NATALIE’S BACHELOR PAD BLOG: EPISODE 2

Episode 2:  J. WOW. 

As Blakeley put it, this really is just like watching the Jerry Springer Show.  The only difference?  This is slightly trashier.  I can’t wait to see a “where are they now” on the Twins in 5 years.

Competition:  Of Course Stagliano would be good at this.  Of Course.  

Instructor:  Do you know how to hula hoop?

Erica:  No.

Instructor:  Do you want to learn?

Erica:  No.

You know how gymnasts always seem to be stuck in the 90′s?  Either Jamie really went all out, or she just fits the mold.  Bright red lipstick with a high bun and scraggly styled 90′s bangs blinded me.  You know?  There are still ways to make a tacky gymnastic suit look cute, and this is NOT one of them.  The bright blue eye shadow worries me for a few different reasons, but I won’t go there.  The main reason that the girls don’t in any way shape or form resemble an actual gymnast?  The answer is quite obvious:  Their bazongas.

Ass Face claims he was relieved, but also shocked that the girls were so bad at their routine stating, “Shopping and gymnastics, like what the f@#k else do you have to do in your life?”  Well, Ass Face, we do a lot.  Not that you would know, because you are constantly holed up at the local Ralph Lauren chain store busy being a “luxury brand consultant.”  And for the record, you seem the type to excel at gymnastics.

 

Weird that Stagliano makes himself the center of attention throughout the routine.  He starts with himself positioned in the middle of all the guys and counts out every move.  Remember the synchronized swimming competition last season?  This is obviously going to give him a rose.  This is also why he won all the challenges on BPad 2 and now 3!  He is a true competitor.

Michael and Blakeley win, and Donna immediately starts obsessing over going on a date with Michael.  She runs like hell to the nearest tanning bed to get her fix in and then starts sketching some new drawings.  This time she focuses on close ups of Michael eyes, nose and mouth in an attempt to win a date with the man of her dreams.  (I may or may not have made up the last couple sentences.)  Donna says a few conceded lines such as, “Guys normally flock to me.  They obsess over me,” and, “I never need to try to get a guys attention.”  Er, where is this chick hanging out?  In Tampa?  No offense Dave Good.  Maybe I’m just pissed that Donna never sketched a photo of me.  Seriously though, that’s sort of bull shit.

Michael’s Date:  ”Holly” Crap.  

Michael loves acting like the Bachelor so much so, that I think he is forgetting this is Bachelor Pad as he makes out with Rachel AND Donna.  The girls want to win money, not his heart…and they are putting the moves on hardcore!

 

I think Michael is taking it upon himself to get noticed by Dancing With The Stars.  If that’s not the case and this “chest out, hips sway move” was intentional and serious, then I can’t wait to make fun of him to his face next time I see him;)  Don’t get me started on his outfit.  It’s way to Broke Back for my liking.

 

Holyyyyy Crap is right, Michael.  Holy.  Crap.

 

The last thing I would do to someone who was obsessed with me and drew pictures of me would be to make out with them.  Michael doesn’t look into this tongue massacre with Donna at all as he places his hand on the wall to show off his outfit.  Donna licks Michael’s face and mouth as Michael nibbles her tongue.  Where is Jamie when you need her for “making out 101?”  What is going on here?!

Back at the Mansion:  Ryan prepares the room to make his first time special.

 

Oh my God this is not happening.  The non-drinking V is wearing a polo.  An Abercrombie and Fitch, freaking polo.  Oh My Wow, he needs help.  He is even wearing it the way my high school friends did back in 1999.  A ring collared crew neck under a tight polo.  WHAT.  He then takes Jamie away to creepsville and shows her the birthday shrine he has created for her.  He baked a cake, spelled stuff with licorice, decorated with rose petals, and decked out the room with streamers and balloons.  I’m pretty sure Jamie would trade this all in for an exotic toy and pinot noir.

Ryan took Jamie away from the crew to give her a sushi dinner.  Jamie is so stressed, because she wanted alone time with Chris, but can’t be rude so she sucks it up and hangs with Big V.  As she complains about the recent news from Ryan that Chris doesn’t want to be her partner, she kinda flips out and puts on clothes to mourn her loss.

