Michael Stagliano: Bye Bye LA

Oh yeah!  It’s week two baby!  And this season the group says bye bye to L.A. right out of the gate :)  And I must say that I like this.  It accomplishes two things in my eyes:

1.  We shy away from seeing a lot of the same “Hollywood” “L.A” dates, and;

2.  We immediately get a closer look at Ben and his hometown and where he will settle down at the end of this, hopefully with a fiancé.  So cool!  Usually this happens in week 9. I, for one, liked it being moved up to week 2.

Kacie B. gets the first date and I like her.  She seems warm and very honest, a girl that outwardly expresses her emotions and has nothing to hide.  Additionally, we get the feeling that she doesn’t see the Bachelor as a contest, she isn’t “competing” with the other girls…instead she is simply into Ben, and all about getting to know him.  This does, however, bring out some eye-rolling claims like, “I hope to marry him;” “I haven’t been in touch with these feelings;” “He really opens me up to someone I want to be.”  Now…look.  This IS one of the wonderful things about this show, and the environment in The Bachelor world really does quiet down everyday life and allows you to focus on feeling, and sharing love.  So I get it. But…yikes.

Ok…ok… I digress: for me, the date goes a little south once the baton comes out.  I can imagine no circumstance, with any guy in the world who would: A.) Want to twirl a baton; B.) Every find it sexy that a girl can do that;  C.) Want to march down a street doing anything (especially when…see point A.)  BUT, the date flies back north at the theater.  I LOVED every second of that part, how cute Kacie was and how meaningful it was to see Ben with his father.  I am sure all of us watching thought, if only for a second, about our own family and what a blessing they are. Who is the cheesy one now, Michael?

She gets the rose, and I agree with the choice.  If anything the decision to show her baton “talent” shows she has nothing to hide. I am all for it.

Moving along to the group date.  I LOVED this is all I can say…Well… I can say more: first, the auditions were hysterical.  Clearly being judged by kids has a few requirements and that is to drop your guard, have big emotions, and laugh!  For the most part it looked liked the girls got this and did it.  I would loved to be there to see some of the young boys’ eyes popping out of their skulls when Blakeley got up on stage.  One of them immediately asking, “Can you run in slow-motion,” was a true testament to how much they cared about her “acting” ability.  I think they literally had every other girl at least say something. Blakeley…nah…you just run in place.  What does this say about the young men in our society? Typically, I would be referring to 13-16 year olds but this time…9 year olds. Hahahaha.

The play was super terrible and ridiculous, which is why it was AWESOME.  My favorite was Nicki, every time she “eeh-awed” as the donkey, I laughed and wanted to kiss her. (Still my favorite).  But all the girls owned it and had a blast and even Ben showed some acting chops and Sonoma really did get treated to one of a kind performance:  It was like Shrek meets Barney…with a naked half-man/half-sheep thrown in.

At night, the claws came out and was it just me? When Blakeley and Ben were in the pool did you think she was going to/was trying to take off her bikini?  The tease ends up working and she gets the rose, much to the other girls’ dismay.  Some classic spying and trashing talking erupts, which bleeds over into the cocktail party, which I’ll get to at the end.

Courtney is up on the one-on-one date and I haven’t looked forward to anything less in my life…well maybe dentist appointments (I know, I can’t stop with the dentist jokes…they’re just too easy. No offense, Blake….well…some offense).  Easily the best part of the date is Scotch.  He is THE MAN.  Did anyone else catch how pimped out he was at the house with all the girls laying poolside.  He made his rounds, and checked ‘em all out. THEY ALL had their eyes on him.  Working it scotch…go ahead, lil’ crazy. Note to women:  If a guy has a dog, I don’t care what breed, and that dog respects and loves him, and is well behaved…he is a good guy. Wait…I do care what breed…if he has a Chihuahua…it’s not gonna work out.

The date: Blahville and Courtney is on the billboard welcoming those to town with a blank “model-esque” pose.  She makes some ridiculous comment like, ”I don’t like anyone that I meet.”  I fell asleep a few minutes in.  There were almost no facial expressions from her or Ben. The only thing I liked, and it resulted in my “Fla-nick-nack” of the week was, “Rock N Roll” and getting Scotch to howl. Super dope.  Scotch is the man.

I was a little curious that a winemaker named his dog “Scotch.” That’s like a butcher naming his dog “Salad.” Though I do realize “Pinot” isn’t a good choice, or any other varietal.

Getting to the cocktail party, some DELICIOUSLY horrible things go down!

Let’s recap:

1.  Classic mistake: Blakeley interrupts time between Ben and another girl when she already has a rose.  For future cast members…this is the fast track to making enemies.  Blakeley seems to be well aware of this, even proud of her aggressive nature, and goes so far to dismiss the girls as being, “in the way” about 12 minutes later. Soon after she is huddled in the corner of a room behind some suitcases…pouting and seemingly defecating on herself as she cries and contemplates how in the world no one likes her. This is what men talk about when we say, “we don’t understand women.”  (Not all women of course, but yikes…how does that happen?)

