I’ll be honest.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember my own children’s names, let alone 25 bachelors as they drop from helicopters and dress like Mrs. Doubtfire in the hopes of winning Emily Maynard’s heart.

To keep track of the fellas, I’ve devised a little system of mnemonic devices to keep them straight. These nicknames include (but are not limited to) Bumpit, Grandy, Bruno Mars, Mr. Duggar, Keith Suburban, Speed Racer, Ass Slipper, Justin Bartha, and Frat Chin.

I could use up my entire blog space just explaining to you the science behind the monikers, but really, does anyone care about the guys?

No way.

Like everyone else, we’re here for Emily. And even though I’m definitely not here for the right reasons (unless you think the right reasons are to critique Emily’s Bachelorette fashion) I assure you this journey’s going to be the most. dramatic. ever.

On a scale of Ali Fedotowsky to Jillian Harris – the former being super tomboy, the latter being super girly – Emily Maynard’s style is far to the right of the spectrum, just behind Dolly Parton (both because of the boobs and the sequins).

Emily’s first night dress by Jean Fares was all about drama, with its illusion back and sequin detailing it wasn’t my favorite. Emily looked lovely, but I had flashbacks of Disney Princesses on Ice.

Bachelorette stylist Cary Fetman explained the strategy of the dress to me. In spite of being over-the-top glam, it was important to wear a dress that was super slim fitting – so the guys could hug her without fighting with crinoline, tulle or hoop skirts.

Hey, she’s Southern. It could happen.

The Good:

I know I should probably wax poetic about Emily’s nude rose ceremony dress, but what I liked best were some of the quick intro shots of Emily in real life. My favorite? A pair of super flared red jeans by Dittos and a slim fitting cream sweater by karen kane which showed off Emily’s new…er, assets.

Keep an eye out for these jeans; they’ll make an appearance later in the season, which is more than I can say for my pick for worst dressed.

The Bad

My pick for worst dressed this week? Has to go Stevie the Party MC (really?) The uber green button down looked like it was drenched in that radioactive goo used to fill the glow sticks he’ll be using this weekend when he works the Rubenstein Bar Mitzvah.

We know, Stevie. It’s fun to stay at the YMCA.

What did you think of Emily’s first night style? Her casual attire? And most of all which guys are your picks for best and worst (for Emily and for fashion?)

I’ll be here every week, ID-ing my favorite Emily Maynard style from the Bachelorette. But if Emily is wearing something you want, check out my fashion blog Possessionista.com, which tracks all of Emily Maynard’s bachelorette fashion.