Reid’s Bachelor Pad Blog: Episode 2

What the hell is going on in this house? It’s craziness. This week was more of the same from the Kasey/Vienna and Jake show. Jake was still playing the now backfiring gentlemen card while Kasey and Vienna were playing the communist leader’s iron fist card. Kasey reveals that he is going to crush Jake for “America” and his Girlfriend as if America really cares that much if Jake stays or gets booted. He wants to physically punch Jake but instead he said he would do it mentally by beating down his spirits and making him go nuts.

A few funny moments stand out when watching the “Target On Your Back” Challenge. The first is where Vienna claims she has great aim because she played softball but then misses her target (obviously Jake) by a mile. Her partner in crime Kasey also misses his target after saying that he played baseball his whole life. Why did you throw underhanded if you played baseball your whole life? I guess you weren’t a pitcher. Maybe these two really are meant for each other. Just make sure your son or daughter stays away from the baseball diamond. It gets even better! Chris Harrison asks, “Who are you least attracted to?” Tiara the princess hits Kasey, her intended target. This obviously upsets the Godfather enough to lead to his self-comforting hypothesis used to prove why he cannot be the most unattractive in the house. I call this “Kasey’s Theorem.” The long version is titled “Kasey’s Theory Of Self Comforting Logic” but I’m going to disprove it by breaking it down into its parts.

1. This is a failed theory from the start due to the sample size. This was only one girl’s opinion. So you don’t have to defend yourself. There’s only a 12.5% chance that you are the least attractive.

2. Saying your girlfriend is the most attractive girl in the house is a matter of personal opinion and not scientific fact.

   2a. Are we talking personality or physical appearance?

3. There is no theory or law existing in physics, which assumes that dating an attractive girl in turn makes his or her mate attractive.

A+B=C is a false answer in this case. That’s enough math for a year.

When asked, who do you want to see go home this week everyone threw at Jake. I’m starting to feel bad for him. He really isn’t that bad of a guy. It was definitely detrimental when he gave Vienna the rose last week.

Moving on, Chris asks the men to throw at the person they are least attracted to. It was agonizing to watch Tiara the Princess get hit by egg after egg. The men went Angry Birds on her. It was excruciating and demeaning. Making it worse, Mike Stagliano threw a stinging 80 mile per hour fastball right in the middle of her back making Tiara whimper. Sad as it was, I still laughed out loud when Stag explained himself in his after egg throw interview.

Tiara cries and the girls all come to support her. I felt really bad for her until she busted out her own theory of self-comforting logic. She started bashing the other girls in the house to make herself feel better, saying things like “The other girls are skinny and have fake boobs and I’m naturally curvaceous” and, “Ella is definitely way bigger than I am and I don’t think she is really that pretty.” She then explained in a strange choice of words that the girls can now feel more conceited then her and also more attractive? Are you saying that you often try to feel conceited? I think I know what you meant Tiara. Either way it was a sad moment. You really are not ugly; you are just a bit shallow and spoiled.

Onto Michael Stagliano’s date. Michael chooses Tiara the Princess because he felt horrible about what happened to her during the challenge and Michelle because he wants to get to know her better, and of course his ex Holly because they always have fun on dates. They go to a famously old and haunted hospital in Los Angeles. It was pretty uneventful. The one thing that stood out to me was how Holly and Michelle miraculously find red wine and glasses. They were just chilling, drinking and talking in a haunted house while Michael and Tiara are holding a séance trying to summon an old patient at the hospital.

Michael and Holly then have an almost soap opera like conversation on the roof of the hospital. It was pretty strange. Its like you can take the bachelor pad people anywhere, whether it be a haunted house, a battlefield, beach, law firm, etc., and they will find time to discuss relationships over a glass of wine.

Time for Melissa’s date. Melissa picked Blake, Kirk and Kasey to join her on a day out at sea on a yacht. Early on, Kasey talks Melissa into forming an alliance and she promises to give Kasey the rose. At first I thought this was going to work. Kasey does more self-inflating calling himself the Godfather and explains how Melissa is expendable. Blake completely screws up Kasey’s plans by taking advantage of Melissa’s weak spot of wanting to be the real Bachelorette. He pulls a player-esque move by pretending he’s attracted and into Melissa. They start making out and now Melissa breaks her alliance with Godfather and thinks she is on The Bachelorette. It was pretty funny how easy it was to get her off her plan. “Bye guys,” she said at the end of the date like a true Bachelorette would do. I do give Blake credit for using this slick and dirty move. Blake explains that it was easy to talk to Melissa only because he had a few drinks. You dirty dog.

Gia and Graham then have a strategic talk where Gia brings a notepad to keep track of her detailed plans of breaking up power couples. I would have loved to seen those notes after that meeting. I picture a Venn diagram with nothing filled in and maybe a picture of a palm tree and a happy face.

Melissa finally realizes Blake played her when she walks in on him and Holly lying in bed together flirting. For some reason she decides to lay in bed with them in the second most awkward moment in Bachelorette history. Blake says, “This isn’t the kind of threesome that he had in mind.” You have sold your soul Dirty Dog. Blake is now the Dirty Dog.

Jake pulls another ridiculously desperate move by going to ask Vienna and Kasey for help. What are you thinking, Jake? Come on. I don’t know if Jake was going to donate that money to charity or not but that was wrong of Vienna for calling Jake out on being in debt. She can be evil. Kasey is guarding and protecting her a little too much. In my opinion it’s wrong for them to be that hard on him. Then they start making out with each other right after this. I agree with what Kirk said. They are definitely a roller coaster ride.

Anyway, Gia walks out and goes home claiming she can’t take the backstabbing and lies but in my opinion it’s because she thought she was going to get voted off.

One of my favorite moments is when Chris Harrison calls out Vienna when she questions their decision to invite Jake to the Bachelor Pad. It was great. He basically pointed to the door and said if you don’t like it you can go home.

In the end, the house decided to vote off Jackie for some reason. Ames pulls an amazingly robotic and romantic move by leaving the Bachelor Pad with his love, running back to the limo after he kisses her goodbye. He is the man. Ames and Jackie seem to be a great couple. I met Jackie briefly the other night at an event and got a great vibe from her. I wish those two lots of luck.

Look out for my blog next week. Goodbye!

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