NATALIE’S BACHELORETTE BLOG: EPISODE 4
Episode 4: Doug started his period at the worst possible time. No swimming for him!
When Chris informs the guys that they will begin a world tour and that they only have two hours to pack, Kalon nearly has a heart attack. After the guys make it to Bermuda to meet up with Emily and Ricky-tick, they realize that this week there will not only be a group date and one-on-one date, but there is also the ever so entertaining two-on-one date. This is where we get to watch someone be completely humiliated. I feel like Arie should read every date card, just so that we can look at him a little more each episode.
A basic hoodie and t-shirt combo is one of my favorite looks on a man. GetzStyle Tip: Men. Please, please, please, do not ever wear a hoodie with designs on it. Keep it basic and one solid color, like Arie did. There is no need to get fancy. Also, it’s time to grow up. Don’t buy your hoodie from Abercrombie and Fitch. Walking around with a moose logo will make you look extra lame. You can find basic hoodies and T’s at American Apparel and Urban Outfitters, just to name a few suggestions of stores for you.
Um, so Kalon is wearing a blue, tight fitting polo that makes me want to vomit. What actually made me vomit was that he wore pretty boy boat shoes with it. I mean, you can’t look more like you want to get your ass kicked than Kalon does right now. This look is screaming, “I’m not only a trust fund baby working at Ralph Lauren in sales, but I’m also a total wimpy nerd.” YUCK.
Doug doesn’t seem to have a whole lot of patience, which is insane because he is a father. He can’t take a joke and is acting like a total chick about his date with Emily. Arie had me in tears I was laughing so hard. Arie reminds me of how my guy friends would be to one another in this situation. That’s what guys do; they give each other shit and toughen the other up. Doug nearly murdered the guys just as I do slugs every night. Emily asks him how he is doing as she picks him up for his date and he proclaims, “We are having a great time!” LIAR.
Emily and Doug: Fault Line
I need this tie dye maxi dress ASAP! Not only are the colors and pattern super cool, but the cut of the dress is different. The open back is super sexy in a classy way with the ribbon lacing up her back for a cute touch. The front is slightly revealing, but who cares?! It’s a first date in Bermuda!
When Emily asked Doug if he ever got grumpy or angry, I was going to be supper annoyed if he said no, seeing as he just almost punched out Arie’s beautiful face. I respect that he told Emily about his altercations with the guys right before she showed up. I though it was very big of him and it only proves to Emily that he isn’t trying to be fake around her and different with the guys.
I’m not a fan of this casual, white dress. The butterfly seems awkwardly placed and even if it weren’t, there is still a gigantic, blinged out butterfly on a dress. Maybe on a t-shirt, but not on a dress. Not a fan at all.
During dinner, we learn Emily and Doug’s faults.
Emily’s: She doesn’t work out, runs errands in her pajamas, and is too sensitive at times.
Doug’s: Spends too much time with his son and doesn’t wash his ex’s cars enough.
Let’s see how mine compare.
Natalie’s: Horrible road rage, bad temper, no patience for adults, drinks too much red wine, reads into things to much, severe paranoia issues with a side of OCD and ADD, etc.
Ya. These two make me look like a big gigantic dick head. Wow, this is awkward. Uh, well…hummm. I was kidding? Hahaha?
Anyway, a nervous Doug gets the rose. Moving along…
Group Date: Arie can sail my boat all day;) (I don’t even know what that means. I’m so tired. But, imagine it spoken in a super creepy voice.)
AWE!!!!!! Arie gave Emily his hoodie:) They just look so beautiful together! Emily looked ridiculously cute on this group date with her chunky, cable knit off white sweater with a boat neck so that her white bikini strings stuck out the top. I like this look! The sweater is slightly sheer, giving the guys a small peek at her teeny, white bikini. Throw a pair of cut off jean shorts on her, and Emily nailed the perfect look. Easy, breezy topped off with a super cute, high pony tail.
You so know that Emily put Jef and Arie on the same team, because she wants to spend time with both of them. She could care less about the Red team now that Shelly is gone. I love how she strategically put an over competitive Ryan on Arie and Jef’s team, because she knows he can’t handle losing. She doesn’t want more time with Ryan necessarily, but she knew he would bring her two lovers to a victory! As for Kalon? Well, they don’t really know what to do with him at this point and they couldn’t put Chris on a team with Arie and Jef, because then it would look waaaaaaaay too obvious as if it doesn’t already. Yellow wins and they all gallop off to the after party with Emily as the red team get driven home in a bus and an over-emotional Charlie.
