Michael Stagliano’s Bachelorette Blog: Episode 3

Episode 3 opens with breakfast in bed, delivered by Emily’s mom…though (brace yourself for a jab) I honestly thought one of the Muppets from last week’s episode sneaked into the room, because once Emily’s mom spoke… I couldn’t imagine that voice coming from anything human. Maybe I am being a little harsh, and exaggerating slightly…but uh, does she smoke? What was the story there?

Fast-forward 3 minutes…

Chris gets the first one on one this week.

OK! He isn’t a standout to me, but from the last two weeks Emily is CLEARLY into him. They start the date off walking around, I immediately saw chemistry, hand holding, flirty glances, lots of, “you’re cute, no YOU’RE CUTE… no YOU are… I wouldn’t go up to you in a bar. NO I wouldn’t go up to YOU in bar.” We get it. They like each other. In true Bachelor style the couple approaches the side of a building and ropes descend. Chris delivers a BRUTALLY OBVIOUS OBSERVATION. Something along the lines of, “As soon as I saw those ropes drop, I knew it was for us.” (Was the harness a clue?)

They climb. Chris stays pretty calm and cool, Emily freaks…they reach the top unharmed. Isn’t there a part of you that wants something to go a little wrong? Not a lot. No falls, or major injuries. But you know, a harness clip to break, a pulley busts and lets the Bachelorette drop for a few feet but the Bachelor, saves her at the last second!!! Maybe this is just the guy in me, wanting some ACTION and less CONVERSATION…But, I digress…

Up at the top. Chris wants a kiss and gets a high-five instead… BRUT.

Dinner is cool. She likes him, he likes her. We learn Chris is 25, has had ONE serious relationship, and while, YES, Chris does seem like a remarkably mature 25 year old, I dislike when guys say the sentence, “I’m a man.” I am of the opinion that that is something “shown” not something that is “told”. He doesn’t lose points in my book, because I believe him. They finish dinner (does anyone EVER actually EAT the food on these dates besides me? Jillian and I always inhaled our food!)

They walk some more and another country band is playing, I was SHOCKED at how similar this was to Emily’s date with Ryan…but we DID finally see a kiss. And it was a good one. He gets the rose. Off to a good start.

Group date.

Is it bad that I was fixated on what Stevie was going to be wearing, and whether or not we were going to get to see him “dance” again? More on this later…

The guys think they have a competitive day of sports ahead; they meet E.M. in the park, start throwing a football around only to watch her walk away shortly after they arrive. We quickly learn that the guys will actually be meeting Emily’s friends, and if they aren’t excited enough about that, EVEN BETTER they get to hang out with 16 little kids after that… (HOLY LET DOWN OF A DATE…Ben’s season literally didn’t have an episode without a helicopter in it…)

Three things emerge from the start of this date:

1. Wolf is incapable of doing an interview without swearing.
2. Ryan has a little cockiness/competitiveness that is NOT working for him.
3. Sean, a seemingly unknown from the last two episodes, is awesome, and steps up HUGE.

The guys meet with Emily’s friends. Nothing crazy happens except Wendy is in love with Sean. I like her vibe. I imagine she is incredibly fun and cherished by Emily as a friend. I had my “eyes covered” moment when Stevie started dancing. And I feel bad hating on this guy so much. But DAMN IT. Correct me if I am wrong, when a guy dances, it should be smooth, on beat, and should turn women on. THE SECOND he started dancing, I was like, “No…no no. Stevie, don’t. No…don’t pop-lock. Oh god…It’s the robot/pop/lock 8th grade dance circle moves.” YIKES. SO BRUTAL. Ladies, on behalf of all men, I apologize…we can dance better than that.

ALSO Ryan ends up putting his foot in his mouth by walking over to Emily (and her friends) and saying, “It won’t be ok if you get “big”. WTF!?!? Remember last week when I commented on Ryan saying ALL THE RIGHT things. Between then and now he must have been chatting it up with Alessandro (the Brazilian free-loving Gypsy who has less sense than a black guy in the KKK) WHAT WAS THAT!?!?

