NATALIE’S BACHELOR PAD BLOG: EPISODE 3

Episode 3:  Ahhhh Nuts Sacks!

This episode starts off with Sarah still crying about voting off her one night stand.  He is safe and now she feels like a moron (as she should) for going against an alliance.  We also hear Reid bitch about Ed a lot.  Reid is now nervous Ed will vote him off if he hears of what he did to get him nearly voted off.  Reid cannot quit obsessing over the fact that Ed got Jillian in the end.  Not one person in this house is playing a good game so far.  Whoever makes the top 4 will simply make it out of luck.

The next morning, Chris Harrison informs the cast that in the upcoming competition, they will be performing as couples.  Chris B’s face is saying, “Of f$%king course we are competing as partners.  Of f#@king course.”  Meanwhile, Blakeley looks happier than most brides do on their wedding day.

Off subject and a HUGE FYI… an inside source told me David borrowed this feminine, awful, wretched, repulsive, disgusting, tacky, gross, gnarly, nasty, trashy and ridiculous woman’s tank top from Ryan (“Worldly Gifts”) Bowers.

Hot Sludge Funday:  Ed is only an athlete on opposite day.

HOLLER! Chris H. mixes up partnerships and this changes the whole dynamic.  Then one of the nastier things I’ve ever heard come out of someone’s mouth is spoken.  Kalon took the term “Ass Face” to the next level and should now be called Dick Face.  He found out he was going to be partners with Erica and stated, “I am happy I’m partners with Erica.  I actually think this is the one challenge she’ll be good at.  She can probably just eat her way through it Pac-Man style. Chomp Chomp Chomp.”  Boys, boys, boys…. call a girl any name you want, but NEVER comment on her weight.  That is hurtful and girls are overly sensitive about this.  Besides, Erica is in fantastic shape and looks the best I’ve ever seen her, so I hope this went in one ear and out the other.

Wearing this tank top, David says, “It’s my turn to get into the nut sack.”  This term is Junior High humor.  So lame and stupid that David doesn’t even realize how perverted it sounds.  I’m thinking David is a little too mature for this.  He is actually growing on me; sans the wife beater he borrowed from his dagger bearded friend.

After Jamie takes an incredible lead, Ed (the self proclaimed athlete) couldn’t have been further behind.  He not only lost the competition for them, but he couldn’t even finish the race!  He looks like he is trying to get a suntan here.  Aw!  Ed just wanted to take a lil nap:)

Jamie may not have the best casual style, but girl can rock a cute bikini!  Jamie has an incredibly toned body and she wears swimsuits well.  I’ve noticed she always picks out basic suits, which happen to be my favorite.  GetzStyle Tip:  Don’t be that girl wearing Kim Kardashian tacky swimsuits.  Swimsuits are not meant to have embellishments on them, they are meant to go in the water.  Keep it clean, basic and spandex.  Try American Apparel, Fresh Peaches, or Kandy Wrappers.

David wins this nut sack jumping competition by a photo finish!

David’s Date:  Chris gets a break from Blakeley and Jamie.  PHEW.

Poor David doesn’t have a partner, so he chooses Jamie, Blakeley and Erica to go on the date.  He must have a great heart to take Erica on a date after the words she had for him episode 1.  That is some damn good strategy on his part!  That, and I feel like he is a true bro to Chris, taking both of the girls out of the house who drive him crazy so that he can have a peaceful night.  Hahaha!

WOW.  They really do cast rejects for Bachelor Pad in more ways than one.  Clearly none of them went to their High School Prom if they had reactions like this.  That’s the reaction I would give if I saw a private jet, a yacht, or an adult bookstore.  Not a boring night of prom with girls I don’t get along with and a dude I have zero romantic interest in.

Blakeley is bananas!  Jamie, completely joking to keep with the prom theme, says with a fun smile, “Sharing one guy at the prom?  I feel like that can cause controversy.”  Keep in mind, this is said in a very funny way, because they are joking around about the prom theme.  Erica, giggling like they really are in High School, chimes in saying, “Blakeley are you going to be fighting with us over David?”  She is totally joking, just going along with Jamie’s humor and Blakeley flips her lid taking this a little (A LOT) too seriously.  Blakeley answers her way too seriously, “Not one bit (bitchy face).  I’ll definitely have my time, but I’m not gonna fight over it.  Oh my God you guys, I’m not in High School anymore.  I’m not doing this.”  WHOA.  Clearly Blakeley absolutely cannot take a joke.  Erica looks so confused as she was totally joking around, trying to role-play how girls would be at the prom.  LOL!

 

Sitting on a tacky dress, Blakeley is about ready to unleash the wrath of her alter ego as she watches David kiss Jamie in a playful way.

Back at the mansion:  Kentucky Bone Yard

LIME CROSSFIRE CHALLENGE!  Growing up, I used to play this with my neighbors in our courtyard, ruining all the lime trees.  When I say used to play with my neighbors, I mean last year.  Ahhhh the good ole days:)  Ok, so Reid continues to lie to Ed as we see a vulnerable side in Ed!  He is happy that he finally has someone he can trust.  Awwww :( Reid has been talking shit since day one.  Ed isn’t cut out for this crass game.

The party continues as Ed struggles to keep Jaclyn on his back.  They are drunk and slippery, and since Ed is clearly not an athlete, this is hilarious to watch!  I love the colors and French cut of Jaclyn’s swim suit.  Very sporty in a sexy way!  He finally takes her to bed and talks to her like a bird in the amazon!  I’M OBSESSED WITH ED’S SEX NOISES!  He literally is making this show worth watching with his hilarious, “I don’t care” attitude.  He is a typical Chicago boy who gets hammered after a long week of work and hooks up with just about anything they can get their hands on.

Why the hell is Blakeley stating that she deserves the rose from David?  Wasn’t it her that just took him on a date and played a trick on him by waving that rose in front of his face and then giving it to Chris?  She is now telling him not to give the rose to Jamie and threatening that if he does, she won’t keep him safe and hold up their deal.  Uh…David already is safe?  He won the Challenge?  He has a rose?  WTF, PEOPLE?!  I am keeping my fingers crossed that he gives the rose to Jamie and doesn’t fall for Blakeley’s manipulation.  What loyalty is Blakeley talking about?  She is so cray!

BOOM!  I LOVE DAVID NOW!  HE IS A GOOD DUDE!  He gave sweet little Jamie the rose and made her night:)

Rachel’s Date:   “What’s a better word for pathetic?”  Poor Tony!

The date card reads, “Choose three guys to get famous.”  What a blow to the ego!  All these guys are sitting there thinking, “I thought I was famous” Smack in the face to a Z Lister.

As Tony gets chosen to go on the date, I notice he is plugging Michael’s “Love Like This” tour on his snug white v-neck.  It’s about time Tony and Nick get some air time!  I honestly forgot they were on the show.  Snipers!  That’s the way to play it.

Someone call the police!  Tony stole Stevie’s dress shirt.  What actually scares me more than the creepy wax sculptures is the top they made Tony wear.  As they pulled up to Madame Tussuad’s wax museum, it reminded me of the time that I thought Michael Jordan was giving me the cold shoulder.

After some hilarious wax pranks the crew pulled on the fans, Rachel gives Michael the rose and they make out.  She cries because she is worried he will break her heart.  Eeeeeeh… if someone is already crying about the potential of being hurt on day 8 of a relationship, that’s a bad gut feeling to have.  I’m definitely rooting for Michael and Rachel.  I haven’t met Rachel yet, but I hear nothing but great things about her and Michael is the man!

Back at the mansion:  Before Chris B. goes to sleep, he pours rubbing alcohol on his Pen 15.  

