NATALIE’S BACHELOR BLOG: EPISODE 2

Episode 2:  Sean wants to move to Utah and marry them all.

 Rubbing himself down inappropriately in the shower, Sean thinks about how hot all the girls he met last night were.  For the record, when I take showers it’s an “in and out” process that is necessary in order to smell good in public.  I don’t think I have ever caressed myself in such a way in order to look sexy for nothing but the shower curtain.  I’m definitely going to try Sean’s shower moves out tonight to see if I can make myself feel as uncomfortable as Sean had made me feel.

Sean and Sara:  There is no better way to let someone know you are interested in them, then to tell them to go jump off a sky scraper.    

Kacie acts shocked that Sean is picking up Sara in a helicopter.  Come on Kacie, act like you’ve been there before!  I think they need to switch it up, like pick the girls up on a ten-speed, or in a Ford Focus, perhaps.  Ungrateful ho’s!

After the girls spent all morning putting makeup on and doing their hair to look camera ready, Sean whisks Sara away in the chopper blowing dirt, wind and shame on the ladies left behind.  Ouch.

“Oh my GOD!” shrieks Sara after Sean tells her they are going to die today.  A shocked Sean quickly corrects Sara, “Oh my GOSH!”  Well, she won’t go longer than a couple of episodes after using the Lord’s name in vein in front of the man Jake Pavelka always wanted to be.

Oh, but I do like her open back tank.  Hot pink looks great against her California golden glow and bright, blonde hair.  OH MY GOSH, Sara, OH MY GOSH.  Oh my God… For being a born again virgin, I am shocked at how quickly Sean forces Sara into a harness.  50 shades girl would have been having a field day.

Can we please take note that a camera operator is literally on the edge of the platform with nothing strapping them to the building?  I’m def going to check into this to see if they are still alive.  If you have read my blogs, you know my issues with heights.  I would have ZERO problem telling my Bachelor to F off for even asking me to put my life at risk for such a “rush.”

Sean lets us all know that since “Sara is freaking out a little bit,” he is going to have her sit down in order to ease into it.  Sureeeee, Sean…it was Sara freaking out about it.  Ahem.  Pussy.

Sara looks stunning for the evening portion of their date!  (Side note:  neither of them died.) Her curves look great in this classy yet sexy black cocktail dress complete with a flattering sweetheart neckline.  I definitely teared up when Sara told Sean that this date meant a lot to her considering she wanted to zip line in Las Vegas and they told her no because she has a disability.  It’s sad that government regulations treat all disabilities the same when clearly she is capable of zip lining. That was the first “feel good” moment of the season and I’m happy to see her get the rose and smooch it out with Sean. “Oh my Gosh,” I hope he can get passed her insulting his heavenly father.

 

Group Date: Hippie Girl Not Happie

Brooke definitely has a style of her own.  I’ve already seen her push the envelope in fashion, which is what a true fasionista does.  I love her hair straightened!  Her tie dyed tank top is a refreshing look, complete with pastel blue skinny jeans. She stepped up her game with a funky, over sized necklace.  CUTE!

After learning they will be doing a sexy photo shoot, Kristy reminds me of Jesse Spano hopped up on caffeine pills.  She can’t even stand still, screaming, “I’M SO EXCITED” over….and over…and over.  I’M SO SCARED.

Groucho Marx, er, Tierra is not happy sharing her time with Sean.  She is such a beautiful girl, but when she is pouting and bitching, she gets this grouchy look on her face.  I’m thankful for her on this season, because she will entertain me the most.  I LOVE THE VILLAIN  Thank you, Groucho Marx.

 

Robyn was already in my top three for Sean, because she pulls off adorable and gorgeous at the same time.  She won my heart over on this date by speaking her mind right in front of Groucho Marx.  Even the hair stylist was irritated by Tierra telling Robyn, “Tacky Ho’s are a dime a dozen.”  Burrnnnnnnnn.

After the girls get all dolled up, it’s time to see who can arouse Sean most during these photos shoots in order to win the competition and be on the cover of 3 erotic novels. Of Course Kristy wins this competition.  She has been, “like, modeling for 8 plus years!”  She did do the best, but I don’t think the Southern spirit in Sean liked her taking control over the photo shoot, showing the world her sexy side, when she clearly should have been at home doing the dishes.

