DANA WEISS’ BACHELOR FASHION BLOG: EPISODE 7
Maybe it’s because it’s Valentine’s Day and I know that, at most, only one of these women found love on the Bachelor, or maybe I’m just getting soft in my old age (and I’m not just talking about my mid-section) but I didn’t totally hate this week’s fashion.
From the moment the girls stepped off the seaplane, they were on their A-game. I loved Lesley’s Yumi Kim print floral dress, and thought AshLee looked fresh and nautical in a striped tee from JCrew, but the standout to me was Lindsay in this zig zag print dress I actually described in my notes as “Missoni-ish.” I found out later that Lindsay was embarrassed to admit that the dress is from JC Penney, which just goes to show you that you don’t have to spend a lot to look cute.
And also that Lindsay thinks I’m a shallow bitch.
She’s not wrong.
Ashlee scores the first date with Sean, and makes me want to give up carbs. From her teeny tiny 7 For All Mankind brocade shorts, to her teeny tinier bikini, AshLee had the upper hand long before she threw Tierra under the bus. It was only during AshLee’s Titanic-inspired outburst – I’m in love with Sean! I’m the King of the World – that I thought her fashion fell a little flat. At the risk of sounding like Tierra, no 32 year old should wear a crop top.
Not even with those abs. Which are, admittedly, spectacular.
Tierra gets the next one-on-one and instead of being thrilled shes…disappointed? Clearly she had been planning her entire outfit around the full body cast she was hoping to score, and it threw her whole date off. While Tierra cried into her snowcone, the ladies stayed back at the house talking shit about Calamity Tierra. (For those who asked, Lesley got her cover up in Morocco there’s a similar one by Soft Surroundings on eBay and I’m pretty sure AshLee’s ombre bikini is from Victoria’s Secret. )
The girls go on a group date, and I can’t really remember what they wore because I was so horrified that Sean would wake them up at 4AM to be on camera without makeup. I was also horrified because even at 4AM all three of them look infinitely better than I do after having my hair and makeup done professionally. Des and Catherine both open up. Lindsay gets the rose. And I made an appointment to meet with a plastic surgeon. Overall, it was a productive date for all of us.
Lesley scores the final one-on-one with Sean. She wears a coral, double slit chiffon skirt from Zara last summer. It was one of the most memorable pieces worn on the Bachelor this season, so it’s a shame Lesley will always look at it and think, “that’s what I was wearing the day Sean decided he didn’t love me.” By not saying she loved Sean, Lesley sealed her fate with Sean. By wearing this skirt, she also sealed her fate with me. Don’t worry Lesley, I will always love you.
AshLee stages her inTIERRAvention, and – I can’t believe I’m about to say this – but Tierra has never looked better. This red maxi dress was a gorgeous color, the silhouette was perfect for her, and she traded in her giant Jersey Shore hoops for a pair of simple diamond (diamonelle?) studs. She and AshLee call each other honey a bunch of times in that passive agressive way that only women can and then Tierra, backed into a corner, makes the ultimate confession: she cannot control her eyebrow.
Sean finds Tierra sobbing on her cot-of-shame, and consoles her. He knows how hard it’s been for her to endure the hardships of being on the Bachelor while suffering in silence with “face incontinence.” Sean tells her he’s crazy about her and slowly summons the men in white jackets to escort Tierra off the premises.
Good bye, Tierra. Stay strong. And remember, they can take away your rose, but they’ll never take your sparkle.
At the rose ceremony, everyone except Catherine is dressed like they’re Lesley’s bridesmaids. AshLee’s marigold dress by Susanna Monaco and Lindsay’s green Banana Republic maxi dress both complimented Lesley’s rainbow striped maxi by Foley + Corinna. This was Lindsay’s best rose ceremony and a drastic improvement from when we met her in the wedding gown on the first night
When in doubt Lindsay, repeat after me, “always the bridesmaid. NEVER the bride.”
Despite all her worrying, AshLee got the final rose, along with Catherine and Des. And Sean sends Lesley home. And judging from Catherine’s reaction to Lesley leaving, they might be the first two people in the history of the Bachelor who “came here to make friends.”
Next week are the hometown dates, where Sean gets in a fight with Des’ brother, has a pushup contest with Lindsay’s dad and we finally get to see just how organized AshLee really is.