David Good’s Bachelor Pad Blog: Episode 1

Here we go and let the games begin!  I am pretty excited about this season of the pad.  I love Emily but that show was pretty slow for me and I think this is going to make up for that 10 fold from what I have heard.  I have a bunch of friends I will be watching and pulling for and we also have the new addition of the “super fans” that adds a crazy dynamic.

People seem to have mixed emotions about the fans being in the house but I personally think it is kind of a fun thing to add.  I don’t think they will last very long unless they win some competitions though.  It comes down to teamwork and I feel they will get teamed up on and sent home.  (That’s what I would do anyway)

Here are some thoughts before we get into the meat of it.  I know a lot of you disliked Kalon on the bachelorette but I think he is going to be hilarious on here.  Also my boy Ed from my season of the Bachelorette is on here and he is historical.  He will have to be careful though because Ed likes to drink and sometimes it gets the best of him.  Erica and Mike S. are two of my favorites from the franchise and I hope they all do well on here.

The “super fans” all seem decent but I am a little torn by the “swat” guy in a robe with candles burning, watching the show by himself.  Nothing screams “serial killer” more than that.  The little slutty spearmint twins are gonna drive me nuts and I only say that because they ARE SUPER ANNOYING in their first 2 minutes.

LOL… Kalon has the best entrance!  He pulls up in a Porsche walks by Chris and throws his key’s at him says “keep it close.”  Hahahah.  Told you.  That is hysterical.  He is just rolling with this villain character and I love it.  You have to give him credit that sometimes he say’s some funny stuff.

Ed. Ed. Ed. Ed.  J  I have never laughed so hard at any of these shows as I am right now.  I told you!  Ed needs to watch his liquor.  He is fun but can really take it way to far sometimes.  Ed is WASTED right now on the first night and takes off all his clothes but his undies and jumps in the pool.

Chris Harrison then comes in and everyone is sitting around and Ed belches super loud right in the middle of Chris talking.  Hahahahahaha.  OMG I’m dying laughing.  I can’t breath.

Harrison is finally able to finish talking and tells everyone that for tomorrows competition they have to team up.  This turns the party into serious business as everyone starts choosing partners.

Blakely ask Chris to partner up and then kind of attacks him?  I love a competitive girl but I am not sure what is going on here.  She is acting like they are married or something and they literally have been talking for at most 1 hour.

The next morning they all awake for their competition.   Out front of the house there is a contraption set up with heart shaped like boxes the team must sit in and every couple minutes they turn toward the side so you have to push on the walls to stay in it as a couple.   (kind of hard to explain)  Basically be last to fall out of the heart and you win.

The “super fan” dave and the umpa lumpa twins end up winning.  This is not good for the others in the house.  This gives the fans the power now.

Dave has a good idea but then decides to tell Erica his whole plan to vote her off!!! why??????????  WTF???????? ROOKIE MISTAKE!

Why on earth is he doing this!?  That is one of the dumbest things I have seen in a long time on any show.

Erica is not having it and starts to rally the troops.  Because of this Chris “swat” is put in very difficult position and is not happy about it.

As the night rolls on it looks like on the guy’s side he is going to be going home.

Meanwhile Ed is telling Reid that he is going to vote for Paige (Reid’s Partner) and Reid like an idiot is upset about it???

Let me say this.  THIS IS FOR $250,000.00 boys and girls.  Take your damn emotions out of it and play with your head.  You are playing like a bunch of high school girls would.

Why on earth would Reid want to keep a super fan in the house?  At some point she is going to turn because she will have no choice and join forces against you Reid.  DUH.

I feel like I am taking crazy pills watching this by how stupid some people are.

Long story short Reid (lucky without him even realizing it) is out done and Paige and “swat” get sent home.

The drama is gonna heat up real fast this season and I am looking forward to the next show!

Have a great week!