Sean collects his sister wives and leads them to an after party where, of course, there is a pool.  Leslie pulls Sean away first, hoping for another kiss.  Sean surprised her by asking her flat out, “What is the real reason you are here?”  Leslie then tells him it’s for love.  Phew, I thought for sure she would screw up and say she was there to travel the world, have her 15 minutes, and maybe get a lil’ action on the side.  That’s like when your boyfriend asks you if you have ever cheated on them.  Of COURSE you say no.  Moving on…

Speaking Of Leslie, I am OBSESSED with her cocktail dress.  I love blondes in black and she made her LBD stand out by adding some edge with a studded, leather belt wrapped around the small of her waste.  The sheer outer layer of fabric covering her legs left just enough to keep Sean wondering.

In my mind, Kacie got the group date rose because of her ability to pull together a super cute look.  This short, bright red, flowing frock screams cute and sexy at the same time.  She threw on a leather bomber jacket to make the look more casual and to add more style.  We have very similar taste in fashion!  Apparently Sean gave her the rose, because she threw herself out there for a second time.  Great, Sean.  Kacie has gorgeous hair and now the other girls are going to cut it off in her sleep all because you made her stand out tonight.  Nice one.

Kacie “helped” guide the Yoga Instructor’s decision to go home.  I really think Kacie just has issues with hygiene, and let’s be honest, this hippie doesn’t wear shoes.  The jury is still out if she washes her hair.  She is one with the trees   Ommmmmm my God, she didn’t even get a limo exit interview.   Sean never even got the chance to see her downward dog.

Sean and Desiree:  Whomp

Sean is put together in a sharp suit and a purple tie to accent the colors in his checkered button down.  Desiree looks sleek in a tight black dress, short in length with a revealing neckline.

Chris and Sean are trying very hard to “punk” Des and look all laid back like Ashton Kutcher once did.  Nerds! And I mean that in the nicest of ways.  Sean really has a thing for purple.  He wore a purple henley earlier this episode, then the purple tie, then, BAM: he killed it with those bright ass purple socks.  I mean, he literally killed it.  It will be hard for him to recover from this ridiculous mishap.  Guys:  if you are wearing black dress pants and dress shoes, always wear black socks.  People like Jef holm can pull this sock thing off, but not people like Sean.  Jef = fruity and goofy.  Sean = Seriousness and manly muscles.  See?  Doesn’t work so much for Sean.

Long story short, Desiree didn’t give a shizzz that the artwork broke.  All that build up for nothing.  Not only did she not care, she couldn’t control her laughter.  I’m going to go ahead and say Des is no dummy and knew what was going on the entire time.  All that build up for NOTHING.

They head back to Sean’s pad and make dinner while having a very long, boring, and normal discussion.  Desiree and Sean have both had picture perfect upbringings and lives. Come on! I love when a bomb is dropped that creates awkwardness, like, “I used to be a man” or, I liked women up until this year.”  NOPE. No drama here. Just two ridiculously good-looking people falling in lust.

After dinner, Sean tells Desiree to do what every woman desires to do after stuffing themselves with food: To get into her bikini for some hot tub time. Luckily for Des, it looks like she hasn’t eaten since 1995.

Oh, right, she gets the rose.

Rose Ceremony:  Tornados Of Negativity

When Robyn asked Sean how he feels about dating women of color, Sean originally was all like, “Girl, I fantasize about Oprah and Gayle on the reg. Together.”  (They had to edit that part out after Oprah caused a stink.)

 

The Good:

 

I am no “Possessionista,” but I’d say Sara’s dress is from one of my favorite stores, All Saints.  The vibrant colors and cut of the dress look great on her!

Kacie’s dress is super cute!  It’s so flirty and playful, just like her ;)

NUTS! I was really looking forward to seeing what her closet had in store for us.  She loves pink and the she wore it well with her red hair!  At least she got to show off some of her style, and this cute pink cocktail dress was the perfect way to exit.  Now, let’s just hope that limo takes her straight to a drive through.  Those collar bones look like they need some Taco Bell! (Yes, I’m jealous.)