2.  Equally as frustrating Samantha, takes her one on one time to pull Ben aside and tell him she doesn’t like drama.  The minute after their time ends she is rallying the other girls together, calling Blakeley a b*tch, and stirring the pot with drama.  Again, women: men do not understand these moments.

3.  Last but never least.  Jenna.  OH good golly. Three things:  1.) Ben came to get her, asked if he could talk outside and she literally didn’t even turn to face him. She said “oh,” (like “oh, well I was kind of busy talking…but I guess I’ll go”) gets outside, puts a blanket on a candle, and the first sentence out of her mouth was, “I’m not a girl.” Did anyone else think the next sentence out of her mouth was going to be, “I have a penis and balls?”  Because I would NOT have been surprised.  This had me laughing and cringing and howling…and then I immediately regretted it as she was laying in bed crying…again.   I really did feel bad for her, and as I mentioned in my blog last week, the show is not for everyone and is emotionally draining for some more than others.

I was truly sad to see Jenna go, and I didn’t remember the other girl at all so I can’t say I felt anything to see her go.

But this show will be much less without you Jenna.  If you are reading this, please remember it is just a TV show, I hope you can smile and laugh at yourself and continue to look for love.  It is out there for all of us, you dig?

I think that is it for this week.  Except I am also in love with Lindzi…she is screaming future Bachelorette if Ben doesn’t pick her. I just can’t take my eyes of her and LOVE her personality so far.  WOW!

Thank you for reading and posting the comments, they made me smile.  If you take the time to write I will always take the time to read.

On that note:  PLEASE read about a special needs orphan some family friends of mine are trying to adopt.  If you are financially able please donate to his rescue.  His name is Ryan, he is THE MAN (in a different way then Scotch, haha) and he needs a home…fast!

  

 

Check out www.michaelstaglianomusic.com for his story and link to donate.  If you can’t donate, then please just keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

#lovelikethis

Michael

25 Comments »

  1. I love your blog Michael! I’ve been looking forward to this since last weeks! I really like Nicki and Lindzi too. I hope they go far and he weeds out some of the crazies next week! love it!

    Comment by Kristin Scaringi — January 11, 2012 @ 1:50 pm

  2. I’m so happy you love Lindzi too! I really want Emily M. to be the next bachelorette, but maybe it could be Lindzi if she doesn’t get “the final rose!”

    Jenna is destined for Bachelor Pad :)

    Comment by Julie — January 11, 2012 @ 1:55 pm

  3. Bravo! You are hilarious! LOVED your blog!

    Comment by Tracey — January 11, 2012 @ 1:58 pm

  4. This is awesome! Been looking forward to this all day! You’re so funny, and I am proud to day I totally agree with what you said. So happy to finally read something written by a guy who is NOT drooling all over Courtney. Seriously, I get she’s a model and all, but I really think there are much prettier and nicer girls than her in that group (like Kacie and Lindzi, for example). I really don’t see what her and Ben could possibly have in common.. all she’s talking about is being a model, how hard it is, and how she doesn’t have time for love or isn’t asked out. Really?! I hope Ben doesn’t seriously fall for her. Sorry I got a lil carried away, but again, thanks for sharing this with us and making me smile. Looking forward to next week! ;)

    Comment by ChiaraSacks — January 11, 2012 @ 2:08 pm

  5. Loved your blog & going to look forward to it every week! :) I like Kacie she is adorable & don’t like Courtney shes not a nice person. Thoughts & Prayers for Ryan. Your a great guy!

    Comment by Kellie — January 11, 2012 @ 3:04 pm

  6. Hi Michael! I absolutely love your blog. It’s so honest and funny. Keep it up. Your music is awesome too! You are so talented :)

    Comment by Devyn — January 11, 2012 @ 3:08 pm

  7. Michael – you are awesome! I love reading your take on The Bachelor and I think you are an all around super cool dude. Looking forward to more.

    Comment by Kristin, Mpls. — January 11, 2012 @ 4:21 pm

  8. HAHAHA! Love the line about “pinot” being a crap dog name! “Sauvignon Blac” would be a bit of a mouthful too.
    Love reading your thoughts! Thanks!

    Comment by Penny Farthing — January 11, 2012 @ 4:22 pm

  9. Alright I had to write a response to your blog, don’t normally to blogs but Michael, you’ve got panasse and I literally laughed out loud at the Jenna part! God love ya! You’re a funny man…Now will you get your tour to Ottawa, Ontario Canada already!!! We deserve some HOT talent here too ya know! Love.

    Comment by Tammie Warren — January 11, 2012 @ 5:07 pm

  10. Hilarious – my favourite recap blog. You rock!

    Comment by Heidi — January 11, 2012 @ 5:09 pm

  11. Yay it’s posted! Michael, you are too funny. I love that you had me laughing out loud, especially about guys and their dogs. I definitely dated a guy with a chihuahua and it did not go well. Also, thank you for having excellent taste in women. Love all your choices.

