Episode 5: Sean hit a new Lowe

Bears!!!!!! Yessssssssaaaaaa

Sarah proves yet again that she knows style from formal wear on down to casual wear in this cape sweater. Blue looks great on her and she never fails by having on the latest fashion trends.

Sean and Catherine: It’s about time

As Catherine is waiting in a whiteout blizzard, I can’t help but notice how stunning she looks from head to toe. Her hair is the perfect umber to pull off those over sized, gold hoop earrings. Her outerwear is very put together, even though I am sure she is freezing her ass off.

Um, why doesn’t Sean have someone driving them in this gigantic snow machine? So awkward with poor Catherine sitting in the front row, directly behind him. They are missing out on cuddling time. Seriously though, I am so confused as to why they consumed so much fuel on a monster truck snow mobile bus when the economy is in the shiester and gas is a cool $4.25 right now?

Catherine claims she loves the rugged, handsome manliness about Sean. I don’t see rugged at all. I see a man who is FOR SURE afraid of spiders. I bet he is the type who wouldn’t kill one because they are one of God’s creatures. Yuck. Actually, I see an Oompa Loompa whose skin is so sensitive that it turned Orange in the wind giving him that tan, albino glow. (Cue all Sean and Albino lovers to hate me forever right now.)

Catherine looks like she is going to watch the orchestra as she enters the evening portion of her date with Sean. Her knee length skirt and mother of four top isn’t working for me, but it clearly is for Sean so I suppose at the end of the day, I just need to get over it. She is so freaking cute and I am dying to do wonders with her style.

Catherine has been a playful pup with Sean today what with the sledding and, um, uh, the sledding and all, but now it’s time to open up to him. She has to open up and have something traumatic to say otherwise she is at risk for not getting the rose. Sean has obviously shown the women that he is attracted to people with super sad stories from the past.

One of the main reasons I like Catherine is because she is teaching Sean how to kiss. She is teaching him how to open his mouth a little without sticking out his baby turtle tongue.

Group Date: Tierra’s lips turn about as blue as Sean’s balls have been for years.

After a day of canoe riding in zero degree weather, an EMT is explaining to the girls that if they should get into trouble, the cute male lifeguard would be there to pull them out. At this point, the lifeguard is evilly glaring at these reality TV girls thinking, “Don’t be dramatic. Don’t be weak. Don’t make me jump in this freezing cold water for you.” Look out, because Tierra is already getting dramatic and we all know she is going to make a huge scene and most likely a splash. Needless to say, Sean has invited these girls to get naked and dive into ice. It’s like, if he wants a girl to have perma high beams, he doesn’t need to kill them! A single ice cube would have done just as well.

Why would Lindsey put her bare feet in the cold snow before it’s actually necessary to do so?! Oh, and what in God’s name is that huge tattoo on her foot? I’m getting a little irritated that some of the girls are acting overly excited about jumping into glacier water in nothing but a bikini in 0 degree weather after already being frozen from an obnoxiously long canoe ride. For those of you who don’t know what 0 degrees feels like, it’s indescribable. It literally takes your breath away and you actually aren’t supposed to be in it for longer than a minute. Even fully clothed. I don’t even know how they are changing their clothes, because, when it’s this cold in Chicago, I can’t even get enough strength or blood flow in my fingers to turn the key to start my engine. Swear.

I gotta say, I’m with Selma for not jumping in. I hate the whole “you only live once” line. It’s very annoying. If I don’t join the Canadian Polar Bear Club, I’m pretty sure my life will still feel fulfilled. Rather, I think, “I’m sitting in my comfy bed while reading a book, drinking wine and receiving a much forced back scratch from my boyfriend. YOLO.”

Daniella ain’t waitin’ for nobody. LOL she literally sprinted off like, screw you bitches it’s cold out here!

Tierra doesn’t even seem as cold as the other girls at this point! Look at her running and giggling when Sarah looks like a Popsicle already!

Are you serious right now? Jeez. Of COURSE Tierra is being hauled off in hypothermia bags. I mean, yes, it’s freezing and I’m shocked they all didn’t need to be in those bags, but for real, out of all of them, her?!?!?! And after being covered up and hauled off to a warm car, she is putting her hands in the air and shaking them like crazy for extra dramatic effect. When you are cold, really freaking cold, you want your body parts all touching. She would be in a crunched ball. She wouldn’t even be able to shake like that. PUhhhhhlease!!!!!

Then she has the nerve to say, “I missed time with him,” as she is all comfy in blankets, sipping on a coffee. Like I said, when I have been severely cold, I couldn’t move my hands enough to do anything, much less clench a coffee mug.

In other news, is Sean trying to get all these ladies sick? After riding in a canoe and being freezing, the ladies then each have to interview with the camera (this takes FOREVER), he then has them jump in freezing cold glacier water naked, then stand out side and do MORE interviews, then have them canoe back without heat lamps, warm showers or anything to warm up their core temperature before hand? It’s not like they get to wait in warmth while the other girls are doing their interview. They had to just tough it out in the 0 degree weather somehow!

Tierra is now in a bathrobe and towel, eating what appears to be a Big Mac while the ironically good-looking lifeguard massages her feet. She looks ultra diva right now.

Oh Lord! Now she has on an oxygen mask, which was not on her face until she heard Sean coming up the stairs! She is laughing and telling Sean that she can’t believe he is seeing her like this. She totally took a shower and re-did her makeup, so I don’t know why she is acting like she is so haggard looking.

At the after party, Sean is pulled away by Sarah who shows him some super adorable photos of her and her family. She tells Sean that she hopes he can meet them one day. Sean then tells the audience that meeting a family is a big deal and that it’s scary, yet he is the one who is already talking marriage stating nonstop and constantly pointing out that he is confident his wife is here. Ummmmm, am I missing something?!?!?! It’s a hell of a lot scary to talk marriage on the first few dates vs. meeting one’s family!

The girls are all sitting around at the after party, discussing their equally shared disgust for Tierra and her 3 personalities. Lesley even calls her out on getting a concussion from falling UP the stairs hahahaha!!!!!!! I didn’t realize she fell UP the stairs! Jeeeez. She was more than fine! She has now snuck into the party after walking in heels, completely normal when Sean wasn’t around her. Now that Sean sees her, she is limping.

Sean and Sarah: Jerk Alert

WHOA! I did not see that coming! What the hell is the matter with you, Sean?! It’s way more humiliating to send Sarah home singled out this way vs. at a rose ceremony. She could have had a couple more days of fun with the girls. So ridiculous to pull her away from the rest of the girls and dump her. I am so sad for her. That was really low of him.

Sean and Desiree:

Sean and Desiree have a fun day of repelling down a cliff and climbing trees. Sean decides to take her to dinner in a teepee to see if she can handle it. Joke is on this rich, pretty boy when she looks at him and says, “Of course I can handle it. I grew up in a tent. You A-Hole.” Anyway, there was really nothing fun about this date because they are too normal and probably belong together.

Rose Ceremony: Breaking Bad

The Good:

Lindsey’s white cocktail dress is light and cute. The neckline is flattering and the ruffles add depth and detail. It’s hard to pull off white, but she definitely did so.

I love a man in a three-piece suit. If I imagine a different head on Sean’s body, I would be obsessed.

Desiree always has on a classy, simple dress. Her style and demeanor remind me of Jackie Gordon from Brad Womack’s 2nd season. There is something about her that screams class, money, beauty and brains. So insane to think she grew up in a tent and trailer parks. You would never have known!

The Bad:

Selma’s dress is very unflattering. The puffed sleeves and cut of the dress would look better on someone taller. She is going to be in a world load of pain when she gets home after receiving spankings from her Mommy and Daddy for dry humping on national television. I bet she is STILL grounded.

AshLee’s hair, makeup and jewelry are stunning tonight, but this dress isn’t doing it for me. Maybe it looks better in person, but she looks like she is in a wet suit. She could wear this to her next polar plunge.

Tierra’s dress is frumpy and tacky. The fur scarf has potential, but NOT paired up with this dress. Plus, she is showing off her legs in an unflattering way. Luck for this damsel in a dress, she gets one more week to prove herself to Sean. Not that it will take much, because for some reason he is infatuated with her.

Catherine looks like she is in a nightgown, but then again, isn’t great at picking out evening attire. She is, however, great at choosing every day casual wear. I’m not sure how I feel about Lesley’s dress. I’m 50/50 with it.

This has been a crazy couple of episodes that I have enjoyed big time. If Tierra wasn’t on this season, it wouldn’t be very much fun to watch.

My top three favorites at this point in the game (Not for Sean, but for me to be friends with. I’m selfish. Screw off.) are:


Join me live this week on Wednesday, Feb 6th, at 9pm PST for a very special “Gossip With Getz” with special Guest, Ashley Palenkas aka 50 Shades Of Grey girl. Follow me on twitter for details.


Natalie Getz
Twitter: @nataliegetz