 

These certainly are great funeral gloves.  Oh, and Chris is all over the place.  He better be careful!  Just because Blakeley won, he is ditching Jamie that fast?  He SHOULD HAVE PULLED Jamie aside and told her he was going to play on Blakeley’s feelings to get the rose, then come back safe and save her and become her partner the following week.  Or he could have told her he was “pretend” staying with Blakeley to throw everyone off, but made a secret partnership with Jamie instead.  These people know nothing.  NOTHING!!!

Nicely done Chris.  I spoke to soon and he did exactly what he should have.  He told Jamie to sit tight while he played Blakeley.  He should have told her before Ryan got the chance.  Never tell someone what you are going to do before you do it.  #BachelorPad101

Blakeley is chilling in the hot tub, oblivious as to what is going down.  I love Blakeley’s swimsuit on her.  The color is great with her skin tone and is classier than I’ve seen her in.  Is that a tattoo on her lower left stomach?  Blakeley has got some serious skeletons in her closet.  Some ass kicking skeletons.

Blakeley’s Date:  ”Let’s get a little racy and get in the pool.”  -F-ing metaphors.  

 

Well, if we didn’t all think Chris looked like a bobble head before…

 

Chris gets the rose after Blakeley attempts to tease poor David into thinking he was getting it.  What a jerk move.  I honestly felt bad for David…she didn’t need to be such an A-hole about it.  Christ almighty Chris is so hot.  He should just walk around shirtless the rest of the season.  For all of you hating on Chris for being a player, note that this is a good thing when PLAYING A GAME!  He is playing the game beautifully.  Love him or hate him, I think he is definitely making final 4.  If it’s a cast vote, he won’t win the final challenge after they see all of this though, lol.

Mansion After Party:  Ed makes the worst sex noises.

Ed hooks up with Sara, Erica hooks up with Donna (yes, you read correctly), Jaclyn hooks up with Ed, David hooks up with a twin, Chris hooks up with Blakeley, Ass Face hooks up with Lindzi, etc….  This is ridiculous and I love it.

As the twins start fighting, Nick’s snoring gets louder and Jamie throws on yet another tacky top.

 

UGH.  I love this girl!  I just don’t like her style.  YOU GOTTA KNOW I LOVE YOU, JAMIE!  Plus, without her I wouldn’t have as many pictures for my blog:)

Wait, wait, wait a minute.  I don’t care if you are sleeping or not, in fact I couldn’t give a care what people wear when they sleep.  But when they try to be cute and wear something creepy?  Hello Kitty?  HELLOOOOO BLAKELEY!  You are 37, girl (I think? I’m just going off what the twins said)!  Plus, that was an awful nerdy trend 5 years ago picked up by high school kids.  The only time it’s cool is when it is age appropriate.  When you are between the ages 5-10.

As the two psychos continue to fight, I spy Ass Face and Lindzi in bed together.

 

two things wrong here….  1.)  The obvious.  These two together?  2.) Every girl knows better than to wear make up to bed!  What is Lindzi thinking? On both counts?!!!

 

One of the crazy twins tries to wake up David to say goodbye.  She is so concerned and upset about leaving him.  He didn’t even flinch when she said goodbye.  He was all like, “BITCH, don’t wake me up just leave you crazy spaz!”  And then I was all like, “Bitch you better get outta here with that purple turtle neck on.”  Seriously, WTF?!  OH MY GOD.  They are so lucky I wasn’t on this season.  I would have locked them out of the house not only for their screaming, but also for wearing turtlenecks.

Rose Ceremony:  Yes, let’s send home the non-threatening, sober virgin who has zero chance of winning. That sounds smart.  

The Good:  

Chris Harrison looks fantastic in a dark grey suit with a light purple checkered shirt, and a solid egg plant colored tie with a couple diagonal stripes to throw off the perfect symmetry of the outfit.

 

Lindzi loves her asymmetrical dresses a little too much.  Whatever!  She looks great in them and knows how to show off her body in a classy way.  This light silver cocktail dress is sure to give Ass Face a major word that rhymes with loaner.

The Bad:

For freaking real, Ryan.  Abercrombie and Fitch on a 32 year old is not acceptable.  Don’t use your virginity as an excuse. People who remain celibate can still mature fashionably.