71 Comments »

  1. Your blog cracks me up this week. You’re right on with the “little slutty spearmint twins” and Ed belching in the meeting with Chris H. was hilarious. I agree that Blakely is nuts to be so serious about Chris this early. She is the Melissa of this season. However, Jaclyn is a major b*** to pretend to be her friend and then say mean things behind her back. I can’t stand that high school cattiness crap.

    Comment by Sarah — July 26, 2012 @ 11:13 am

  2. I’m going to order life-like silicone dolls that looks just like Blakely and that fan chick in the bikini. They don’t talk back or express opinions so that’s great and silicone warms up and I can even cuddle with them. If anyone is interested, just google “human-size silicone dolls.” You have to make sure you clean all the orifices regularly though. And don’t beat up the dolls – I had an off day and banged up one of my dolls and her face is deformed and I am so mad at myself for doing that. I am going to order soon and am so excited. I have 3 sitting in my apartment (Kelli, Mandi & Cyndi). Kelli is my “wife” and the other two are girlfriends. Best thing I have EVER done for myself since the restraining orders.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 26, 2012 @ 2:01 pm

  3. LOL the “umpa lumpa” twins. I have a feeling I’m going to be enjoying your blogs immensely because you’ll be enjoying the show immensely. Though Ed was still wearing his striped socks when he jumped into the pool. He was totally hysterical, the best part of the night. You’d think he’d get drunk and mingle but noooooo…Ed wants to be on his own in the pool and hot tub. Which NEEDS HEAT!!!

    Comment by Jolene — July 26, 2012 @ 2:13 pm

  4. I totally forgot about Jaclyn. Yes I will have to get into that next episode!!!!!!! Good point!

    Comment by David Good — July 26, 2012 @ 3:50 pm

  5. Some of my favorite quotes of the night:

    Ed: “Chris will you just start over….(as he’s throwing his head furiously trying to get the water out)

    Kalon: “Can someone take their batteries out?” (on the Spearmint Twins, it’s a deleted scene, and if you haven’t seen it….do it. Pure genius.) I’m with you Dave, I still think he’s a douche for the things he said about Ricki, but he’s got some sweeeeeet one-liners.

    Sarah: “Ed, pull it together. We get it, you’ve got a big d**k and you’re funny, but really, pull it together.”

    Great blog!! Highlarious as usual!

    Comment by Morgan — July 26, 2012 @ 9:15 pm

  6. I’m not usually shallow, but if more of the guys on the show looked like Dave Good it would be a lot more fun to watch.

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 26, 2012 @ 9:37 pm

  7. My life-like silicone dolls won’t arrive for another week. I took a picture of Emily and a picture of Donna. It’s so much more expensive to get them customized but I think it’s worth it and I had to pay an arm and a leg (not literally, the dolls come with all their limbs) for overnight shipping.

    Last week I got p*ssed off at this cow of a co-worker and came home and punched Kelli in the face. I’m so mad, it will cost too much to fix her face. I feel regret everytime I look at her face because she’s never done anything wrong. I’m thinking about getting her a longer wig or putting a mask on her.

    I will keep everyone updated.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 27, 2012 @ 12:37 am

  8. Please do. I hope “Kelli” recovers.

    Comment by Jojo — July 27, 2012 @ 12:38 am

  9. She can’t “recover” sweetheart. She’s a doll. God women are so dimwitted.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 27, 2012 @ 12:39 am

  10. Yeah I KNOW. I’m female and perfectly capable of sarcasm. YOU’RE the one talking about them AS IF THEY’RE REAL. Get some therapy!

    Comment by Jojo — July 27, 2012 @ 12:44 am

  11. I haven’t talked about them like they’re real at all. All I said was that I wanted, purchased and will receive silicone dolls that look like Blakely and B()()bs. As usual, you’re the woman reading into things.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 27, 2012 @ 1:06 am

  12. YOU’RE the one saying “I feel regret everytime I look at her face because she’s never done anything wrong.” WTF???

    Comment by Jojo — July 27, 2012 @ 1:13 am

  13. I’ve NEVER hit a real woman in the face. I may have been accused, but I was never found guilty for anything. Good thing for those b****es, too…

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 27, 2012 @ 1:18 am

  14. Quit trolling and get yourself to a therapist. A really really good therapist who’ll prescribe meds and shock therapy. In a confined space!

