Reid’s Bachelor Pad Blog: Episode 5

Hey everyone. So sorry I couldn’t blog about last week’s episode. Work has been very busy and let’s be real, the episode was pretty uneventful. My creative juices are a bit dry after the long labor day weekend so this blog entry is going to be an abstract stream of conscience firing off of random thoughts much like Pollock painting.

Here we go:

During the Nearly Wed Game, once again, Vienna thinks that they are destined to win based on prior experience. She believes that she and Kasey will win because they have been in a relationship for a while. Once again, her pre-challenge prediction fails miserably. The instability of their relationship continues to shine through in episode 5. They get almost every question wrong, one of which angers Vienna deeply. The question was “What do you think her ex’s miss most about her?” Vienna thought it would be her breasts but Kasey lets her down by answering her teeth. Who would pick teeth? What guy would miss their ex-girlfriend’s teeth? I mean, I understand if you miss someone’s smile, but teeth? Usually men will say a body part like, boobs, legs, eyes, butt or maybe some personality trait. For instance Ella’s was positive attitude, Michelle’s was her sense of humor and Holly’s was her laugh or something along those lines. Funny that a couple in an actual relationship picks a physical trait and gets it so wrong. TEETH? They come in last place.

I will bet my life, that within 6 months of the end date of the Bachelor Pad, these two are broken up with a public break up story, which will fail to propel them into any future entertainment endeavors.

The Holly and Mike theme: Holly is still struggling between wanting to do the nasty with Blake all while still being somewhat in love and feeling loyalty with Mike. She makes two good decisions during this episode, which proves she is a real player in the game. First, Chris Harrison invents another new rule in the most abstract game show of all time. This week, contestants will chose a partner and from then on, play as a couple, vote as a couple and will be voted off as a couple. She could have chosen Blake but she made a promise to Michael to be loyal to him as a partner through the entire game, therefore she stayed true to her promise. Well, at least someone has some integrity on the show. Her second good decision was to vote off Blake and Erika even though selfishly she wanted to keep Blake there but voted him off out respect for Mike. I mean, come on, they film the show in a few weeks. If you really want to hang out with someone you can do it after the show. It’s not a death sentence to get kicked off the Bachelor Pad.

Blake and Tiara came in second place during the game and in return received a date together. Tiara desperately tries to get Blake to stay at the hotel overnight by luring him with a free sex pass with no strings attached. Her theory was that as of right now the house doesn’t care for Blake because he screwed over Melissa and at the same time is violating man code by blatantly pursuing Holly. She explains her strategy by saying it will appear that he is faithful to his partner in the game, which will hopefully earn him some much needed respect. Blake declines both free sex and the intelligent advice from his legal counsel and goes back to the pad. If only she had her crystal gavel. Tiara’s been turned down so many times I hope that thing vibrates. Out of respect for Tiara, not only did my girlfriend and I think she looked great she also makes very smart logical arguments. She will be a great lawyer and a hot one at that.

Graham and Michelle enter the Nearly Wed Game with a brilliant strategy. Instead of staying up for hours quizzing each other on personal details they come with a simple, idiot-proof strategy to win the game. If they were asked anything with a number, the answer would be 7. Chris Harrison asks the question when did your partner lose their virginity. Michelle’s correct answer for Graham was 7. That’s 10 full years before I lost mine. I knew at this point they had a strategy because Graham is still a virgin. Just kidding.

When Harrison asks how many dates did it take before you had sex, Vienna answer 22. Not only do I not believe that but how in the world was Kasey supposed to answer that correctly? Tiara answers 3 dates ‘til sex. She giggles and says she’s kind of a slut. I hope her future law firm isn’t watching this.

Another bizarre happening was when Kasey and Vienna barged into the kitchen with Vienna yelling, “You tore my ring off because I won’t have sex with you?” This is in front of everyone in the house. Tiara says, something along the lines of, “This is a mansion not a trailer park.” Kasey gives Vienna an ultimatum and says, “If you don’t come down to my room and cuddle with me then I’m packing my bags and leaving.” Really? That actually worked? That’s almost one full step below playing the Just The Tip Game. It’s just to see how it feels! Why wouldn’t she want to sleep with her boyfriend in the first place? This is another example of why I don’t see their relationship lasting. It almost seems that Vienna is with Kasey for all the wrong reasons.

In the end Blake and Tiara give their safety rose to Kasey and Vienna of all people. This is the dumbest thing that Tiara has done on the show to date. They put their trust in the dirtiest players in the house. Why in their right mind would they make this decision? This move ultimately sealed her fate.

Looking forward to writing my final and most elaborate blog after next week’s season finale of the Bachelor Pad. Follow me on Twitter @reidrosenthal1.