Reid’s Bachelor Pad Blog: Episode 2

What the hell is going on in this house? It’s craziness. This week was more of the same from the Kasey/Vienna and Jake show. Jake was still playing the now backfiring gentlemen card while Kasey and Vienna were playing the communist leader’s iron fist card. Kasey reveals that he is going to crush Jake for “America” and his Girlfriend as if America really cares that much if Jake stays or gets booted. He wants to physically punch Jake but instead he said he would do it mentally by beating down his spirits and making him go nuts.

A few funny moments stand out when watching the “Target On Your Back” Challenge. The first is where Vienna claims she has great aim because she played softball but then misses her target (obviously Jake) by a mile. Her partner in crime Kasey also misses his target after saying that he played baseball his whole life. Why did you throw underhanded if you played baseball your whole life? I guess you weren’t a pitcher. Maybe these two really are meant for each other. Just make sure your son or daughter stays away from the baseball diamond. It gets even better! Chris Harrison asks, “Who are you least attracted to?” Tiara the princess hits Kasey, her intended target. This obviously upsets the Godfather enough to lead to his self-comforting hypothesis used to prove why he cannot be the most unattractive in the house. I call this “Kasey’s Theorem.” The long version is titled “Kasey’s Theory Of Self Comforting Logic” but I’m going to disprove it by breaking it down into its parts.

1. This is a failed theory from the start due to the sample size. This was only one girl’s opinion. So you don’t have to defend yourself. There’s only a 12.5% chance that you are the least attractive.

2. Saying your girlfriend is the most attractive girl in the house is a matter of personal opinion and not scientific fact.

   2a. Are we talking personality or physical appearance?

3. There is no theory or law existing in physics, which assumes that dating an attractive girl in turn makes his or her mate attractive.

A+B=C is a false answer in this case. That’s enough math for a year.

When asked, who do you want to see go home this week everyone threw at Jake. I’m starting to feel bad for him. He really isn’t that bad of a guy. It was definitely detrimental when he gave Vienna the rose last week.

Moving on, Chris asks the men to throw at the person they are least attracted to. It was agonizing to watch Tiara the Princess get hit by egg after egg. The men went Angry Birds on her. It was excruciating and demeaning. Making it worse, Mike Stagliano threw a stinging 80 mile per hour fastball right in the middle of her back making Tiara whimper. Sad as it was, I still laughed out loud when Stag explained himself in his after egg throw interview.

Tiara cries and the girls all come to support her. I felt really bad for her until she busted out her own theory of self-comforting logic. She started bashing the other girls in the house to make herself feel better, saying things like “The other girls are skinny and have fake boobs and I’m naturally curvaceous” and, “Ella is definitely way bigger than I am and I don’t think she is really that pretty.” She then explained in a strange choice of words that the girls can now feel more conceited then her and also more attractive? Are you saying that you often try to feel conceited? I think I know what you meant Tiara. Either way it was a sad moment. You really are not ugly; you are just a bit shallow and spoiled.

Onto Michael Stagliano’s date. Michael chooses Tiara the Princess because he felt horrible about what happened to her during the challenge and Michelle because he wants to get to know her better, and of course his ex Holly because they always have fun on dates. They go to a famously old and haunted hospital in Los Angeles. It was pretty uneventful. The one thing that stood out to me was how Holly and Michelle miraculously find red wine and glasses. They were just chilling, drinking and talking in a haunted house while Michael and Tiara are holding a séance trying to summon an old patient at the hospital.

Michael and Holly then have an almost soap opera like conversation on the roof of the hospital. It was pretty strange. Its like you can take the bachelor pad people anywhere, whether it be a haunted house, a battlefield, beach, law firm, etc., and they will find time to discuss relationships over a glass of wine.

