NATALIE’S BACHELOR BLOG: EPISODE 4

Episode 4

After last week, Sean is VERY confident that his wife is sitting in this room. Or so he says.  Honestly, every time men surround me, I am basically confident that one of them WILL be my husband. Except for no.  Just… No.

Even though Sean is not hiding his cheating ways, he claims he wants the girls trust him.  Let me tell you…I always trust guys who date 25 girls at the same time.  It really makes me want to “open up.”  He then states, “this is so easy.  All I need to focus on is my relationship with each girl.”  THIS IS BULLSHIT.  In my past, when I was focusing on several men at one time (dating), I was considered a ho.  I’m throwing it out there… I don’t think I could trust a man wearing an Abercrombie Kids color block Henley.  He spiced it up by pairing the hideous tunic with salmon colored swim trunks.  What a gem, people.  What. A. Gem.  If you don’t know what to wear, dudes, stick to a basic, nice fitting T and a tailored pair of jeans.

Whoever the cameraperson was at this angle is a Super Perv.  As if it’s not enough that we have to see a shirtless Sean workout and shower at the beginning of every episode, we now have to stare at his Alfani underwear.  I will say, Sean does look refreshed.  He has that glow about him that says, “I now know what being horny feels like due to breaking world records last week. Furthermore, I will have more confidence and treat my bitches with less respect.”  Player mode is in.  Let the crying begin.

 

Sean and Selma:  EGG-celent

Selma claims she wants to, “take it to the next level with Sean… and then the next level, and then the next level, and then have babies.”  She is basically saying she can’t wait to open up to Sean in order for her uterus to start fertilization preparation. Does every girl on a first date talk about the shelf life of their eggs? “I guess I never got the memo.” -Miley Cyrus.  Bitches.

Selma wants to know if Sean is ready to handle all 110 pounds of her.  Since she threw her weight out there, she should have also thrown out her height so that millions of ladies weren’t running to the toilet throwing up all the food they made via Tenley Molzahn’s, “Bachelor Food Blog.”  For being at confirmed 5’2″, 110lbs is normal.  Selma tells the audience that when they pulled up to the private jet and red carpet, she was trying to put 2 and 2 together.  Selmers, why would you pull up to a jet, while being filmed on the Bachelor, and not know what is going on? I mean, I’m no mathematician here, but for real.

Selma must be afraid to fly, because she seems to have taken a few (hundred) Xanax to calm her nerves.  She is already napping on him. Don’t get me wrong, I love napping on my over sized boyfriend during plane rides (on Southwest Airlines b/c we are poor), but her posture is not very appropriate for a first date.  She keeps making comments about the date, such as: she hopes all their future dates involve a jet.  She says things like, “this is how we are going to travel every time.”  DAMN. Lucky for Selma, she apparently feels like a “princess in a castle.” Well, she def isn’t in a castle, but this will more than likely be the last time Selma and Sean will be on a private jet.

“I got the limo. Then I got the jet. Then he took the Iraqi to the dessert.”  -Selma

Selma informs us that her makeup and hair, er, that she doesn’t do well in heat.  She is down right admitting that she is petrified of what is to come and that she is SOOOOOO disappointed that they are in the middle of nowhere.  The irony.  When I was on The Bachelor, I got taken on a princess date complete with jewels and an extravagant night, which was fine, but not ideal.  I remember telling my bachelor that my dream date would be hiking and a picnic/something active.  I got coined to be that girl, when Selma is admitting to it!  I kind of love her for this reason :)

Selma telling Sean, “Baby this is amazing” is like watching an American Idol audition.  I may be a little too Midwest, but the last thing I’m calling some deuce on my first date is “baby.”  I’ve had a lot of guys throw out terms of endearment on first dates, and I never talked to them again.  Well, if they were hot, I’d let the date go a “little longer than normal,” and then never talk to them again.  Come on, a girls gotta eat!

Selma claims that she can’t kiss Sean until she is the last girl standing.  My dream is to marry someone I have never kissed.  I think that relationship would work out well.  I don’t get it.  She can fling her body on him on the plane and lay under a blanket with him, basically banging him with her eyes, but she can’t kiss him?

 Sean makes some weird, virgin orgasm sound when he is telling us that he wants to kiss Selma, and that her eyes are begging for it.  Um, DOY. She knows exactly what she is doing, playing you with those not so innocent eyes.  If there weren’t a camera on these two, she would probably be half naked by now.  But, since it’s part of her culture to hide her relationship, that makes it OK.  I wonder what goes on behind closed doors in this culture…a lot of built up sexual tension!