 

The Bad:

Lindsay looks like piano keys in this dress that she stole from a pageant girl. No bueno. (Sometimes I speak Spanish in these blogs in honor of the gorgeous Roberto Martinez.)

George Jetson’s wife did not look happy to share Sean tonight in her space age, yellow dress.  Amanda took shoulder pads to the next level, not to mention, her fragile state of mind is causing her to look like a Tim Burton character.

This looks like a wedding dress that was passed down from generation to generation to some unfortunate bride.  Luckily for Lesley, she has a gorgeous face that can overcome fashion mishaps.

These are my top 3 favorites so far:

1.) Robyn

2.) Desiree

3.) Daniella (she is hilarious)

I can’t wait to see more of Jackie and Katherine.  They could quickly be in the running for my faves!  Who are your top three and why?

Botox Diaries: 

As Kacie and Tierra make the same facial expression, it’s noted that needles have graced Tierra’s forehead.  I mean, that eyebrow is wickedly rising, but that forehead ain’t goin’ nowhere.

Join me live every Tuesday at 7pm PST for another season of Gossip With Getz with my new HILARIOUS co-host, Mike Kelton.  Follow me on twitter for updates on the web series and where to find it.

X O X O

Natalie Getz

Twitter: @nataliegetz

37 Comments »

  1. LOL Liked your blog!!:) Best part was at the end when you talked about tierra having botox. lol Although I may say Kacie has always looked late 20′s early 30′s because of her bad forehead wrinkles and puffy eye bags. Did you notice last season, her forehead was always wrinkled. I think its because she tans too much. Her family from what I saw last season is very very white, pale and she is very brown every time she is on tv. So my conclusion is maybe Tierra just has good gene’s bc comparing her wrinkles to Kacie just isnt fair, she is all wrinkles, lol. P.S. Talk more about bad hair, bad clothes, bad attitudes, annoying laughs etc…rather than just summarizing everything bc ppl who read your blog saw the show already:) We like to laugh at how crazy the girls are, not get a recap:)

    Comment by Amanda — January 15, 2013 @ 12:33 pm

  2. Great blog again! Wondering…are the pix off? It looks like they were mixed up..?

    Comment by Maturesillyinyellectual — January 15, 2013 @ 1:11 pm

  3. Write whatever you want, you always make me laugh. Yours is the first blog I go to for fashion remarks as well as the funny snide comments. Daniella totally reminds me of your girl, Erica Rose….seem to have a similar sense of humor. Desiree & Robyn seem sweet…we will see as the drama continues.

    Comment by B — January 15, 2013 @ 1:37 pm

  4. I think you mixed up the Lesley pictures

    Comment by Hannah — January 15, 2013 @ 1:45 pm

  5. These blogs are more boring or as boring as the show. I will probably skip out this season.

    Who is writing all these comments? Must be interns for the show as they are all gushing praise. No comments — just squeals of praise.

    Nothing wrong with that but seems like the same as buying Twitter followers.

    I might have been a good blog. I just don’t know. About one paragraph into it, I lost interest. Couldn’t read it. I guess a lot of others liked it soooo…keep on keeping on.

    Laters.

    Comment by lois — January 15, 2013 @ 2:07 pm

  6. Thanks everyone for the comments and reading my blog!:) A special thanks to Lois (my intern). I hired him to be mean. Thanks Lois!

    Comment by Natalie — January 15, 2013 @ 2:37 pm

  7. She’s back……..And right on as norm… I was so thinking what is Nat going to say about the yellow dress with friggin flowers on the arms/shoulders. Seriously? I’m no fashionista, shit, I’m too old to give a damn. My hygiene is good, and I match, to me, that’s what matters these days. These young ladies though, do they not know they are being scrutinized, DUH! My best part of the Bachelor/ette is your comments. Can’t wait until tonight. YOu ROCK NAT