Time for Melissa’s date. Melissa picked Blake, Kirk and Kasey to join her on a day out at sea on a yacht. Early on, Kasey talks Melissa into forming an alliance and she promises to give Kasey the rose. At first I thought this was going to work. Kasey does more self-inflating calling himself the Godfather and explains how Melissa is expendable. Blake completely screws up Kasey’s plans by taking advantage of Melissa’s weak spot of wanting to be the real Bachelorette. He pulls a player-esque move by pretending he’s attracted and into Melissa. They start making out and now Melissa breaks her alliance with Godfather and thinks she is on The Bachelorette. It was pretty funny how easy it was to get her off her plan. “Bye guys,” she said at the end of the date like a true Bachelorette would do. I do give Blake credit for using this slick and dirty move. Blake explains that it was easy to talk to Melissa only because he had a few drinks. You dirty dog.

Gia and Graham then have a strategic talk where Gia brings a notepad to keep track of her detailed plans of breaking up power couples. I would have loved to seen those notes after that meeting. I picture a Venn diagram with nothing filled in and maybe a picture of a palm tree and a happy face.

Melissa finally realizes Blake played her when she walks in on him and Holly lying in bed together flirting. For some reason she decides to lay in bed with them in the second most awkward moment in Bachelorette history. Blake says, “This isn’t the kind of threesome that he had in mind.” You have sold your soul Dirty Dog. Blake is now the Dirty Dog.

Jake pulls another ridiculously desperate move by going to ask Vienna and Kasey for help. What are you thinking, Jake? Come on. I don’t know if Jake was going to donate that money to charity or not but that was wrong of Vienna for calling Jake out on being in debt. She can be evil. Kasey is guarding and protecting her a little too much. In my opinion it’s wrong for them to be that hard on him. Then they start making out with each other right after this. I agree with what Kirk said. They are definitely a roller coaster ride.

Anyway, Gia walks out and goes home claiming she can’t take the backstabbing and lies but in my opinion it’s because she thought she was going to get voted off.

One of my favorite moments is when Chris Harrison calls out Vienna when she questions their decision to invite Jake to the Bachelor Pad. It was great. He basically pointed to the door and said if you don’t like it you can go home.

In the end, the house decided to vote off Jackie for some reason. Ames pulls an amazingly robotic and romantic move by leaving the Bachelor Pad with his love, running back to the limo after he kisses her goodbye. He is the man. Ames and Jackie seem to be a great couple. I met Jackie briefly the other night at an event and got a great vibe from her. I wish those two lots of luck.

Look out for my blog next week. Goodbye!

Follow me on Twitter: @reidrosenthal1

45 Comments »

  1. “Don’t let the door knob hit ya where the good lord split ya.”

    Comment by Cicely — August 17, 2011 @ 6:32 pm

  2. Love your blog, funny and sincere.

    Comment by noreen — August 17, 2011 @ 6:54 pm

  3. Guess you’re out of touch…Ames & Jackie didn’t stay together for long at all! Who are you to even write a blog? I had to look you up to see who you were! By the sounds of it…you like NO ONE but yourself! Ugh what a nasty blog.

    Comment by Sue — August 17, 2011 @ 7:06 pm

  4. great blog.
    Jackie and Ames have broken up though ;(

    Comment by sarah — August 17, 2011 @ 7:10 pm

  5. I think you hit the nail on the head with, “I picture a Venn diagram with nothing filled in and maybe a picture of a palm tree and a happy face.” LOVE it!

    Comment by Nicole — August 17, 2011 @ 7:11 pm

  6. Simply brilliant.

    Comment by Sue — August 17, 2011 @ 7:23 pm

  7. Jeeze Sue…a little harsh maybe? I know exactly who you (Reid) are (via the show, not in person) and I in no way think this was a “nasty blog.” I actually think it’s one of the better contestant written blogs. Uhhh…some people.

    Comment by Jennifer — August 17, 2011 @ 7:23 pm

  8. Just so you know…

    Just as Jennifer said before me…

    I knew instantly who you were, Reid, and I thought it was one of the best blogs yet. Not everyone keeps up with every outlet of news. Perhaps that makes the blog better… writing it based off the episode and not every tidbit of news outlet.

    Thanks for the blog Reid. I thought it was very entertaining!