At night we learn more of Doug’s story and HOLY HELL, I was not ready for that. His mom left, dad passed away, was raised in foster homes with (sometimes without) his sister. Whew. Would never guess that from his kindness.

Back out for a second, and we are in the mansion… Arie, Charlie, Kalon and Chris are sitting around. Date card shows up. Arie gets it… They are all pretty sure it has something to do with racing. And FRIGGIN KALON… knowing that Arie is a race car driver says, ” So you can drive stick shift right?” That’s like asking a dentist if he knows how to brush his teeth? Michael – 1 Kalon – 0

Back to the date: Tony is weepy. He is also sad. Additionally, he misses his son. Furthermore, Tony is cries. Lastly, Tony goes home. And look, I don’t want to seem insensitive here. I do NOT have a son, and I am sure I don’t know what it is like to be away from one… And I felt for him. But after like 11 minutes of the winy voice, and the, “I’m joker, you be batman.” I don’t know, I was thinking WE GET IT! WE GOT IT!!! You miss him. I think Emily felt the same way, because she sent him packing…and lets face it, it was ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do.

Lastly, Sean gets the rose. I like it. Dark horse.

Arie has the final one on one. SO STOKED to see more of this guy. My female friends that watch the show LOVE Arie, and I can see why. He is tall, super attractive, seems cool but not too cool, confident, laid back… So intrigued…Emily clearly is as well.

They head to Dollywood. THE Dolly Parton shows up and sings to Emily. Emily CAN NOT handle it. Her reaction is pretty cute; she seems flustered and overwhelmed… It was sweet.

A few songs, some dancing, I was worried that Emily was liking the date so much because of the date, NOT because Arie was on it. But those worries got laid to rest once they left, got on the carousel and started locking lips. And I am not one to rate if a guy can kiss or not. But damn, I think Arie can kiss. I am sure many ladies would test out my theory.

Date ends, he gets a rose. We are all for the Arie-Emily combo.

Back at the house, the idiot, I mean Kalon gets someone time with Emily. He ACTUALLY manages to say, “I love when you talk, but let me finish.” I wanted to SMACK him in his deformed lips when he said that… Emily seemed like she did too.

Shelly “the egg” gets destroyed. We all take a deep breath, and wish it would have happened 2 episodes ago. Alessandro…well. What do you even say about this NIGHTMARE of an interaction? I almost don’t need to recap it, it was so uncomfortable. He explains how it is a compromise to be a father to Ricky. Then INSISTS it is NOT a language barrier thing, he KNOWS exactly what he is saying… He is a magical Gypsy, or something, who needs to love many woman. And yikes. It does NOT GO WELL, she walks him out, gives him the boot and goes back inside.

Also awkward for me. Sean has a conversation with Emily by a fireplace. It is mediocre at best. He explains how he wants to be a Dad. Emily has a look that suggests, “This is sweet but I still don’t know you at all.” Then… oh god….. OH GOD: I had to rewind it to make sure I heard it correctly, but… Sean, a grown man, actually says, “Kiss now?”

Look I am no Casanova; I don’t have the best “game” in the world. But, I know that was brutal, awkward, forced, weird, not romantic…and Emily’s body language suggested she felt the same. Her kiss with Arie was a different story…she wanted that one bad. WHAOW!

Rose ceremony: Stevie goes home. I was bummed. He was super entertaining, in a car-accident kind of way. More proof Emily is the right girl for the job, another great decision.

Looks like we are in Bermuda next week. Super dope. Loving this season, and loving the comments you guys leave below. : ) If you don’t already, check out Ashley Spivey’s blog it is SO GOOD. She does freeze frames with captions and it makes me CRACK UP every week.

As always, you guys get all my love. Thanks for reading along.

The news I mentioned last week is still brewing, and looking good. I wish I could share it with you guys in this weeks post…but ARGH, I can’t… It is coming soon though.