    Comment by Donna — January 15, 2013 @ 2:39 pm

  8. Thanks Donna! See you tonight and I can’t wait to hear your thoughts! You need a blog missy!

    Comment by Natalie — January 15, 2013 @ 2:52 pm

  9. marcia! love the shout out to the ford focus! the husband and i were both wondering whether the bachelor show has bought their own helicopter by now or if they just have a REALLY good deal with the vendor. i want in on it! although definitely not as cool as the PRIVATE JET you and jason took to vegas. ;)

    i agree about sean’s showering technique, though i do shower like that also, maybe that is why i’m always taking too long???

    i want to know what amanda’s deal was. is she bi-polar? that smile when sean came in the room was ridiculous. i wanted to smack the fake outta her! i loved sara’s chevron sequin dress too – you would look amazeballs in that!

    so glad the blog is up – i love it and i love you!!

    Comment by jan brady — January 15, 2013 @ 4:41 pm

  10. @Natalie- Oh I love your sense of humor. Don’t take anything Lois writes personally. She’s sh!t talking everyone’s blogs- even Tenley!

    Comment by Beth — January 15, 2013 @ 4:44 pm

  11. Also hated the bright yellow dress with the gross shoulder pads/flowers.

    Emily (in her blog, somewhere out there) picked this as one of her favorite dresses of the night. Really? Really? Good GOD Em. (oops…Good GOSH Em)

    Comment by songleader — January 15, 2013 @ 4:58 pm

  12. Love your blogs! You are hillarious! Great job, can’t wait to read next weeks!
    Caroline

    Comment by Caroline — January 15, 2013 @ 6:35 pm

  13. Amanda’s yellow dress sleeves…..cinnabon?

    Comment by Easton — January 15, 2013 @ 6:36 pm

  14. Robyn is also my fave. She is cute and quirky and can you imagine how beautiful her and Seans kids would be?!

    Comment by Jess — January 15, 2013 @ 7:10 pm

  15. Great blog Natalie! My top three so far are Lindsay (I think she has a good sense of humor and is a little goofy which might match Sean) – is anyone else thinking a goofy girl will be a really good fit for him? I think someone needs to match him in the pranks dept and just be a goofball with him ( I am now getting why Catherine might be a good match for him) – I think he needs cute, sweet and goofy and therefore Emily Maynard wouldn’t have been an ideal match for him- I don’t think he is into stylish and very very good looking women, I thinks he values laughter quite highly. So would say Catherine, Lindsay and I can’t think of a third. Contrary to most, I don’t think Desiree is a good match for him. I don’t know why but he is much more interested in her than she is into him. She also is a little sarcastic and witty in a way that he isn’t probably a good match for. Obviously so hard to say after only 2 episodes, but thanks for the interesting blog!!!

    Comment by Arch — January 15, 2013 @ 8:06 pm

  16. So happy you are back Natalie, I didnt see you post last week and was thinking you were not going to recap this season..your blog is the MOST entertaining to read!!! Great recap!!

    Comment by Cy — January 15, 2013 @ 8:08 pm

  17. I ask this v-e-r-y c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y, and not to be mean, just cannot figure it out even with a HD TV which, as you know is not kind to any facial flaws….but is that a scar or a dent in Tierra’s forehead? Don’t hate on me for asking, I know I cannot be the only one wondering…….

    Comment by Maya — January 15, 2013 @ 9:34 pm

  18. To be fair, maybe Kacie was just surprised that people actually get to ride in helicopters that aren’t occupied by Ben Flajnik.

    Comment by Mandi — January 16, 2013 @ 1:24 am

  19. The way you made “ho’s” possessive… and then you spelled it like that a second time. I can’t even. Thanks for the laugh.

    Comment by Lauren — January 16, 2013 @ 6:11 am

  20. That is definitely botox on Tierra’s forehead. She’s also had an additional injection to lift her brows. A brow lift injection can be mild to extreme depending on the number of units used. I would say, she went a little too extreme. At her age botox should only be used to soften wrinkles while still allowing for expression. Otherwise, a raised brow can be equivalent to “evil eye”. Oh well, in her case it will make her an even better villain!

    Comment by Treasure Morgan — January 16, 2013 @ 7:32 am

  21. “The man Jake Pavelka always wanted to be” Perfection. I have no other words.

    Thanks for the blog!