    Comment by Jojo — July 27, 2012 @ 1:27 am

  15. @ bachobserver31: Can I get a silicone life-like doll that looks exactly like Dave Good?

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 27, 2012 @ 1:28 am

  16. Yeah, that wouldn’t be creepy AT ALL.

    Comment by Jojo — July 27, 2012 @ 1:31 am

  17. @ Dave’s Stalker

    No they only have female dolls. I checked a while back ago, only female dolls and a lot of different faces and hairstyles.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 27, 2012 @ 1:52 am

  18. This is completely surreal.

    Comment by Jojo — July 27, 2012 @ 1:59 am

  19. @ bachobserver31: THAT IS SO UNFAIR!

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 27, 2012 @ 2:06 am

  20. @ Dave’s Stalker

    Yeah, I know. But women don’t need physical fulfillment like men do. I’m surprised they don’t have guy dolls for guys. I was thinking of starting a small business on male dolls (I’m no h0m0).

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 27, 2012 @ 2:17 am

  21. Your blog was hysterical, man! Love the serial-killer one about the SWAT drinking wine in his PJ’s with the candles and describing how you were laughing so hard at Ed you couldn’t breathe. LOL, b-tching Reid out and the crazy pills you must be taking. You’re very direct which makes it very funny. So many good lines!

    Comment by BowWowChika-umpa-lumpa — July 27, 2012 @ 2:37 am

  22. @ Jojo

    No thanks, honey. I don’t need a therapist and most of them are women anyway. Why don’t you go ahead and see one and you two can cluck like hens together.

    Correction – earlier I wrote that I was getting an Emily and Fan Bikini doll but I meant a Blakely and Fan Bikini doll. Now I’m regretting my original purchase – I got a Blakely and am fine with that. But I should have replaced the Fan Bikini doll with Emily’s head instead.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 27, 2012 @ 3:13 am

  23. EXCUSE ME???!

    Comment by Sophie — July 27, 2012 @ 3:21 am

  24. Did I stutter?

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 27, 2012 @ 3:23 am

  25. Hilarious blog, Dave! Yours is my favorite…simple and direct is the way to go.

    Comment by Belladonna — July 27, 2012 @ 2:56 pm

  26. Sometimes I just like to picture Dave reading these circus clown comments (my own included…I don’t discriminate) and his laughter/facial expressions/confusion and it makes me laugh pretty hard. :)

    Comment by Morgan — July 27, 2012 @ 6:58 pm

  27. @ Morgan — I hope that Dave knows that somehow, somewhere, there will be life-size silicone replicant made of him. He has blue eyes, right?

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 27, 2012 @ 8:41 pm

  28. LOL, almost every line in the blog is funny. Especially the spearmint twins WHO WERE SUPER ANNOYING IN THE FIRST TWO MINUTES. I have to go back and re-watch now to see how annoying they were. The image of Dave rolling on the floor watching Ed’s antics….hahahahaha!

    Comment by Cassie — July 27, 2012 @ 9:03 pm

  29. p.s. Why doesn’t Bachobserver31 order silicone spearmint twin dolls?

    Comment by Cassie — July 27, 2012 @ 9:04 pm

  30. @ Morgan again — You’re totally right about the best lines. Sara’s line to Ed was clearly the best of the night. Where’s Kalon’s comments on the spearmint twins? I looked through the deleted scenes and couldn’t find it. Thanks in advance.

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 27, 2012 @ 9:14 pm

  31. @ Cassie

    I will not and will never order silicone dolls of the spearmint twins because if I did, I’d beat the sh*t out of them. Dave is right. They are SUPER ANNOYING.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 27, 2012 @ 11:21 pm

  32. Hey, Crazy Stalker, my place might be able to make you a life-size silicone Dave Good doll. It would be extremely pricey but you are extremely crazy. And you will find yourself loving the silicone because of how it warms up next to your skin and how life-like he will look. These dolls are also bendable, so if you have a boyfriend (which I doubt), you’ll be able to hide your Dave doll in the closet or a pantry somewhere.

    The place will need measurements of Dave. I don’t know if his eyes are blue. As his stalker you should know. But then women aren’t very good with details…

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 27, 2012 @ 11:28 pm

  33. @ bachobserver_31 — Ummm. I was just kidding. But thanks for letting me know how silicone feels warmed up next to my skin. So good night or good morning, from where ever you are and I hope it’s not near me.

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 28, 2012 @ 4:18 am

  34. @ Dave’s Stalker
    Are you sure because your Dave doll would look and feel real. Also the owner is willing to give me a cut if you order. I think you should definitely get it and it would help me out because I’m ordering a Princess Erica Rose doll. Sorry about the “insults” I was just joking hahaha.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 28, 2012 @ 2:56 pm

  35. @ Dave’s Stalker

    Hello?

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 28, 2012 @ 3:31 pm

  36. @ DS
    Hello?

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 28, 2012 @ 9:40 pm

  37. Hello?

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 28, 2012 @ 10:01 pm

  38. @ Dave’s Stalker

    You’re really putting me in a bind here because I already talked to the owner and he’s getting a male doll ready for you and giving me a cut on my Princess Erica doll from Lorenzo’s season but with the b()()bs.

    Dave Good is a very good looking guy.(no h0m0) Don’t you want to come home to your very own personal Dave sitting on the couch in front of the TV when you get back from whatever it is you do?

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 29, 2012 @ 12:26 am

  39. @ bachobserver_31 — UMMMM NOOOOO.

    It would really creep me out coming home to a life-like male doll. It would be like having a dead human being sitting there staring back at me. Dave is good-looking but I like his PERSONALITY, at least from what I’ve seen on the show. Having his replicant lying next to me in my bed staring up at the ceiling every night is the creepiest thing I can imagine. I don’t understand how you can get real pleasure out of your “life-like human size” silicone dolls when you can’t interact or converse with them in a real way.

    Please tell your dealer or whatever to stop working on the male doll ASAP, thank you!

    Comment by No_Offense_Dave — July 29, 2012 @ 12:42 am

  40. @ Dave’s Stalker

    Okay I’ll give you 24 hours to think about it.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 29, 2012 @ 1:47 am

  41. GOOOOOOOOOOO AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE

    Comment by xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx — July 29, 2012 @ 10:07 pm

  42. @ DAVE’S STALKER

    1) You’d be able to shut Dave’s eyes, he wouldn’t just be staring at the ceiling every night. DUH. Why do you think the dolls are so expensive? They have many added in features to make them as realistic as possible.

    2) I have plenty of conversations with my dolls, they just don’t TALK BACK. That is why they are perfect and I’m wondering why I’m even here wasting time on you.

    3) If you love Dave so much you very well should get a silicone copy of him because there’s no shot in living hell you’ll ever meet him in real life and if you did he wouldn’t give you a second look.

    I am giving you one last chance to order a Dave Good doll so quit waffling, put down the kitty litter and quit acting like a psycho.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 29, 2012 @ 10:53 pm

  43. SHE’S the psycho??????

    Comment by I Eat Trolls — July 30, 2012 @ 2:12 am

  44. I plead forgiveness from everyone. Forgive me for my misogynist and tasteless comments. I have not taken my medication in quite a while, and I get frustrated because they only give me limited time to use the computer in prison.

    Comment by Bachobserver31 — July 30, 2012 @ 2:15 am

  45. Get a life, cream puff. DO NOT impersonate me. I am not in prison. They don’t let you have silicone dolls in prison. Are you stupid?

    Comment by THE REAL bachobserver_31 — July 30, 2012 @ 4:22 am

  46. SHE’S the psycho?????????

    Comment by I Eat Trolls — July 30, 2012 @ 3:03 pm

  47. Yes she is the psycho because she calls herself “Dave’s Stalker” and she insinuated that she wanted a life-like silicone Dave Good doll and I called the owner of the company to set it up for her even though they don’t make male dolls they are doing it special for her and giving me a discount for my Princess Erica doll and now all of the sudden she’s backing out probably because she has a dozen cats and is afraid they’ll scratch her Dave Doll up but guess what Dave’s Psycho Stalker they are scratch proof.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 30, 2012 @ 3:25 pm

  48. You can’t punch them in the face though. Do not punch your dolls in the face.

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — July 30, 2012 @ 3:28 pm

  49. Dave?

    Can you give me tips on how to be a man? Obviously my weenus is very small.

    Comment by bachobserver_3I — July 30, 2012 @ 8:30 pm

  50. LOL that last comment was obviously not me. As I said before you are very lucky that I mellowed out with some beers tonight with my dolls Mandi and Cyndi. At least THEY don’t get jealous when I’m checking out Ashley Spivey’s butt.

    @ Dave’s Stalker
    I’m still waiting for your reply.

    Comment by THE REAL bachobserver_31 — July 30, 2012 @ 10:02 pm

  51. NO. You’re totally fucked up.

    I heard the blogger gets paid a certain amount each post, so

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 10:59 pm

  52. here

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 10:59 pm

  53. is

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 10:59 pm

  54. a

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:00 pm

  55. dollar

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:00 pm

  56. Dave

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:00 pm

  57. Good

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:01 pm

  58. and

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:01 pm

  59. sorry

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:01 pm

  60. I

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:02 pm

  61. did

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:02 pm

  62. ‘nt

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:03 pm

  63. buy a silicone replicant of you

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:08 pm

  64. from this freak

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:09 pm

  65. who calls himself

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:10 pm

  66. bachobserver_31 a.k.a. batsh*t crazy.

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — July 30, 2012 @ 11:11 pm

  67. This turned into a 3-ring circus. What the eff.

    @Dave’s Stalker, here’s the link!

    http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20614478,00.html

    Ha, his eyes are blue, I believe, but don’t go making me any silicone dolls. I’m allergic to silicone, I think. I actually just made that up….but don’t go making me any dolls. I can think of nothing more alarming than a silicone, life-like replicant sitting next to me. I’m sure Dave can think of nothing creepier, either. Holy Hell.

    Comment by Morgan — July 31, 2012 @ 10:19 pm

  68. Hey Morgan, thanks for the link! I only see a picture of the twins (OMG they were hilarious, I wish they had stayed…kind of) but thanks for the confirmation that Dave’s eyes are blue.

    I’ve decided that I’m only going to go for a silicone Dave Head (much cheaper) and my head (he’ll be surprised to find out I’m Asian) and mail them to him in one box. I don’t think that will creep him out at all.

    Hahaha just kidding…did you here that Bachobserver? JUST. KIDDING.

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — August 1, 2012 @ 1:37 pm

  69. lol…I missed that quip that you’re “allergic to silicone….” hahaha

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — August 1, 2012 @ 1:38 pm

  70. : )….the video is on the bottom of the page. There is a picture of the twins, then the story, then the video.

    Comment by Morgan — August 1, 2012 @ 7:11 pm

  71. Oooooooooooooh….a video of Dave Good? Thanks! I haven’t seen him online in a while, I’ve had to depend on my binoculars from the building across his. (just kidding Dave) I can’t wait till he gets my silicone head in the mail. Thanks Morgan!

    Comment by Dave's Stalker — August 1, 2012 @ 8:41 pm

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