I’ll be in Chi-town this week, Seattle after that. If you live there: www.michaelstaglianomusic.com grab a ticket, and let me give you a hug.

WHAOW!

Till next week.

Love Like This:

LOVE

Michael

41 Comments »

  1. I love you Michael! LOL!
    I really hope that your news is that you are going to be the next Bachelor.

    I still adore Jef and Sean!

    The news that Reality Steve is reporting on Arie is enough to mark him off my list. What’s so dreamy about him?

    LOVE the blog!
    Hope to see your #Lovelikethis tour in Kansas City soon!!

    Comment by Jennifer — May 30, 2012 @ 10:06 am

  2. fantastic post yet again.

    Comment by Abigail — May 30, 2012 @ 10:09 am

  3. Haha! You are so spot on! I’m pretty sure I agree with 100% of what you just said. And I’m glad I read this, cause I totally missed the “Kiss now?” comment from Sean. Priceless!

    Comment by Rachel — May 30, 2012 @ 10:23 am

  4. Good catch Stags on the awkward “Kiss Now?” line… And I thought Chris’s asking to kiss at the end of the song was bad. I think they want to be as respectful as possible because Emily’s a mom but c’mon – she’s still a woman.

    Comment by Marc — May 30, 2012 @ 10:28 am

  5. Michael,
    you’re right, Ashley Spivey writes one hilarious blog which I also read, and comment on weekly! Yours is tied even with hers though!
    Arie’s date was great – still casual, nothing too over the top (except they had Dollywood all to themselves. OH and a private jet to get them there) but the truth is, you really can’t fake chemistry like they have! I’m not reading spoliers, and people who do should respect this blog and NOT mention anything :)
    The group date with the friends was a riot! Speaking as a woman – when you’re dating someone new there are lots of questions, and stories, and advice you seek from friends/family. I think Emily has the advantage this season in that she obviously sees her friends just about daily still, and her mom too! That in my opinion is HUGE at having this end successfully for her!
    You are wonderful, hilarious and tell it like it is. Another great blog and look forward to next weeks! Good luck with your final #LoveLikeThis show and maybe next time you can make a trip to Nova Scotia!!
    Jenn

    Comment by Jenn — May 30, 2012 @ 10:30 am

  6. looked like not getting a date this week had really gotten to Kalon, he forgot both his tie and socks to the cocktail party. also when he and emily talk, it doesn’t come off as a dioalogue to me, more like a monolgue. I don’t want to share anything never ever blablabla too bad he’d have to share Em with lil’Ricki..
    btw this week I’ll say what Em said last week: where the hell is Jef? come on ABC, show us som more JEm :)
    Regarding Chris I have a question: is it forbidden for girls to date guys that are younger than them in the US? I agree that age is a little important since one often has more in common with people that are approximately the same age, but isn’t Emily ~26? so that would only make him one year younger. Ok that girls often mature faster than guys, but that also depends from person to person. stupid rule of hers if you ask me.
    Thanks so much for blogging, love reading your posts :)

    Comment by Solveig — May 30, 2012 @ 10:40 am

  7. Love reading your blog each week to get your take. Great insight.

    Wished Emily would have sent Kaylon packing this week. Someithing about him rubs me the wrong way. Maybe I will get my wish next week. :) Loving this season as well.

    Keep up the great work. #LoveLikeThis Hope to see you in concert again soon. Love your work.

    Take care

    Comment by Tami — May 30, 2012 @ 10:48 am

  8. WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY “LIKE THE BLACK GUY IN THE KKK?”
    YOU RACIST. NO MORE BLACKS AT YOUR CONCERTS!!!You will still just be fine :( (

    Comment by Robert — May 30, 2012 @ 11:47 am

  9. Love how your blog is written the way you would talk…it makes it very relatable, like a friend is giving you their summary. And yes, you were correct that Arie’s kissing at Dollywood would appeal to the ladies! Can’t wait to read your blog each week…keep up the good work!

