Michael Stagliano’s Bachelor Blog: Episode 4

What’s up Blog Friends… it makes me want to call you Frogs (Friend/Blog combined)… It doesn’t work though…

SO!  This episode felt a lot like that memory game, where dozens of tiles are face down, and they flip over one by one and you have to match them together.

By the end of the episode I was thinking, “What was that? Who was that? Wait Ashley H is gone? Where was Leslie M? Tierra got the ROSE!?!”  It was a Cluster-Truck of chaos… but, as always, I am thrilled to have you with me again this week… so we can dissect (that word is gross) it all together.

WHAOW!

Up first… you guessed it…  Shirtless Sean, walking around the Bachelor Pad (not to be confused with the summer-time mad house), he is hopeful (still) and this week he proclaims that he wants to gain the women’s trust???  He plans to do this by: by running a girl who is terrified of heights, up a cliff, giving a rose to the girl everyone hates, and dolling a girl up (Pretty Woman) just to send her home…. Eeshh…  I don’t know how much trust was gained, good sir?  More to come on that issue…

Selma gets the first one on one date, and it is an unexpected breath of fresh air.  I think everyone is immediately entranced by Selma, she has that exotic beauty about her, a killer smile, and she is a girly girl.  Lots to like. She and Sean hop in a jet, hop in a jeep and it seems like all is well, in Sean’s mind, in Selma’s mind…and then…. OOoooooh.  Not so much.

They arrive in…let’s be honest, the desert!  And we quickly learn they will be rock climbing up a mini-mountain.

Holy Hell (not to be confused with Holy Moly Batman… more on this later)… Selma was freaking out.  And sometimes on the show it seems like people kind of “fake-freak-out” with excitement, or nerves, or even happiness… But you could tell that Selma did NOT like heights, and was NOT excited to rock climb.  Truly, when she took her first step onto the rock… I was 100% sure she was going to get 10ft and start crying, or shaking, or both.

And much to my, and Sean and HER surprise… she…was….AWESOME.  She looked like a freakin’ natural, even leaving Sean behind her at a few points.  This made me incredibly impressed with Selma.  It was also a reminder about the magic behind this show, that really does exist.  We see it so often that I wonder if everyone gets desensitized to how incredible some of the dates are, and how special the guys or girls on the date feel when they finish something like rock climbing when they are terrified of heights.  So dope!

Moving on to the night portion of the date… I just LOVED the vibe.  Sure, it was in a trailer park. Sure, we immediately learn they isn’t going to be any kissing… But, honestly, I loved the chemistry between Sean and Selma and I thought the “No-Kissing-Zone” operated by Selma’s Mom, via satellite feed HELPED Selma on the date.  You always want what you can’t have… and though I had to question Selma’s decision to go on the show despite her parent’s obvious apprehension… There was something incredibly sweet, and endearing about Selma’s story, and while kissing is certainly a really good way to get to know someone romantically; Selma and Sean’s date was a reminder that just talking to each other can be equally as romantic.

Starlight, warmth of a blanket, next to a fire… the rose goes out…  A+ for that date.

The group date is going to involve another sport… and we all cringe after last week’s “athletic display” on the volleyball court.

Though it seems that this time at least one of the girls has done Roller Derby before, Amanda makes a claim to fame and announces her expertise to the rest of the gang.  They take the bait, and are intimated, while we suddenly learn that Amanda was…LYING… Ohhh…and the trumpets sound, the earthquakes (off camera)… as Amanda has thus, sealed her fate.

Fast forward to… I’m sorry… what I want to say is “practice” but other than skating around a slightly elevated grey and pink ramp… I don’t really know what else was going on.  Our heartstrings are pulled as Sarah struggled to stay balanced and feels like she doesn’t want to do it… How badly did you want to giver her a hug and tell her to get out there and whip that elbow pad right into Tierra’s face!!!  While Sarah shed’s some tears, Amanda takes a spill (the prophetic trumpets are validated)…and BASHES her chin on the ground!!!  (this will not be her only low point of the night).  I want to feel bad… I really do.  But I am unable to ignore the lie (yes, I know it was a joke…) and I am unable to forget those neon green rose-pedal-shoulder-pads from the other night… Good God.

Sean decides to cancel the game…because there are a lot of injuries and potential for injuries.

They change, hop in a limo…and spend the night at a rooftop pool.

Here is where the chaos ensues:

To start, there is a girl named Daniella on the show… Oh, hello!  How long have you been there?

Then, Tierra FLIPS HER LID when Robyn asks Sarah and Ashley about what happened with Amanda… she has a serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) apparently, and a LOT of pent up aggression… in fact… this poor girl… is being… TORTURED!!!  All those free meals, limo rides and mansions… are TORTURING HER!!!!  Oh god…  I couldn’t even watch.