Jamie is ready “to show her kids and America” (as she so graciously put it) how she fell in love with daddy on TV.  Chris clearly has a different plan for the two of them. Jamie tries to wake him up in order to make out, talk and snuggle.  Chris wants no part of this and a devastated Jamie cries herself to sleep. Someone clearly spiked the punch bowl at prom.

It seems to me that the cast tries to vote off whoever loses a challenge because they “already have a vote against them.”  That is the dumbest reasoning ever.  Vote off the toughest competition!  Right now I’d vote off Nick or Chris. They seem like tough competition.  Reid is only voting out Ed due to jealousy.  I hate that when Ed is trying to call Reid out, Reid wants Ed to tell him who told him these things.  Ya, okay Reid.  Why on Earth would he tell you that?  I stick by what I always say, “I’ll repeat the information, but never the source.”  Then Reid says they need to get out the weakest links and the power players?  Durrrrr… why would you kick out the weakest link?  Really?!  He also states he is trying to get rid of the people who he thinks don’t belong here.  Another stupid reason!  Whether he thinks they should be here or not, he should still only vote out his toughest competition.  Reid gave it his all, but clearly played a poor game as he is sent packing.  On another note, Michael is definitely the best player in the house.  He has excellent leadership qualities and since he is sincere, people will follow him and do what he says.  He has transformed most of the house into his disciples.  Donna ends up leaving over Blakeley, and I have to say I’m disappointed.  She was really growing on me and I wanted to see her relationship with Nick unravel.

The Good:

Lindzi’s dress is adorable!  I love the muted gold color on her bronzed skin.  The fabric lies perfectly on her body and is cinched at the small of her waist giving her shape.  CUTE!  Ok, and I have to admit…I really think her and Kalon are cute together.  She seems to bring out a better person in him and you can tell through his genuine smile every time he looks at her:)

Again, way too many asymmetrical dresses going on in this house, but some are good.  Rachel looks classic and sophisticated in an off-white, snug fitting cocktail dress.  Everything flows together from her hair to her jewelry.

Sara’s romper is perfect for a Bachelor Pad rose ceremony.  It is edgy, trendy and casual all at the same time.  This romper, complete with an exposed zipper, looks like a dress in the front, but is actually shorts.  This is perfect for voting night as she is running around the house trying to persuade votes.  Maybe the Taltos twins should have gone for this look so that we didn’t have to see their underwear so many times.

 

The Bad:

Blakeley has a lot going on, and I’m not talking about her waxing career.  I’m talking about her huge gold earrings and purple, asymmetrical dress with a gold broach at the shoulder.  Not a fan ladies, not a fan.  Someone commented last week that I shouldn’t make fun of her clothes, because she can’t afford nice dresses.  Um, HELLO?!!!!  You silly gooses.  Style has nothing to do with price.  I like a couple of Emily Maynard’s cheap dresses over some of the tacky dresses she wore that I’m sure cost $5k+.

I’m not sure exactly what Jamie is wearing here, but it looks like a tunic/potato sack tied with a belt.  The neckline is throwing me off!  In this same photo, it appears that Donna has been doing some bridesmaid dress shopping at David’s Bridal.  In shiny, shockin’ pink and she looks like a mermaid.  I do not like this style of dress, which seems to be very popular.

“Sometimes comfort doesn’t matter. When a shoe is freakin’ fabulous, it may be worth a subsequent day of misery. Soak in Epsom salts and take comfort in the fact that you’re better than everyone else.”

― Clinton Kelly

 

Speaking of shoes, when I was living in Chicago, I remember Jillian telling me that someone stole one of Ed’s shoes right off his foot at the train station.  Reason #108 to love Ed.  Always a funny story with him!

X O X O

 

Natalie Getz

Twitter:  @nataliegetz

Gossip With Getz LIVE Tuesdays www.TheTVSpot.com Guests this week: Holly and Blake Julien

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