    Comment by a different Jennifer — May 30, 2012 @ 12:06 pm

  10. Michael. Love the blog as usual. You are right on with your comments. Liking Arie as well but still liking Jef a little better:) Ok. I am also hoping you are the next bachelor. Cross my fingers. Or are you possibly dating Jillian or someone else? Just guessing. Wait Wait don’t cut me off. Let me finish. HA! See you next week Michael. Best to you with your music:)

    Comment by sal — May 30, 2012 @ 12:11 pm

  11. Thanks Michael. Your blog was right on and I had such a good time laughing! Can’t wait to read your blog next week!

    Comment by Bobbie — May 30, 2012 @ 12:34 pm

  12. Michael I loved your blog and had such a good time laughing! Cannot wait to read your blog next week!

    Comment by Bobbie — May 30, 2012 @ 12:36 pm

  13. Omg I did NOT catch the “kiss now” line. I’m going to need to rewatch that now. Yeah, I really think that how polite most of these guys are playing it is really not a turn on for Emily. She loved the Arie kiss because he DIDN’T ask her. My personal fav is Jef. Here’s to hoping that he kisses her like a man!

    Also, perfect description of what a guy’s dancing should be. Just anotherrrrr reason why you’d be the perfect Bachelor. PERFECT. I saw the rumors that they want you for BP3, and while I wouldn’t hate the opportunity to watch you again, and I know that’s not even confirmed for YOU yet, I think? I would so much prefer to see you as the lead. You’re classy Bachelor material who I know would be looking for real love. I see your season a lot like this season with Emily. You’ve both been my favorites for a while. Crossing my fingers that the Bachelor powers that be make the right decision. Annnnnd that you’re not already taken! Not that I wouldn’t be very, very happy for you and the extremely lucky girl, but selfishly I think we need to see you again on a season first :)

    Comment by Brook West — May 30, 2012 @ 12:52 pm

  14. Did you also catch when Kalon said “thanks to YOU, I didn’t have a date this week…” What a jackhole.
    Love ur posts, Michael!! Always spot on & make me laugh out loud! Waiting for the day they make you The Bachelor!

    Comment by Kim — May 30, 2012 @ 1:26 pm

  15. Sean actually said “can i have a kiss now”, its obvious if you re-watch it

    Comment by Katie — May 30, 2012 @ 2:03 pm

  16. I love you Michael! you are sweet, funny, smart, handsome among a lot of good things. I hope you are the next bachelor! but I would prefer you to be with me instead! :) :) :)

    Comment by Tina — May 30, 2012 @ 2:27 pm

  17. You crack me up Michael!! I am all for the Arie-Emily combo too, I hope he turns out to be nicer than all the latest news about him suggests. He sure is cute, and Emily seems to be really in to him!

    Comment by Mary — May 30, 2012 @ 3:10 pm

  18. LOL at your comment about Tony. Yeah, you are so sweet about it, but I was thinking the same thing. Kalon is a douche. I thought I would like him, but I’m not so sure anymore. And I like Wendy too! She was definitely a firecracker. Cool girl. I just loveee Emily…she is so sweet that sometimes I wish I could be more like her. Hope her the best in this thing even though the odds on these type of shows are not always great.

    So I looked at your website and I couldn’t believe there weren’t any shows in Texas, but you can have them all the way in Canada like Vancouver and Toronto :/ I just lovee Vancouver and whistler blackcomb that is nearby, but not all of us are lucky enough to be living there. Not trying to be mean…just suggesting ideas for the future :)

    Comment by S — May 30, 2012 @ 3:47 pm

  19. Omg! I totally feel the same way about seeing the couples never eat!! Im at the point where i wouldn’t mind seeing them only eat! Haha..Love your recaps!!

    Comment by Puja — May 30, 2012 @ 5:15 pm

  20. Oh my goodness. Your blogs are the best. My friends and I wait, staring at the screen (sometimes literally) waiting for it to be up.