    To the Bachelor powers that be- We love this guy. Michael Stagliano for Bachelor 2013.

    Comment by Sarah — January 11, 2012 @ 5:41 pm

  12. Love your take on it and laughed out load sitting in the car outside of Costco reading your tiny jabs at Blake (sorry dude but you deserve ever one)
    Can’t wait to read about next week. :0)

    Comment by Kellfu — January 11, 2012 @ 6:38 pm

  13. Finally a sane voice concerning Courtney. I’m a grandmother and I STILL don’t get how shallow men can be, Ben looked like an 8 year old in a candy store on that date.

    Comment by Judy — January 11, 2012 @ 9:10 pm

  14. MICHAEL STAGLIANO oh how i love your blog. I’ve been refreshing your twitter profile every second since monday to see when you would post it. As per usual you had me on the floor laughing, and i agreed with EVERYTHING you said, well… maybe not EVERYTHING, i didn’t exactly think jenna was going to say “i have a penis and balls” upon saying she was not a girl. i was thinking more along the lines of “im a woman, and your future wife” mixed in with a wink or two. ;) ANYWHOODOODALIDOO i had a hardcore Lolin sesh when you talked about how scotch was the man because its so true and i noticed also – i found it strange upon Ben arriving to pick up his date…Courtney (blech) none of the girl greeted him, it was more of a bonding session for them and Scoth. so like ya….keep up the blog buddy!!! till next week ! PIP PIP CHEERIO

    Comment by AmandaM — January 11, 2012 @ 10:15 pm

  15. HIIIIIIIIIII MICHAEL! I LOVE YOUR RECAPS! THEY ARE GREAT PERFECT SMOOTH AND AMAZING AT CAPTURING WHAT WENT DOWN! YOU ARE A GREAT GUY! TAKE IT EASY, TAKE CARE!! AND I’m SUREEEE SOMEONE PERFECT JUST FOR YOU WILL COME ALONG! <3 -I KNOW i'm weird I only decided to comment because you said you would read it?

    Comment by ELLE — January 11, 2012 @ 10:40 pm

  16. Hey gang! LOVED reading these comments at the end of the day. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog AND leave me comments… They really did make me smile and it seemed like my blog did the same for you all…so…samzies.

    Much more Bachelor to come. Ill do my best to entertain.

    #LoveLikeThis:

    LOVE

    Comment by Michael — January 11, 2012 @ 11:27 pm

  17. Honestly, I couldn’t agree with you more. Loved how you worded it and of course how you kept it lighthearted and funny.
    Top three favorite things this season for me: 1. Auditions, costumes and the play with the kids (I was laughing the entire time, so fun) 2. The home video/picture show with Kacie (definitely some tears) 3. Lindzi’s overall attitude and energy (genuine, happy, sweet girl.
    LOVE your blog, can’t wait until next week.

    Comment by Haley — January 12, 2012 @ 1:02 am

  18. Emily Maynard is the next bachelorette. :) (not Lindzi)

    Comment by Fefgghgj — January 12, 2012 @ 8:19 am

  19. I love you Michael! YOU are the man :)

    Comment by Danielle — January 12, 2012 @ 9:59 am

  20. Michael- You are truly made for this! You had me laughing through the entire blog and the way you can recap all the crazy adventures of the bachelor in such a fresh and exciting way is unmatched. Definitely made me a loyal follower. I always thought you had such class and seemed like such a genuine guy on the show and its refreshing to see that you are still that way. Loved the blog :)

    Comment by Lauren — January 12, 2012 @ 11:44 am

  21. Michael I think it’s really great you take the time to read all of your Bachelor fans’ comments on here and on Twitter. You were always a fan favorite from the get-go!
    I will never get tired of reading your blogs!

    It’s mind-boggling that Ben decided to give a rose to Monica and Blakeley. Aren’t those the two women on the first episode who looked like they could possibly pass as bi-curious/lesbian-ish? Courtney acted very rude to the other women in the Bachelor house so hopefully Ben will see her true colors one day. Can’t wait to read your blog next week! xoxoxo

    Comment by Catching Some StaglianoFever — January 12, 2012 @ 3:35 pm

  22. He could have named his dog Shiraz…my dad has a dog with that name !! haha The blog is great, lookin forward to next weeks!

    Comment by J — January 12, 2012 @ 8:12 pm

  23. Michael!! I have loved you since the beginning, I think you are adorable and hilarious! I completely agree with everything you said, I cannot stand Courtney! She’s so boring. Thanks for being awesome! I look forward to your blog next week.

    Comment by Megan — January 12, 2012 @ 11:23 pm

  24. I just found your blog today and glad I did! Keep it coming, can’t wait to read it next week. Lovin how honest and upfront you are about everything. Looking forward to some more hilarity in 7 days.
    Cheers

    Comment by Emily — January 17, 2012 @ 10:58 am

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