This is not a good look for Jaclyn. The dress is way too tight and short, plus the one sleeve thing isn’t working for this particular dress.

Jamie keeps trying to play with her hair and do anything to get her funeral gloves some air time.  She thinks they are cool.  Jamie, I really like you.  Please let me help you.  We can work through this and get you on track to better style:)

 

Yes, Reid is handsome.  But, this is not the point of the picture.  I’m simply pointing out the tacky hickey on the dude’s neck behind him.  Who is this?!  Hold please.  I’m fast-forwarding to do some investigating. (pause——–) And the winner of tackiest neck hickey is…… Drum Roll please……….Holy shit, it’s Michael Stagliano.  Shouldn’t he be standing next to Blakeley?  I thought he was passing out roses to the girls for winning the challenge? Oh wait, it’s because the girls are safe.  I’m totally shocked!

Sara made a bad move telling Ed she voted for him.  Is she playing the game or here to cry about it?  Honesty is NEVER the best policy inside the Bachelor Pad unless it’s benefiting you or it’s within your alliance.  If Ed were in Sara’s alliance, she wouldn’t have voted him out.  These people really do play a bad game…

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” – H.L. Mencken

X O X O

Natalie Getz

Twitter:  @nataliegetz

GOSSIP WITH GETZ www.TheTVSpot.com

35 Comments »

  1. That wasn’t me snoring. That was David.

    Comment by Nick — July 31, 2012 @ 11:25 am

  2. How you can continually defend Chris’s actions is beyond me. He is absolutely not a nice man. He is egotistical and just plain rude. You enjoy calling Kalon ass face and yet he has conducted himself with higher standards than Chris.

    And if you really pay attention to what you are watching, Kalon and Lindzi were on the coach,all the girls had bright red lipstick on not just Jamie, and Blakely was thanking David for understanding her, she was not being a Ahole.

    Why are you continuing to write these blogs? It is obvious that you are not really interested in it anymore and you are fast forwarding through most of the details.

    Comment by tj — July 31, 2012 @ 12:12 pm

  3. i am baffled by everyone thinking chris is so hot. i seriously don’t get it, especially considering his personality – i think he’s a major d-bag. i thought so on bachelorette, and he’s much worse on this show. blech!

    Comment by ei — July 31, 2012 @ 12:24 pm

  4. *conceited* not conceded

    Comment by Chris — July 31, 2012 @ 1:04 pm

  5. This episode was more entertaining than last. I wish Ed would have gotten sent home. He’s such a McDouchnugget for real! Kalon and lindzy actually look quite cute together. I think it’s much more entertaining seeing Chris’s player side on B-Pad.

    Comment by Michelle — July 31, 2012 @ 1:09 pm

  6. I agree with the comments above — and yet, also like Nat’s blog. While I don’t agree with everything she writers, she is witty and amusing.

    I could be wrong but I suspect the producers and/or Erica made some arrangement to have the twins stage a departure so she could stay in the game.

    Kalon is an interesting character–bright, witty, and handsome. Reminds me of guys I went to college with. He’s a little self absorbed, but he will grow out of that in time.

    Michael disappointed me. So, is he Elvis or Bill Clinton now? He will make out/sleep with any fan? It was cruel to lead her on. A warm hug would have sufficed.

    I had no issues with Ryan’s attire, but was confused as to why he pronounced his virginity so often? OK, he’s saving himself for marraige. What does his vignity need to be a topic of conversation? Weird how he claims to be a man with standards and yet thought conniving Jamie, whose cleavage couldn’t get any lower and who was trying to bed Chris at hello, was just the sort of woman to take home to mother…Uhhhh noooo…Guy needs at least SOME experience to determine wheat from the chaff.

    Anyway, love your blog, Nat. You go girl! You have a great sense of style and flair. I look forward to reading your blog next week! :D

    Comment by Fan — July 31, 2012 @ 1:50 pm

  7. Again, sorry for typos. When will I learn to edit before I hit “submit!” Ugh!

    Comment by Fan — July 31, 2012 @ 1:52 pm

  8. So funny that Natalie thinks she knows how to win the game. When really she was carried by Dave Good the entire season and that’s why she won. And why did Dave Good carry her? Cuz she f*cked him on several occasions, even when her “bff” was dating him BEFORE bachelor Pad. Yeah, get a life Natalie.