    THANK YOU.

    Comment by Rebecca — May 30, 2012 @ 7:08 pm

  21. U r the BEST!

    Comment by Dana Doster — May 30, 2012 @ 7:28 pm

  22. HEY MICHAEL,

    Love reading your Bachelorette blog…….very stimulating and I am constantly enthralled every time I read another one of your recaps……
    It’s the eighth season of the Bachelorette and i still think Jillian’s season had the most interesting/smart/sexy men…..
    Emily’s bachelors are okay but they’re lacking that magical spark…..
    Hope you’re going to be cast for Bachelor Pad season 3 again………
    Keep up the excellent work Michael!

    Comment by Andrea — May 30, 2012 @ 7:49 pm

  23. Love love LOVE your blog. I agree with everything you recapped! The kisses with Arie were STEAMY. soft, yet sexy… Aka the perfect kiss. This season is so much more believable than any of the previous seasons. Emily is not messing around, if shes not into it she sends him packing. But in a kind and gentle way. Very happy with the season so far! Not happy that I’m missing you in chi town!! :(

    Comment by Jen Hall — May 30, 2012 @ 7:53 pm

  24. P.s. Your kissing skills on bachelor pad looked pretty damn good as well! Didnt want to leave you out. I will not forget the blindfolded kisses. LOVE!

    Comment by Jen Hall — May 30, 2012 @ 7:56 pm

  25. awesome blog as always! Your blog and Ashley Spivey’s are my favorites. Something seems off to me abt Chris. Cant put a finger on it. I remember looking at the “glamour” shots before the season began and Jimmy Kimmel had nicknamed some of the guys. He called Chris the “Craigslist killer” . I could not stop laughing. Anyways, terrific blog!

    Comment by Susan — May 30, 2012 @ 7:57 pm

  26. I actually think that Sean and Emily’s conversation by the fireplace was a game turner, and Emily LOVED everything Sean said. She was not uncomfortable at all. Did you notice she was rubbing Sean’s arm while he said he would love Ricki like a true daughter? As a woman, I do the same rubbing the arm movement to my boyfriend when he tells me something that really touches my heart, it’s like a really affectionate, tender, “I feel very close to you” gesture. Also, did you notice how when right after Sean said, “without a shadow of a doubt, I can step into any role and be the greatest father in the world,” Emily swallowed and it’s like she teared up and her breath got caught for a moment…again, that’s the kind of thing that happens to me when I hear something that really touches me and makes me want to cry. I don’t think their conversation was awkward at all, in fact, it was a turning point for Emily after all these crap guys. As they were kissing, Emily’s voiceover said, “after tonight, it was so nice to hear from Sean, especially of all people, that he sees Ricki and I as a blessing, because I hope that someone would see both of us as the biggest blessing in their life.” That’s why ABC put their conversation at the end of the cocktail party and played this sweet music in the background…it was suppose to show how after all these bad guys, she found one who gave her hope again and it was a wonderful moment for her that restored her faith.

    Oh yeah, and i think the exact words Sean said were, “Can I kiss now?” or “can I kiss you now?” It was very very soft. It may not be the best game move but I think Sean is the most sincere guy there, for sure. He HAS to lay it out there on the line this early. He wants her to know where he stands on the most important thing in her life – her daughter.

    Comment by Rosalind — May 30, 2012 @ 10:45 pm

  27. It is exactly 4:41 AM EST and I was laughing out loud over your comments. You just hit the nail on the head all the time. I am totally in love with you!!!!
    I can’t wait to see what you come out with next!!!!