    Comment by JT — August 17, 2011 @ 7:36 pm

  9. Great entertaining blog! My thoughts exactly! You have a great mix of mean and funny and just straight of truth! Ignore your critic up there. :)

    Comment by Elizabeth — August 17, 2011 @ 7:45 pm

  10. You cannot call a person shallow only because you think you know that person via TV.

    Comment by Klusha — August 17, 2011 @ 7:52 pm

  11. hands down best blog! you’re hilarious! love ya, get back on tv already!

    Comment by MC — August 17, 2011 @ 8:01 pm

  12. geez Sue, relax! Everyone who loves Bachelor/Bachelorette knows who Reid is so I think you’re in the minority there. As for it being nasty, ummm the actions of the people in the house lend themselves to mockery, no?? LOL I thought it was hilariously spot on, down to Ames’ robotic romantic move hahahah awesome! Can’t wait for next week!

    Comment by click4amanda — August 17, 2011 @ 8:18 pm

  13. Playful Reid! You coined the best term I’ve heard yet in relation to Kasey–the term self-inflating–haha! Kasey is beyond confident about his power, making the question of where that sense of authority came from and grew to this degree. Kasey must have really fostered some connections or believes he has–very much with Graham as far as the men in the house-looks like they are more solid as friends then anyone would have predicted. Is it a matter of as a man thinks about himself (in relation to others) so he becomes, so Kasey has managed to use this kind of idea, deeds and self-talk to enhance his standing and chances for 250k.
    It is a roller coaster watching V & K’s deeds–volatile yet loving–

    Is Erica going to be permanently referred to as Tiara> legitimately giggled.

    Gia does seem naturally lovely and yes, maybe the palm tree would be on her sketch pad but I am enjoying Gia’s simplicity more so than the characters of some others this season.

    Great, Reid should be back again soon for another blog

    Comment by C.J. — August 17, 2011 @ 8:41 pm

  14. The only women who don’t know who Reid Rosenthal is live on another planet. One of the hottest guys ever on bachelor along with JP Rosenbaum. What’s it about this jewish guys that makes me want to rip their clothes off and kiss them all over. Reid and JP, my fantasy men. ahhhh

    Comment by Truth — August 17, 2011 @ 9:09 pm

  15. Gotta agree with the majority of commenters…I knew exactly who Reid was, and it was nice to read a well-written Bachelor/ette contestant blog for a change! Lol. No offense to the others who are funny in their own ways…
    The theory bit was awesome.

    Comment by jessica — August 17, 2011 @ 9:55 pm

  16. Yes, this is a good blog. Opinions stated, but not off the deep end. (although I wish you would say something pleasant, not just ragging, on Erica Rose & Ames, both of whom I like a lot.)

    I LOL only at the Venn diagram – which I then had to go look up.

    Comment by Allissa — August 17, 2011 @ 10:30 pm

  17. Reid, just another fan out there to tell you that I love you… totally know who you are and loved you on Jillian’s season! SO excited to see you back and really like your weekly blog.

    Comment by agd979 — August 17, 2011 @ 10:39 pm

  18. Haha I totally have to agree with what Truth said, Reid is by far my favorite contestant from the entire Bachelor franchise & this is the only blog I keep up with on the site. Very humorous and well written!

    Comment by Courtney — August 17, 2011 @ 11:57 pm

  19. Reid, you are the best. You are way to intelligent for this organization!

    Comment by Lojofo61 — August 18, 2011 @ 12:19 am

  20. Great blog! Funny, intelligent, witty! Must have taken a long time to compose and write.

    Comment by Kathy — August 18, 2011 @ 1:04 am

  21. Every woman who has watched all these episodes knows Reid!! Love him!!! Love his well written blog! Hilarious comments about Kasey – self inflating Kasey!! Bahaha… Loved Kirk smirking while sitting inbetween the begging from Jake to “V” & Kasey! Too funny. Finally Chris told Vienna off – in his polite way…. even though I’m sure everyone is told to be dramatic during there shooting scenes. Anyway, Love Reid – excellent Blog writing…. how about an update if He’s dating???? Would love to see Reid be the next Bachelor!

    Comment by BEVERLEY — August 18, 2011 @ 1:18 am

  22. Reid….love your blog! Anyone that doesn’t know who you are definately isn’t a follower of the bachelor series. You were one of my favorites and I was sick when Jillian
    turned you down. I new that she had made a major mistake and so did you. The minute you walked into that room I knew you were going to be a favorite. Can’t wait to read next week’s blog!

    Comment by Cassie — August 18, 2011 @ 1:21 am

  23. Reid, You make me giggle, and I know EXACTLY who you are…only the coolest, hottest, most intelligent and a little too late sensitive, Bachelorette contestant EVER Love ‘reiding’ what you have to say even though it’s about the most degrading ridiculous show that sucks you in ever! Love it!

    Comment by Andrea — August 18, 2011 @ 1:51 am

  24. ahahahahahahaha “the men went angry birds on her”
    nice blog reid!! i think i like your insight the best so far, really a well rounded evaluation of the contestants & not being too hard or easy on them.

    Comment by sky — August 18, 2011 @ 1:51 am

  25. I love how the comments have turned into the “ISUPERBIGPUFFYHEARTREID” section. Although,you can totally count on me joining the bandwagon. Funny blog (especially the Angry Birds reference and the palm trees and happy faces) Yo! ABC, give Reid his own show!

    Comment by Beth — August 18, 2011 @ 2:27 am

  26. Funny lines all over the place, Reid!

    My favorites:

    “Kasey’s Theorem.” The long version is titled “Kasey’s Theory Of Self Comforting Logic”

    A+B=C is a false answer in this case. That’s enough math for a year.

    Mike Stagliano threw a stinging 80 mile per hour fastball right in the middle of her back.

    Its like you can take the bachelor pad people anywhere, whether it be a haunted house, a battlefield, beach, law firm, etc., and they will find time to discuss relationships over a glass of wine.

    “Bye guys,” she said at the end of the date like a true Bachelorette would do. [I noticed this, too. LOLOLOLOL!]

    For some reason she decides to lay in bed with them in the second most awkward moment in Bachelorette history.

    [I'd now like to know what is THE most awkward moment in bachelorette history??? Hope you'll answer this question in your next blog.]

    I totally agree with your comment that it was wrong for Vienna to call out Jake for being in debt. OUCH. Sting! Sting!

    Keep it up, Reid! You’re making total trash so much fun!!!

    Comment by Patty — August 18, 2011 @ 2:33 am

  27. Reid, I love your quick wit. Everyone who watches the Bachelor/Bachelorette knows who you are. You are genuine and sincere and too hot to pass up. Jillian got it wrong.

    Comment by Cathy — August 18, 2011 @ 2:38 am

  28. Love it. I had to laugh quietly to no wake my hubby. You made it hard to do!

    Comment by Del — August 18, 2011 @ 4:03 am

  29. Thanks for the entertaining blog, about a not-that-interesting show, so far (until the end of the episode that is). Your perspective is valued, by those of us who know you and adore you, as well as others who may not have watched your season. There is so much on Twitter that shows the bitter feelings some contestants have, and I’m so glad you’ve tried to stay out of it or above it. Wish you were nicer to your neighbors, but hey, you’re hilarious and smart. !!
    p.s. (he’s also taken, girls. By a former Miss USA! Way to go, Reid!)

    Comment by Dee — August 18, 2011 @ 4:30 am

  30. Loved the blog and your math!

    I agree, it was way wrong for Vienna to call out Jake on his debt. I’m not a huge Jake fan, but I’m even less of a Vienna fan. And for all the alumni who have complained about the change to vote 2 girls off in order to keep Jake around…well, I have to say I loved it. It’s about making good tv for those who watch it. Thanks, ABC.

    Keep being a fan fave, Reid.

    Comment by JO — August 18, 2011 @ 11:49 am

  31. Ofcourse we know who you are. You are one of my all time favorites from the Bachelor. I thought Jillian was a fool for letting you go. So glad to see you have found happiness. Your blog is great!

    Comment by Christy — August 18, 2011 @ 1:41 pm

  32. Funniest bachelor pad recap I’ve read this season! Reid, you completely touched on obvious hilarious points that other blog recaps missed (like the over-confident softball players who couldn’t really throw!), I thought the other funny part with that is that Vienna threw the egg about 10 feet over Jake’s head, then later told the girls, “I totally threw the egg at Jake’s head, but he ducked…” YEAH, that’s why it missed! I bet that “Sue” person was really Vienna up there not liking being called out on acting so ridiculous on this show. Enough about that, point is I’ve been looking forward to your 2nd blog all week, and loved it! So funny!! Seriously, producers, make this guy the next bachelor!! :)

    Comment by Beth — August 18, 2011 @ 4:08 pm

  33. Haha, I know who you are too Reid – and I haven’t even seen your picture recently! Great blog, thank you. I am wondering, do you think that Jake was asking Vienna and Kasey to save him because he knew how they would react, and in turn make themselves look bad? I think that’s part of his strategy and its not a bad one considering what he has to work with. He has made himself look so bad in the past that I actually think this tatic is brilliant on his part. Not that I want him to stick around….just sayin’!!!

    Comment by Heather — August 18, 2011 @ 4:28 pm

  34. Once again, you made me laugh. You sum things up just as I see them. Please let us know what THE most awkward moment in Bachelorette history is. I am thinking that you are thinking it is when you returned to Hawaii to tell Jillian you loved her. Am I right??

    Comment by Judy — August 18, 2011 @ 5:41 pm

  35. Your blog is MY FAVORITE of all the blogs written by the MANY Bachelor/Bachelorette peeps!

    I want to see you on one of these shows!!

    Comment by Jennifer — August 18, 2011 @ 5:46 pm

  36. Only recap I read. Nuff said!

    Comment by doublestandard — August 18, 2011 @ 6:43 pm

  37. Best best best blog post on here! So funny! Thank you for not making me think that I wasted time reading it! (time you spend laughing is not wasted time! I don’t care what my boss say…)

    Comment by Mette — August 18, 2011 @ 11:53 pm

  38. Hi Reid,
    Clever and brilliant as usual…you’re such a good read and so damn funny…this trilogy/tragedy between Jake, Vienna and Kasey reminds me of the following…they all 3 seem so apropos”…..
    What ails Dr. Faustus I ask; from your entrails….thoust let thy vomit fly forth into the air; …oh why should the spirit of a mortal be proud.. …Like a swift-fleeting meteor, a fast flying cloud, A flash of lighting, man passes from this life…hopefully by not choking on his/her own vomit…
    (from the play; Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe and a quote from William Knox)Remember…or they should; “Pride always goeth before a fall”
    Keep the faith baby…and thank you, CG

    Comment by Chris G. — August 19, 2011 @ 4:03 pm

  39. ha soooo true.

    Comment by Lauren Wilson — August 22, 2011 @ 5:51 am

  40. Truth?

    I wonder about women like you. You give the rest of us a bad name. Should some self control. You would rip off the clothing of a man you saw on television? You don’t even know him. How inappropriate — and I am sure Reid is grossed out by it.

    I saw a number of tweets from women too — similar groupie dolts — who tweeted to Blake “doooo meeee, please!”

    What kind of life/family fosters women like you? Yes, Blake is unbelievably hot, gorgeous actually. He’s bright, witty, handsome, and has a killer smile. But how totally gross for women to throw themselves at these men and offer their bodies and minds for them to use, knowing that they don’t even know you.

    Makes me ashamed and embarrassed to be a woman.

    Show some class and get some hobbies and interests beyond sex and titillation.

    Are you the kind of women who begs men you find attractive to sleep with you? God, what a find you must be. Gross, just gross.

    Nymophamania/desperation/offering your bodies to “stars” you don’t even know is nothing short of psycho and pathetic.

    Comment by Latrine — August 22, 2011 @ 9:44 pm

  41. *Show some (typo)

    Comment by Latrine — August 22, 2011 @ 9:45 pm

  42. Best Blog! Loved you on Jillian’s season, glad you and your sense of humor are back.

    Note to Latrine: Chill out.

    Comment by Susan — August 23, 2011 @ 12:07 pm

  43. My note to Latrine: please go far, far away..you should live in a bubble. We are trying to have some FUN here. Ditto – CHILL OUT.

    Comment by SusanK — August 24, 2011 @ 6:30 pm

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