Episode 10:  The men not only tell all, they fight, cry, look like even bigger losers than they ever did before, and most clearly think they are famous now.

The episode opens up with, wait for it…a very long, repetitive and exhausting recap.  Then we get to see never before seen footage of Emily singing to Travis’s Ostrich Egg (Shelley) goodnight, her swearing up a storm over spilt wine, and the Beiber twins staring at her and Arie’s kiss on his hometown date.  Next, we see the promo for Bachelor Pad 3, and this is where I want to get Lindzi Cox some therapy for admitting to having a crush on the feminine, super irritating Kalon.  Oh, and don’t even get me started about Ed being on Bachelor Pad 3.  I have issues with people going on the Pad who were once engaged to someone from the show.  I find it highly disrespectful.  From the rumors I hear surrounding the season, Ed proves to be disrespectful to his past and harmful to his future.

Re-Introduction of Guys:  Who are half these people?

It’s faces like this that make me shudder.

This is the PERFECT example of a guy who goes on the show and lets his whole world blow up into thinking he is the most famous person ever.  “I’m gonna stick my tongue out like a cheesy imbecile, because in my mind, the ladies are obsessed with me and this is my humbled out look.” -Ryan.

Charlie’s tongue action wasn’t nearly as moronic as Ryan’s.  His was more of an uncomfortable, shy tongue stick out.  What bothers me the most in this photo is the fact that I still can’t believe that thing on the right ever got cast for this show.  I mean, seriously, look at Stevie.  WOW.

Other than Joe flashing a gang symbol during his intro and the entire audience “boo-ing” Kalon, the rest of the guys gave a pretty normal wave.  We’ve only just begun and I already can’t handle how the guys presented themselves during their introductions.

This is where it gets amusing!  Watching all the guys talk over each other to extend their 15 minutes, and in turn look like a bunch of bratty teenage girls is always comical.  John starts it off by trying to answer every question Chris Harrison has for them.  Next, Travis feels nervous without his egg and words begin to foam out of his mouth.

We then go to a montage on Emily where we hear a collection of quotes throughout the season talking about how beautiful Emily is.  This is getting creepy to me.  Yes, Emily is gorgeous, but that’s all they ever show the guys saying about her.  I’ve heard more than too many times that Emily is the prettiest bachelorette so far on this series from her suitors and it makes the air every time.  Why is this show obsessing over her looks to such extremes where it’s ALL they talk about vs. all the other incredible qualities she has?  She has a lot more to offer than just her looks.  She is an incredible person!  Isn’t that sort of rude to past bachelorette’s?  Especially when they are all gorgeous?  Um, Hello!  Deanna Pappas! Deanna is so naturally beautiful and THAT is hard to come by.  Jillian Harris?  Lovely!   I honestly feel bad for Emily…she is probably super annoyed they are making such a big deal about her looks.  And poor Ashley Hebert.  She already had to deal with Bentley and every other insecurity she had that the guys wanted Emily more than her, now she has to watch this?  Is anyone else noticing how ridiculous this is?

Moving on.  Chris gets defensive about his age again, John continues to try to narrate the tell all by interrupting and making pointless remarks, and Doug just looks embarrassed that he even has to be a part of this.

Check out this Dad in the audience.  Looks like someone got forced by his wife to take her and the kids to this live taping.  Wow.  This is the face I’m more than likely making when 99% of the male population tries to make small talk with me in a social setting.  BORING.

Let’s get this straight.  Kalon not only gets facials, he spray tans, gets Botox and definitely injects his lips.  This is what I can tell alone from watching him on TV.  He is more girly than most of my girlfriends.   He tells Chris Harrison that if someone else arrived in a helicopter that he would be genuinely interested to hear their story.  Barf!

Hot Seat: Kalon  

This boy is ridiculous.  His time in the hot seat sums up like this:  He doesn’t regret or apologize for anything he said.  He doesn’t think he was offensive.  After throwing Ryan under the bus a million times (which he deserved), he then claimed he was best friends forever with an embarrassed Chris and Tony.  Chris Harrison even laughed at how embarrassed Tony was to admit to a friendship clearly formed on Bachelor Pad.  Tony, Ryan and Kalon are the ones who I can see being friends, not my Chris!  My only hope is that Chris is in the final 4 of Bachelor Pad and he is trying to befriend Kalon as part of his strategy to win a vote.

Hot Seat: Ryan

Chris Harrison announces, “Coming up, he thought he was the most popular man in the house, but it turned out, not so much.  Ryan will join us in the hot seat.”  After he announces this, the camera scans Ryan’s face and he is smiling and winking at the audience.  He thinks he is so hot!  He thinks this is a roast, but no, they are definitely straight up making fun of him.

Even though this entire hodgepodge of all things Ryan is collective footage of him acting like a jerk off, Ryan still doesn’t get that people are making fun of his ego and stares at himself adoringly as the audience laughs.  O.M.G.

This audience members face says it all!  Yes, we are with you anonymous audience member.  We also cannot believe that Ryan brought up the “I’d love you, but not love on you” line and actually owned it.

As Chris tries to wrap up the conversation in an attempt to get the hot head outta the hot seat, Ryan actually says, “What about the trophy wife comment?  You want to touch on that?”  Chris just tells him he is making it worse.  Then Ryan continues to try to get a couple more words in to extend his time in the hot seat in order to keep the focus on him… and they are these.  “I’m not making it worse.  I’m looking for a prize, man.”  And there you have it…famous last words.  Ryan couldn’t even get on Bachelor Pad.  How about that blow to his ego? Even after all of this, I guarantee he still thinks he has a shot at becoming the next bachelor.  Wowza!

Hot Seat:  Chris

Aside from if you liked him for Emily or not, just focus on him physically.  How can you not find him inanely gorgeous?!  Come on, ladies (and some men)!!! I happen to actually love his personality too.  He was definitely one of my favorites this season.  Guys like Ryan will never understand how to be real like Chris, and for that I actually feel bad for Ryan.  Chris is a very wise 25 year old.

Hot Seat:  Sean

He speaks about how his heart was broken for the first time, and that he is glad his family has been such an awesome support.  He is aching, but glad he knows what it feels like to be hurt.  Yada lada shmada. Boring.  Can we make fun of Kalon and Chris more, please?  Sean is simply too normal to entertain me today.  That’s a compliment;)

Hot Seat:  Emily

I am a huge fan of this sexy, cherry red cocktail dress.  Short in length and hugging her curves, Emily looks fierce in this little number!

Of course Tony runs up to give Emily a hug.  Of course.  This Muppet loving guy struck a nerve with me the second he signed on to Bachelor Pad 3.  He cried like a little girl about how much he missed his son, and when a lot of people gave him shit, I stuck up for him.  He left the Bachelorette, because he couldn’t handle being away from his son, which I thought was commendable at the time.  But then…oh but then…he signs on to do the Bachelor Pad?!  A show where singles go to not only win money, but get a little scandalous?!  I heard that he wasn’t just there for the money.  Nope!  He definitely thought with the wrong head with more than one woman.  Long story short, he didn’t go on Pad only for the money (which would have been his only excuse as to why he went on TV AGAIN and left his son AGAIN after a ridiculous exit on Bachelorette), he went on for fun and the ladies.  If Doug went on Bachelor Pad, I can almost promise you he wouldn’t be hooking up with girls.  He is a true role model to his son.  Had he felt feelings for one of the girls, I’m sure he would have waited 4 weeks until filming was done to make a move off camera.

After heart felt moments with Sean and Chris, Emily is about to make some captivating TV!  As she tells Doug she regrets not giving him the group date rose in London, she thanks him for standing up for her.  She fears otherwise she could have married Kalon.  Chris Harrison asked her immediately after, “Do you think you ever could have married Kalon even if he hadn’t said those things?”  Emily’s response was one big hilarious, “NO.”

Emily is not buying into Kalon’s bullshit apology and I love it!  At first I thought maybe she was being a little harsh, BUT THEN, she called him out on his tweet calling Ricki baggage, again!  He then continued to tweet, “Sorry I’m not sorry?!”   What a dimwit this guy is!  He tries to be a smart ass and thank her for following him on twitter?!  I’d get up and pop his silicone lips with a ball point pen.  FYI, Kalon, she wasn’t following you on twitter.  She said a post popped up on her computer, meaning obviously after you sent that tweet, thousands of people were going to send it to her and make her aware.

To sum things up, Kalon is still a loser, Ryan thinks he is even cooler now then he did before, and I got to see Chris’s package through my unedited version of this episode.

All Lies.  My DVD came with the black box, too.  Shux.

A quote for men to stick by:

  • I’ve always thought of the T-shirt as the Alpha and Omega of the fashion alphabet.
  • Giorgio Armani


Natalie Getz

Twitter:  @nataliegetz

Gossip With Getz live every Tuesday (Check twitter for time each week)