Reid’s Bachelor Blog: Episode 3
E.T. must have phoned home because they all go to San Francisco where Ben and his sister live. The date card arrives and it’s Smart Emily the rapper who wins the first one-on-one. Courtney makes her first bitchy comment after the date card announcement. “I think book smart is boring. His date is going to be boring.” Okay Penelope, tell that to Albert Einstein and no you’re not smarter than Albert Einstein. You have the IQ of baby Einstein and your lip disappeared. They climb the Bay Bridge together. Seems kind of scary to me. Obviously the date starts off with the signature Bachelor run to each other, jump and hug. They start their climb. After they get past their fears they get to the top of the bridge and enjoy the amazing views of San Fran.
Somehow, miraculously, the girls have a telescope in their hotel room and look out to the bridge and just so happen to find Ben and Emily on their date climbing the bridge! ONLY ON THE BACHELOR! Weird. The lesson of this date was that a bridge brings two things together. In this case, two different people from two different places. Deep! If they can climb a bridge together than they must be made for each other! Sorry, I’m very cynical lately. I can’t help it. After the climb, they share a candle lit dinner at a table nowhere near a restaurant overlooking the bridge they climbed. Where did that table come from? And where did those fireworks come from? Ben wanted to know about Emily’s dating history. She obvious hasn’t had the best dating success because the only story was about how she joined Match.com and the website matched her with her own brother! Too Funny! Final thoughts: I like Emily although I don’t think she’ll make the final 3. Lastly, did anyone notice how much Chapstick Ben had on his lips? Emily gets the rose. We hear another “I very well, MIGHT BE able to spend the rest of my life with Ben.”
Date number two: Everyone goes on the date except for Courtney and Lindzi. Ben explains that the idea for this date was on his leap list. A leap list is a list of things you’ve always wanted to do before you get married. He’s always wondered what it would be like to ski down the streets of San Fran. I can relate to that because I’ve always wanted to live in a city where all the streets were made of ice so you could ice skate everywhere. I liked this date because all of the girls wore bikinis. Kacie was extra bad at skiing and does like 5 splits and runs into the wall a few times. It was funny to watch all of the neighbors on that street look on.
Meanwhile, back at the hotel the girls receive another date card. Brittney gets the next one-on-one date but there’s a problem. Her Granny Sheryl wasn’t invited so she’s nervous and not as excited as she should be to go out with Ben. Brittney decides that she ‘s not going on the date and in fact, she’s going to go home. She really doesn’t understand why she isn’t more excited and hopes that she doesn’t regret this for the rest of her life. Well then, why are you leaving? Stick it out. Either way Ben doesn’t seem very upset. Moving on.
Lindzi gets lucky with next one-on-one date because Brittney turned hers down. She’s a bit of a dork at times. “A one-on-one!! I got a date!” It was like it was her first date ever. It ended up being a pretty cool date though. She’s getting the rose. She grew on me towards the end of the date. I still don’t understand what kind of guy would dump a girl by text after dating her for a year and a half. The guy is either the worst person on earth or we have yet to see Lindzi’s crazy side.
At some point during the episode Ben and Courtney go out. She tells Ben that she feels the love in here while pointing to her chest area. Courtney is completely full of crap. She is also completely different in front of Ben as if she is just playing a role in a movie. She is a sociopath. For some reason whenever I think of Courtney, I can only imagine her as a Family Guy character that always wears black with a glass of red wine permanently attached to her hand and a missing upper lip. Their kisses seem really awkward and cold. It’s like a caveman kissing a cold-blooded lizard.
Another one of my twitter followers tweeted this during the episode:
“@reidrosenthal1 the more I see Courtney the more she looks like Olga from “Dodgeball.” I think its the eyebrows? Still pretty PRETTY funny if you ask me.”
Who’s Nicki? Does anyone else forget who she is? How is Jaclyn still there?
The best part is when Shawntel from Brad Womack’s season comes back from the dead and just walks right through the cocktail party outside to interrupt Ben’s one-on-one time with Elyse, but it doesn’t matter because she gets booted. All the girls are like, ‘was that a ghost that just walked through the living room? I swear I just saw a ghost.’ Shawntel really throws a wrench in things and all the girls just start freaking out. Shawntel first explains to Ben why she was there and then after explains to the group of girls. They were staring at her as if their eyes were laser beams destroying her soul. Girls are crying and talking about how it’s unfair. Courtney says she is not going to accept the rose if Ben keeps Shawntel. Well, she did accept it because she is a bullshit artist.
The crazy crying and drama during the cocktail hour and rose ceremony was all for nothing because Ben decides to send home the two girls I couldn’t remember and Shawntel. Shawntel, being an undertaker, almost had to bury the girl who passed out and died from the pressure.
I want to see more of Casey S.
Funniest line of the episode occurred from Jaclyn during the final rose ceremony: “On a scale from 1-10, I think I’m gonna throw up.”
Speaking of that, follow me on Twitter @reidrosenthal1