Bachelor Pad Episode 5:  “If your name isn’t Chris, you are probably safe.” -Michael Stagliano

Everyone is upset after Jamie’s elimination.  Chris and Ed fight, although Ed’s slurred speech made it comical.  Michael calls out Chris, Blakeley is pissed at Chris, Chris is mad at Ed and Kalon…pretty much it’s a huge gigantic mess.  Why are people getting so mad at each other when they are essentially all fighting for themselves at the end of the day?  Trust me, I get it.  It’s stressful.  A ridiculous mess when you get to the point where you have to start voting off people you got close to.  This episode is so explosive and hands down the best episode of Bachelor Pad I have ever seen.

As Chris calls Kalon out on his vote, Kalon says, “Well, ya, I’m a liar…do you want me to elaborate on that?”  I respect this guy’s honesty and let’s be real here people, he cracks us all up!  After hanging out with Kalon again this past weekend alongside LIndzi, I can tell you he is a funny guy who says things sarcastically for a laugh.


Ahhhh the symbolism of the broken rose…Kalon and Chris’s fight is hilarious!  I’ve never seen two guys fight in such a calm way.  Chris drops the f-bomb and calls Kalon a dick, but the two are still acting like friends.  Huh?


The Great Fall Of China:  Otherwise known as a low budget challenge.


So, I learned yesterday that my fiend’s sister is a bottle service girl in Las Vegas and makes a minimum of $6,000 a day.  She works 2 days a week and supports her boyfriend who lives in NYC paying his $3,500 rent. Blakeley’s Hooters past isn’t looking so bad after all.  Kids, stay out of school.  Get a boob job and learn to bartend. (I kid, I kid)


Needless to say, Blakeley is ecstatic that all her hard work at Hooters is finally paying off.

“Everyone starting off with a run, Erica starting off nice and slow.”  Chris Harrison’s commentary is so funny, I about peed my pants!  Erica has never served anyone in her life and I highly doubt she wants to start now.  She is so prissy and I freaking love it!  This girl is funnier than anyone I’ve ever seen on this show.  She literally just dumped her tray over and it seemed to be somewhat intentional.  I’m working from a Starbucks today and I feel like a moron, because I can’t quit laughing and people are starting to stare.

Jaclyn’s Nike tennis shoes are super cool.  They are the perfect shoe to wear for comfort, yet still give off a modish vibe.

Lindzi’s workout attire is on point!  When working out, you can still be in style.  This deep racer back, over sized tank over a sports bra is ideal for a workout.  Throw on a pair of black stretch pants to complete the look- and if not having an intense workout and just running errands, chuck tailors are an added bonus.  Blakeley also has on cute work out attire in a neon green top and matching hair band.


Sarah was so close to winning this challenge, but she was disqualified for touching her teacups.  She now says she knows how Olympic swimmers feel.  LOL.

What in God’s name is Blakeley wearing?  This looks like a shirt that a fancy mom wore in the early 90’s.  Puffed sleeves and glitter mania.  She must feel on cloud 9 after winning that challenge!


The guys are up next and it’s crucial that Chris wins this challenge in order to stay in the game.  They all start off the same speed and it looks as though they all have a decent shot.  Well, except for Ed of course.  Coordination doesn’t seem to be his biggest strength.  I feel like Ed was always picked last for teams in physical education classes and this has shaken his confidence over the years.  He has an athletic build, poor guy.  It’s like being super tall and sucking at basketball or being super good looking, but sucking in bed.  Or something like that.  What is the matter with me?

I’ve gotta say, Blakeley is not only annoying her cast mates, she is annoying the crud out of me.  She comes across way too aggressive and masculine, and all Tony probably wants to do is tape her mouth shut so that he can concentrate.  If he can win a concentration challenge with her basically screaming at him in the most intense manor, he would probably be the best waiter ever.


Things are looking horrible for Chris.  Not only did Blakeley win the competition, she took Tony on her date and since he is already safe, she gave his rose to Kalon.  This is getting pretty intense!


Blakeley and Tony:  This date seems rather fitting.


“The only person who cares where you are going is you.  I care very little where you guys are going.  Please get out of here.” -Ed to Blakeley


Disregarding the fact that Tony has a kid at home watching Trashler Pad, Blakeley decides it would be a great idea to choose an over night date with him vs. a day date.  She wants glitz, glamour, fancy and luxurious, but ends up in a camper.  This reminds me of my one on one date with Jason Mesnick.  I felt totally stereotyped and stood up.  I got the princess date and was asked to wear a ton of expensive, fancy jewelry.  Anyone who knows me realized this was not an ideal date for me.  Not only do I dislike fancy jewelry, I don’t even have my ears pierced.  Producers actually asked me if I would pierce my ears in order to wear the diamond earrings.  NO THANKS!  Anyway, after seeing the jewels, I knew the date was going to be anything but chill and relaxing.  We went to Vegas, which is a place I despise for it’s germy, drunky, nasty, druggy and sinful environment.  Posting up at the local pub and talking all night sounds a hell of a lot better to me.  Call me crazy; it’s just not my thing.  I’m not going to lie; camping is not my thing either.  I’m deathly afraid of anything not human and would never sleep in a tent.  The camper would be fine, I suppose.


Anyway, I about vomit when Tony and Blakeley dance outside the Camper to Wes Hayden’s stupid song as if it was just randomly on the radio.  Talk about over played!  I hate using the Lord’s name in vain, but JAAAAY CEEEEEE!  Is this song ever going to go away?  Ever?  WOLF!  Then we see every couple making out, cuddling, hiding from the cameras and getting romantic.  I’ve gotta say, the cutest was Jaclyn petting Ed’s head as if he were a little boy.  Awe!


I didn’t think these two could get more annoying separately, but putting them together is mind blowing.  They are truly and perfectly cheesy together.  Maybe Chris can’t put up with her overwhelming, super intense and raging personality, but Tony only sees one thing:  Hooters.


Kalon and Lindzi:  This date reminded me of how much I wanted to see Bentley on this season:(


Lindzi reminds me of Kelly Kapowski (Saved By The Bell).  She just seems like the girl that all the guys crush on and all the girls want to be friends with.  Even lying around the house, Lindzi looks adorable!  Her crop, basic white tee is so cute with a pair of high waisted jean shorts and some contemporary sneakers.

And there we have it.  Yuck!  No offense Neil Lane, but this looks like old lady jewelry.  I simply don’t get expensive jewelry.  I could go on and on about how much I hate this kind of jewelry, but I think you all get the hint.  And I’m sure most of you disagree with my opinion.  But, this is my blog.  So F off:)  Kalon and Lindzi get the “excuisite” jewelry date and Blakeley laughs something crazy wicked evil.  Her laugh is like watching a horror flick!  Thank God I’m at Starbucks, otherwise I’d be checking my closets and bathrooms to make sure she isn’t in their, hiding with a knife.

I love how Kalon is trying to act like a gentleman, yet totally gropes Lindzi’s behind while “helping her up the stairs.”  They both are dressed perfectly for this super private, glamorous date.  Kalon chose a sharp suit but left the tie at home, which I totally dig.  Lindzi chose an eggplant colored body-hugging cocktail dress and threw her hair back to show off someone’s Grandmother’s jewels.


We see a different side to Kalon as he professes his love to Lindzi, and the two share some serious romantic alone time together.  Holy cow, I just got super distracted by the style I’m surrounded by in this Hermosa Beach Starbucks.  It’s busy as hell and full of some serious faux pas.  I’m seeing tiny clothes on not so tiny people, Abercrombie and Fitch graphic T-shirts on grown men (foreigners, bless their hearts…they don’t know any better about that college brand), and the winner is the dude by the window in an Easter Egg colored polo tucked into some seriously outdated khaki shorts complete with some new balances and a tall pair of white socks.  If someone was here in sweats, which I often am, that’s different.  These people look like they actually tried, and this is what’s concerning.  


Anyway, they eat dinner, make out on the Bentley and call it a night.  But, not before Kalon told Lindzi this experience is different than the Bachelorette, because he is actually falling in love with the girl he is sitting next to.  I think a big “AWE” was let out by millions of woman all over America.  What are your thoughts on the happy couple?  It’s a couple we never expected to hook up based off of their TV appearances, that’s what makes it fun to watch!

Holy Hell this is the funniest clip ever!  Ed and Jaclyn wake up looking rather tired in an outside bed with red wine glasses still full.  It reminds me of waking up in real life every morning, except for I wake up inside and my wine is in a red SOLO cup.  No need to dirty a glass when no one can see you!  Which reminds me, I need to buy more whitening strips.  


Rose Ceremony:  Criss Cross Crash


Chris is insanely good at playing this game.  Smart boy!  What can he do at this point to keep him safe?  Convince everyone that they have less of a chance winning in the end against him and Sara vs. Kalon and Lindzi.  People bought into it, nice work!  I, however, disagree.  I think Kalon is great to take to the end, because being rich is a disadvantage when the cast is voting for the winner.  All this said, Chris is fighting as well as he can to stay in the game!


Chris pulls… a Chris?  He steels Tony away for some one on one time before Tony gives out his safety rose.  It saved him on Emily’s season, but will his charm work with a dude?  Nah.


This cocktail party was insane.  Michael, as he claims, tried to plant a seed in Erica’s head that Chris was sending her home so that she would take Chris home with her.  He already knows that everyone is going to vote her out, yet lies straight to her face!  Who ever knew the Stags could be so manipulative!  Again, he tried to be strategic and play the game, which didn’t make sense to me as to why he would want Erica gone.  She doesn’t win challenges and is not a threat.  I don’t get it?  Well, his plan backfired as he underestimated the smarts of Judge Erica and got himself sent home as she found out his entire plan.  Chris taking her in the voting room was a turning point and the strongest move he could have made.  Apparently they had to look up the rules to see if Chris’s move was legal.  I would be upset if I were Michael and think it would be against the game rules as well.  At the same time, I would be mad at Michael if I were Erica because she is friends with Michael and voted for him to win the first season.  This whole thing destroyed some friendships, images and relationships no doubt:(  To be honest with you, I can’t figure out how on Earth Michael made it this far.  I thought he would get kicked out night one for being last year’s champ!  He is clearly the master at this game!  Makes me want to go back and compete!


Everyone was dressed wonderfully tonight, but the following are the ones who really stood out to me:


Erica’s multi-colored gown is a stand out!  Before Erica left for the show, she hit up some show rooms to guarantee her looks to be current and glamourous.  Nice work, Erica!



Remember last week when I said Jamie’s had the right idea with her rose ceremony dress?  This is an example of the look perfected.  Lindzi’s dress is similar to that of Jamie’s (see last weeks blog), but she perfected it by choosing the style with a better cut and fabric.  Lindzi looks simply stunning i this white, asymmetrical dress.


Kalon is always on the best dressed list with his starched dress shirts and well fitted suits.  As I mentioned before, I’m a big fan of the suit look minus the tie from time to time.  But, if pulling of this look, make sure everything is tailored to your body and crisply ironed.  And please, no Stevie silk.


Jaclyn should dry her teary eyes because at the end of the day, this dress is worth holding on to more than Ed.  This dress has a rock star edge to it and fits her toned body nicely, baring a tasteful amount of cleavage.  Not going to name names here, but some others in this house should take note.


Michael looks casually sharp in a cardigan over a dress shirt and tie.  Perfect for a limo exit!



Ed always pushed the envelope in fashion and did so very well in a salmon colored, tailored blazer.  This is perfect for later on when he spills his red wine.


What did you all think of Erica’s parting words for Michael?  I’m friends with both of them so I’m staying impartial.  What I gathered from Erica is during her speech she was quick with her words and showed us that she is smart and has a backbone.  This is the first time we have ever seen a serious side to Erica.  Michael showed class with admitting to his voting strategy and not exploding into a yelling match.  Since I know these people, I have my own thoughts.  I want to know what YOU ALL THINK coming from unbiased sources!


A woman can carry a bag, but it is the shoe that carries the woman

– Christian Louboutin




Natalie Getz

Twitter:  @nataliegetz

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