    Comment by Jenna — July 31, 2012 @ 2:22 pm

  9. I was hoping for a little roundup of all the women (at least) at the rose ceremony – your opinions of their dresses would have been interesting. Good catch that Stagliano grabbed center position at the dance. Can’t stand him & hope to see others on the “dates”, not him as he continues to win.

    Chris & Jamie are the best lookers, & equal matches like that often end up together, but I don’t think her self-esteem will allow her to do that.

    The producers are obviously hard at work. Both Erica & Ed saved, bec they are faves. I’m happy they are, but it’s being manipulated. Strange, bec this IS a show for money & they can’t fix game shows…

    Also, Erica, girl kiss? Really?

    Comment by Allissa — July 31, 2012 @ 3:17 pm

  10. Agreed, Allissa. I think that Ed and Erica were “saved” too. One moment the twins are desperately strategizing on how to win. The next moment they abruptly quit? Huh? Seems like they were asked to leave.

    I dont know why Fleiss was showing us Erica’s white cotton underwear shots. That was brutal.

    I thought Stag would have won either way since he is (was?) a professional break dancer.

    Comment by Fan — July 31, 2012 @ 3:42 pm

  11. We can only hope Chris fades into the woodwork where he belongs. His 5 minutes are long up! Ladies how DUMB are you to give Chris the time of day? Please think more of yourself and run when you see him coming! Nat another great blog!

    Comment by Samantha — July 31, 2012 @ 5:12 pm

  12. Chris is an abuser. He will never have a happy relationship. The only women who will ever have him will have low self esteem/mental issues.

    Comment by Fan — July 31, 2012 @ 5:15 pm

  13. You seem really immature, Natalie. Also, quite jealous of certain people. You get somewhat mean and it’s not a fun read.

    Comment by jessie — July 31, 2012 @ 5:54 pm

  14. the virgin comments aren’t funny at all. they’re very offensive, actually. just because you’ve had sex, especially on telvision, doesn’t mean you are entitled to him and deserve to belittle him.

    Comment by g — July 31, 2012 @ 7:02 pm

  15. You know, now i seem to vaguely remember an interview where lindzi said her eyeliner is tattooed on. So I guess she will always have makeup on in bed!

    Comment by Michelle — July 31, 2012 @ 9:25 pm

  16. Jamie is so dumb; Ryan would have been a good partner to the end. He probably saw Jamie on the Bachelor and thought she was sweet and innocent which she clearly is not. She will never make it very far with Chris who will change his mind with each week and play every single girl he can. I never thought Chris was attractive at all, yuck, and even less attractive now. Kalon is looking a little better now.

    Comment by LC — August 1, 2012 @ 2:43 am

  17. She seemed sweet on Ben’s season, but the fact that she still wore body hugging mini dresses reveals where her values/mind was at. She thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his pants.

    When producers told her to show her feelings for Ben, she responded by giving him a lapdance. How innocent is that? Would that have been your firest response?

    She said she grew up in a trailer park, so she probably has street smarts and is used to being around pimps and prostitutes and strippers and men who treat women badly. As trailer trash she probably wants to lash onto Chris for the money and possibly a relationship afterward.

    She is a desperate girl with nothng. Of course, trash like that would toss a decent, kind guy like Ryan for a romp in the hay with an abuser, much like Bubba the truck driver.

    Wow-totally different persona — Bachelor Ben’s season and Bachelor Pad. This franchise really ruins people but she wouldn’t have been corrupted unless she allowed herself to be.

    At the end of the day, sShe is trailer trash like Ashley Spivey.

    Comment by apples — August 1, 2012 @ 3:56 am

  18. I really feel like the popular alumni like Jaclyn, Ed, Michael, etc are getting excused for their actions while the less popular alumni like Blakely and Kalon are being called names like Ahole and Ass face even though their behaviour has been more respectable. I feel like Natalie is protecting her friends from the show and the guys she has crushes on instead of judging them from their actions. Chris is not “playing the game.” There are many ways to play the game without acting like a jerk. Chris is lying and leading multiple women on and the comments he makes about them are disgusting. Some people (like Kalon) make offensive comments but Kalon’s comments actually have truth to them and are delivered in a dry, sarcastic style. Chris is actually mean and rude. They are not sarcastic at all. I find making out with multiple women and lying to their faces and leading them on is a lot worse than making truthful, non-sugar coated, sarcastic remarks, so Chris is way worse than Kalon in my books. Even Michael is acting like a pig. As some other poster said, a simple hug to Donna would have been enough. I hate how the other alumni are saying Donna’s creepy and looking down on her and justifying Michael’s actions by saying that he’s just being nice to a fan and that he wasn’t really into the makeout session. I’m sure Michel is a nice guy but there’s no need to excuse his piggish behaviour, making out with Rachel then Donna. But the King of Pigs is of course Ed. A self-admitted lying, cheating drunk.

    Meanwhile, the less popular alumni like Blakely and Kalon are getting called names. Blakely may be possessive, obsessive and over-emotional but she is not mean like the others. She is one of the few who was actually nice to the fans. When David went up to hug her and thanked her after she invited him on the date, she actually said she wanted to cry. She was actually really nice to David and only offered the rose to Chris to show her loyalty to her partner…loyalty to someone is something Chris wouldn’t understand even if it hit him on the head.

    Comment by Amanda — August 1, 2012 @ 5:01 am

  19. Great comments, Amanda! I couldn’t have said it beter myself. No one seems to notice Blakely has more heart than most of those women there. They’re too busy putting her down. I’m pretty disappointed in Michael too. His ego seems to have grown considerably this past year, and it’s not attractive. I guess some people allow the franchise to turn them into ugly individuals.

    The other thing that’s drivin me crazy is, Ed needs help! He seems like a man in trouble, and people think it’s so damn amusing. It’s not. It’s very sad and pathetic. Jillian must have put up with a lot in that one year!

    Comment by jessie — August 1, 2012 @ 6:28 am

  20. it’s sarah not sara

    Comment by fan — August 1, 2012 @ 8:49 am

  21. OK. I didn’t write that. I am not a grammar police.

    What’s with all the weird impersonations — is that BachObserver31 again?

    Sad.

    Comment by Fan — August 1, 2012 @ 9:09 am

  22. I really liked your blog this week, although I do believe you’re being quite hard on Ryan. Give the guy a break!
    I love that you pointed out Michael’s hickey, I hadn’t noticed!! who do you think gave it to him, Donna or Rachel?lol
    as for Chris, I do like him, but I think he is not strategizing well, I think the mistakes he’s made will come back and bite him in the ass in the next weeks.
    Also I am sooooo happy the twins are gone!! How annoying!!
    Keep writing great blogs!! :)

    Comment by Luz — August 1, 2012 @ 9:34 am

  23. LOL Ah yes, Jerry Springer–unabashed tackiness and trashiness supreme! Bet he never dreamed of something that would hit a lower low like this show—hey that ryhmes.
    I don’t even watch the show—just check in here for the fun blogs. I watched it in the original season and that was enough LOL
    The blogs are a hoot! :)

    Comment by Maturesillyintellectual — August 1, 2012 @ 11:29 am

  24. Gotta agree with Amanda! I think Kalon gets a bad rap and its kinda ridiculous. Especially in comparison to what Chris is doing.

    And in terms of playing the game, Kalon was actually the one who brought up the idea to get out Ryan and was able to execute it without ever being implemented. It made way more sense to get rid of Ryan who was pretty much a non-entity and keep Dave who would not be in debt to Kalon. That seems like a pretty solid and intelligent strategy as opposed to just making out with two girls and hoping they dont realize it.