PULL IT TOGETHER, CHARLIE. No woman wants a man who cries hysterically over losing a boating competition and a group date party. Come on now…is he serious? Yes, I understand he is actually crying because he wanted more time with Emily, but still… I mean, that’s just ridiculous. He pretty much handed Joel McHale material to rip him apart.
After Party: Trophy Wife
At the after party, Ryan constructs the toast and calls Emily his future Trophy Wife. What the dumb?! This is why I’m glad Emily keeps him around. I can always count on him saying something soooooooo totally stupid… and I find that very entertaining. He continues to say the following:
1.) “If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin.’”
2.) “We would make beautiful babies” (that was stated 6 times.)
3.) “God designed you to be a beautiful woman, so be a beautiful woman.”
4.) “She didn’t give the rose to Arie because of what I told her. There is a lot of depth to that. She pulled a safe move.” Okay, Psycho!
5.) “I’m athletic and a charming guy and, you know, all of those things. God really blessed me.”
6.) “I need to evaluate Emily, because she may not be worthy of me.”
7.) “I’m really sure that I am a really good catch.”
8.) “Emily has potential, but then again, I feel like I’m called to something bigger, ya know?”
9.) “If I was the bachelor, I’d open my heart up and I think that would be neat for everybody to see.”
10.) “When I go home, I am going to be the next bachelor.”
Emily and Ryan appear hammered and it’s hilarious to watch him slur his speech, causing an already lazy accent to sound even worse. I cannot believe he had the nerve to tell Emily that she is a role model and that millions of little girls will be watching her, so she better behave. In a nutshell, he tells her that she looks like a huge skank for making out with Arie at the Rose Ceremony. He is so typical. Since he is jealous of her making out with Arie, he is trying to make her feel at fault and guilty. Can you believe this guy?!?!?!?! This is not an “edit.” He is totally the type who will control his wife and smack her across the face if she burns dinner. He may even kill her if she uses butter.
Emily wants Jef to kiss her, but he is far too insecure to make that move. Emily will have to be the instigator with that. She gave him a the group date rose to build his self esteem:) She also has some cute time with Arie, who of course says all of the right things.
Two-on-One: Sounds like something else…
This is by far the most awkward 2-on-1 date I have ever seen. I fast-forwarded through most of it, only because two hours is way too long for my ADD and attention span of a 5 year old (please refer back to my faults). This is what I gathered….Emily looks hot, the guys try to impress her while making the other look as bad as they possibly can, and Emily gives the rose to Wolf. Did I miss something? Aside from the crying part during his convo with Emily, Nate is hot! Oh well.
Rose Ceremony: I just thought of Chaz Bono, randomly, for a solid 5 minutes and I don’t know why. I’m so freaking tired.
Chris holds his own when being attacked for his age. Not only is he 100% right, he looks 100% hot in a cool pair of Tom’s shoes, grey pants and a hoodie. Dang! This sonny just keeps growing on me! And, I agree with him. My brother is 26, and he is far more mature than my 30 year old self.
At the party, Ryan makes himself look like a bigger loser then even Bentley ever did. He not only told Emily some really stupid stuff, but he continues to tell Michael that he wants to be the next bachelor and that everyone is obsessed with him. I could go on and on about this loser, but the sun is out and I need a tan. Smell ya, Charlie.
WOW! This is the Emily Maynard style that I love! I wasn’t a fan of her glitzed out rose ceremony dresses so far, but this dress makes up for it all. She looks gorgeous in this white, asymmetrical number. Everything from the cut, style and color look great against her bronzed skin and the jewelry choices were phenomenal! GetzStyle Tip: Often, jewelry can overpower an outfit. This is the perfect dress to allow the jewelry to add depth. It’s not overpowering, but it’s certainly making a statement.
Arie chose a light colored suit and crisp, light blue dress shirt to keep it breezy looking in Bermuda. Perfect choice for this atmosphere! Also, you all know I’m a fan of a suit combo worn without a tie. I love a tie too, but this look is sexy! GetzStyle Tip: Be careful with this look. Make sure the collar is starched and stiff to pull off the crisp look!
This is an example a shirt suit combo minus the tie gone bad. The collar is too flimsy. This makes the outfit look sloppy. I mean, he could have at least done his hair. This is the kind of ponytail I wear when I quickly throw my hair back to wash my face.
GetzStyle Award: Emily. Duh.
I don’t think many of these guys are “tailored” to Emily’s liking, but I do think there are still a few good ones left. My choice is still Arie. I’m not into Doug anymore after his hormone level reached new heights this episode. Sean is sweet, but I don’t know…I gotta see more of him. Jef is super cute as well with his crush on Emily causing him to be super shy and cute:)
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