Michael Stagliano’s Bachelor Blog: Episode 5

Frogs! (Last time, I swear).  Welcome to week number 5…We are half way home, and waiting there in his family room with a firelight, a bed of roses and a puppy is Sean Lowe and his betrothed.  We just don’t know who it is YET!!

OH!!

The girls head to Montana this week to explore the great outdoors, and though Sean says he has never been, he does seem to fit the part of an outdoorsy kind of guy.  This week was essentially The ‘Utah’ episode of Ben Flanjik’s Season.

Here is how it all went down:

Lindsay gets the 1 on 1 date, and as a result I am immediately intrigued. (I think you were too).  She sheds some pretty sweet tears just realizing that she gets to spend time with him, and it is completely sincere, genuine and heartfelt.  Though it seems like we only got the ‘Cliff-notes version’ of this date… there is undeniable chemistry between them. They kiss A LOT, and after opening up to Sean about being an Army brat, they kiss some more…

Sean gives her the rose and announces the night isn’t over.

The whole town of Whitefish shows up… and I mean that literally… there were 300+ people at the mini-concert, and 300+ people live in Whitefish (I Googled it, seriously).  They dance and kiss, and this part of the date produces my favorite moment of the episode.  As they are dancing and kissing, Sean leans down and says, “We have come a long way since night one, huh?”  LOVED THIS, and it is exactly how I feel about them.  I just about wrote Lindsay off the list in that wedding dress, but she has done a complete 180 with me, and I love seeing the two of them fall for each other.  More, please…

Back at the house the group date is announced and we immediately learn Tierra and Jackie will be going on the dreaded 2-on-1.  Which, every season, is like suddenly flipping the channel and watching “How to Catch a Predator” on Dateline NBC with Chris Hanson… (NOT to be confused with Chris Harrison).  It is MAXIMUM awkward level.

But first!!

The girls make their way around a bend and we suddenly see, on camera, two goats stuck in feeding cage or sorts…and one the girls blurts out “are those dogs?!?!”….Ooooooohhhh BAD START.

The bad start gets worse because… dammit… it’s another competition, and if you have been reading my last few blogs I don’t even have to tell you how NOT excited I am to see these girls compete against each other… My suspicions are confirmed right away, once the Red and Blue teams hop in canoes and IMMEDIATELY paddle into the weeds.  Both boats go backwards and forwards, sideways at times, as my guess is that part of the race took a solid 15 minutes.

After some hay bail moving (yes I was half asleep by this point), some saw cutting (completely asleep) and some goat milk chugging… the RED teams gets the win.  The Blue team packs it up, packs it in, let me begin… I came to win, battle me that’s a sin…. (Oh my b-boy days, how I miss them)

Sean takes the girls to a bar/place/thing, and the back at the house/lodge the girls are visited by Chris Harrison… They all, (and rightfully so, because Chris = Bad News 90% off the time)…get very nervous, only to learn that they have been invited to the group date after all and WILL get to spend the rest of the night with Sean.

One, two, skip a few… The girls show up to the date and personally… I liked this move by Sean.  IT completely negates the competition…but guess what ladies… this isn’t a friggin’ competition!  It is about Sean spending time with girls he likes, and he LIKED some of the girls on the Blue Team.  Go Ahead Sean, Go Ahead dawg, I got your back. Hahaha.

After dodging some scowls by the red team all seems well… until… Dun Dun DUUUHHH!!!!

You guessed it…

TI-ER-AH  shows up and sneaks behind Sean while he is interviewing, and does what I would call… Paranormal Activity…RIGHT!?!?!  She was all out of focus, caught on a still cam, stayed quiet…sneaking up behind him… yikes.

Sean seems pleasantly surprised (unfortunately), she pulls him outside and dribbles on about… how hard this is, how confused she is, and…. I stopped listening, honestly, because at this point I was thinking… There is NO WAY Sean isn’t picking up on the red flags at this point. Their time together ends with Tierra skipping away into the night. Sean enters back into the den of lady lions and is met by AshLee and Catherine.

Forgive me for saying it again, but I just feel like BOTH of these one-on-one times were FORCED.  I do.  I know last week I got a lot of heat for saying it… but… Look, when Lindsay, Desiree, Sarah and Leslie are with him, the conversation and the kissing does NOT seem forced… I can’t help but feel like Catherine and Sean and in a smaller way, AshLee and Sean’s time together was unnatural.  AshLee talked about how she feels this, “is a fairy tale, She has a soul connection with Sean, how she adores him.”  And maybe I am being cynical here, but I just don’t think they have known each other on planet earth long enough for her to feel that way!!!  Am I nuts!?!?!  Let me know…

Daniella ends up getting the rose, and I am all for it, actually.  She is honest and open and vulnerable and GOES IN AN GETS THAT KISS… Kinda awesome, right?!?!

On to the 2 on 1

The warm fuzzies and butterflies quickly fade away.  It is Jackie vs. Tierra and it ain’t gonna be pretty.

The date starts of with a long awkward car ride, the girls hop out, mount some horses and unfortunately Jackie gets a horse whose name might just have been “gluestick.”  She spends the first part of the afternoon trailing Sean and Tierra, straining to hear what they are talking about, drowning in Tierra as she laughs and giggles and turns on the “glow.”

Jackie does get her time to strike once her and Sean get alone time and Jackie does a mildly convincing job of telling Sean that Tierra is… how do we say… “Not so good…” She tells him she flirted with a guy at the airport… Sean half-heartedly says, “that does worry me.”  And honestly, folks… we already know Jackie is going home.  In case you still had some hope, Tierra pulls out all the stops and tells Sean about her 5-year relationship that ended with her boyfriend passing away.  Well… now there is NO WAY Sean can’t give her the rose.  Well played (again) Tierra!  You should try Bachelor Pad…

Alas, Jackie says Adieu. Tierra smiles and laughs.  A LOT…almost too much.

…and we are left to a cocktail party that has as much cheer as a funeral home.  Sean and Desiree take a step back, Robyn threatens to get BGC on us, even Chris Harrison can’t help but point out how terrible the week was…

Not much to point out from this part of the episode.  Honestly, the conversation between Robyn and Tierra and Leslie was sophomoric and disjointed.  I couldn’t really tell what was going on, and didn’t feel like we learned anything new.  More to the point, Sean seemed confused as well.  He feels left in the dark not just about what is going with Tierra, but why none of the girls he likes are being honest with him…. and that makes sense…

On a lighter-side… After Chris announces Sean into the room during the Rose Ceremony…did you catch Catherine’s face?  It looked like someone shot her dog!  Hahaha. No worries, Catherine you are safe for another week. And so are all of you!

Thank you all for reading.  The comments were mixed last week, some very heated and mean spirited, and honestly, I don’t know which ones I enjoy more… hahaha.  The positive, sweet, agreeable ones, or the outlandishly, ridiculous, hate-filled rants… so much fun.

Hope you guys had a good weekend, and that your week is going well.

I’m singing more stuff on YouTube in the coming week, so be sure to hop on over there and SUBSCRIBE to my fun little channel so you can leave more comments there for me to read. I read them all, and LOVE them all. www.youtube.com/michaelstagliano

I’ll catch you on the flip side…(people still say that, right?)

LOVE,

Michael