    Comment by Claudia — May 31, 2012 @ 1:42 am

  28. Michael, you are so adorable and your blog is great. Keep up the great work darling! XOXO

    Comment by Karen — May 31, 2012 @ 7:05 am

  29. I have to post again – I rewatched the show and Sean and Jef are definitely in my top 2 now. If Michael isn’t the next Bachelor for WHATEVER reason…I’m voting for Sean as next pick. : )

    Comment by Jennifer — May 31, 2012 @ 9:42 am

  30. I want a hug! Come to Nashville! :)

    Comment by Laura — May 31, 2012 @ 5:54 pm

  31. Bah ha! I didn’t even get past your first comment about emilys mom! Her voice was crazy!

    Comment by Colleen — May 31, 2012 @ 9:01 pm

  32. Loved it! LOL on the the kissing thing with Arie, but I do believe the same. ;)

    Comment by Sarah — June 1, 2012 @ 10:42 am

  33. I love your blog! It’s the only one I read consistently. One thing I thought was interesting was that while Emily was watching Dolly Parton sing, Arie didn’t take his eyes off her. That plus the kiss in the hallway was enough to put me on Team Arie. You’re awesome. Don’t change.

    Comment by Rae — June 1, 2012 @ 11:03 am

  34. I am in love with this blog and the type of guy Michael seems to be just from watching the bachelorette and reading this blog! Everything he says the audience was definitely thinking while watching the episode. He definitely “hits the nail on the head” so to speak and I’m starting to look more forward to his interpretation/recap of everything more than the actual episode lol Michael you are fabulous! :)

    Comment by viktoria hollett — June 1, 2012 @ 6:28 pm

  35. Arie is really not that hot…just my opinion :P
    He’s probably a good fit for Emily though!
    The Alessandro thing was so weird…I thought he was drunk or something, maybe not there for the right reasons.
    I agree that Spivey is so funny! Love it! Your blog is really good too!

    Comment by antonia — June 3, 2012 @ 6:35 pm

  36. Michael … your blogs are amazing! They are so funny and very entertaining :)
    I usually never comment I just thought I’d write on the wall this week because of something interseting you wrote!! Last week I read this blog and thought I missed the Sean comment about “Kiss now” … I then watched this week’s episode (#4) and THERE it was!! HILARIOUS!!!
    Thought it was strange you heard it in episode 3 … Or maybe its just Canada’s weird TV system lol
    Anyways keep blogging I thoroughly enjoy reading them! They are the highlight of my week <3
    -No.Lies.Just.Love-

    Comment by Shannon — June 6, 2012 @ 4:54 am

  37. Yes, I love Arie too, he is my top pick so far and there is definitely chemistry there. GO team Arie!
    As for Stevie, I just can’t handle the pop lock anymore, he’s like a one trick pony and not a good match…seeya Stevie.
    One last note, I definitely don’t like type A aggressive men, but for the love of good, don’t ask a woman if you can kiss her!!! You need to feel the moment, and go with it!! Am I right here?

    Comment by Lydia — June 8, 2012 @ 9:12 am

  38. ps despite the voice, how gorgeous is Emily’s mom??

    Comment by Lydia — June 8, 2012 @ 9:16 am

  39. HEY THERE MICHAEL,
    Totally enthralled with your Bachelorette blog…
    You have great insight into the show since you were on Bachelor Pad and on the Bachelorette….
    It seems like this season of the Bachelorette needs some more excitement and entertainment…. some of the cast on the show this season seem like really nice guys…..some are really awkward….. I’m not surprised Emily let Tony and Nate go…..while there was nothing wrong with watching Tony and Nate cry on the Bachelorette….it would be awkward to go on a date with a guy and he started crying all of a sudden….Nice to see men be vulnerable on a date but that is a tad excessive……Anyways, Keep up the great work with the blogs Michael! Good luck on Bachelor Pad 3….

    Comment by Estalida — June 9, 2012 @ 5:55 pm

  40. I AM SO FREAKN EXCITED!! This season will kick butt of Bachelor Pad. You Rock!

    Comment by Melissa — June 14, 2012 @ 7:41 am

  41. Michael,

    Your blog is hillarious; love it kiddo!

    xoxo kyla

    Comment by Kyla — June 18, 2012 @ 9:12 pm

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