NATALIE’S BACHELOR BLOG: EPISODE 2
Episode 2: Sean wants to move to Utah and marry them all.
Rubbing himself down inappropriately in the shower, Sean thinks about how hot all the girls he met last night were. For the record, when I take showers it’s an “in and out” process that is necessary in order to smell good in public. I don’t think I have ever caressed myself in such a way in order to look sexy for nothing but the shower curtain. I’m definitely going to try Sean’s shower moves out tonight to see if I can make myself feel as uncomfortable as Sean had made me feel.
Sean and Sara: There is no better way to let someone know you are interested in them, then to tell them to go jump off a sky scraper.
Kacie acts shocked that Sean is picking up Sara in a helicopter. Come on Kacie, act like you’ve been there before! I think they need to switch it up, like pick the girls up on a ten-speed, or in a Ford Focus, perhaps. Ungrateful ho’s!
After the girls spent all morning putting makeup on and doing their hair to look camera ready, Sean whisks Sara away in the chopper blowing dirt, wind and shame on the ladies left behind. Ouch.
“Oh my GOD!” shrieks Sara after Sean tells her they are going to die today. A shocked Sean quickly corrects Sara, “Oh my GOSH!” Well, she won’t go longer than a couple of episodes after using the Lord’s name in vein in front of the man Jake Pavelka always wanted to be.
Oh, but I do like her open back tank. Hot pink looks great against her California golden glow and bright, blonde hair. OH MY GOSH, Sara, OH MY GOSH. Oh my God… For being a born again virgin, I am shocked at how quickly Sean forces Sara into a harness. 50 shades girl would have been having a field day.
Can we please take note that a camera operator is literally on the edge of the platform with nothing strapping them to the building? I’m def going to check into this to see if they are still alive. If you have read my blogs, you know my issues with heights. I would have ZERO problem telling my Bachelor to F off for even asking me to put my life at risk for such a “rush.”
Sean lets us all know that since “Sara is freaking out a little bit,” he is going to have her sit down in order to ease into it. Sureeeee, Sean…it was Sara freaking out about it. Ahem. Pussy.
Sara looks stunning for the evening portion of their date! (Side note: neither of them died.) Her curves look great in this classy yet sexy black cocktail dress complete with a flattering sweetheart neckline. I definitely teared up when Sara told Sean that this date meant a lot to her considering she wanted to zip line in Las Vegas and they told her no because she has a disability. It’s sad that government regulations treat all disabilities the same when clearly she is capable of zip lining. That was the first “feel good” moment of the season and I’m happy to see her get the rose and smooch it out with Sean. “Oh my Gosh,” I hope he can get passed her insulting his heavenly father.
Group Date: Hippie Girl Not Happie
Brooke definitely has a style of her own. I’ve already seen her push the envelope in fashion, which is what a true fasionista does. I love her hair straightened! Her tie dyed tank top is a refreshing look, complete with pastel blue skinny jeans. She stepped up her game with a funky, over sized necklace. CUTE!
After learning they will be doing a sexy photo shoot, Kristy reminds me of Jesse Spano hopped up on caffeine pills. She can’t even stand still, screaming, “I’M SO EXCITED” over….and over…and over. I’M SO SCARED.
Groucho Marx, er, Tierra is not happy sharing her time with Sean. She is such a beautiful girl, but when she is pouting and bitching, she gets this grouchy look on her face. I’m thankful for her on this season, because she will entertain me the most. I LOVE THE VILLAIN Thank you, Groucho Marx.
Robyn was already in my top three for Sean, because she pulls off adorable and gorgeous at the same time. She won my heart over on this date by speaking her mind right in front of Groucho Marx. Even the hair stylist was irritated by Tierra telling Robyn, “Tacky Ho’s are a dime a dozen.” Burrnnnnnnnn.
After the girls get all dolled up, it’s time to see who can arouse Sean most during these photos shoots in order to win the competition and be on the cover of 3 erotic novels. Of Course Kristy wins this competition. She has been, “like, modeling for 8 plus years!” She did do the best, but I don’t think the Southern spirit in Sean liked her taking control over the photo shoot, showing the world her sexy side, when she clearly should have been at home doing the dishes.
