Reid’s Bachelor Pad Blog: Episode 1

Wow, I’m completely overwhelmed with writing my first blog entry for season 2 of the Bachelor Pad. There were just too many crazy things going on, so many ridiculous quotes and so many contestants that it’s hard to know where to begin. I also never received the 3-hour episode memo. I’m sure it will get easier after this one.

To me, this season of the Bachelor Pad has more of a mental institution feel to it than last season. Speaking of that, Kasey and Vienna stole the show on this episode, strong-arming their opponents from the start. They seem to be running a Communist Party type strategy. You are either with them or you are with Jake. I will call Kasey and Vienna the Communist Party from now on and Jake the Democratic Party. In my opinion there is no way their strategy is going to work. Do they really think that they are going to be the last men standing in the end? No way. No one else in the house would allow that to happen, so they’re basically doomed from the start. I liked Jake’s strategy for most of the fist episode. I’ll call this the “Bigger Man” strategy, even though he said that he still has some feelings for Vienna and needs closure. I believe this will be his Achilles heel. He was personable and convivial even with his enemies, which led to, one of the worlds most awkward conversations ever. Jake introduces himself and Kasey says “I know who you are.” Jake says, “Terrific!” in a sarcastic way.

Jake was being as normal as he could be in a situation where Kasey, standing like a guard dog, showing off his “30 pounds of new muscle” and about to beat Jake’s head if he got any closer. Meanwhile, they talk about the weather in LA. It was seriously uncomfortable to watch. In my mind Kasey was thinking something like “I want it to thunder on you. I’m going to summon the thunder and the lightning from God down on to your soul.” This definitely goes into the Bachelor Hall of Fame.

Jake continues his convivial nature as he has another awkward conversation with Tiara The Princess about how they are both from Texas. She says in a ditzy way “so we are Texans YAY!” That was a deep one. The Princess says that she has an astrologer who says she’s going to win. Really? An astrologer? I guarantee your astrologer will be wrong. They always are. I have an astrologer that says that your astrologer is crazy. When she was dancing in a bikini with weights in the grass it reminded me of the Black Hole Sun video by Soundgarden back in the early 90s. Creepy. Bachelor Hall of Fame Moment.

Kasey and Jake have a man-to-man conversation with 80′s synth music in the background like it’s a Beverly Hills cop stakeout scene or something.
Jake’s facial expressions don’t always match the emotion he is trying to convey, much like Tom Cruise.

“Rated R” Justin Rego gets out of the limo and is as cocky and absurd as always. Well, all I really remember about him is that he’s the guy with the girlfriend who was the weirdo, walking around the bushes with his broken leg. He gets out of the limo, greets Chris and says something like, “The R stands for revenge and reality star,” or something like that. Chris should be allowed to kick off one person each season just for saying something stupid. Sorry Justin, there are many other R words that we could use to describe your antics on reality TV. I don’t think you will stay long. Not with that cockiness. He wants to get Miss Piggy (Vienna) and Kermit the Frog (Kasey) off the show at the same time. His strategy obviously failed because he was one of the two who got sent home because he got caught playing for both teams. Alli also gets sent home because for some reason the house can’t trust her. I’m not really sure why and neither was she.

Another important story line in the house was the quick romance that started between Ames 2-D2 (he may be a robot) and Jackie. They were already discussing hanging out in Central Park together when they both get back to NYC after the show. The problem is that Jackie and Jake won the hanging challenge so they now are going out on a date together. Ames 2-D2 is upset that this may mess up his new romance with Jackie. I don’t think this will matter. Ames is really smart and will probably go far. He seems like a really nice, trustworthy robot. I don’t believe Jake will make it very far after his stupid decision to give Vienna the extra rose after everyone told him it was a horrible decision. His “bigger man” strategy went straight down the tubes with that move. He lost all of my respect and Gia’s. I’m sure he knew it was a mistake after Vienna and Shield basically laughed in his face.

Let’s move onto Gia. One thing that confused me is when Gia said that she fell for Jake. You didn’t fall for Jake? COME ON GIA! I know you and Jake pretty well and I don’t see you guys ever falling for each other. Gia thinks Vienna is manipulative and I tend to agree with her. I also think that Gia plays the manipulation game pretty well as she saved herself with a last minute alliance with Kasey to Vienna’s dismay. That was some good manipulative work. Props.

I was actually going to give Vienna the benefit of the doubt, but now I feel the same way Gia feels about her. She has officially showed her true colors. Vienna lost the challenge and blamed it all on Kasey. That’s just not right! That’s dumping material in my opinion Kasey. She also sold the break up story to tabloids. Another red flag right there. Kasey, listen to me: beware. I think you need to guard and protect your own heart. Also, the minute she showed up at the house she started her fake emotional almost cries with Chris Harrison. She also took a cheap shot at Jake during the competition saying he sleeps through everything.

Michael Stagliano shows up and still has feelings for Holly Durst. Holly doesn’t give a crap about Michael’s feelings although she said that she broke his heart and hers. Michael seems to fall in love too quickly in life in general and Holly seems to fall out of love too quickly. There is a bit of symbolism during the challenge where she gives up on her partner and says, “I’d rather be drinking.” Could this signify her general outlook on life and relationships? Maybe. She basically had a crush on Blake the minute she walked through the door and Mike seemed to pick up on that rather quickly. I’m thinking that Holly and Michael eventually get kicked off due to their past relationship issues and baggage. I hope that I’m wrong because I would love Stagliano to take it all. Word to my brother from Bachelorette season 5 with Jillian Harris.

Anyway, towards the end Blake makes a great attempt to get everyone to vote Kasey off. I would have strategically done the same thing but Gia and Kasey’s alliance held strong and they didn’t vote for each other. This relationship could get interesting.

Some side notes:

1. I think that Guard and protect your heart should be a spokesperson for Lipitor.

2. There may be a few murders this season.

3. Some cracks are starting to show in the strength of Kasey and Vienna’s relationship.

BEST LINES OF THE NIGHT

Michael Stag: “It’s going to be a giant pillow fight.”

Kasey and Vienna: “I love you more than peanut butter cookies, the grandma ones?” That’s how they made up after their fight.

Jake and Gia are talking about strategy and Jake asks Gia: “How did the Romans beat the Greeks?” Gia responded with, “They showed up in a giant elephant at their door.”

My prediction for next week is that Jake and Gia both get voted off and possibly Kasey or Vienna as well.

Next week looks good and I’ll be blogging again, so look out for it. You can always follow me on Twitter @reidrosenthal1