Natalie’s Bachelor Blog: Episode 6

Panama City:  “Hi Blakely. Please take me.” – Hint

Whew.  What an episode.  It definitely made me think twice about giving instructions on how to kiss while squatting on a man, dating more than one person at the same time, and dancing naked in public.  My lifestyle will now change drastically.  Definitely going to scrapbook about it.

Ben and Kacie B:  I can show you the world…on someone else’s dime. I mean, time.  I mean, huh?  Whatever, here you go…

Please don’t ever show me a date without alcohol ever again.  I already waste enough time watching a show that has a 12% marriage rate, and I demand drama.  Ben is worried that he and Kacie B. will run out of things to talk about.  The only thing I’m worried about is what is going on back at the mansion:  Blakeley’s drug problem.  She obviously smuggled some serious wacky, Panama ganja in order to keep that perma-grin personality towards her 1-on-1 date.  She acts as if she just hit the jackpot with a client at one of her VIP tables.  Ohhhh Blakeley…(that’s all I got).

What are the 3 things you would bring on a stranded island with Ben?  Well, Kacie whips out a monkey, pretty much implying that Ben’s is not good enough for her.  Had I been asked to bring 3 things to a deserted island with Ben, I would bring:  A pair of scissors (Ahem Ben’s hair), relaxing conditioning balm (AHHHH-CHOOOO Ben’s hair) and Fruit By The Foot (no reason).

Just as Kacie states that it’s so hot watching Ben crack coconuts, he claims he lost all his juice. Nuts! This date is like a PG Disney version of, “Survivor.”  Lot’s of weird giggling, long silences, and forced conversation take place during this potentially, fun date.

As bad as I feel for Kacie, I really would not have brought up such a dramatic issue such as an eating disorder on a second date.  Yes, it’s, “The Bachelor” and things move fast, but that’s just one of those things that I’d probably wait to tell until after getting serious.  Opening up to someone doesn’t mean telling them about such issues in the past.  I feel like this is extremely personal and not something I’d ever talk about on a second date.  How could Ben not give the rose to her after she told him about her hatred for hamburgers as a teenager?  I still really love her and wish she were the next Bachelorette!  Obviously, Kacie gets the rose.

Group Date:  Jamie enrolls in sex ed 

Ben takes his promiscuous lifestyle to a rain forest. In a boat that Ben, “carved from a tree,” he guides his girlfriend’s to land.  (Honestly, these things sound so ridiculous.  Like a soap opera.  Unreal.)  Imagine in real life your best friend telling you, “Ben took me to a rain forest in Panama on a boat he carved from a tree on our second date!”  Huh. Anyway, Ben “accidentally” stumbles upon civilization and the rest is bra-less.

“OMG!!!!!!! We are, like, in the middle of the Rain Forest and it’s raining!”  Ya, no crud, Casey.  Go to the library and don’t come out for at least 3 days.  You are officially in verbal time out.  Courtney claims at least 8 times that she is one with nature, completely naked and without underwear.  In front of children.  Very, very disturbing. I don’t care if these kids see it a lot because of their culture.  The bottom line is that this is not Courtney’s culture and the fact that she is willing to bear it all in front of these little sonnies is so gross to me.  Ben tells us that he is happy about Courtney’s nakedness, and smiles like a teenager with a boner, while watching Jesse Spano high on Advil talking about “Hot Sundae” while in an 80’s leotard. (Saved By The Bell anyone?)  I’m starting to wonder if Ben has been hiding under a church pew his whole life by the way he is reacting to Courtney’s promiscuity.

I love when a simple step in fashion can take an outfit from ordinary to extraordinary.  Lindzi belted her over sized swimsuit cover up to make what would have looked frumpy, incredibly adorable.  This reminds me of Ariel’s dress on “The Little Mermaid” when she first meets Eric on dry land.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but, even as a child, I caught the editing of a cartoon outfit!  At first is was a sheet thrown at her, and then it was turned into something simple, yet chic with the help of some chords.

Ben and Rachel: And Blakeley’s scrapbook.

Don’t worry Rachel, Ben looks like he is on a date with only you.  He has his arm wrapped around you, while Blakeley merely looks like a production assistant at this point.

FASHION FACE OFF:  Rachel vs. Blakeley.  So far, Rachel takes the cake for putting forth effort into style by having some edge in her look vs. Blakeley’s over usage of rompers.  Blakeley is dressed like a bored, single mom in a rich Florida community on a Thursday night at the super market.

So, they spend money on putting the girls in tacky salsa dresses, giving them dance lessons in Panama, yet they make them where the shoes they brought with them on the date?  Rachel’s shoes are pretty sick in a different setting, but not with a flashy, salsa dress.  I’d like to note that this is not Rachel’s fault and the only reason Blakeley’s shoes match her outdated salsa dress, is because she was already wearing outdated shoes.  I guess being clueless in fashion worked for Blakeley this time?  No, just…still, no.

Blakeley’s belt looks like she found it in her closet from 4 years ago when it was a terrible trend.  She threw it around an awkward looking boy’s button down, and led herself to her own fate.  Honestly, where does this girl shop?  GetzStyle Tip:  It’s not about shopping at expensive retailers.  It’s about sticking current to trend.  You don’t want to be trendy?  No problem!  Being stylish can be very basic, however, if you are going to where such standout pieces, make sure to keep them with the times.  

Blakeley starts crying when she is about to show Ben her creepy scrapbook of her marked journey of their love.  Many couple’s cry at their wedding day, when they get engaged or when they have a landmark moment in their relationship, but this is the first scrapbooking moment cry I have ever seen.

This cat is not the only pussy crying tonight.  Poor Blakely:( She will have no problem finding a man, that’s for sure!  I’m sad to see her go!  My roommate actually knows Blakeley and said she is very sweet and super cool!

Rose Ceremony:  Jamie shows Ben what he has NOT been missing out on.

Jamie claims that she wants to tell Ben to brace himself, because he is going to be shocked with her non-prudeness.  She couldn’t have been more right.  There was nothing that was non-shocking about her ridiculous attempt to give him 6th grade instructions on how to kiss her.  As I watched this scene, I lost 3 pounds due to sweat.  If you have read my blogs in the past, then you already know that there is nothing more uncomfortable for me than to watch someone act awkward on national television. Jamie: “When I go to bed at night, I think about the things I would do to you.  I think about it often.” (It would have been sexy had she not been so flag squad about it.) Jamie: “I like sitting on your lap. Do you like me sitting on your lap? I like looking at you, do you like looking at me?  I like you.  Do you like me?  Close your lips.  Now open them.  Not yet.  Ok, now.  Ohhhh Ben! I, like, kinda envisioned something different.  Did you envision something different?” Ben: “HUH?”

I can honest to God say that I will lose sleep over this tonight.  This is worse than watching the most failed American Idol audition.  Jeesh, this is fantastically awful.  The best oxymoron to have ever happened in my life.

The Good:  Courtney’s sexy and she knows it

Lindzi is never going to fail me.  I now know this as she has consistently been the best-dressed girl every episode.  This purple dress gathers at the small of her waste to create a classic look, and the over sized flower on her left shoulder makes her face stand out, which is one of this sweet girl’s best assets:)  GetzStyle Tip:  Take risks!  Don’t close the door on fashion.  Take charge of your wardrobe.  Embrace change!

Courtney: “I feel like I’m on the chopping block tonight”  Rachel: “Are you serious?”  Courtney: “Just kidding! Ahahahahha!”

In other news, Courtney’s dress was once again a great look for her. White, dulled down sequins stitched into a free flowing frock, stole the show for this little jokester.  My God, whether this is her humor or she is a mean girl, she makes me laugh.  A lot.

The Bad:  Boobie Trapped

Let’s be honest, and pardon my language, but Jamie is $#it faced.  She can’t even see straight enough into a mirror to fix her “morning after” look she is sporting from all the alcohol and crying.  Jeeeeeze…I was only hoping she would go out in style?  Nope.  She went out looking like Charlie Sheen’s damaged goods in her red, seashell dress that lacked not only originality, but also fit, cut, and color for this scorned lover.

Nicki’s neckline was all over the place and bedazzled to the point where it just flat out irritated me.  Maybe I am grumpy from an ongoing sinus infection and sleep deprivation, but neckline was not a good look for her.

GetzStyle Award:  

Casey S.!  Even though she left confused and heartbroken… she did it in style.  Even Casey’s “lying around the super ridiculous mansion in Panama” style is great!  Though we didn’t see her much, her fashion will be missed.  This one has a keen eye for trend and isn’t afraid to take chances.  Now, if only this big dumb idiot she is in love with would wake up and smell the “roses.”

Don’t “clothes” your mind to love.  Better off to end up with a match than a mismatch in the end.


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