Sean collects his sister wives and leads them to an after party where, of course, there is a pool. Leslie pulls Sean away first, hoping for another kiss. Sean surprised her by asking her flat out, “What is the real reason you are here?” Leslie then tells him it’s for love. Phew, I thought for sure she would screw up and say she was there to travel the world, have her 15 minutes, and maybe get a lil’ action on the side. That’s like when your boyfriend asks you if you have ever cheated on them. Of COURSE you say no. Moving on…
Speaking Of Leslie, I am OBSESSED with her cocktail dress. I love blondes in black and she made her LBD stand out by adding some edge with a studded, leather belt wrapped around the small of her waste. The sheer outer layer of fabric covering her legs left just enough to keep Sean wondering.
In my mind, Kacie got the group date rose because of her ability to pull together a super cute look. This short, bright red, flowing frock screams cute and sexy at the same time. She threw on a leather bomber jacket to make the look more casual and to add more style. We have very similar taste in fashion! Apparently Sean gave her the rose, because she threw herself out there for a second time. Great, Sean. Kacie has gorgeous hair and now the other girls are going to cut it off in her sleep all because you made her stand out tonight. Nice one.
Kacie “helped” guide the Yoga Instructor’s decision to go home. I really think Kacie just has issues with hygiene, and let’s be honest, this hippie doesn’t wear shoes. The jury is still out if she washes her hair. She is one with the trees Ommmmmm my God, she didn’t even get a limo exit interview. Sean never even got the chance to see her downward dog.
Sean and Desiree: Whomp
Sean is put together in a sharp suit and a purple tie to accent the colors in his checkered button down. Desiree looks sleek in a tight black dress, short in length with a revealing neckline.
Chris and Sean are trying very hard to “punk” Des and look all laid back like Ashton Kutcher once did. Nerds! And I mean that in the nicest of ways. Sean really has a thing for purple. He wore a purple henley earlier this episode, then the purple tie, then, BAM: he killed it with those bright ass purple socks. I mean, he literally killed it. It will be hard for him to recover from this ridiculous mishap. Guys: if you are wearing black dress pants and dress shoes, always wear black socks. People like Jef holm can pull this sock thing off, but not people like Sean. Jef = fruity and goofy. Sean = Seriousness and manly muscles. See? Doesn’t work so much for Sean.
Long story short, Desiree didn’t give a shizzz that the artwork broke. All that build up for nothing. Not only did she not care, she couldn’t control her laughter. I’m going to go ahead and say Des is no dummy and knew what was going on the entire time. All that build up for NOTHING.
They head back to Sean’s pad and make dinner while having a very long, boring, and normal discussion. Desiree and Sean have both had picture perfect upbringings and lives. Come on! I love when a bomb is dropped that creates awkwardness, like, “I used to be a man” or, I liked women up until this year.” NOPE. No drama here. Just two ridiculously good-looking people falling in lust.
After dinner, Sean tells Desiree to do what every woman desires to do after stuffing themselves with food: To get into her bikini for some hot tub time. Luckily for Des, it looks like she hasn’t eaten since 1995.
Oh, right, she gets the rose.
Rose Ceremony: Tornados Of Negativity
When Robyn asked Sean how he feels about dating women of color, Sean originally was all like, “Girl, I fantasize about Oprah and Gayle on the reg. Together.” (They had to edit that part out after Oprah caused a stink.)
I am no “Possessionista,” but I’d say Sara’s dress is from one of my favorite stores, All Saints. The vibrant colors and cut of the dress look great on her!
Kacie’s dress is super cute! It’s so flirty and playful, just like her
NUTS! I was really looking forward to seeing what her closet had in store for us. She loves pink and the she wore it well with her red hair! At least she got to show off some of her style, and this cute pink cocktail dress was the perfect way to exit. Now, let’s just hope that limo takes her straight to a drive through. Those collar bones look like they need some Taco Bell! (Yes, I’m jealous.)
Lindsay looks like piano keys in this dress that she stole from a pageant girl. No bueno. (Sometimes I speak Spanish in these blogs in honor of the gorgeous Roberto Martinez.)
George Jetson’s wife did not look happy to share Sean tonight in her space age, yellow dress. Amanda took shoulder pads to the next level, not to mention, her fragile state of mind is causing her to look like a Tim Burton character.
This looks like a wedding dress that was passed down from generation to generation to some unfortunate bride. Luckily for Lesley, she has a gorgeous face that can overcome fashion mishaps.
These are my top 3 favorites so far:
3.) Daniella (she is hilarious)
I can’t wait to see more of Jackie and Katherine. They could quickly be in the running for my faves! Who are your top three and why?
As Kacie and Tierra make the same facial expression, it’s noted that needles have graced Tierra’s forehead. I mean, that eyebrow is wickedly rising, but that forehead ain’t goin’ nowhere.
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