David Good’s Bachelor Pad Blog: Episode 2

We start off tonight’s train wreck with the little slutty Umpa-Lumpa twins just screaming and crying at each other.  I mean are these girls 12 years old or what?  I can’t imagine being in a house with them.  DISASTERS!  I think I would rather pull my fingernails off than be in a house with those two for a month.  I think it is safe to say that most of the people want them out of the house.

Next up is the competition and it looks hilarious!  Hahaha. In honor of the Olympics they will be performing rhythmic gymnastics!  This is fine for the girls but the guys have to wear little leotards and I mean LITTLE!

The girls are up first and WTF?????? What are they doing?  Why do girls always suck at these competitions when they should be good at it?  It’s not like we are playing football.  It is RHYTHMIC GYMNASTICS for crying out loud.   It honestly looks like kindergartners out there and I’m not exaggerating.   I could teach monkeys to do better than this.  Erica Rose?  She is just jumping up and down and kicking the air?  What is that?  No surprise to anyone Erica got “worst” and 1 vote against her now at the rose ceremony.

The guys are up next and Dave and Mike seem to be taking this very seriously.  Dave knows he really needs to win this to stay in the game.  I am still laughing at these outfits they are wearing.  We keep getting shots of the guys’ packages for some reason…(must have been a cold morning hmm fellas).  Mike’s background in break dancing is definitely “coming out” here.  LOL.  The guys are killing it!  This is more of what I expect to see when competing for $250,000.00.  Ed ends up getting “worst” on the guys side.  Probably a litttttle hung over.

Mike and Blakeley end up winning. It seems as bad as Chris does not want to be partners with Blakely he is going to have to be if he wants to win, as disappointing as that is..

Mike gets to pick 3 girls to go on the date and picks Rachel, Lindzi and Big Boobed Donna, who always seems to have the other twins in the house out for show.

Mike and Rachel seem to be coming on to each other during the date (I got the hint when they showed them sucking face for 5 min) much to Donne’s dismay.  I never really pictured those two together but hey… good for them.

Meanwhile back at the house, Ryan who is partners with Jamie is baking cakes and putting up decorations, banners and stuff to surprise her for her birthday.  Although this is nice he clearly can’t read girls. Now we have a little better understanding of why he is a 32-year-old virgin.  Even diehard Christians out there start to think you are a little weird at 32 and a virgin.

Donna decides to show Mike a picture that she made of his face.  It was prettttttty weird and off-putting.  Mikey being the nice guy he is decides to reward her with what is by far the grossest and hardest kiss I have ever had to watch in my life.  I’m talking tongue all over face and nose and weird noises.  It would be like a horse kissing a frog if I could describe it.

There is so much going on right now it is honestly hard to keep track of so I am going to get to my major beefs here.

Beef 1.  Ladies.  How does this always happen.  Chris, Blakeley and Jamie.  I mean look at this situation.   Tell me how this always happens please!

Beef 2.  The twins leaving the show.  As happy as I am to see them go I have to ask.  HOW ARE YOU TWO STILL ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE DIRT!  You two little spoiled brats can’t keep your sh#t together for 3 weeks to try and win a quarter of a million bucks!  What is going through your parent’s heads (besides “did we have any kids that lived”) when they see you on TV?

Beef 3.  Sarah voting for ED!? What?  You vote for Ed, the guy you hooked with the night before, THEN TELL HIM ABOUT IT BEFORE THE VOTING IS OVER!???  I am at a loss for words here.  Well maybe not.  THAT WAS STUPID!

At the end of this crazy Rose Ceremony, the 32-year-old virgin ends up getting the boot.  I say that because HE keeps bringing up this virgin thing like it is a good thing.  I guess in some parts of Montana and Oklahoma right near the Bible Belt and possibly a few monks might think so but everyone else just thinks it’s weird.

My head is spinning from all this tonight.  Lol. Everyone have a great week!