    Comment by FallonA — August 1, 2012 @ 11:30 am

  25. Come rate the 5 Hottest Girls on my own Bachelor Pad thread. Unfortunately my first post was banned and removed, but trust me it’s my thread. I had to name the thread “Rate the 5 Prettiest Girls” to keep from getting my screenname banned again. No haters, nasty or jealous remarks please.

    http://abc.go.com/shows/bachelor-pad/discuss/?cat=486737&tid=1139130&tsn=1

    Comment by bachobserver_31 — August 1, 2012 @ 5:06 pm

  26. I agree with the other Amanda’s post (above)! Chris is ridiculous and is continuing to prove (ten-fold) why so many of us didn’t like him on The Bachelorette, ugh. I think Kalon is a much more well-spoken, attractive guy and a lot more mature than Chris. I think a lot of what he said on Emily’s season was blown out of proportion just because the guys in the house didn’t like him. Granted – the baggage comment made me cringe and should not have been said but I truly don’t believe he’s a bad guy at all. I like him with Lindzi, I think they look cute together.

    Good blog, Natalie!

    Comment by Amanda — August 1, 2012 @ 6:35 pm

  27. Great blog Natalie! Enjoyed it as always.

    Comment by Becca — August 1, 2012 @ 8:38 pm

  28. Always look forward to your blog – very funny and most often spot on. I don’t think Chris is attractive though…too much resemblance to that muppet eagle guy. And he just seems wound a bit too tight for my taste. He may be a great game player, but not a great guy.
    Not sure what to think about Kalon and Lindzi. All I can say is that it’s hard to imagine he’s actually a better human being off screen.
    And the twins…echh. Had to turn to another channel for about ten minutes while they were having their meltdown. No thanks. SO glad they are gone.
    Thanks for a fun break from work, Nat!

    Comment by Jennifer — August 2, 2012 @ 8:29 am

  29. I don’t think kalon is a bad guy at all. Just intuitive and sarcastic. What has he done besides shush Emily and call Ricky baggage. Emily knows Ricky is baggage and has said so herelf in so many words. She is not a single, unencumbered female. Granted, he could have been more diplomatic, but he seems nice, charming, funny, intelligent, and a little cocky. He doesn’t take himself too seriously. Chris on the other hand….yuck.

    Comment by apples — August 2, 2012 @ 8:51 am

  30. I was looking forward to hearing your comment on Blakelys dress at the rose ceremony, it was horrible!!

    Comment by Doreen — August 2, 2012 @ 11:56 am

  31. Oh gosh, don’t let the quiet edit of Kalon fool you, viewers! He’s still the smarmy, yucky guy we saw on Emily’s show and on Twitter, etc., and the fact that Lindzi is attracted to him makes me think she’s not very sharp. She did seem pretty ditsy in Ben’s season and in the interviews after the show, so maybe this is more of the real Lindzi: someone who will fall for Kalon’s bull. Chris is uglier than ugly, is NOT playing the game well, is too full of himself and has a bad attitude/temper. Michael’s ego is out of control too, now. There really aren’t many likeable people on this season, because Jaclyn and Erica are rude, Jamie’s a mess, Blakely has her moments but kissing Chris was a huge mistake. I love Reid, but he’s not really playing well at all, and he has no partner does he? Ed’s a mess too, he’s embarrassing to watch. Nick is cute, though we haven’t seen much of him.

    Comment by bsheer — August 3, 2012 @ 7:41 pm

  32. Oh, and speaking of trailer trash, Rachel is the one who screams “low class” to me – she is just kind of, well, not classy. haha! I can’t believe Michael found her attractive. Maybe it’s her teeth, or her hair cut and color, or her raspy (smokers?) voice, I don’t know….

    Comment by bsheer — August 3, 2012 @ 7:48 pm

  33. bsheer,

    I admit I was taken in by the gleam in Kalon’s eye, his wit, intelligence, and style. But I believed he showed his true colors tonight. Telling people what they want to hear, etc. While he is clearly playing the game, it’s also clear that he bluffs/manipulates his way through life. He appears to be a sociopath.

    Can’t think of a single female on this show whom I would call classy. Yes, Rachael reminds me of trailer trash too. Paige was probably the only decent, classy woman on the show.

    Comment by Fan — August 7, 2012 @ 6:21 am

  34. I also thought Kalon’s comparing Erica to the PacMan eater was priceless! He should get out of luxury goods sales and go into comedy writing!

    Also, I don’t think Linsey is an idiot. She is a sweet country girl who is not schooled in the ways of the city.

    Comment by Fan — August 7, 2012 @ 6:34 am

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