Episode 4

After last week, Sean is VERY confident that his wife is sitting in this room. Or so he says.  Honestly, every time men surround me, I am basically confident that one of them WILL be my husband. Except for no.  Just… No.

Even though Sean is not hiding his cheating ways, he claims he wants the girls trust him.  Let me tell you…I always trust guys who date 25 girls at the same time.  It really makes me want to “open up.”  He then states, “this is so easy.  All I need to focus on is my relationship with each girl.”  THIS IS BULLSHIT.  In my past, when I was focusing on several men at one time (dating), I was considered a ho.  I’m throwing it out there… I don’t think I could trust a man wearing an Abercrombie Kids color block Henley.  He spiced it up by pairing the hideous tunic with salmon colored swim trunks.  What a gem, people.  What. A. Gem.  If you don’t know what to wear, dudes, stick to a basic, nice fitting T and a tailored pair of jeans.

Whoever the cameraperson was at this angle is a Super Perv.  As if it’s not enough that we have to see a shirtless Sean workout and shower at the beginning of every episode, we now have to stare at his Alfani underwear.  I will say, Sean does look refreshed.  He has that glow about him that says, “I now know what being horny feels like due to breaking world records last week. Furthermore, I will have more confidence and treat my bitches with less respect.”  Player mode is in.  Let the crying begin.


Sean and Selma:  EGG-celent

Selma claims she wants to, “take it to the next level with Sean… and then the next level, and then the next level, and then have babies.”  She is basically saying she can’t wait to open up to Sean in order for her uterus to start fertilization preparation. Does every girl on a first date talk about the shelf life of their eggs? “I guess I never got the memo.” -Miley Cyrus.  Bitches.

Selma wants to know if Sean is ready to handle all 110 pounds of her.  Since she threw her weight out there, she should have also thrown out her height so that millions of ladies weren’t running to the toilet throwing up all the food they made via Tenley Molzahn’s, “Bachelor Food Blog.”  For being at confirmed 5’2″, 110lbs is normal.  Selma tells the audience that when they pulled up to the private jet and red carpet, she was trying to put 2 and 2 together.  Selmers, why would you pull up to a jet, while being filmed on the Bachelor, and not know what is going on? I mean, I’m no mathematician here, but for real.

Selma must be afraid to fly, because she seems to have taken a few (hundred) Xanax to calm her nerves.  She is already napping on him. Don’t get me wrong, I love napping on my over sized boyfriend during plane rides (on Southwest Airlines b/c we are poor), but her posture is not very appropriate for a first date.  She keeps making comments about the date, such as: she hopes all their future dates involve a jet.  She says things like, “this is how we are going to travel every time.”  DAMN. Lucky for Selma, she apparently feels like a “princess in a castle.” Well, she def isn’t in a castle, but this will more than likely be the last time Selma and Sean will be on a private jet.

“I got the limo. Then I got the jet. Then he took the Iraqi to the dessert.”  -Selma

Selma informs us that her makeup and hair, er, that she doesn’t do well in heat.  She is down right admitting that she is petrified of what is to come and that she is SOOOOOO disappointed that they are in the middle of nowhere.  The irony.  When I was on The Bachelor, I got taken on a princess date complete with jewels and an extravagant night, which was fine, but not ideal.  I remember telling my bachelor that my dream date would be hiking and a picnic/something active.  I got coined to be that girl, when Selma is admitting to it!  I kind of love her for this reason :)

Selma telling Sean, “Baby this is amazing” is like watching an American Idol audition.  I may be a little too Midwest, but the last thing I’m calling some deuce on my first date is “baby.”  I’ve had a lot of guys throw out terms of endearment on first dates, and I never talked to them again.  Well, if they were hot, I’d let the date go a “little longer than normal,” and then never talk to them again.  Come on, a girls gotta eat!

Selma claims that she can’t kiss Sean until she is the last girl standing.  My dream is to marry someone I have never kissed.  I think that relationship would work out well.  I don’t get it.  She can fling her body on him on the plane and lay under a blanket with him, basically banging him with her eyes, but she can’t kiss him?

 Sean makes some weird, virgin orgasm sound when he is telling us that he wants to kiss Selma, and that her eyes are begging for it.  Um, DOY. She knows exactly what she is doing, playing you with those not so innocent eyes.  If there weren’t a camera on these two, she would probably be half naked by now.  But, since it’s part of her culture to hide her relationship, that makes it OK.  I wonder what goes on behind closed doors in this culture…a lot of built up sexual tension!

Long story short, Sean was “testing” Selma to see if she could handle being out doorsy.  Even is she would have failed, Sean was going to give her a rose because she is hot, and underneath it all, he is intrigued by her and wants to get her in a fantasy suite.