She storms off, says she wants to leave!!!  Bursts into tears, freaking out, can barely breath, super angry… squats in a corner… AND…

Enter Sean… All of a sudden, we see a light in her eyes, a smile on her face… “No no no”, she says, dreamily, “I’m here for you!”… she plays the victim card, and plays it well.  So well, in fact, that Sean leaves her (and leaves Lindsay stranded in a bikini…awkward) to go and get the rose.  Which he decides to take away in front of ALL the girls… OOOOOOOOOH!  That was hard to watch.  Right?!?

And that…… makes me not want to talk about the date anymore…

Argh.

So, moving on… After buckets of tears Ashley H FINALLY get’s her one on one date with Sean.  He/Neil Lane sends her some earrings… there are whispers of a Pretty Woman date, and Ashley is glowing!  She has the smile to match Julia Roberts, she looks the part… and I was honestly happy for her.

She had a few too many, “Holy Moly Batman’s”, and a high pitched cartoon-voiced, “HELLO!” and an “ABSOLUTELY”…and seriously… before they even got in the car I had a bad feeling about the date.

I know for a fact (as a guy) that Sean was NOT excited for this date.  Don’t get me wrong ladies, we DO get excited for surprises, and to treat our woman well… But we DO NOT LIKE SHOPPING…  As much I was happy (kind of) for Ashley, I felt so bad for Sean… son of a bitch that looked boring.

And look… I know I am going to get some heat for this, and I KNOW it’s The Bachelor and it is extravagant and over the top and that Ashley didn’t CHOOSE to go on the date she was BROUGHT on the date… I KNOW…

But I HAVE to say this… Rodeo Drive makes me sick, shopping and spending money carelessly, and diamonds, and earrings, and shoe’s and dresses…and things… just spending money on THINGS… I just can’t stomach that kind of stuff.  There are people right around the corner from Rodeo Drive and in this country that are homeless and starving…families who have next to nothing that scrape by month to month… I don’t know…  I just can’t watch someone be surrounded by THINGS, getting doted on, and not think of people less fortunate…  Oh god… I sound like a priest… Hahaha, and I don’t mean to… OK,…back to the show.

They make it to dinner… Ashley is BA-LINGED out…and to her credit, she really does look beautiful.  She is beaming, you can really tell that she is swept up in the fairy-tale and dinner seems like it is going to be a rinse and repeat of every one-on-one with Sean thus far.

Slowly, but surely… something happens… actually, to be more specific… nothing starts to happen.  And I agree with Sean.  I just was not seeing any romance there.  On paper, Ashley seems awesome, and genuine, and smart and caring… But if there isn’t that spark… you just can’t fake it.

Ashley does NOT get the rose, Sean walks her out, drops a rose off a balcony (Jason Mesnick was thinking, “I know how that guys feels”) and the date ends.

I feel bad for Ashley…she got dolled UP and let DOWN… but have to commend Sean on doing the hard thing, that was most certainly the right thing.

Back at the house it is cocktail party time.

 

Cliff notes:

1. WOW… Ashlee and Sean get some alone time and they were just about breaking the chemistry meter.  Ashlee will be there for awhile, huh?!?

2. After last week’s preview for THIS week, I was SO WORRIED that Robyn was going to actually try and use the “want a taste of chocolate” line and it was going to make me write her off completely… INSTEAD, she makes a joke out of it, and I LOVED it.  I thought it was cute, and fun and appropriate and her reaction after being kissed was one of the best moments this season… sup cute!

3. There is a half-hearted apology from Tierra to Robyn and Jackie. Blah Blee Bloo…

4. Where the hell has Leslie M been this episode!?!?

5. Catherine and Sean:  This was the definition of FORCING it for me.  She was being so aggressive, and the first 2 min of their conversation went something like this:

C: “I like you so much”

S: “I like you too”

C: “We have so much fun together”

S: ” I feel that way too:

C: “We never waste time”

S: “Nope, we don’t!”

C: “And we don’t waste time because…(looks around, confused)…because I like you SO much!”

S:  “I like you too”

C: “I want to KISS you!”

S: “I want to kiss you too”

C: “Because… I LIKE YOU SO MUCH!!!”

S: “There are girls over there.”

C: “Let’s go for a walk”

 

I literally disliked every single second of their conversation…

At the rose ceremony I was just about POSITIVE that Daniella was going home… Instead, Amanda gets the boot.  I don’t think this was a huge loss by any means… Though I did think it was strange that Sean walked her out… of the room, and just into the foyer and said goodbye there. Que?

WHEW!  See what I mean… A lot went down!  It was hard to sift through it all, but I am glad you joined me for another week’s recap!

Thanks for reading, hope you are having a good day so far, and if you aren’t…maybe, just maybe… this made you smile a little bit : )

Much love Bachelor Nation.

See you next week : )

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