Long story short, Sean was “testing” Selma to see if she could handle being out doorsy.  Even is she would have failed, Sean was going to give her a rose because she is hot, and underneath it all, he is intrigued by her and wants to get her in a fantasy suite.

Group Date: “Her jaw hurts and she is having a tough time opening her mouth.” -Sean.  Let me tell you, I HATE when that happens.

During Sean and Selma’s date, my buddy Daniella gets to read the group date card and she looks FAB!  The loose, tousled hair and sexy “what, this old thing?” dress she is wearing with a major statement turquoise necklace while just lying around the house is one of the many reasons I’m obsessed with her.

Sean decides to take the ladies to a Roller Derby rink, and he couldn’t have found a more uncoordinated group of people. These are roller skates.  When Sean told casting directors what he was looking for, did he say the most nonathletic girls you can find?

Amanda pulls a funny and lies to the girls, making false claims that she is actually a member in a Roller Derby league back home.  Trust me, I would have believed this crazy girl too.  This is why it was so hilarious when AshLee shrieked, “OMG the girl that knows what she is doing is hurt?  This is dangerous.”  I must say, I’m not a fan of the awkward, less then graceful Amanda, but her little white lie is so something I would do.  HILARIOUS!  She is the one who got injured, which worked out for her little lie even more to intimidate the girls LOL!

At the Roosevelt Hotel after party, Tierra says that if Sean gave the rose to Sarah or Amanda, then it would be out of sympathy.  That’s pretty freaking rude, Groucho Marx.  Are you implying he is keeping Sarah around based off of sympathy?  Hmmmm. This one (Tierra) has A LOT to learn about life.  I love that she is on the show due to the sheer fact that it’s fun to watch idiots and drama, but I really don’t know what Sean sees in her.  She is being very trollish this episode.

This is the best shot I could get of Sarah’s dress, but it’s so adorable.  Light pink with fun black detail on the chest and girlie poof at the waist.

This.  This is the reason Amanda got sent home:  MC hammer pants, grandma’s red blouse, untailored blazer…holy shit…Excuse me, I need a minute to process this.

Tierra’s black Shirt tucked into Black shorts either looks like a jumper or it is a jumper.  Regardless, it looks 10 sizes to small on her and she looks horrible.

 

Sean and Leslie: All bling and no ween.

I swear on everything that my Bachelor date with Jason Mesnick, and this show, is not scripted.  How hilarious is it that me and Leslie got the same date (her necklace was pretty, mine was vomit), and then we both told our bachelors when we got the boot that they are asses for dumping us when there are jerk offs back at the house?!  Leslie and I are obvi bach sistas in the making. He took the necklace off of her before dismissing her?  Same as me. This is too much! They need to have different scenarios for dumping these girls. Note to future contestant:  if you get the tacky jewelry date, that’s because the bachelor doesn’t care about you and wants to send you home.  This date is simply to promote jewelry.  They don’t allow you any sort of scenario to snuggle on a couch or blanket.  It’s all diamonds, diamonds, diamonds, and a lot of forced conversation about it.  I’ll never forget how disappointed I was that I got that date.  I’m such a tomboy and I don’t even have my ears pierced.  Another girl in the house would have definitely appreciated that date more than I did.

Leslie has the tackiest taste.  This dress is ridiculously expensive, but that doesn’t make it cute.  It looks like a fan of cards.  Gray with bling sticking out the top.

I can’t even go there with Sean’s attire.  He looks like a Texan in Beverly Hills.  A Beverly Hillbilly if you will.  He is wearing a plaid button down under a very ugly vest, which is two toned in the back.

Sean dumps Leslie.  And he had been planning on it from the get go.  RUDE.

Rose Ceremony:  Finally, we get to meet Catherine.

Robin’s peach dress is very pretty.  It’s long and flowy with an empire waste that speaks effortless and breezy.

Sarah’s dress is OF COURSE amazing.  Showing off a little leg on one side and strapless at the top.

Daniella’s cocktail dress is short in length for sex appeal, but the short sleeves keep it conservative.

Ladies, choose shoes that flatter your legs.  Selma did not tonight.

 

Desiree’s short, tight fuchsia cocktail dress outlined in black is very sleek and sexy. You can tell the material is nice vs. the fabric on Jackie’s dress that looks like a rainbow when she moves around.

I can’t even get past Amanda’s Tim Burton character look in order to dissect her outfit.  We need to start with her hair and makeup and how she composes her facial expressions before we dig into her disco ball dress.

What is up with Texas fashion?  Tierra looks like she is going to an early 90′s homecoming dance, wearing a purplish blue dress with over sized flowers composed of gathered material to line one side of her chest.  In this same photo, Catherine looks like she is wearing a leopard print toga.  Lindsey kept it simple and basic in a tight fitting, LBD that has a cute cut to fit her shape.

 

Make sure to tune into Gossip With Getz LIVE every Tuesday at 7pm PST. Follow me on twitter for updates on show times and where to find us. Have an awesome week!

 

X O X O

 

Natalie Getz

Twitter: @nataliegetz

19 Comments »

  1. Why do they keep the Pretty Woman date? It’s cursed. It always goes badly for the women. It’s so stereotypical (sorry, Natalie, that you got this date). I would like one woman to say no, I don’t need to be typecast as a hooker looking for her way to the upper class. Screw the Neil Lane patronage.

    Comment by another Lesley — January 30, 2013 @ 11:20 am

  2. MC Hammer Pants…………….love it!

    Comment by Kathy — January 30, 2013 @ 11:22 am

  3. Just listened to Gossip With Getz and not to defend Arie, but what Jef is doing by promoting his for-profit water company is no different than Arie’s truck thing — except that Arie isn’t being deceptive. Just saying …

    Comment by A fan — January 30, 2013 @ 2:22 pm

  4. 5’2″ 110 pounds is normal?

    Funny blog…love your take on the fashion!

    Comment by Amy — January 30, 2013 @ 3:51 pm

  5. Actually the pretty woman date isn’t cursed. Tessa got it at won once. The trick is to take a tomboyish woman on the date. Not sure why it didn’t work with you Natalie. If I had to guess, I’d say you weren’t that into Jason.

    Comment by Amy — January 30, 2013 @ 4:45 pm

  6. Oh I should say I’m not the same Amy that posted the comment above mine. I posted the one about the pretty woman date. And I think 110 for a 5’2 woman is normal. I think the optimal weight range is 100 lbs if you’re 5 feet, and then 5 lbs for every inch taller. That is the idel, not the norm though, I admit. But Selma is impressive for her age, competing with girls in their 20s and still bring the most gorgeous of the bunch.

    Comment by Amy — January 30, 2013 @ 4:51 pm

  7. I’m glad someone finally made fun of Selma. I was pretty annoyed by her comments the entire date (especially about saying her weight without mentioning her height). I was also incredibly confused because I thought her laying all over him was a lot more inappropriate than kissing him.

    Comment by GLink — January 30, 2013 @ 6:04 pm

  8. I used to like your blog but not any more. Your negative attitude, throwing shit words, barking on ppl whenever you get a chance to. I love Ali blog on E! She says things she doesn’t like or disagree with in smart way and that’s why her blog is on E!
    Sorry!

    Comment by fan — January 30, 2013 @ 8:58 pm

  9. Awesome blog! Love it, and I remember your date with Jason. Man that was the most epic moment in Bachelor history..I love how you reacted when he picked up the rose..and then sent you home..did you also see Sean PICKED up the rose also? Yup it was a Jason Mesnik move. And after took off the neckless…I loved your reaction much better then Holy Moly Batmans…I loved how you just ripped right into Jason…Man I would have loved for Leslee to had opened up a can of whip ass on Sean…
    Also they need some fun stuff on this show..Before Selmas date..they should have went to an ALL BEAN MEXICAN CAFE…all you can eat…and let it set in some…around 2hours after as the rock climb and Selma is above Sean..then the beans take effect. That would have been some darn good TV!

    Comment by Cy — January 31, 2013 @ 8:49 am

  10. Thanks for commenting on Selma. She really irked me. I thought her entire demeanor and dress sense were inappropriate. The way she was lying on Sean is what one would do with an a close boyfriend, not a first date, and especially not on a date with a man dating many others.

    She just struck me as loose and crazy. She played innocent and yet wore tops with her breasts falling out of them. I also didn’t appreicate having to watch her crotch as she scaled the mountain. Doesn;t MF know that women don’t want to see that?

    She seemed totally narcissistic and slutty while telling Sean how sweet and innocent she was. She struck me as sleazy, and Sean didn’t seem to into her.

    Her comments also seemed disconnected and strange…like what was she thinking…or was she thinking at all.

    Very strange, desperate girl.