Group Date: “Her jaw hurts and she is having a tough time opening her mouth.” -Sean.  Let me tell you, I HATE when that happens.

During Sean and Selma’s date, my buddy Daniella gets to read the group date card and she looks FAB!  The loose, tousled hair and sexy “what, this old thing?” dress she is wearing with a major statement turquoise necklace while just lying around the house is one of the many reasons I’m obsessed with her.

Sean decides to take the ladies to a Roller Derby rink, and he couldn’t have found a more uncoordinated group of people. These are roller skates.  When Sean told casting directors what he was looking for, did he say the most nonathletic girls you can find?

Amanda pulls a funny and lies to the girls, making false claims that she is actually a member in a Roller Derby league back home.  Trust me, I would have believed this crazy girl too.  This is why it was so hilarious when AshLee shrieked, “OMG the girl that knows what she is doing is hurt?  This is dangerous.”  I must say, I’m not a fan of the awkward, less then graceful Amanda, but her little white lie is so something I would do.  HILARIOUS!  She is the one who got injured, which worked out for her little lie even more to intimidate the girls LOL!

At the Roosevelt Hotel after party, Tierra says that if Sean gave the rose to Sarah or Amanda, then it would be out of sympathy.  That’s pretty freaking rude, Groucho Marx.  Are you implying he is keeping Sarah around based off of sympathy?  Hmmmm. This one (Tierra) has A LOT to learn about life.  I love that she is on the show due to the sheer fact that it’s fun to watch idiots and drama, but I really don’t know what Sean sees in her.  She is being very trollish this episode.

This is the best shot I could get of Sarah’s dress, but it’s so adorable.  Light pink with fun black detail on the chest and girlie poof at the waist.

This.  This is the reason Amanda got sent home:  MC hammer pants, grandma’s red blouse, untailored blazer…holy shit…Excuse me, I need a minute to process this.

Tierra’s black Shirt tucked into Black shorts either looks like a jumper or it is a jumper.  Regardless, it looks 10 sizes to small on her and she looks horrible.


Sean and Leslie: All bling and no ween.

I swear on everything that my Bachelor date with Jason Mesnick, and this show, is not scripted.  How hilarious is it that me and Leslie got the same date (her necklace was pretty, mine was vomit), and then we both told our bachelors when we got the boot that they are asses for dumping us when there are jerk offs back at the house?!  Leslie and I are obvi bach sistas in the making. He took the necklace off of her before dismissing her?  Same as me. This is too much! They need to have different scenarios for dumping these girls. Note to future contestant:  if you get the tacky jewelry date, that’s because the bachelor doesn’t care about you and wants to send you home.  This date is simply to promote jewelry.  They don’t allow you any sort of scenario to snuggle on a couch or blanket.  It’s all diamonds, diamonds, diamonds, and a lot of forced conversation about it.  I’ll never forget how disappointed I was that I got that date.  I’m such a tomboy and I don’t even have my ears pierced.  Another girl in the house would have definitely appreciated that date more than I did.

Leslie has the tackiest taste.  This dress is ridiculously expensive, but that doesn’t make it cute.  It looks like a fan of cards.  Gray with bling sticking out the top.

I can’t even go there with Sean’s attire.  He looks like a Texan in Beverly Hills.  A Beverly Hillbilly if you will.  He is wearing a plaid button down under a very ugly vest, which is two toned in the back.

Sean dumps Leslie.  And he had been planning on it from the get go.  RUDE.

Rose Ceremony:  Finally, we get to meet Catherine.

Robin’s peach dress is very pretty.  It’s long and flowy with an empire waste that speaks effortless and breezy.

Sarah’s dress is OF COURSE amazing.  Showing off a little leg on one side and strapless at the top.

Daniella’s cocktail dress is short in length for sex appeal, but the short sleeves keep it conservative.

Ladies, choose shoes that flatter your legs.  Selma did not tonight.


Desiree’s short, tight fuchsia cocktail dress outlined in black is very sleek and sexy. You can tell the material is nice vs. the fabric on Jackie’s dress that looks like a rainbow when she moves around.

I can’t even get past Amanda’s Tim Burton character look in order to dissect her outfit.  We need to start with her hair and makeup and how she composes her facial expressions before we dig into her disco ball dress.

What is up with Texas fashion?  Tierra looks like she is going to an early 90’s homecoming dance, wearing a purplish blue dress with over sized flowers composed of gathered material to line one side of her chest.  In this same photo, Catherine looks like she is wearing a leopard print toga.  Lindsey kept it simple and basic in a tight fitting, LBD that has a cute cut to fit her shape.


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Natalie Getz

Twitter: @nataliegetz