NATALIE’S BACHELOR BLOG: EPISODE 5

Episode 4:  Roughing it.

After a lot of built up hype, Chris Harrison informs the girls that they will be going to…DRUM ROLL…Montana.  Whomp.  Daniella’s face says it all.  I would like to think in her mind she is thinking what I would be thinking, “Not Hawaii?  Not another country? Montana?  Really?  I’ve been playing the girlfriend role to Sean this whole time to go to Montana?  I’ll act excited, but let’s be honest.  I can go to Montana on my own dime.  Let’s start traveling the world here, people.” Desiree looks like she just heard a joke.  No, Des, you are going to touch sheep’s nipples.  Brace yourself.

Sean tells us viewers that by taking the girls to Montana, this will show who is tough enough to “rough” it in the great outdoors.  Um, excuse me, but this mansion lodge with beautiful scenery, hot running water and a full size kitchen barely seems like roughing it.  If this is roughing it, I must live like a homeless person.

 

Sean and Lindsay:  Almost Too Cute

Lindsay is crying because Sean asked her on a date.  I sincerely hope this is the lack of sleep talking.  If she is already crying because he asked her on a date, then I am super fearful of how she will handle it if and when he dumps her.

 

Sean whisks Lindsay away on a date that we hardly saw.  Seriously, it showed them in a helicopter and then making out for like 3 seconds and then it pretty much cut straight to the fire scene.  So when Sean said they had an incredible day, it looked incredibly boring to me seeing as it didn’t make the air.  Sean then finds out the Lindsay was an Army brat and he feels bad for her.  This is her “opening up” moment and she gets a rose.

I do not understand the point of the “dance in the middle of a huge crowd on a platform” dates.  I think it’s really stupid and I would feel super uncomfortable.  It’s hard to be yourself on a date, romantically, knowing that you are in front of a live audience.  I know they know the whole journey will be on TV, but 1 cameraman is diff than a bunch of randoms staring at you.  For Christ’s sakes, he looks like he is shaking a small child right here.  He needs some “smooth” skills taught to him.

Where is Tierra? I’m bored.

BACK at the mansion:

While waiting to hear her fate about the dreadful 2 on 1, Sarah is wearing a shirt with a rose on it.  LOL just wanted to point out that after this show is over, she will probably never want to look at another rose again and that shirt will be burnt in her fireplace rather quickly.  Luckily for her, Tierra and Jackie are the two girls that will be on this awkward, uncomfortable date.

Tierra’s tells Jackie and the other girls that she is super excited to spend time with Sean regardless.  She says it’s not such a bad thing, and that at least she gets more time with him other than a huge group date.  I really agreed with her and thought that was pretty cool of her to be so confident with Sean and happy to spend time with him until she ruined it by saying, “I normally just go with my gut, and my gut is always right.”  She just ruins it with those bitchy remarks and that’s what rubs the other girls the wrong way!

 

Group Date:

dream date:  noun, often attributive

1: sheep nipple touching  

Sarah is wearing a shirt with a rose on it.  LOL just wanted to point out that after this show is over, she will probably never want to look at another rose again and that shirt will be burnt in her fireplace rather quickly.

Catherine looks adorable!  Her outerwear in Montana is proving to be the cutest :) The girls find out that they will be divided into two groups of four, and they will be doing Montana-ish things.  (BTW, the last thing I think about when I think of Montana is milking cows, bailing hay, and chopping up firewood.  I think hiking, biking, skiing, etc. Nice stereotype though.)

AshLee, Catherine, Daniella and I forget who else are sent home and Sean is devastated.  Just devastated.

As the losers drink their wine back at the lodge, Chris enters to tell the ladies that Sean wants them to join the party, because, Sean is all like, “Maybe my wife is on the Blue Team.  What am I doing?”  I mean, holy shit.  I feel like telling my boyfriend that he needs to have 4 of his hot guy friends over tonight, because one of them could be my husband and I’m NOT f@*$ing around anymore.  Sometimes when I go to Target I even think, “Man, my husband could be in here.”  With my luck, he would be the Bagger Boy on Isle 12. UGH.

The rest of the date goes like this:  The four other girls join the winning team at the party.  A few of the girls cry.  A couple of them tell Sean he is unfair.  Tierra takes all this to her advantage and performs a sneak attack leaving Jackie back at the mansion all alone.