    Comment by Heather — January 16, 2013 @ 11:16 am

  22. Is it just me, or did anyone else see Leslie (from the worst dressed list) as an extra on Happy Endings last night? It seems like she and Sean have had zero time together, so I’m curious how long she’ll be around for.

    Comment by Kate — January 16, 2013 @ 11:39 am

  23. My favorite part was the reference to Roberto – speak Spanish all you want if you’ll keep bringing him to mind. He’s soooo dreamy.
    Your blog was great this time – keep up the good work!

    Comment by BSheer — January 16, 2013 @ 6:53 pm

  24. I seriously LOVE your blog! It is hilarious, intelligent, and amazing. I literally watch the show so that I can come to check out the blogs by you, Michael Stagliano, Ashley Spivey, and Possesionista!!!

    Comment by Esther — January 16, 2013 @ 8:21 pm

  25. I am hoping you know the difference between “waste” and “waist.”

    Comment by Beth W — January 17, 2013 @ 1:36 pm

  26. Dark skinned people are blessed with good skin. I don’t think Tierra had Botox she just has amazing skin.

    Comment by Jenna — January 18, 2013 @ 9:42 am

  27. Top notch blog Natalie! I love the last comment about Tierra’s forehead. You’re funny without being rude — that’s talent! Well done.

    Comment by Sarah Whitney — January 18, 2013 @ 12:06 pm

  28. LOL, yeah what else would you say you’re here for? Traveling, fame, to become next Bachelorette?
    And love the comment about hot tub & Desiree!

    My top 4 so far (it’s hard to pick 3):
    Selma
    Leslie
    Catherine
    Lindsay
    - but I still don’t know much about them.

    I like funny girls/drama girls too. So it’s fun to watch Amanda, Daniella and Tierra too – entertaining.

    Comment by SJ — January 19, 2013 @ 2:21 am

  29. Funny! Loved your recap. Thanks!

    Comment by Susan — January 19, 2013 @ 3:19 pm

  30. Did you see Amanda’s dress on 1600 Penn this week? Same dress different color.

    Comment by Brigitte — January 20, 2013 @ 4:16 pm

  31. Love your blog! And don’t forget Sean was wearing purple A LOT during filming since his K-State Wildcats football team made it to the Fiesta Bowl this year!! Love that man. Perfection.

    Comment by Jennifer — January 24, 2013 @ 12:46 pm

  32. natalie, recaps are great, but your chat needs improvement. if you are going to have a show then show up, and do your hair before, it’s always about your hair. your hair is straight and never done anyways, so what is the big deal.
    please get rid of that fruit kelton you have on your chat, he is loud and stupid, and a show off.
    tell him to go get busy on some fruit site instead of harassing straight guys. this is the season of the bachleor and sean is not a fruit, does not need some fruit doing a chat show. why do fruits always think straight guys want them?

    Comment by Joeschmoe — January 25, 2013 @ 12:17 am

  33. Using the Lord’s name in VANE not vein….

    Comment by spellingnazi — February 3, 2013 @ 2:28 pm

  34. Um, actually, it’s taking the Lord’s name in VAIN, not vane. So Nat was closer than you were, spellingnazi. Maybe you shouldn’t correct people when you don’t know what you’re talking about. Just sayin’….

    Comment by Elizabeth — February 5, 2013 @ 2:29 pm

  35. When I initially commented I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are
    added- checkbox and from now on whenever a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment.
    Is there an easy method you can remove me from that service?
    Thank you!

    Feel free to visit my web blog :: sleeping bag outlet
    (Helen)

    Comment by Helen — June 22, 2013 @ 12:26 am

  36. Greetings from Idaho! I’m bored at work so I decided to check out your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I love the info you provide here and can’t wait to take
    a look when I get home. I’m shocked at how fast your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just
    3G .. Anyways, very good site!

    My web page … improve memory course

    Comment by improve memory course — July 1, 2013 @ 6:15 am

  37. Hello there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could get a captcha plugin for my comment form?
    I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one?
    Thanks a lot!

    Also visit my web-site: shock Bark collar

    Comment by shock Bark collar — July 13, 2013 @ 6:52 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment