Nick Peterson’s Bachelor Pad Blog: Episode 1

Oh crap.  Put on your onesie pajamas, grab a glass of wine, and kick back for a wild season of Bachelor Pad.  Well, at least we know SWAT is.  There won’t be any “easing” into this season…we’re coming out of the gate naked, drink in hand, and hooking up with as many girls as we can within the first 2 hours of meeting each other.  Well, at least we know Chris is.

We start off with the hometown introductions.  Ed and Reid are our businessmen, Blakeley waxes hoo-has, and Kalon drives a Ferrari.  No wonder he doesn’t have room for baggage…his cars are two-seaters.  The twins rain personal info on us, Paige is exploding with excitement, and David has been hoping that one of the challenges is boxing.  Because, well, he’s been preparing.

We see about half the cast get out of the limos and Porsches, and the other half magically appear in the foyer with smiles.  Trash talking begins.  Normal.  People drinking too much.  Normal.  Somebody stripping to their underwear upon arrival?  New one.  Ed (hence forth Capt. Underwear) tests out the hot tub by himself…and everyone could tell it was pretty cold.  And not by the way Capt. Underwear acted either.

Chris Harrison comes in, rounds up Capt. Underwear, makes a speech, has to round up Capt. Underwear again, and then closes with the fact that our first challenge begins that night with the picking of our partners.  Teaming up goes fairly smooth, aside from Jaclyn who is stoked that she is left partnering with Capt. Underwear Drunk.  Morning arrives and we’re going to be ‘Falling Out of Love’.  I didn’t even know I was IN love.  But I sure am good at falling out of it.  The heart boxes are conveniently made for those under 5’8”, so locking out my legs wasn’t an option.  I just did a wall-sit until my legs gave out, arms sweating profusely, and couldn’t hold it anymore.  Lucky us…I’m the first to drop so we have 1 vote against us going into the rose ceremony.  David (5’8”) and one of the twins (5’3”) win the challenge and get a romantic date on the Santa Monica Pier.  Aaaaand top it off with some skinny-dipping.

Scheming begins and Erica and I must fight to turn the attention on the fans, because we know they’re gunning for us.  David, who dons the nickname “ugly loser” from Erica, has diarrhea of the mouth and lets everyone know his genius plan.  Apparently he’s suffered some brain damage from his boxing training he’s been doing.  Fortunately for us, his plan doesn’t work, sending Paige and SWAT home.  On the flip side, it left me with no workout partner in the mornings.

I quickly realized that Bachelor Pad was going to be one tough challenge.


–  Nick Peterson