Tierra not only stole the blue team’s shirt, she decided to sneak in on the group date.  I commend her for doing this!  Sean isn’t playing a game or choosing his wife based off of “fairness.”  This is his real life, and this is also Tierra’s real life and she is doing what any girl would do if they loved someone enough.  She is fighting!  I’m sorry, but Tierra is sorta growing on me.  Yes, she is a total Bitch.  No, I don’t like her for Sean necessarily.  But, I do love her spiciness.

My future pal Daniella snags the rose by keeping her feelings real via alcohol infused emotion.  Nice play, sister! I’m so happy that she will be around another episode!

Double Date:  Animal print pant outta control

Tierra and Jackie are BFF’s so this date is going to be super hard to watch.  I feel like Tierra has such strong feelings for Jackie’s heart and well being.  Tierra definitely would rather herself go home than Jackie, because she JUST met Jackie and thinks she deserves Sean more than her.  Tierra is a selfless human being who loves God and puppies and just wants piece throughout the house.  She is always the one to breakup fights between the ladies when they are down each other’s throats.  She is pretty much the Mother Teresa of the house.  In fact, I think Tierra should be the next first lady.  Scratch that… Tierra for president!  What a saint she is, ladies (and some men who are lame enough to read a blog about The Bachelor).  NOW, if this is really how Tierra were to act, this season would NOT be fun to watch.

Anyway, they are both wearing a hint of animal print.  Let me tell you, animal print is so last decade ago. I can’t even elaborate on it because it’s a major waste of my time.  I could find a big word to describe how awful I feel about it, but it’s late and I don’t feel like putting the effort into “Google thesaurus.”

It’s clear Sean isn’t into Jackie at all, and poor girl even called out Tierra for flirting in the airport among other things as well. For the record, I think it’s OK to make a comment about the opposite gender even if it’s not your bf or gf.  Isn’t that healthy?

Anyway, Tierra whisks Sean away to let give him the 411 on her past.  When tells Sean her ex was in and out of rehab, the Virgin Mary needs confirmation that it was for drugs and alcohol.  I feel like this was a rhetorical statement from Tierra.  Why would she tell him a serious story about him being in rehabilitation for his Achilles’ Tendon?  Ahhhhhhhhhhh innocent little Seany Boy.  Once again, because Tierra opened up, she gets the rose and Jackie is sent home.

Rose Ceremony: Really? Bad Girls Club?

I have a great idea, Sean.  How about you spend your one on one time with Lindsay asking her about Groucho Marx.  That will certainly make her feel special.  If I were on this season, I would have given Sean the middle finger and told him to F off for venting to me about his potential hurt feelings with another girl.  Sean, ask the producers about Tierra, you dip shat.  Needless to say, the rose ceremony doesn’t go according to plan.  The girls gang up on Tierra, and Tierra takes it quite well, explaining to the girls that she doesn’t really care what they think about her and to leave her alone.  Robin won’t let it go and literally is making this show look like VH1′s, “The Bad Girls Club.”  She gets Tierra super riled and Tierra comes to blows right as Sean is walking past them.  Now she is super upset and runs to Sean exclaiming to him in her best slutty baby voice that she is, “no drama.”  Long story short, Sean “doesn’t know if his wife is in the room anymore.”  Give me a break.

In all seriousness, I’m going to defend Groucho Marx. The girls are all sitting around talking about how hard it was for them to see Jackie sent home because she is a butterfly. If I were Tierra, I would take offense to that as well and you all would too, don’t lie.  Maybe they meant that, “shit is getting real because girls we are close to are going home…” but that’s not that way it sounded. Like I said, Tierra would annoy me too if I were on her season.  But, I wouldn’t let it ruin my time their and obsess over it.  Sean obviously is into Tierra.  A lot of guys get fooled or are even into girls with no girlfriends.  Who knows, maybe this is Sean’s type?

Actually, THIS is why Sean is looking for love.

The Good:

Lesley has on the cutest frock ever.  She looks like a modern day flapper girl gone chic in this low waisted, sequined number.

This is the best shot I could get of Robin and Catherine.  Robin looks classic and traditional in a strapless, floor length gown with a sweetheart neckline.  Catherine looks edgy and fashion forward in a short, silk patterned dress.

The Bad:

Tierra looks like she is in some sort of religious casino.  A naughty Christian.  Either way, her outfit sucks.

Botox Diaries:

Shocker.  It’s once again Tierra.  Ladies, until you see serious lines at rest (most won’t see until their 30′s), then don’t get the TOX.  It takes away from your youth if done too young.

Wait a minute, Botox lasts three months.  This photo disappointed me because they are only 5 weeks into filming, proving Tierra didn’t get Botox.  All her other expressions are just proof that she is blessed with lazy facial muscle movement.  DAMN IT.  I’ve been wrong all along.

 

Tips to future contestants for making the audience love you:

 

*Talk about your faith in God.  A LOT.

*Have a horrifying past that you are able to “open up” about.  Be ready to make up a lie if your past was perf, otherwise you will be sent home.

*Say you are falling in love within the first three episodes.

*Be sure to be BFF with every girl in the house.

*Go get your purity ring, and talk about it whenever necessary.

*Do NOT have a strong opinion on anything.

 

Join me LIVE every Tuesday for “Gossip With Getz” with my hilarious co-host Mike Kelton.  Follow me on twitter for details! @nataliegetz

 

X O X O

 

Natalie Getz

GetzStyle.com

31 Comments »

  1. You are officially my favorite Bach blogger! Love the snark.

    Comment by ilja — February 5, 2013 @ 10:37 am

  2. If you’re going to blog..please learn how to spell..”piece” should be “peace”..”their” should be “there”

    Comment by vicky — February 5, 2013 @ 10:47 am

  3. I LOVE your blog, Natalie! Very entertaining! The whole part about Tierra and Jackie being BFFs and Tierra being a saint was hilarious. Keep it up! :) xoxo

    Comment by Beth — February 5, 2013 @ 10:57 am

  4. Your blog is the best! I laughed out loud several times–especially enjoyed the line about finding one’s husband at Target. Also, maybe Tierra had her botox done four months ago, and now the cracks are starting to show.
    Keep up the good work!!

    Comment by Ginny — February 5, 2013 @ 11:36 am

  5. I don’t mind the spelling errors or the silly “abrevs”…it’s all part of this fascinating culture. Thanks for another peek—very fun!!
    When I ask young women I know if they would want to be on a show like this they say (after recovering from hysterical chortling) that it might be a good way to break into show biz…or do some anthropological research. Really, though, does anyone seriously want to marry this young man and do they honestly believe this is the way to do so? I”m curious. Natalie, you’ve been there. What would you say? :)

    Comment by Maturesillyinyellectual — February 5, 2013 @ 11:48 am

  6. Is anyone else bored by this season? I find myself fast forwarding through the show….

    Comment by kate — February 5, 2013 @ 12:16 pm

  7. Is anyone else bored by this season? I find myself fast forwarding through the show….

    Comment by kate — February 5, 2013 @ 12:16 pm

  8. Every hero needs a damsel in distress to rescue. The aptly named Tierra provides endless opportunities, so I’m seeing a bright future for Sean and his fair (victim) maiden.

    Comment by Ricki — February 5, 2013 @ 12:47 pm

  9. I also think Tierra is his type and the girls are the reason she won’t make it that far/until the end (my prediction/thoughts only, no spoiler).
    I do understand why she rubs them the wrong way, but after this episode I don’t like any one of them!
    Tis episode I saw bullying, from all of them! Robyn, Lindsay, Lesley, Cathrine, – all of them.
    Dissapointed.
    I really dislike those girls who gang up on one girl and bully her, she hasn’t offended any of them personally as I see or said any bad words about one of them.
    She’s just simply a drama queen and requires a lot of attention. Therefore him sending Jackie home over her didn’t have to be brought up in front of her. That is just mean and I would be upset too if I was her!
    People can react differently when put in such an artificial situation and maybe she’s annoying, but I seriously think it’s their jealousy that is main motivation behind this.

    Comment by SJ — February 5, 2013 @ 1:12 pm

  10. Oh geez I really hope the inability to spell is not a part of our culture. And seriously? Aisle, not isle.

    Comment by Carmela — February 5, 2013 @ 3:53 pm

  11. Hi, my name is Steve and I am one of the men lame enough to read a blog about The Bachelor. (Room: “Hi Steve.”)

    Comment by Steve — February 5, 2013 @ 4:46 pm

  12. ilja: Thank you! I really appreciate hearing that!!!!!:)

    Vicky: If you are going to read my blog, don’t go all nerd on me.

    Beth: Thanks Beth!!! Always appreciate you support! You should come on my web show some time!

    Ginny: HAHAHA! Thanks girl! Yes, perhaps her TOX is running out. It does fade rather quickly. Hmmmm….ok, I’ll keep making fun of her forehead lol!

    Maturesillyinyellectual: That’s a good question! Some girls are really there to find their husband. Those are the girls I tend to stay away from. LOONY! LOL:) Honestly, I went on b/c I was nominated and thought it would be a fun experience. NEVER once did I think I could marry a man who is dating other girls at the same time. HELL NO! I’m way too prideful for that and I’ll admit it all day haha! So ya, I suppose I was there for the “wrong reasons.” I did have fun though!

    Kate: If Tierra isn’t on the screen or they aren’t talking about her, I skim through it. It’s only fun when she is causing drama lol!

    Ricki: Sean is SUPER into her. Maybe you are right and he DOES like the fact that he needs to rescue her. If so, hopefully they can be happy together!

    SJ: I’m getting very annoyed with the other girls as well. Robin was being ridiculous by just not letting it go. Tierra doesn’t care about the other girls and wouldn’t argue with them if they didn’t constantly pester her. Maybe Tierra is a bitch, but the other girls are weak individuals to let her get to them when that is not even her intention. She just wants to chill and be by herself and the other girls can’t handle it lol!

    Carmela: Do you and Vicky realize you are annoying individuals? I’ve always wanted to ask an annoying person if they realized they were annoying. I don’t give a flying F if I have mistakes in this blog. It’s the content that important. If my editors missed these errors, then I highly doubt they are as big of a deal as you do.

    Steve: I’m obsessed with you. Your comment made me literally laugh out loud and now I’ll I want to do is hold you hahaha! Lot’s of men read this blog, I was just giving you all shit:)

    Comment by Natalie — February 5, 2013 @ 5:39 pm

  13. SOOOOO funny. I was really missing Ashley S’s blog this season, but this one made me laugh just as much. You’re really getting into your writing groove, girl!

    Thanks for the laughs.

    Comment by lt — February 5, 2013 @ 5:49 pm

  14. You were going to lose me with your comment “Montana….womp”. As Sean pointed out maybe 100 times, it is absolutely beautiful. You should really come visit, we aren’t as “wild” as it appears. But you regained my confidence pointing out the terrible stereotyping that they did. As a true Montana girl, if I had a dollar for every goat I milked-I’d have no money. Thanks for your always entertaining commentary!

    Comment by montanagirl — February 5, 2013 @ 5:52 pm

  15. OMG. I would love to be on your web show. I am so flattered that you think I should be on it sometime. I am having a fangirl moment right now. Follow me on twitter @bethholler . Maybe we can work it out.

    Comment by Beth — February 5, 2013 @ 5:53 pm

  16. lt: Thanks!!! I am missing Ashley’s blog as well:( I literally looked forward to it every week! It makes me feel good that I can entertain you the way Ashley entertained me heehee:)

    Montanagirl: Montana is on my bucket list! I only said “womp” because the girls were probably hoping for a tropical island haha! Yes, I HATE stereotypes as well. All these ignorant people out in LA think Chicagoans are fat and lazy. Truth be told: most LA peeps are fat, lazy and unemployed b/c they can’t cut it as an actor or model lol. Chicago as a whole has some of the most in shape and beautiful people I’ve ever seen. So I TOTALLY get why you are irritated about sheep milking crap among other things! Hahha thanks for reading:)

    Beth: LOL!!!!! You are too cute:) Get your web cam set up and come on air with us! You can ask us a couple Q’s and we can get your thoughts on the show!

    Comment by Natalie — February 5, 2013 @ 6:12 pm

  17. why do you even blog if you hate the show so much?

    Comment by molly — February 5, 2013 @ 6:43 pm

  18. Tenley and Kiptyn broke up. Do you know when they are going to announce it?

    Good job at keeping it real.

    Comment by TLC — February 5, 2013 @ 7:55 pm

  19. Hi Natalie I will try to watch your blog…But due to work I will watch late, but I have your website saved into my favorites.
    I want to make a note, I am in the gay community, and many gay men are now watching the Bachelor, me and my BF watch it every week, anyway I was was wondering..why are they going to the north pole on these dates? Sean has a killer body and it helps TV ratings..why don’t they expose him more on shirtless scenes? Yet last year not so hot Ben was like every date in a tropical place, and we didn’t really find him attractive with his shirt off. Yet one of the main reasons we watch the show is to see a shirtless Sean. I just don’t understand all this. They send the nerdy, out of shape Ben to hot places..and he takes off his shirt ( which most people don’t want to see him shirtless anyway..both gay and strait) and yet hot, sexy Sean is sent to Mt Everest layered in 7 layers of The North Face Clothing.
    BTW love your recap…

    Comment by Lemur P — February 6, 2013 @ 1:12 am

  20. Natalie, as always LOVE YOUR BLOG! I couldn’t get through the season without you! ;)

    Comment by Michelle — February 6, 2013 @ 6:38 am

  21. Ben’s season went to Utah. Just wait… they will be going somewhere hot soon, we are only 1/2 way to the end. I think they try to show a shirtless Sean quit a bit-showering, working out, book cover modeling- to name a few non swimming shirtless Sean moments so far. Personally I’d like to learn a little more about Sean. I mean we all know he has a great body, loves Jesus, and anyone with a sad part to their story/ life. There has to be more to this guy than religion and abs. (Don’t get me wrong- I am very religious and I love his body, but I also know there is a lot more to me than that!)

    Comment by Leah VDC — February 6, 2013 @ 8:59 am

  22. Don’t be a hater. Oh, don’t worry, I won’t read your BORING blog anymore. Do you realize how annoying it is that a person of your age doesn’t know how to spell. I’m surprised you even knew how to spell annoying, and individuals must have been a tough one for you! Check out Jaclyn’s blog, her blog is SO entertaining…and yours is so vapid…guess you better look that word up!

    Comment by vicky — February 6, 2013 @ 10:21 am

  23. I’m with Vicky, kate (although not twice :D except I’m actually NOT watching it, just catching clips here and there), Carmela AND Molly.

    Why is the pic of Sarah in the rose t-shirt posted and the commentary about it, posted twice?

    Anyone else find it just a tad bit hypocritical that these past contestants are blogging so sarcastically about current contestants doing the EXACT same thing they did when they were on the show?

    Comment by spellingnazi — February 6, 2013 @ 10:26 am

  24. Molly: I hate the show? Thanks for informing me!

    TLC: I had no idea?

    Lemur: LOL!!!!!!! You are spot on! Thanks for watching and reading my blog:)

    Michelle: Thanks so much! Love the support!!!:)

    Leah: Agree! I want to see more of his personality. We don’t hear him talk about himself very much. Maybe as the season unfolds we will see more then abs haha:)

    Vicky: Yo crazy person- you, my dear, are the one hating. What a hypocrite you are. Way to just go completely ape shit on someone you have never met. You seem sane. (guess you better look that world up b/c it’s something you clearly are not.)

    Spellingnazi: You must be extremely bored with your life if you are commenting on my blog and reading it even though you don’t watch the show.

    Comment by Natalie — February 6, 2013 @ 3:05 pm

  25. Thank you, Natalie, for being the most interactive blogger ever!

    Comment by Ricki — February 6, 2013 @ 3:43 pm

  26. Lol those are great suggestions for future contestants

    Comment by Sarah O — February 6, 2013 @ 5:10 pm

  27. hey nat! love the blog as usual – i was thinking the exact same thing, MONTANA?! no offense but i could also get there on my own dime. c’mon ABC, take ‘em somewhere they can’t/wouldn’t go any other day! i also agree on your assessment of chicagoans – they’re the BEST!

    i also think it was BS that he invited blue team back. how lame! how are they going to be motivated to win on future group date competitions? and tiarra still does bug me. i don’t feel sorry for her being ganged up on one bit. those girls have NOTHING else to do so why would you give them a target? just be nice and have fun! they seem like a pretty fun bunch, enjoy it!

    i love watching this because the competitiveness of these girls amazes me. i would be a HORRIBLE mess on this show crying and complaining every five seconds because i couldn’t handle fighting for the attention all the time.

    Comment by jan brady — February 6, 2013 @ 5:46 pm

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