    Comment by Fran — January 31, 2013 @ 12:15 pm

  11. Your blog is my new favorite! Soo funny! Love it! Can’t wait until next week – two days, no way?! :)

    Comment by Jen — January 31, 2013 @ 1:15 pm

  12. Lesley: LMAO! So true! I sound so ungrateful, but our date was so boring b/c it was too much hype around the jewelry. Jason is a super fun guy and I think we were both a little bored hahaha:)

    Kathy: LOL! They were terrible, right?!

    A Fan: Hmmmmm interesting…. I didn’t know this! It’s so disappointing:(

    Amy: Sorry, I shouldn’t have said normal. I meant that it’s not underweight for her height haha:) I just wanted to make fun of her for throwing her weight out there. She is a total compliment fisher! Thanks for reading and loving my blog!!!!!:)

    Amy #2: I thought Jason was super cool, but I wasn’t into the whole aspect of the show. I already knew in my mind that I’d never marry a guy that was on reality TV (I’m a hypocrite hahaha), and also, I’d never marry a guy who was “falling in love” with more than one girl at the same time. I didn’t watch before my season, but that’s so interesting you say that about bringing the tomboy on the princess date! It makes sense now… I just figured maybe they thought I was into jewelry and extravagant things and was so confused lol! I wish I could go watch past seasons somewhere!

    GLink: Agreed! She was basically dry humping him at 30,000 feet lol! I feel like that looks a lot worse than an innocent first kiss!

    Fan: That sounds very boring. Also, her blog is not on E! b/c she is a phenomenal blogger. It’s because of her popularity and her publicist. You will still like my blog, you were just having a bad day, fan.

    Cy: HAHAHA! Awesome lol! I’m glad someone liked that I laid into him! I remember being completely fed up halfway through our date b/c I felt so set up. I was pissed b/c we weren’t given the chance to even talk about stuff that I wanted him to know. I was tired, bored, irritated and it all came out lol! Also, I was mostly pissed b/c there were some pretty horrible people back at the mansion that I couldn’t believe were still there. I’m pretty sure Jason knew he was sending me home before the date even began, to “shock” the audience. He knew I wasn’t ready for what he had to offer, but I’m so glad how it all worked out b/c I love him and I love Molly:) PS- The Mexican Bean eating?! AMAZING. This needs to happen next season ahahahahaha!

    Fran: I agree on all counts! You are spot on… Why would she have her breasts constantly hanging out if she was such an innocent girl. It all seemed very bizarre. A first kiss would look innocent. Not laying all over Sean under the covers while giving him the most sexual eyes ever!

    Jen: Thank you so much!!!!!! I really appreciate it:) Two episodes next week is correct and I have them sitting in my little paw right now getting ready to write the next blog!:) Stay tuned!

    Cheers!

    Natalie Getz

    Comment by Natalie — January 31, 2013 @ 1:38 pm

  13. Natalie, you are too funny!!! Gotta agree with you on Selma! She is a TOTAL CREEPER! She’s probably a Muslim prostitute on the DOWN LOW! Tierra’s homecoming dress & two-piece jumper were way cooler than the bikini she’s sporting in next week’s clip. OMG-strings!!! Chubbily-Bubbily, fa’sho! If Tierra-ble was a nice person, I wouldn’t even comment on her premature obesity BUT SHE’S NOT A NICE PERSON! Later, Gators! :)

    Comment by Piper Faust — January 31, 2013 @ 8:51 pm

  14. Tenley and Kiptyn broke up.

    Comment by SPOILER ALERT — February 1, 2013 @ 10:44 am

  15. I’m so glad you called out the “all 110 pounds of me” quote from Selma. This really irked me, like she was calling attention to her weight, in order to brag about her small frame. She is officially off of my list of favorites.

    Comment by Kate — February 1, 2013 @ 11:26 am

  16. Re: Awkward angle of Sean IN his closet – wedgie? Thinking, yes.

    Comment by spellingnazi — February 3, 2013 @ 3:27 pm

  17. I worked on an event for a professional Persian organization. The women dress very provocative; upper body revealed even in everyday clothing. It is a mysterious culture where men do not recognize the intelligence of women. The women thrive on the attention they get from outside their insulated cultural world.

    Comment by marilyn K — February 6, 2013 @ 8:39 am

  18. I believe that is Lesley in the LBD, not Lindsay. I think Lindsay has a long dress on, what did you think of hers?

    Comment by Sabs — February 8, 2013 @ 8:58 am

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