Michael Stagliano’s Bachelor Pad Blog: Episode 8

Bachelor Nation,

Wow… (Not WHAOW this time, haha)

Hard to know what to feel or write after watching that.  There is obviously A LOT to go over, and I want to cover all of it, I apologize if this gets lengthy.  I have put in BOLD the topic of each paragraph in case you want to skip around, but if you are in for the whole thing…I hope you enjoy. :)

While I am not sure if this will be my last blog, I am pretty sure that this will be my last time on the reality small screen.  So for those of you that have watched the last few years and read this blog every week… Thank you all for the love.

HOT SEAT: Rachel

I was obviously told ahead of time that I would go in the hot seat and that I would talk about how things ended with Rachel, the game…etc.  So I had some idea of what I was going to say.  I was not ready for that video that played that essentially made me look like a conniving, manipulative, gamer that was just playing with Rachel’s emotions.  It very much felt like a “hot seat.” I had never been there before, and I now know why they call it by such a name.

Some things I would like to clarify:  First, is that I am sorry.  I said this repeatedly on camera though it didn’t air.  I feel terrible about what happened with Rachel and the point I kept bringing up was that “we just never talked about it.”  Rachel and I were NOT there for a long time.  From the time we kissed till the time I left (in real time) was 8 or 9 days.  Just a little over a week. While some of the other couples were talking about post-show relationships, Rachel and I had not.  I swear on my life I did NOT know she was falling in love.  Watching it back I could see her saying it in interviews but those words were never said to me.  HOWEVER – I am equally as ‘guilty’ of not sharing how I felt. We both made mistakes, and there was a lack of communication. Jaclyn’s claim that I made it all up and was leading Rachel is completely inaccurate and Jaclyn has since apologized for even saying it.

The way I acted and the things I said about Rachel were because I LIKED HER.  There is a LARGE difference between liking someone and loving someone.  I am at the point in my life where I want to get married and I just didn’t see that with Rachel.  I had NOT dated someone seriously since Holly, so that is why I told that to Rachel.  I liked kissing her, so I kissed her.  I did what every other guy and girl do when they meet each other on a TV show or not.  I dated her, and flirted with her, and played her songs on my guitar… While we were filming I realized I wasn’t going to marry her or pursue a long-term relationship and I very much regret not being more open with her about that ON THE SHOW.  The second I was able to be honest with her OFF THE SHOW, I was.

The long and the short story with Rachel and I is this:  I am crushed that she feels I lead her on.  CHRIS lead Jamie on, THAT is an example of leading someone on… What happened with Rachel and I was severely different than that.  I think it is a situation that has an explanation. But the bottom line is that we just weren’t on the same page, we just didn’t communicate well about what we both wanted from the relationship/partnership and it makes me very sad that it ended with her being really hurt.  I absolutely take responsibility for it, still feel terrible about it, and wish her nothing but the best in life and love.

I’ve received some very strong and colorful comments/remarks leading up to this finale episode from some people who watch the show that seem to feel very personally attacked by my decision to not want to date someone. I am sorry you feel this way and that the feeling is so strong that verbally expressing these feelings is how you wish to handle your own emotions about someone else’s relationship status. I understand that we signed up for this – to put ourselves in the television spotlight for all to see and comment and question. If you as a viewer feel like I let YOU down, I truly apologize. However, majority of my remorse and apologies go straight to Rachel because in the end she was the one who felt personally hurt and reserves that right. But again, if you are disappointed in me, please know that I value your support over the past few years and I hope we can hug it out and make amends soon.

TONY and BLAKELEY

I have nothing but LOVE and happiness for these two.  They were very much like my brother and sister on the show, I was constantly talking to them, and though it is hard to see when you first look at them:  I think they are perfect for each other.  Listening to Blakeley’s words on the finale, I think she described it best: Tony lets her be her.  YES, Blakeley can be a little rough, swear a lot, has a lot of tattoo’s, looks like a rock star… But that woman is as soft and kind and caring as they come.  I don’t have enough room in the blog to write about why I admire and respect Tony, but not only is he an incredible father, friend, and fiancé…  He is just a walking positive, fun, light, in this world… If I don’t get invited to the wedding… I’m crashing it!!!  Love those two :) Congratulations and I wish you a lifetime of happiness.

ERICA ROSE

Call me crazy…. I still love that girl.  Do I think she meant the things she said?  No, I really don’t.  As she stated, “her reaction to someone hurting her, is to hurt them back.”  I truly have no hard feelings for Erica…  I DID betray her and chose my alliance over our friendship and that is NOT something that comes with a kind reaction.  I understand her frustration, and her being hurt.  I am sorry Erica, and I hope we can put the past behind us.

NICK’S DECISION

This was easily the biggest bomb of the night, I can guarantee you no one saw it coming, cast, audience, and producers… we were all SHOCKED.  Obviously, my reaction was that I immediately felt terrible for Rachel, and it is a complex situation to analyze…  But let’s try.

First, the gamer in me…gets it.  Sure, Nick was right…the game is for $250,000.  Nick did NOT have an alliance, he was kind of a loner, every week he seemed to duck under the radar and ultimately that is a really good strategy.  Natalie Getz did that in season one of Bachelor Pad; she kind of steered clear of the drama, and won.  I understand why he made that decision, and can recognize why he thought it was the right choice to make.  And if I am really honest with myself… It is one hell of a play.  And he played that part of the game brilliantly.

BUT… Two things get brushed under the rug when you look at it from that angle, and it is really important that it doesn’t get ignored.  First, Rachel has to pick SHARE… Think about that for a second.  No matter what Rachel said about wanting to leave, not wanting to be Nick’s partner… when she went into that deliberation room and picked SHARE… That is her actions (of which in her case especially, often speak louder than words) saying, “I trust him, he is my partner, he DOES deserve to be here and to WIN.”  Nick’s decision to KEEP betrays that, and that sucks.  Secondly, there is just an element of GREED here that I simply cannot ignore.  I think it is ugly, inconsiderate and can’t personally EVER imagine doing that to someone.  Here is why:

At the very least Nick knows he is getting $125,000 and will be the co-winner of Bachelor Pad.  He knows Rachel has gone through hell and back again, ultimately went AGAINST what she wanted to do in taking Ed and Jaclyn into the finale, and that keeping the money for himself would crush her…  I just can’t comprehend doing that to someone.  If I had the chance to give someone $125,000… I would.  I think there is a valuable lesson in putting someone else’s needs before yours that Nick does NOT GET… Sure, Nick doesn’t “owe it” to Rachel… But, I just don’t think that is how men/humans should act.  I really don’t.

To see the rest of Michael’s blog visit Parade.com.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL