NATALIE’S BACHELOR BLOG: EPISODE 5

Episode 4:  Roughing it.

After a lot of built up hype, Chris Harrison informs the girls that they will be going to…DRUM ROLL…Montana.  Whomp.  Daniella’s face says it all.  I would like to think in her mind she is thinking what I would be thinking, “Not Hawaii?  Not another country? Montana?  Really?  I’ve been playing the girlfriend role to Sean this whole time to go to Montana?  I’ll act excited, but let’s be honest.  I can go to Montana on my own dime.  Let’s start traveling the world here, people.” Desiree looks like she just heard a joke.  No, Des, you are going to touch sheep’s nipples.  Brace yourself.

Sean tells us viewers that by taking the girls to Montana, this will show who is tough enough to “rough” it in the great outdoors.  Um, excuse me, but this mansion lodge with beautiful scenery, hot running water and a full size kitchen barely seems like roughing it.  If this is roughing it, I must live like a homeless person.

 

Sean and Lindsay:  Almost Too Cute

Lindsay is crying because Sean asked her on a date.  I sincerely hope this is the lack of sleep talking.  If she is already crying because he asked her on a date, then I am super fearful of how she will handle it if and when he dumps her.

 

Sean whisks Lindsay away on a date that we hardly saw.  Seriously, it showed them in a helicopter and then making out for like 3 seconds and then it pretty much cut straight to the fire scene.  So when Sean said they had an incredible day, it looked incredibly boring to me seeing as it didn’t make the air.  Sean then finds out the Lindsay was an Army brat and he feels bad for her.  This is her “opening up” moment and she gets a rose.

I do not understand the point of the “dance in the middle of a huge crowd on a platform” dates.  I think it’s really stupid and I would feel super uncomfortable.  It’s hard to be yourself on a date, romantically, knowing that you are in front of a live audience.  I know they know the whole journey will be on TV, but 1 cameraman is diff than a bunch of randoms staring at you.  For Christ’s sakes, he looks like he is shaking a small child right here.  He needs some “smooth” skills taught to him.

Where is Tierra? I’m bored.

BACK at the mansion:

While waiting to hear her fate about the dreadful 2 on 1, Sarah is wearing a shirt with a rose on it.  LOL just wanted to point out that after this show is over, she will probably never want to look at another rose again and that shirt will be burnt in her fireplace rather quickly.  Luckily for her, Tierra and Jackie are the two girls that will be on this awkward, uncomfortable date.

Tierra’s tells Jackie and the other girls that she is super excited to spend time with Sean regardless.  She says it’s not such a bad thing, and that at least she gets more time with him other than a huge group date.  I really agreed with her and thought that was pretty cool of her to be so confident with Sean and happy to spend time with him until she ruined it by saying, “I normally just go with my gut, and my gut is always right.”  She just ruins it with those bitchy remarks and that’s what rubs the other girls the wrong way!

 

Group Date:

dream date:  noun, often attributive

1: sheep nipple touching  

Sarah is wearing a shirt with a rose on it.  LOL just wanted to point out that after this show is over, she will probably never want to look at another rose again and that shirt will be burnt in her fireplace rather quickly.

Catherine looks adorable!  Her outerwear in Montana is proving to be the cutest :) The girls find out that they will be divided into two groups of four, and they will be doing Montana-ish things.  (BTW, the last thing I think about when I think of Montana is milking cows, bailing hay, and chopping up firewood.  I think hiking, biking, skiing, etc. Nice stereotype though.)

AshLee, Catherine, Daniella and I forget who else are sent home and Sean is devastated.  Just devastated.

As the losers drink their wine back at the lodge, Chris enters to tell the ladies that Sean wants them to join the party, because, Sean is all like, “Maybe my wife is on the Blue Team.  What am I doing?”  I mean, holy shit.  I feel like telling my boyfriend that he needs to have 4 of his hot guy friends over tonight, because one of them could be my husband and I’m NOT f@*$ing around anymore.  Sometimes when I go to Target I even think, “Man, my husband could be in here.”  With my luck, he would be the Bagger Boy on Isle 12. UGH.

The rest of the date goes like this:  The four other girls join the winning team at the party.  A few of the girls cry.  A couple of them tell Sean he is unfair.  Tierra takes all this to her advantage and performs a sneak attack leaving Jackie back at the mansion all alone.

Tierra not only stole the blue team’s shirt, she decided to sneak in on the group date.  I commend her for doing this!  Sean isn’t playing a game or choosing his wife based off of “fairness.”  This is his real life, and this is also Tierra’s real life and she is doing what any girl would do if they loved someone enough.  She is fighting!  I’m sorry, but Tierra is sorta growing on me.  Yes, she is a total Bitch.  No, I don’t like her for Sean necessarily.  But, I do love her spiciness.

My future pal Daniella snags the rose by keeping her feelings real via alcohol infused emotion.  Nice play, sister! I’m so happy that she will be around another episode!

Double Date:  Animal print pant outta control

Tierra and Jackie are BFF’s so this date is going to be super hard to watch.  I feel like Tierra has such strong feelings for Jackie’s heart and well being.  Tierra definitely would rather herself go home than Jackie, because she JUST met Jackie and thinks she deserves Sean more than her.  Tierra is a selfless human being who loves God and puppies and just wants piece throughout the house.  She is always the one to breakup fights between the ladies when they are down each other’s throats.  She is pretty much the Mother Teresa of the house.  In fact, I think Tierra should be the next first lady.  Scratch that… Tierra for president!  What a saint she is, ladies (and some men who are lame enough to read a blog about The Bachelor).  NOW, if this is really how Tierra were to act, this season would NOT be fun to watch.

Anyway, they are both wearing a hint of animal print.  Let me tell you, animal print is so last decade ago. I can’t even elaborate on it because it’s a major waste of my time.  I could find a big word to describe how awful I feel about it, but it’s late and I don’t feel like putting the effort into “Google thesaurus.”

It’s clear Sean isn’t into Jackie at all, and poor girl even called out Tierra for flirting in the airport among other things as well. For the record, I think it’s OK to make a comment about the opposite gender even if it’s not your bf or gf.  Isn’t that healthy?

Anyway, Tierra whisks Sean away to let give him the 411 on her past.  When tells Sean her ex was in and out of rehab, the Virgin Mary needs confirmation that it was for drugs and alcohol.  I feel like this was a rhetorical statement from Tierra.  Why would she tell him a serious story about him being in rehabilitation for his Achilles’ Tendon?  Ahhhhhhhhhhh innocent little Seany Boy.  Once again, because Tierra opened up, she gets the rose and Jackie is sent home.

Rose Ceremony: Really? Bad Girls Club?

I have a great idea, Sean.  How about you spend your one on one time with Lindsay asking her about Groucho Marx.  That will certainly make her feel special.  If I were on this season, I would have given Sean the middle finger and told him to F off for venting to me about his potential hurt feelings with another girl.  Sean, ask the producers about Tierra, you dip shat.  Needless to say, the rose ceremony doesn’t go according to plan.  The girls gang up on Tierra, and Tierra takes it quite well, explaining to the girls that she doesn’t really care what they think about her and to leave her alone.  Robin won’t let it go and literally is making this show look like VH1′s, “The Bad Girls Club.”  She gets Tierra super riled and Tierra comes to blows right as Sean is walking past them.  Now she is super upset and runs to Sean exclaiming to him in her best slutty baby voice that she is, “no drama.”  Long story short, Sean “doesn’t know if his wife is in the room anymore.”  Give me a break.

In all seriousness, I’m going to defend Groucho Marx. The girls are all sitting around talking about how hard it was for them to see Jackie sent home because she is a butterfly. If I were Tierra, I would take offense to that as well and you all would too, don’t lie.  Maybe they meant that, “shit is getting real because girls we are close to are going home…” but that’s not that way it sounded. Like I said, Tierra would annoy me too if I were on her season.  But, I wouldn’t let it ruin my time their and obsess over it.  Sean obviously is into Tierra.  A lot of guys get fooled or are even into girls with no girlfriends.  Who knows, maybe this is Sean’s type?

Actually, THIS is why Sean is looking for love.

The Good:

Lesley has on the cutest frock ever.  She looks like a modern day flapper girl gone chic in this low waisted, sequined number.

This is the best shot I could get of Robin and Catherine.  Robin looks classic and traditional in a strapless, floor length gown with a sweetheart neckline.  Catherine looks edgy and fashion forward in a short, silk patterned dress.

The Bad:

Tierra looks like she is in some sort of religious casino.  A naughty Christian.  Either way, her outfit sucks.

Botox Diaries:

Shocker.  It’s once again Tierra.  Ladies, until you see serious lines at rest (most won’t see until their 30′s), then don’t get the TOX.  It takes away from your youth if done too young.

Wait a minute, Botox lasts three months.  This photo disappointed me because they are only 5 weeks into filming, proving Tierra didn’t get Botox.  All her other expressions are just proof that she is blessed with lazy facial muscle movement.  DAMN IT.  I’ve been wrong all along.

 

Tips to future contestants for making the audience love you:

 

*Talk about your faith in God.  A LOT.

*Have a horrifying past that you are able to “open up” about.  Be ready to make up a lie if your past was perf, otherwise you will be sent home.

*Say you are falling in love within the first three episodes.

*Be sure to be BFF with every girl in the house.

*Go get your purity ring, and talk about it whenever necessary.

*Do NOT have a strong opinion on anything.

 

Join me LIVE every Tuesday for “Gossip With Getz” with my hilarious co-host Mike Kelton.  Follow me on twitter for details! @nataliegetz

 

X O X O

 

Natalie Getz

GetzStyle.com