengthy, time-consuming casting process but failed to put Emily’s name into a google search.

Night 1 Winners

Jef took a risk by riding in on a skateboard and adding a foot to his height in the form of hair. It worked.  Ryan killed it with his handmade sign to Emily.  Even though I was telling Doug through the screen to stop talking about being a single-father, Emily loved it and it won him the first impression rose.  I hope you called your son the next day to thank him.

The first episode was short but entertaining.  Entering into a relationship with a single mother who has such a tragic story takes a lot of courage, and I commend these guys for having the confidence to step into that role.  I can only imagine how challenging (and rewarding) it is to be a good parent.

Ramajit said it best when asked if he was worried about his child’s future:  “Nothing will happen to my child as I will die only if a black snake bites me and that is very far.”  Which contestants will stay strong with a diet of dairy and almonds, and who will fall victim to the venomous bite of a black snake?  Only time will tell.

 

 

 

                 

16 Comments »

  1. Craig, when you stay sober, you’ve got great brain cells working up there. Good writing. Keep it up!

    Comment by Paula — May 18, 2012 @ 2:52 pm

  2. Hear! Hear! I’m so glad you’re blogging this season!

    Comment by Penny Farthing — May 18, 2012 @ 4:33 pm

  3. Craig, I loved it but I would like to say if you have your child at 59, you will be 79 when the child is 20 years old, I agree with Emily on this one. Lol

    Comment by Roberta — May 18, 2012 @ 5:20 pm

  4. I loved loved loved this blog. Finally someone on this site has blogged about this episode with a little insight. The bit about the 94 year old man was great. Keep Blogging For Me! XOXO- Gossip Girl

    Comment by Gossip Girl — May 19, 2012 @ 5:46 am

  5. Great read! Looking forward to your next blog!

    Comment by Beth Ann — May 19, 2012 @ 7:49 am

  6. Craig is a drunk. I bet his penis has cheese oozing out of the tip. Not that kinda cheese. He’s a fugly womanizer. The chick he is with now is busted looking too.

    Comment by American Hero — May 19, 2012 @ 11:47 am

  7. Really American Hero? Do you even know who his girl is. You’re thinkin of Jackie Gordon. Craig is easily the smartest guy theyver ever had on the bachelor. And I’m sure his girl is more attractive than Jackie’s boring, monster-like look.

    Comment by Bachelor12 — May 19, 2012 @ 3:41 pm

  8. Bachelor 12′s comment is so Craig Robinson. Transparent, you are Craiger.

    Comment by LMAO — May 21, 2012 @ 11:31 am

  9. All the attacking of Craig and his former girlfriend, Jackie, is just plain childish and ridiculous. Why do people have to be so cruel….everyone has feelings. You don’t have to like the person or his actions but perhaps we wouldn’t like you(rs) either. Grow up!!

    Comment by Geena — May 21, 2012 @ 6:09 pm

  10. Nobody is talking about Jackie. It’s the busted bimbo he’s with now.

    Comment by to Geena — May 21, 2012 @ 8:08 pm

  11. Craig– you are great!!! Keep up your posts, I love it!

    Comment by Francesca — May 22, 2012 @ 8:29 am

  12. This is awesome–you are extremely witty!

    Comment by Francesca — May 22, 2012 @ 8:30 am

  13. Im sure the people commenting about Craig’s current gf being busted up are real lookers… not! Your so brave to sit on a computer and judge someone you don’t personally know.

    Comment by Kayla — May 29, 2012 @ 10:48 pm

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